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(The Onion)   China Agrees To Erase Portion Of U.S. Debt If Americans Dress Up In Costumes And Perform Silly Dance For Them   (theonion.com) divider line 58
    More: Cool  
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7153 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jul 2011 at 8:48 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-07-20 08:52:42 AM
All in favor of the hokey pokey?

/turns self around.
/I, for one, yadda yadda blah blah
 
2011-07-20 08:54:22 AM
Chicken dance anyone?
 
2011-07-20 08:54:24 AM
Well, there are furries and cosplayers who dress up in funny costumes all across America. I'm sure they will dance if you ask. Problem solved.
 
2011-07-20 08:54:59 AM
Wow American Morris dancers. Way cool.
 
2011-07-20 08:55:09 AM
 
2011-07-20 08:55:34 AM
The Makarena? The Electric Slide? The Staying Alive but Going to the Grocery Store Dance? It'll be like whitey's middle class wedding reception.
 
2011-07-20 08:56:50 AM
We should do it. We deserve to be humiliated.
 
2011-07-20 08:58:19 AM
FTA: "Addressing Americans directly, Hu continued: "In the seconds it will take you to object, your nation will slip hundreds of thousands of dollars further into our debt. That will mean 50 more of your countrymen having to put on a George Washington costume with a skirt and prance around with big smiles and heavily rouged cheeks while we pelt them with bits of your worthless currency from the windows of the Chinese embassy."

Comedy. Gold.
 
2011-07-20 09:00:40 AM
Or if they are allowed to keep crushing Uyghur children's hands in public while laughing at it like that lovely video floating around the intarweb the last few days.
 
2011-07-20 09:00:45 AM
FLASH MOB CHINA????
 
2011-07-20 09:01:20 AM

oryx: We should do it. We deserve to be humiliated.


not when we can nuke the whole world! nobody puts USA in the corner!
 
2011-07-20 09:03:02 AM
Why does no one use the satire tag anymore?
 
2011-07-20 09:05:10 AM
Well let's get to work! We'll get...umm...no... Guess there's nobody here to make the costumes anymore. Hey let's buy them from China!
 
2011-07-20 09:05:29 AM
I'll do the Electric Slide when a Chinaman can pronounce it collectly.
 
2011-07-20 09:06:32 AM
If China really offered to do this, I'd soft shoe in black face once a month at a time of their choosing for the rest of my life on their state tv.
 
2011-07-20 09:06:59 AM
i96.photobucket.com
 
2011-07-20 09:10:34 AM
resources.toolwi.com
 
2011-07-20 09:14:30 AM
media.collegepublisher.com
 
2011-07-20 09:15:27 AM

tiiger: Why does no one use the satire tag anymore?


because you would have to tag the satire tag with an obvious tag due to the fact that the story comes from the Onion ?
 
2011-07-20 09:16:36 AM
First DADT and now debt
 
2011-07-20 09:19:20 AM

Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: Or if they are allowed to keep crushing Uyghur children's hands in public while laughing at it like that lovely video floating around the intarweb the last few days.


That sounds horrible. I'm glad I missed it.
 
2011-07-20 09:20:20 AM
What the hell. We don't have any self respect left anyway.
 
2011-07-20 09:22:52 AM
We already do this. It's called "Internet porn."
 
2011-07-20 09:23:59 AM
www.bitlogic.com
 
2011-07-20 09:31:50 AM
www.novinite.com

Here are some Americans dressed up in costumes and doing silly dances.
 
2011-07-20 09:34:49 AM
Ah, china: the real winners of the Cold War between the US and Russia.
 
2011-07-20 09:34:49 AM

vygramul: [www.bitlogic.com image 519x390]


Thank you; wanted to come in here and be a buzzkill by explaining about unsecured vs. secured debt, that the government owes itself twice as much money than it owes the Chinese, that it is Chinese private investors and not the government we owe the money to, etc. but you took care of it much better.

The worst the Chinese can do is stop buying new securities if they stop feeling the government will be able to pay them back, same as every other investor out there.
 
SH
2011-07-20 09:36:19 AM

tiiger: Why does no one use the satire tag anymore?


Because the real hilarity was supposed to be the teabaggers who woulda come in here and posted all kinds of ridiculous shiat but they are too busy off somewhere ruining our real lives.
 
2011-07-20 09:41:48 AM
FTFA:
"Conversely, acts may be disqualified entirely if professional dancers are employed or if participants do not seem suitably engaged in their performance."

So much for using any politicians...
 
2011-07-20 09:43:51 AM
China's a mammoth property bubble sitting on top of a mountain of fraudulent accounting covered by a toxic sauce of pending ecological collapse built on a foundation of hundreds of millions of dirt-poor disgruntled peasants living on the razor's edge of starvation. Always try to remember that things might be bad here, but they're just as bad or worse everywhere else.
 
2011-07-20 09:51:45 AM

canyoneer: China's a mammoth property bubble sitting on top of a mountain of fraudulent accounting covered by a toxic sauce of pending ecological collapse built on a foundation of hundreds of millions of dirt-poor disgruntled peasants living on the razor's edge of starvation. Always try to remember that things might be bad here, but they're just as bad or worse everywhere else.


Well said.
 
2011-07-20 09:52:12 AM

mod3072: Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: Or if they are allowed to keep crushing Uyghur children's hands in public while laughing at it like that lovely video floating around the intarweb the last few days.

That sounds horrible. I'm glad I missed it.


It makes some of the 1960's civil rights stuff in the U.S. look tame. Some guy puts the kids hand under his boot and crushes it, proceeds to beat the kid etc, while a large group of Chinese spectators smile and mock the child. Even for the most depraved, xenophobic group of people imaginable......that is seriously O_O wtf

But hurray China, economic growth ignore all the human rights abuses being ignored or condoned in the case of Uyghur people
 
2011-07-20 10:02:49 AM
I have altered the deal, pray I don't alter it further

Robot Chicken - This Deal's Getting Worse All The Time (new window)
 
2011-07-20 10:13:31 AM

canyoneer: China's a mammoth property bubble sitting on top of a mountain of fraudulent accounting covered by a toxic sauce of pending ecological collapse built on a foundation of hundreds of millions of dirt-poor disgruntled peasants living on the razor's edge of starvation.


most depressing icecream sundae ever.
 
2011-07-20 10:15:54 AM
 
2011-07-20 10:23:15 AM

canyoneer: China's a mammoth property bubble sitting on top of a mountain of fraudulent accounting covered by a toxic sauce of pending ecological collapse built on a foundation of hundreds of millions of dirt-poor disgruntled peasants living on the razor's edge of starvation. Always try to remember that things might be bad here, but they're just as bad or worse everywhere else.


This.

Every time people are like "we're all going to be speaking Chinese in 50 years!" I just want to smack 'em. China isn't so much a paper tiger, as a tiger literally wallowing in its own shiat because it gobbled up all its natural resources too quickly.
 
2011-07-20 10:29:47 AM

Beluga Heights: If China really offered to do this, I'd soft shoe in black face once a month at a time of their choosing for the rest of my life on their state tv.


If your act needs a really clumsy straight man to play visual gags and pratfalls I'm available. Added bonus of round belly that jiggles like a bowl full of jelly to pat.

If that would actually help you wouldn't be alone on that stage. Love my country, hate our vile, corrupt leadership.
 
2011-07-20 10:45:07 AM

canyoneer: China's a mammoth property bubble sitting on top of a mountain of fraudulent accounting covered by a toxic sauce of pending ecological collapse built on a foundation of hundreds of millions of dirt-poor disgruntled peasants living on the razor's edge of starvation. Always try to remember that things might be bad here, but they're just as bad or worse everywhere else.


you forgot: here is a kitten...
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-07-20 10:54:57 AM
Would they take a Canadian for partial credit?

www.absolutechinatours.com
 
2011-07-20 10:58:23 AM

Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: Or if they are allowed to keep crushing Uyghur children's hands in public while laughing at it like that lovely video floating around the intarweb the last few days.


But remember, it's their parents who are "terrorists" for complaining about how they keep getting fired so a Han can have their job, or for trying to punish a man who raped a woman they knew after the police refused to, or how the gov is knocking down their homes to build houses for Han immigrants, or for seeking justice for the depravity you mentioned above.
 
2011-07-20 11:03:24 AM

schief2: Would they take a Canadian for partial credit?


Let's just trade them Canada. We have too many national parks as it is.
 
2011-07-20 11:05:22 AM
China is still a 2nd world country that receives economic aid from Western nations. Up until a few years ago, they were one of the largest recipients of U.S. food aid. Yes the U.S. has sent them billions in free food year after year for decades. Because they couldn't feed themselves.

People who go on about how China owns the U.S. are actually saying "I don't know about anything about the real world outside of Mom's basement walls."

Having said that, the U.S. does in fact need to cut spending instead of borrowing to fund it's lavish lifestyle.
 
2011-07-20 11:05:47 AM

canyoneer: China's a mammoth property bubble sitting on top of a mountain of fraudulent accounting covered by a toxic sauce of pending ecological collapse built on a foundation of hundreds of millions of dirt-poor disgruntled peasants living on the razor's edge of starvation. Always try to remember that things might be bad here, but they're just as bad or worse everywhere else.


Not only that, but if they actually did try selling off US bonds, it might do us some good. By doing so, they'd lower the value of the dollar, which would make our exports more appealing to oversea customers, and give at least some boost to our manufacturing sector (lord knows our government's not willing to do so). More over, by devaluing our debt, they'd actually be leveling the balance of trade between us and them, thereby wiping out a portion of our national debt. These are some of the reasons why folks like Krugman have been calling on the US to pressure China into allowing the yaun to rise against the dollar.
 
2011-07-20 11:16:00 AM

Heron: Not only that, but if they actually did try selling off US bonds, it might do us some good. By doing so, they'd lower the value of the dollar, which would make our exports more appealing to oversea customers, and give at least some boost to our manufacturing sector (lord knows our government's not willing to do so). More over, by devaluing our debt, they'd actually be leveling the balance of trade between us and them, thereby wiping out a portion of our national debt. These are some of the reasons why folks like Krugman have been calling on the US to pressure China into allowing the yaun to rise against the dollar.


There's just one flaw in your cunning plan: Petroleum is priced and traded in USD, and an inflated dollar would make oil and gasoline really expensive for us. We all know what happens to the American economy when oil goes up. It's a Mexican Standoff.
 
2011-07-20 11:50:54 AM

canyoneer: Heron: Not only that, but if they actually did try selling off US bonds, it might do us some good. By doing so, they'd lower the value of the dollar, which would make our exports more appealing to oversea customers, and give at least some boost to our manufacturing sector (lord knows our government's not willing to do so). More over, by devaluing our debt, they'd actually be leveling the balance of trade between us and them, thereby wiping out a portion of our national debt. These are some of the reasons why folks like Krugman have been calling on the US to pressure China into allowing the yaun to rise against the dollar.

There's just one flaw in your cunning plan: Petroleum is priced and traded in USD, and an inflated dollar would make oil and gasoline really expensive for us. We all know what happens to the American economy when oil goes up. It's a Mexican Standoff.


The bond market does $800,000,000,000 a DAY in trades. Dumping $1.2 trillion on it won't even have medium-term effects. A couple of weeks later, everything will be back to normal.
 
2011-07-20 12:06:23 PM
OK as long as its not the macarena.
Always hated that song/dance.
 
2011-07-20 12:42:57 PM

canyoneer: There's just one flaw in your cunning plan


Two flaws...we're still borrowing money, and inflating debts away doesn't make future investors (i.e. world markets) real confident. Rates would go shoot up. China dumping 8% of our existing bonds on the market would have the similar effect. If they were willing to take a haircut to do so, it would be even worse. A normal economy wouldn't do that (pretty clearly an act of economic warfare, and losing money is gernerally viewed as a bad proposition), but China's isn't a "normal" economy.
 
2011-07-20 01:24:43 PM

eudemonist: canyoneer: There's just one flaw in your cunning plan

Two flaws...we're still borrowing money, and inflating debts away doesn't make future investors (i.e. world markets) real confident. Rates would go shoot up. China dumping 8% of our existing bonds on the market would have the similar effect. If they were willing to take a haircut to do so, it would be even worse. A normal economy wouldn't do that (pretty clearly an act of economic warfare, and losing money is gernerally viewed as a bad proposition), but China's isn't a "normal" economy.


China doesn'y buy US bonds out of an altruistic sense of friendliness. It's because those bonds have an interest rate worth having. Dumping the bonds doesn't really have much of an effect because a) they'll either maintain their value (in which case the dollar doesn't drop very much at all) or b) they'll have to be offered cheap, which will have them bought in lieu of alternative investments, which will also then have to drop THEIR prices, and evening out the rate compared to the dollar.

Not only that, but that's assuming an information vaccuum. People will know what China is doing and they will react appropriately, knowing it was an artificial bump.

In the long-run, no difference worth mentioning. In the short-run, the US would have to cut some spending for a couple of weeks.
 
2011-07-20 01:35:03 PM
I'd be happy to chop up a chink and serve them to my neighbors dogs. Does that count?

/REAL chop suey........... chopchop.
 
2011-07-20 01:44:10 PM
obligatory (new window)
 
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