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Chinese toddler opens his eyes...a little, close shave rubs out Brazilians, and Sherwood Schwartz's coconut coffin: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 7/10 - 7/16 
Posted by Drew at 2011-07-19 3:21:53 PM (32 comments) | Permalink

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5364 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jul 2011 at 3:41 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



From Unfreakable:

No update from Drew this week, enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-07-10 to Sat 2011-07-16:

  USPS may issue stamp honoring Wilt Chamberlain. Will only be for large packages overnight    img.fark.net

  Naked woman found dead after getting into a fight with a church statue. Police are looking for a carpenter in His early thirties for questioning    img.fark.net

  Chinese toddler who fell 10 stories wakes from coma and opens eyes, but not too much    img.fark.net

  US to sell F-16s to Iraq to help counterbalance Iran, but don't worry - these are the ones with cassette players and roll-down windows and no keyless entry    img.fark.net

  Former SEALs upset that Discovery Channel's 'Secrets of SEAL Team Six' documentary may have put team members at risk. Network executives busy trying to remove mysterious red dot that's appeared on their chests    img.fark.net

  Man selling breathalyzer tests to bar patrons, who question why it takes five minutes to blow in the tube    img.fark.net

  Iowa State Fair to drastically increase police security. Organizers hope to stop theft and assaults, keep residents from eating the butter sculpture    img.fark.net

  Mother accused of microwaving baby has another one in the oven    img.fark.net

  Two brothers in shampoo fight sent to jail for reconditioning    img.fark.net

  Man tries to abduct children in Romulus. Chairman Koval says the Tal Shiar are investigating    img.fark.net

  One-legged truck driver used boy for clutch. The job itself wasn't hard but he ended up having to work a lot of shifts    img.fark.net


Sports:

  It was a very close shave, but Americans rub out Brazilians, thanks to hot Boxx and incredible Solo performance, now on the way to World Cup climax    img.fark.net

  Rev. 6:9 - "And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: yea, that the Pirates were a game out at the break"    img.fark.net

  Robinson Cano wins Home Run Derby, giving the AFC home field advantage in the 2018 Pro Bowl    img.fark.net


Geek:

  "Being cyber-stalked is as bad as being raped, or in a war", reports Institute for Blowing Things Way Out of Proportion    img.fark.net

  Full set of teeth successfully grown in lab, scientists awarded with plaque    img.fark.net

  "How to Become a Beekeeper." Well, 1. Get some bees, and 2. Keep them    img.fark.net


Entertainment:

  Yoko Ono threatens to sue Scottish pub named in honor of John Lennon. Perhaps if they named a shot after him it would be okay    img.fark.net

  "Gilligan's Island" creator Sherwood Schwartz dies at 94. His coffin will be made entirely of coconuts    img.fark.net

  Elin Nordegren finds a new billionaire, hopefully one who knows how to keep his putz under control    img.fark.net


Politics:

  How President Obama can reclaim his green card, er, green cred. Cred. Sorry    img.fark.net

  After Obama's 'eat our peas' comment today, the USA Dry Pea & Lentil Council would like to remind you that peas are filled with country goodness and green peaness    img.fark.net

  Dems beat Republicans 7-2 in House baseball game, Republicans blame Fox News for only throwing them softballs in training    img.fark.net


Business:

  Tennis rivals John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg team up to launch their own line of underwear. Will only come in sets of three, four or five    img.fark.net

  Italy orders naked short sellers to disclose positions. Ewwww    img.fark.net

  Irish debt downgraded from Bushmills to warm Miller Lite    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2011-07-19 03:45:53 PM  
Unfreakable: "No update from Drew this week"

I'm shocked I tell ya shocked! Does Drew have anything to do with FARK these days?
 
2011-07-19 03:45:56 PM  
Chinese toddler who fell 10 stories wakes from coma and opens eyes, but not too much

BY FAR the best headrine.
 
2011-07-19 03:51:26 PM  

neversubmit: Unfreakable: "No update from Drew this week"

I'm shocked I tell ya shocked! Does Drew have anything to do with FARK these days?


Well there is the money he gets from it
 
2011-07-19 03:51:59 PM  
I've rubbed one out many a time, but I've never had a Brazilian.
 
2011-07-19 03:52:18 PM  
Curious. And how many of these are the product of an account that is only a few months old and already has close to a thousand greenlit submissions?

I would love to know so that I could buy the guy a beer or something to comp for all the money he's lost.
 
2011-07-19 03:57:55 PM  

neversubmit: Unfreakable: "No update from Drew this week"

I'm shocked I tell ya shocked! Does Drew have anything to do with FARK these days?


Drew is actually involved all the time, but he doesn't always have the time to come up with a posting every week. Sometimes he's too busy with something, other times he doesn't have anything specific to talk about. He's also going to school right now, so class projects impact his non-Fark time.
 
2011-07-19 03:58:38 PM  

neversubmit: Unfreakable: "No update from Drew this week"

I'm shocked I tell ya shocked! Does Drew have anything to do with FARK these days?


Yeah, he's lawyering it up trying to save the site from patent trolls.
 
2011-07-19 03:58:54 PM  

ArtosRC: Curious. And how many of these are the product of an account that is only a few months old and already has close to a thousand greenlit submissions?

I would love to know so that I could buy the guy a beer or something to comp for all the money he's lost.


wow... that's sad and scary.

ahh the "mod's favorite" game.

"ooh there's a guy i like green green green green"
 
2011-07-19 04:04:29 PM  

Unfreakable: He's also going to school right now, so class projects impact his non-Fark time.


The man's got his priorities backwards.
 
2011-07-19 04:06:09 PM  

ArtosRC: Curious. And how many of these are the product of an account that is only a few months old and already has close to a thousand greenlit submissions?

I would love to know so that I could buy the guy a beer or something to comp for all the money he's lost.


It's not voodoo, he just has a knack for writing good headlines and submits regularly. He has a slightly higher percentage because he submits stories when they're fresh.
 
2011-07-19 04:11:13 PM  

Unfreakable: It's not voodoo,


Did people biatch half as much about the number fo greenlights 40 Below and Albo used to get, or it's only since The English Major started getting 10 per day that people started biatching about it?
 
2011-07-19 04:14:28 PM  

Unfreakable: ArtosRC: Curious. And how many of these are the product of an account that is only a few months old and already has close to a thousand greenlit submissions?

I would love to know so that I could buy the guy a beer or something to comp for all the money he's lost.

It's not voodoo, he just has a knack for writing good headlines and submits regularly. He has a slightly higher percentage because he submits stories when they're fresh.


Freshness is key. I don't think a single one of mine was submitted after 9 eastern. After that, there's 30 duplicates to contend with.
 
2011-07-19 04:17:01 PM  

Unfreakable: He has a slightly higher percentage because he submits stories when they're fresh.


that doesnt' seem to work for me.

*tear*
 
2011-07-19 04:22:01 PM  

Smiths: wow... that's sad and scary.

ahh the "mod's favorite" game.

"ooh there's a guy i like green green green green"


That's not how it works, but I've said that dozens of times and some people seem to have their minds made up that only nefarious forces could possibly explain their inability to get as many greenlights as they feel they deserve.

When I'm reading through 200-300 headlines, the absolute last thing on my mind is ensuring that the greens are apportioned to anybody. I pick the headlines I like and move on.
 
2011-07-19 04:22:05 PM  

foo monkey: Unfreakable: ArtosRC: Curious. And how many of these are the product of an account that is only a few months old and already has close to a thousand greenlit submissions?

I would love to know so that I could buy the guy a beer or something to comp for all the money he's lost.

It's not voodoo, he just has a knack for writing good headlines and submits regularly. He has a slightly higher percentage because he submits stories when they're fresh.

Freshness is key. I don't think a single one of mine was submitted after 9 eastern. After that, there's 30 duplicates to contend with.


Yep. Unless it's a newsflash or something time-insensitive, like a photoshop contest, you got to get to work early.
 
2011-07-19 04:27:06 PM  

rickythepenguin: that doesnt' seem to work for me.

*tear*


I'm surprised by this. I remember you were funny as hell in TFD
 
2011-07-19 04:28:13 PM  

Unfreakable: neversubmit: Unfreakable: "No update from Drew this week"

I'm shocked I tell ya shocked! Does Drew have anything to do with FARK these days?

Drew is actually involved all the time, but he doesn't always have the time to come up with a posting every week. Sometimes he's too busy with something, other times he doesn't have anything specific to talk about. He's also going to school right now, so class projects impact his non-Fark time.


Oooooh. Now I'll have to find something else to hwine about... So what classes is he taking? Why do you log in as Drew can't you do this under your own name? The site's name isn't Drew Curtis' FARK.com anymore why?
 
2011-07-19 04:29:01 PM  
Submitting stories when they're fresh is important, but if it isn't a good headline freshness is no guarantee.
 
2011-07-19 04:29:49 PM  

foo monkey: Freshness is key. I don't think a single one of mine was submitted after 9 eastern. After that, there's 30 duplicates to contend with.



im all the time getting shiat in first. i have a sort of "aggregator of aggregator of aggregators", and i'll all the time check the queue for certain keywords on submissions i have. 9.8 times out of 10 i'll have a given story first. never gets through. come back a day later, there it is.

one example; the reno mahe story. i submitted that first like, thursday / friday. nothing. what gets greenlit yesterday? reno freaking mahe.

ehh. they're just greenlights.
 
2011-07-19 04:33:48 PM  

neversubmit: The site's name isn't Drew Curtis' FARK.com anymore why?



granted i was just butthurt about often getting stories in first that don't make it, but......

the whole "why is drew's name gone?" thing recently. man. the stuff we get ornery about. i wouldn't have even noticed that but for people pointing it out all the time. man. just odd.

ehh.
 
2011-07-19 04:36:41 PM  

neversubmit: Oooooh. Now I'll have to find something else to hwine about... So what classes is he taking? Why do you log in as Drew can't you do this under your own name? The site's name isn't Drew Curtis' FARK.com anymore why?


When we set up the HOW posting it was originally going to be rolled out by Drew, but I think he underestimated his time availability to actually do it every week. I haven't bothered Mike to re-code the blog posting setup yet because he has bigger projects that are more important.
 
2011-07-19 04:37:24 PM  
Hell, I'm just happy one of mine made this list.
 
2011-07-19 05:11:20 PM  

ArtosRC: Curious. And how many of these are the product of an account that is only a few months old and already has close to a thousand greenlit submissions?

I would love to know so that I could buy the guy a beer or something to comp for all the money he's lost.



DAMN! That's almost 4 months of sleepless nights and unemployed days.
(Or a lot of Heineken)
 
2011-07-19 05:14:42 PM  

Flab: Did people biatch half as much about the number fo greenlights 40 Below and Albo used to get, or it's only since The English Major started getting 10 per day that people started biatching about it?


I recall the concerns of power users being raised; I was beginning to wonder if such was happening again. I mean, after some thought, certain users having anywhere from three-to-five percent of the total greenlit submissions isn't so bad, as long as the quality is good.

The headlines meant only to troll, however....
 
2011-07-19 05:18:16 PM  

rickythepenguin: im all the time getting shiat in first. i have a sort of "aggregator of aggregator of aggregators", and i'll all the time check the queue for certain keywords on submissions i have. 9.8 times out of 10 i'll have a given story first. never gets through. come back a day later, there it is.

one example; the reno mahe story. i submitted that first like, thursday / friday. nothing. what gets greenlit yesterday? reno freaking mahe.


Couldn't tell you exactly why. Maybe your headline didn't strike the admin quite right, whereas a different submission was deemed good enough by another admin later. I've gone back to greenlight a thread where I missed a reference that lots of other people got (and loved). It's harder to pick out a really subtle headline when it's mixed in with hundreds of others.
 
2011-07-19 05:29:21 PM  
God, I must have submitted at least 100 headlines about the Phil Spector case and I didn't get a single friggin greenlight, thanks a LOT mods.
 
2011-07-19 05:38:31 PM  

ArtosRC: The headlines meant only to troll, however....


Agree with you 100%, although some admins think they're funny. I personally hate headlines. I think they suck.
 
2011-07-19 05:39:57 PM  
Troll headlines, rather
 
2011-07-19 07:57:16 PM  
I don't get many greens, but when I do I get so drunk that I beat my wife and kids, get arrested, and get anally violated in prison. That is why I don't get many greens.
 
2011-07-20 09:11:20 AM  

Flab: Did people biatch half as much about the number of greenlights 40 Below and Albo used to get, or it's only since [REDACTED] started getting 10 per day that people started biatching about it?


Better watch it. Twice I've dared breathe that dude's handle in reference to this phenomenon. Twice I've gotten a vacation for it. Here's hoping THIS doesn't net me a third.

(Not trying to be a jerk, honestly. We've been over this to everyone's satisfaction. I just don't want the same thing to happen to someone else.)
 
2011-07-20 11:36:58 AM  

MaxxLarge: Better watch it. Twice I've dared breathe that dude's handle in reference to this phenomenon. Twice I've gotten a vacation for it. Here's hoping THIS doesn't net me a third.


Some users are more equal than others, after all, and therefore deserve extra protection.
 
2011-07-20 11:56:43 AM  

rickythepenguin: im all the time getting shiat in first. i have a sort of "aggregator of aggregator of aggregators", and i'll all the time check the queue for certain keywords on submissions i have. 9.8 times out of 10 i'll have a given story first. never gets through. come back a day later, there it is.


sure as shiat. i submitted Paul McCartney yesterday. Bet it was first. didn't get it. what's in the entertainment queue?

Paul mccartney.

ehhh.
 
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