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(Cracked)   I'm sensing this will be greenlit   (cracked.com) divider line 292
    More: Fail, news presenters, missing children, Casey Anthony  
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40174 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jul 2011 at 3:21 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-07-11 05:37:39 PM
I predict that I will be propositioned by twin redheads who have posed for Playboy - and my girlfriend will forgive me because, hey, she'd have hit it too.
 
2011-07-11 05:46:32 PM

meh...: Subby here. I think this is also the best argument about god (which ever one you subscribe to) is not real. If God exists and is love, etc, etc. then why wasn't this prevented?


I guess God has different ideas than you do about what's best, you know what with being omniscient and all. But you go on and tell Him that He messed up.
 
2011-07-11 05:50:33 PM

Kill the mentally ill: Also, any police department that uses psychics during a murder investigation for any reason other than janitorial work, should be sued into forced retirement by the family of the victims.


Like in the Brad Cooper murder trial in Cary, NC. I'm sure you'll be watching that case on Nightline one day.
 
2011-07-11 05:51:46 PM
I don't believe in psychics but it is possible that there could be some out there. I do know that Tarot reading has nothing to do with that but just cards laying out randomly and real Tarot readers will tell you that it has nothing to do with them, except they just know how to read the cards and anyone can do it. Anyways, I do however believe in ghosts only because I think I saw one in person when I was a teenager. My great grandmother was dying and after an entire day of being around family and pretty much watching her dye for hours I went to bed. Then later I woke at 5:37 am on the dot and I only know that because I woke up with the clock in front of my face. I thought it was odd that I woke up so early and not even tired so I looked around and I saw my a ghostly figure of my grandmother walking towards me. I freaked out and looked down and she was gone. It was creepy and I thought I was seeing things and dismissed it. My mom later woke me up around 8 in the morning to tell me that gram died at 5:37 am. I told her I knew and she was like how did you know. I just told her I knew. Never really told anyone that story.
 
2011-07-11 05:55:55 PM

busy chillin': [a.abcnews.go.com image 640x360]


Why does the one on the left look like she's hiding some deep sadness?
 
2011-07-11 05:59:37 PM
I try to dissuade my students from believing in this kind of thing by doing bogus palm reading and card reading...while telling them exactly what I am doing and saying, they still end up wanting to believe that I am psychic
 
2011-07-11 06:09:28 PM

littleman77: meh...: Subby here. I think this is also the best argument about god (which ever one you subscribe to) is not real. If God exists and is love, etc, etc. then why wasn't this prevented?

I guess God has different ideas than you do about what's best, you know what with being omniscient and all. But you go on and tell Him that He messed up.


I would if he'd show for a conversation. So how many times you seen him and talked to him personally?
 
2011-07-11 06:17:19 PM
Even with my incredibly awesome psychic powers, I would never have predicted that Cracked would be able to squeeze an article onto a single page.
 
2011-07-11 06:24:17 PM

inspeyere: My wife occasionally gets calls regarding missing children from a certain police department in California. She's helped them find at least half a dozen of them, all alive. She doesn't solicit this work from them, she was asked to help by the first family she helped in that city and the detective was so impressed with her that he continues to call her to this day.

She's not your typical clairvoyant though. She can't stand phonies and doesn't volunteer her abilities unless specifically requested. I still don't get how she does what she does, its not like she can predict the future she'll just get the call, put herself into a kind of trance, then call back saying 'child x is ok and with his dad's friend' or 'child z is scared, with strangers, in town y' etc... She hasn't failed them yet, but she doesn't over promise what she can do.

Also, her agreement is that she'll only help with kids that can still be rescued. If its too late, she'll pass on the case.
/csb


Your wife is one with a true gift. People like this do not advertise or solicit for clients and are particular about who they deal with; most rarely see people in person and do not ask for a lot of info about the situation they will be reading.
Unfortunately, there is a good chance that they will be taken advantage of or their ego will take over.
 
2011-07-11 06:33:38 PM

mormonapril: SomeoneDumb: mormonapril:
[rlv.zcache.com image 400x400]

I'd be more ashamed of my failure to spell or preview if I weren't so dumb to begin with.

oh, no, you didn't spell it that way, I did to make a lame joke and post a cute psychic chick picture.
/no worries


THAT WAS MEME!
 
2011-07-11 06:37:08 PM

AbbeySomeone: inspeyere: the detective was so impressed with her that he continues to call her to this day.

Your wife is one with a true gift.


A husband that approves of regular contact with a dick she's not married to?
 
2011-07-11 06:38:56 PM

inspeyere: My wife occasionally gets calls regarding missing children from a certain police department in California. She's helped them find at least half a dozen of them, all alive. She doesn't solicit this work from them, she was asked to help by the first family she helped in that city and the detective was so impressed with her that he continues to call her to this day.

She's not your typical clairvoyant though. She can't stand phonies and doesn't volunteer her abilities unless specifically requested. I still don't get how she does what she does, its not like she can predict the future she'll just get the call, put herself into a kind of trance, then call back saying 'child x is ok and with his dad's friend' or 'child z is scared, with strangers, in town y' etc... She hasn't failed them yet, but she doesn't over promise what she can do.

Also, her agreement is that she'll only help with kids that can still be rescued. If its too late, she'll pass on the case.
/csb


You, your wife, and whatever California hick town your from are all idiots. If not, why don't you cash in your million dollar challenge? At the very least you wouldn't have to shovel shiat in your backyard anymore.
 
2011-07-11 06:39:01 PM

meh...: littleman77: meh...: Subby here. I think this is also the best argument about god (which ever one you subscribe to) is not real. If God exists and is love, etc, etc. then why wasn't this prevented?

I guess God has different ideas than you do about what's best, you know what with being omniscient and all. But you go on and tell Him that He messed up.

I would if he'd show for a conversation. So how many times you seen him and talked to him personally?


Well, if all that can be seen is all that exists then you have a point. But you can't prove that any more than I can prove that God is real, and so we're at a subjective impasse. I do, however, speak to Him constantly, and I've never heard an audible response. But none of that is what you really want to know, is it?

You're wondering how I can believe in a God who's such an invisible jerk.

/I'm sensing...
 
2011-07-11 06:43:59 PM

littleman77: meh...: Subby here. I think this is also the best argument about god (which ever one you subscribe to) is not real. If God exists and is love, etc, etc. then why wasn't this prevented?

I guess God has different ideas than you do about what's best, you know what with being omniscient and all. But you go on and tell Him that He messed up.


How does one tell someone else's imaginary friend that they messed up?
 
2011-07-11 06:45:29 PM

AbbeySomeone: I've known several people that are into psychics, metaphysics, etc.
There are some that are truly gifted and many that are egotistical sh*tbags.
The people that seek the services usually do not want to take responsibility for their own lives.


Thank you. Seriously, it's amazing how many people will vet a plumber before hiring, but not bother to ask basic questions like 'do you have another client I can talk to' when they're talking to a psychic...and then claim psychics aren't real.

Idiots.

/Psychic
//No, I don't find dead people, I spin a little bit of tinfoil on a needle
///Surprisingly, real psychics are boring as hell
////...And maybe into comic books and pretend they're superheros, but that's just me.
 
2011-07-11 06:51:10 PM
I

demonfaerie: I don't believe in psychics but it is possible that there could be some out there. I do know that Tarot reading has nothing to do with that but just cards laying out randomly and real Tarot readers will tell you that it has nothing to do with them, except they just know how to read the cards and anyone can do it. Anyways, I do however believe in ghosts only because I think I saw one in person when I was a teenager. My great grandmother was dying and after an entire day of being around family and pretty much watching her dye for hours I went to bed. Then later I woke at 5:37 am on the dot and I only know that because I woke up with the clock in front of my face. I thought it was odd that I woke up so early and not even tired so I looked around and I saw my a ghostly figure of my grandmother walking towards me. I freaked out and looked down and she was gone. It was creepy and I thought I was seeing things and dismissed it. My mom later woke me up around 8 in the morning to tell me that gram died at 5:37 am. I told her I knew and she was like how did you know. I just told her I knew. Never really told anyone that story.


See what freaks me about that is what if grandma walked in to me masterbating. I dont want gram to see me like that, especially if thats the last thing she sees before going. Me, jar of vaseline, laptop playing max hardcore, grandma. Gross.
 
2011-07-11 06:51:53 PM
I'm a half-gypsy, does that count?

/I see a future in a TFD thread involving teh nekid, thanks to some anonymous sponsor

//:P
 
2011-07-11 06:59:13 PM

PsiChick: /Psychic


So what's your excuse? (new window)
 
2011-07-11 07:06:43 PM

chu2dogg: PsiChick: /Psychic

So what's your excuse? (new window)


Why are you so hostile, and why do you assume that anyone needs or wants to prove anything to you or anyone else?
Most gifted people don't talk about it unless it can be helpful, or is relevant to a conversation or subject matter.
 
2011-07-11 07:08:31 PM

Ishkur: RedEmily: Ishkur: RedEmily: Why are psychics not the richest people in the world?

Why would Warren Buffet admit that he's psychic?

If they were psychic they could predict anything and makes millons. They don't so they aren't. Pretty easy.

The smartest/richest psychics would never let on that they're psychic.

They just seem really lucky. Phil Ivey, Tom Dwan, Daniel Negreanu, for instance.


That's funny, I was just thinking what great cold readers professional poker players would make. 10 minutes and Negreanu would have you believing every dead person you ever met was right behind you.
 
2011-07-11 07:11:19 PM

AbbeySomeone: chu2dogg: PsiChick: /Psychic

So what's your excuse? (new window)

Why are you so hostile, and why do you assume that anyone needs or wants to prove anything to you or anyone else?
Most gifted people don't talk about it unless it can be helpful, or is relevant to a conversation or subject matter.


It would be quite helpful to claim the million dollars and donate it to a worthy charity, no?

Also, if one possesses abilities currently unknown to science, I think it would be extremely helpful to society to demonstrate those abilities and turn scientific thinking on its head.
 
2011-07-11 07:15:48 PM
I had a girlfriend long ago who absolutely believed in psychics and got really pissed when she would introduce me to one and I would pull my Bilbo Baggins act "what have I got in my pocket ?"



/if you can't answer, then I got no use for you.
 
2011-07-11 07:16:56 PM
Psychics. Third oldest profession, and not by much.

/Bollocks. All of 'em.
 
2011-07-11 07:19:02 PM

AbbeySomeone: chu2dogg: PsiChick: /Psychic

So what's your excuse? (new window)

Why are you so hostile, and why do you assume that anyone needs or wants to prove anything to you or anyone else?
Most gifted people don't talk about it unless it can be helpful, or is relevant to a conversation or subject matter.


So you are going with "Someone could claim it, they just don't want to"?

Awesome.
 
rpm
2011-07-11 07:22:52 PM

AbbeySomeone: Why are you so hostile, and why do you assume that anyone needs or wants to prove anything to you or anyone else?
Most gifted people don't talk about it unless it can be helpful, or is relevant to a conversation or subject matter


In other words, you're delusional, and you're fine with that.
 
2011-07-11 07:26:26 PM

Super Chronic: AbbeySomeone: chu2dogg: PsiChick: /Psychic

So what's your excuse? (new window)

Why are you so hostile, and why do you assume that anyone needs or wants to prove anything to you or anyone else?
Most gifted people don't talk about it unless it can be helpful, or is relevant to a conversation or subject matter.

It would be quite helpful to claim the million dollars and donate it to a worthy charity, no?

Also, if one possesses abilities currently unknown to science, I think it would be extremely helpful to society to demonstrate those abilities and turn scientific thinking on its head.


This * 1000.

Really. If you have a new ability, please take the test. Donate the cash to a charity of your choice. The resultant scientific advancement would be mind blowing! Untold millions could benefit. I don't understand how you could *not* want to show this!
 
2011-07-11 07:27:17 PM

AbbeySomeone: chu2dogg: PsiChick: /Psychic

So what's your excuse? (new window)

Why are you so hostile, and why do you assume that anyone needs or wants to prove anything to you or anyone else?
Most gifted people don't talk about it unless it can be helpful, or is relevant to a conversation or subject matter.


Because if we could prove definitively that psychic powers existed, that would change all of science as we know it. A whole new world of scientific exploration would open up if we could prove there is such a thing as psychic powers. Wouldn't you call that helpful? Wouldn't that be enough of a reason to want to show your powers to the world? I'm not saying to do it for the ego boost, I'm saying a real psychic should do it because it would help mankind understand the universe better. It would help mankind, full stop. The only reasons I can think of why people would refuse to do it is a) social anxiety (easily taken care of if scientists kept their identity secret), or b) they're liars.

And before you accuse me of sounding "hostile," I was a psychic. I could read futures with startling and frightening accuracy. I did this for years. This was until I realized that all I was doing was practicing cold readings, hot readings (when it was someone I knew), and had plain, old fashioned knowledge of human nature. There was no power involved. But I fully believed, for a time, that there was. I had what people would call visions. It was my very, very good imagination. No more.
 
2011-07-11 07:28:55 PM

AbbeySomeone: chu2dogg: PsiChick: /Psychic

So what's your excuse? (new window)

Why are you so hostile, and why do you assume that anyone needs or wants to prove anything to you or anyone else?
Most gifted people don't talk about it unless it can be helpful, or is relevant to a conversation or subject matter.



I don't care if it's wine gurus, paranormalists, psychics, homeopathic doctors, if you refuse to demonstrate something in a controlled setting you are a fraud. You can swear all high holy allegiance your confidence in your abilities but you know full well deep down that it's all only a combination of bullshiat, observation, placebo effect, and just dumb luck.

If it is was any other legitimate talent or ability in the world, from doing a half court shot to playing a full quartet hopping on one leg, people come out of the woodwork in droves to say "YES, I CAN DO THAT!". Give somebody a psychic ability, all of it suddne it becomes "million dollars bro? I'm so above that. I'm happy being one of the few people in the universe that knows all the secrets and can debunk a hotly disputed topic, but i'm just not gonna go there just to fark with people".

Come on people! ONE MILLION DOLLARS! DONATE TO THE CHARITY OF YOUR CHOICE! Convince Millions of poeple to think of something more in there world!! People are doing it already with great results!

Where are you PsiChick? Bust out the tinfoil needle and let's see what's up? Get inspeyere to stop shoveling shiat and get his wife to pony up that million dollar award? Are you guys even going to try? What of it?!!

These people are NOT delusional. The delusional ones are the people who actually try the test or perform on live TV to the comic delight of the rest of us.

We have word for these people and it's called Quackery, but i personally i prefer the good old fashioned Charlatan.
 
2011-07-11 07:32:30 PM

sharpie_69: Really. If you have a new ability, please take the test. Donate the cash to a charity of your choice. The resultant scientific advancement would be mind blowing! Untold millions could benefit. I don't understand how you could *not* want to show this!


I predict we will see great logical leaps to convince us that the people who attempt to demonstrate their abilities in the test are frauds, while the people who keep their abilities hidden except for their special "chosen" ones are the real psychics.
 
2011-07-11 07:35:01 PM

chu2dogg: sharpie_69: Really. If you have a new ability, please take the test. Donate the cash to a charity of your choice. The resultant scientific advancement would be mind blowing! Untold millions could benefit. I don't understand how you could *not* want to show this!

I predict we will see great logical leaps to convince us that the people who attempt to demonstrate their abilities in the test are frauds, while the people who keep their abilities hidden except for their special "chosen" ones are the real psychics.


Why do I have a feeling you're going to be right?

And that is quite sad. If they have a gift, they hold the keys to bettering the world for everyone.
 
2011-07-11 07:43:15 PM

AbbeySomeone: chu2dogg: PsiChick: /Psychic

So what's your excuse? (new window)

Why are you so hostile, and why do you assume that anyone needs or wants to prove anything to you or anyone else?
Most gifted people don't talk about it unless it can be helpful, or is relevant to a conversation or subject matter.


Because if you're going to claim unprecedented powers, you'd better be ready to pony up some farking PROOF or be dismissed as a fraud. I could claim to be able to set something on fire just by thinking at it, but unless I showed PROOF of that ability I would reasonably expect people to call me a liar.

Let me put it another way: THERE IS NOT NOW, NOR HAS EVER BEEN, ANY PROOF THAT PSYCHIC POWERS EXIST. NONE. Of COURSE people are going to be "hostile" towards your (completely unsubstantiated!) claims to psychic powers, in the same way they were "hostile" towards the claims of the Heaven's Gate cult. Not only is there no evidence for the existence of psychic powers, every single so-called "psychic" who has ever submitted themselves to testing has been proven to be a fraud.

Psychic powers do not exist. If you claim they do, you are either gullible, delusional or a liar.
 
2011-07-11 07:44:37 PM

inspeyere: My wife occasionally gets calls regarding missing children from a certain police department in California. She's helped them find at least half a dozen of them, all alive. She doesn't solicit this work from them, she was asked to help by the first family she helped in that city and the detective was so impressed with her that he continues to call her to this day.

She's not your typical clairvoyant though. She can't stand phonies and doesn't volunteer her abilities unless specifically requested. I still don't get how she does what she does, its not like she can predict the future she'll just get the call, put herself into a kind of trance, then call back saying 'child x is ok and with his dad's friend' or 'child z is scared, with strangers, in town y' etc... She hasn't failed them yet, but she doesn't over promise what she can do.

Also, her agreement is that she'll only help with kids that can still be rescued. If its too late, she'll pass on the case.
/csb


Please, be more vague. I would hate to have to fact check your claims.
 
2011-07-11 07:45:04 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases

Read 'em over long and hard Abbey and everyone else being delusional in this thread. Psychics are (in their most innocent form) cold readers exploiting confirmation bias, even if they don't realize they're exploiting it themselves--that's why we have delusional people like the girl claiming she's a psychic earlier up the thread. Ignoring the misses, emphasizing the hits. It's a vagary of memory and perception, mixed up with a little dunning-kruger effect / bias blind spot.

If you don't like my impatient sciencey explanation, google Derren Brown and watch all of his stuff. He's a mentalist AND a skeptic, and he'll tell you how it's all done.

Once again, and for the record: psychics do NOT have genuine powers of clairvoyance--even if they think they do.
 
2011-07-11 07:45:06 PM
I predict this will be the last post in this thread.
 
2011-07-11 07:46:13 PM
I predict you're wrong!
 
2011-07-11 07:48:15 PM
RivenSilver has the gift!
 
2011-07-11 07:48:26 PM

RivenSilver: I predict you're wrong!


How could you have known??? Are you a wizard???
 
2011-07-11 07:49:34 PM

Ed Grubermann: littleman77: meh...: Subby here. I think this is also the best argument about god (which ever one you subscribe to) is not real. If God exists and is love, etc, etc. then why wasn't this prevented?

I guess God has different ideas than you do about what's best, you know what with being omniscient and all. But you go on and tell Him that He messed up.

How does one tell someone else's imaginary friend that they messed up?


Which is it, Ed? Does suffering disprove God or does God's non-existence justify the suffering? Subby can't have it both ways, if it truly is his best argument.
 
2011-07-11 07:51:33 PM
I just wanted to let everyone in the thread know that I've discovered the key to faster than light travel, I just don't intend to share it with anyone, outside of a few family members, as it so rarely comes up in conversation. Also, I'm more of the shy, retiring type, so no spotlight or Nobel Prize for physics for me, thanks.
 
2011-07-11 08:01:58 PM
I'm not into psychics, but there are ETs and yes, they've been here
------and folks usually say they communicate 'telepathically.'

Yes there'also a 'between-life' period. Thats what the Andromedans told me.
 
2011-07-11 08:09:11 PM

Pribar: "what have I got in my pocket ?"


That used to be my favorite pickup line.
 
2011-07-11 08:17:29 PM

Lachwen: AbbeySomeone: chu2dogg: PsiChick: /Psychic

So what's your excuse? (new window)

Why are you so hostile, and why do you assume that anyone needs or wants to prove anything to you or anyone else?
Most gifted people don't talk about it unless it can be helpful, or is relevant to a conversation or subject matter.

Because if you're going to claim unprecedented powers, you'd better be ready to pony up some farking PROOF or be dismissed as a fraud. I could claim to be able to set something on fire just by thinking at it, but unless I showed PROOF of that ability I would reasonably expect people to call me a liar.

Let me put it another way: THERE IS NOT NOW, NOR HAS EVER BEEN, ANY PROOF THAT PSYCHIC POWERS EXIST. NONE. Of COURSE people are going to be "hostile" towards your (completely unsubstantiated!) claims to psychic powers, in the same way they were "hostile" towards the claims of the Heaven's Gate cult. Not only is there no evidence for the existence of psychic powers, every single so-called "psychic" who has ever submitted themselves to testing has been proven to be a fraud.

Psychic powers do not exist. If you claim they do, you are either gullible, delusional or a liar.


BURN!

I think I love you. lol
 
2011-07-11 08:22:02 PM

GreenAdder: Pribar: "what have I got in my pocket ?"

That used to be my favorite pickup line.


Step it up. Cut a hole in your pocket, leave your underpants at home and ask that they look for your keys.

RivenSilver: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases

Read 'em over long and hard Abbey and everyone else being delusional in this thread. Psychics are (in their most innocent form) cold readers exploiting confirmation bias, even if they don't realize they're exploiting it themselves--that's why we have delusional people like the girl claiming she's a psychic earlier up the thread. Ignoring the misses, emphasizing the hits. It's a vagary of memory and perception, mixed up with a little dunning-kruger effect / bias blind spot.

If you don't like my impatient sciencey explanation, google Derren Brown and watch all of his stuff. He's a mentalist AND a skeptic, and he'll tell you how it's all done.

Once again, and for the record: psychics do NOT have genuine powers of clairvoyance--even if they think they do.


Crist on a cracker, some of you are so reactionary. I can imagine you with pitchforks and torches prepared to hunt down a witch because you feel threatened by something you can't comprehend or control.
Some of you remind me of the right wing fundies who are rapidly concerned with another person's sexual preference or proclivities.
BTW, I believe nothing unless it is proven to me.
You may notice that I made no claims, merely stated that there are people with true gifts and they like to be left alone. The outrage and hostility here are among the reasons why.
Well, that and the knowing that some people flip out with a fear that stuff they try to hide can be seen.
 
2011-07-11 08:23:57 PM
Children are quite credulous and we all grow up believing in a lot of things like Santa Claus, the monster under the bed, compassionate conservatives, etc. Most gradually dismiss the supernatural(werewolves, vampires, ghosts) and things we should have some evidence of(Bigfoot, Nessie).

But people want to believe in ESP and extraterrestrials.
 
2011-07-11 08:25:54 PM

Big Man On Campus: [www.oocities.org image 640x266]

Darth Vader frowns on your psychic shennanigans.


U "inspired" me... For future use:

i291.photobucket.com
 
2011-07-11 08:26:31 PM
My wife was actually checked out by the military. So I am really getting a kick out of most of these replies. Some of you guys want very badly to discredit the whole field and make it fit into very narrow parameters to sound like you know what you are talking about. But trust me.... You don't. I think you just want to make yourself sound like hard-core cynics, when in reality you wish you had super powers. This is how bad vibes get passed around. If you dont have clairvoyance....Dont make it sound like noone else does. Cuz some Farkers discridet anything they hear.
 
2011-07-11 08:26:44 PM

AbbeySomeone: I made no claims, merely stated that there are people with true gifts


So no "claims" just statements. Got it.
 
2011-07-11 08:28:49 PM

inspeyere: My wife was actually checked out by the military.


Fleet week?

Srsly, dude. She's a liar.
 
2011-07-11 08:36:01 PM
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
 
2011-07-11 08:42:46 PM

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: inspeyere: My wife was actually checked out by the military.

Fleet week?

Srsly, dude. She's a liar.


You're an idiot. The military does use people for remote viewing among other things. They have no regard for the effects on the person being experimented with either.
 
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