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(Cracked)   I'm sensing this will be greenlit   (cracked.com) divider line 292
    More: Fail, news presenters, missing children, Casey Anthony  
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40178 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jul 2011 at 3:21 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



292 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2011-07-11 03:45:03 PM  
How is this any different than religion?
 
2011-07-11 03:46:09 PM  
You guys will love this:

Paulie Walnuts visits a psychic (NSFW language)
 
2011-07-11 03:47:00 PM  
I sense this Taco Bell is not going to end well.
 
2011-07-11 03:47:07 PM  
No, we need to fire and jail any officer stupid enough to believe Ms. Cleao has anything of value to add and files for a warrant based on that idiocy.
 
2011-07-11 03:47:12 PM  

Kill the mentally ill: Also, any police department that uses psychics during a murder investigation for any reason other than janitorial work, should be sued into forced retirement by the family of the victims.


Has a police department admitted to using psychics? Isn't it just the psychics who make those claims?
 
2011-07-11 03:47:16 PM  
Psychics read body language and verbal cues. It's a good skill to have, but there is nothing mystical about it.

If they don't have a crystal ball or tarot cards we usually just call them con-artists.

I've been wondering if successful psychics aren't just highly sensitive people that don't mind bilking people out of money or really do think they are psychic.
 
2011-07-11 03:47:19 PM  
I would hate f*ck the shiat out of Nancy Grace.
 
2011-07-11 03:47:51 PM  
crujonessociety.com
"No, your dead Mom hated your friggin guts."

Would love to see this happen just once.
 
2011-07-11 03:47:54 PM  

Avon_Barksdale: I sense a gigantic douche of epic proportions. a gaping hole spewing filth and garbage. wait, wait, its coming into focus. Yes. YES. someone will soon mention Nancy Grace.


I have bad news. You inherited the powers of Slowpoke, not psychics.
 
2011-07-11 03:48:37 PM  

meat0918: Psychics read body language and verbal cues.



It's a good thing I'm not into seeing them......I have the worst poker face in the world.
 
2011-07-11 03:50:40 PM  
Last week Casey Anthony was found innocent of murdering her 2-year-old daughter despite overwhelming evidence that she probably did it.

"Despite"? You mean there's still someone in this country who doesn't know that if you conclude that she "probably did it," you should find the defendant not guilty?

Oh, wait, I see now that it says "innocent" rather than "not guilty." So that should signal right there that the author has no clue what he's talking about.
 
2011-07-11 03:50:50 PM  

Coelacanth: I used to manage a very busy occult bookstore, I used to attend parapsychology lectures at the USC Conference Center in Lake Arrowhead, California, and I have a great many friends who tell me that they are clairvoyant...
I've never met one psychic who could tell me what my Social Security number was, or what city I was born in, or how much change was in my pocket.


How much change is in your pocket can be rather easy, really. You make several predictions about a few things in a row, writing down and sealing each one in an envelope but having the subject reveal the answer before your next prediction. They then open all the envelopes at once. It can be rather effective, really.
 
2011-07-11 03:51:23 PM  
chicago.metromix.com

Ed Glosser, Trivial Psychic is not amused.

/but I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's not really that important.
 
2011-07-11 03:51:51 PM  
This is why we need mental institutions back in this country. if someone comes into a crime and says "I'm a psychic," they should be immediately arrested and committed because at the least they're interfering with a crime scene and at the most they're mentally disturbed lunatics.
 
2011-07-11 03:51:53 PM  

Drubell: I imagine being a true psychic would involve having to know and understand an infinite amount of possibilities. Like, if my child went missing, and I found the best answer of where he was and what condition he was in, there's a probability, based on my answers and following police actions, the information I gave would instantly change the course of infinite probabilities of what would happen to the child.

Or in short, I think any true psychic would go insane.


Frank Herbert treats this interestingly in the Dune series.

There were a myriad of choices and paths, but once you focus on something, it becomes locked as the future.

You have no free will, no surprises, just alternating between boredom and horror. You know every event before it happens, even your own death.
 
2011-07-11 03:51:57 PM  
i105.photobucket.com
 
2011-07-11 03:54:36 PM  
i138.photobucket.com

"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
 
2011-07-11 03:55:05 PM  
i53.tinypic.com
 
2011-07-11 03:55:09 PM  
Psychics could only be useful if they can solve crimes BEFORE they happen...

www.tomcruise.com

Like Tom Cruise's mutant second head in that movie Minority Report.
 
2011-07-11 03:55:33 PM  
I sense that someone will reference Supertramp lyrics before this thread is done.
 
2011-07-11 03:55:41 PM  
What is the significance with the cucumber sammiches? And pickle sammiches too, for that matter?
 
2011-07-11 03:57:11 PM  
My friend's roomate, after attending rehab, got a job as one of those telephone psychics back in the 1990's. He had great stories to tell and his job was to pretty much just keep people on the phone for as long as possible.

/not much of a csb
 
2011-07-11 03:58:14 PM  

Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: I sense that someone will reference Supertramp lyrics before this thread is done.




/did you call, one two three four?

//But I'm so logical
 
2011-07-11 03:58:59 PM  
mormonapril

nice! and what makes it even better is that I had the picture wrong in my head... But see, my psychic ability comes through a little hazy sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, that's the ticket.
 
2011-07-11 03:59:14 PM  
What? No "Psyche" reference yet?

/and when does the new season start? or is it gone forever now?
 
2011-07-11 04:00:47 PM  

SomeoneDumb: My friend's roomate, after attending rehab, got a job as one of those telephone psychick back in the 1990's. He had great stories to tell and his job was to pretty much just keep people on the phone for as long as possible.

/not much of a csb


rlv.zcache.com
 
2011-07-11 04:01:19 PM  

ilgallo: [crujonessociety.com image 373x436]
"No, your dead Mom hated your friggin guts."

Would love to see this happen just once.


My friend was convinced that guy was legit. My only response was, "OK, this guy has the power to communicate with the dead, which means he can prove the existence of an afterlife and can establish which religions are false. Why is he on basic cable in the middle of the night?"
 
2011-07-11 04:02:54 PM  
I dated a girl who claimed she had psychic powers (She also talked to gods and dead people. Pagan chicks are a special kind of nuts.)

She usually demonstrated her "powers" by screaming at me for what she thought I was thinking about. She was wrong in every particular.
 
2011-07-11 04:03:03 PM  

RedEmily: Ishkur: RedEmily: Why are psychics not the richest people in the world?

Why would Warren Buffet admit that he's psychic?

If they were psychic they could predict anything and makes millons. They don't so they aren't. Pretty easy.


If they were psychic they should have known in advance that 3 year old Aerie Berry was going to be shot to death last night in Detroit by a stray bullet. Either these people knew that a little girl was going to die last night and did nothing or they are full of shiat and are taking advantage of people's grief for personal financial gain.

Either way, they can DIAF
 
2011-07-11 04:03:22 PM  

mama2tnt: What? No "Psyche" reference yet?

/and when does the new season start? or is it gone forever now?


FAIL

[Pineapple.jpg]
 
2011-07-11 04:04:03 PM  
www.blogcdn.com
 
2011-07-11 04:05:12 PM  

mormonapril:
[rlv.zcache.com image 400x400]


I'd be more ashamed of my failure to spell or preview if I weren't so dumb to begin with.
 
2011-07-11 04:06:24 PM  

RedEmily: Ishkur: RedEmily: Why are psychics not the richest people in the world?

Why would Warren Buffet admit that he's psychic?

If they were psychic they could predict anything and makes millons. They don't so they aren't. Pretty easy.


But Warren Buffett has made BILLIONS. Thousands of millions. In late 2007, when conservative pundits were predicting the Bush Boom (new window), Warren Buffett was having none of it (new window).

We just try to do smart things every day, and if there's nothing smart, then we sit on cash.

The Dow Jones was over 13,300 in early December 2007. So either Warren Buffett is psychic and pulled out of the markets before they tanked, or Larry Kudlow should have been paid in punches to the ballsack instead of cash for being so wrong his whole life.

/I like to think it's a little of both. There are certain things that are easy to predict: the vast majority of times, those things that are simply repeat runnings of past events. In the case of Buffett versus conservative economic philosophy (above), it's a repeat of George Soros versus Conservative Party (UK) economic philosophy that saw a left-wing person gaining because of right-wing policy and hubris from its cheerleaders.
 
2011-07-11 04:06:35 PM  
Psychiccrimefighter.com in particular functions a lot like Facebook, allowing psychics to friend one another, share their psychic detecting techniques and even organize leagues of supernatural crime fighters, should they want to. There are no licenses required, there is no training, you can just announce that you are psychic, then start calling up the families of missing children. And that's exactly what they do.

So that means I can assemble a crime fighting team and then find out cases using this website? Sweet. If you are a psychic, a strong man, an 8th grade math genius, a seductress or own a van and live in the San Diego area, EIP.
 
2011-07-11 04:06:46 PM  

Bondith: I dated a girl who claimed she had psychic powers (She also talked to gods and dead people. Pagan chicks are a special kind of nuts.)

She usually demonstrated her "powers" by screaming at me for what she thought I was thinking about. She was wrong in every particular.


I bet the sex was amazing.

/when it's your girlfriend it's the only one you've got
 
2011-07-11 04:08:48 PM  

busy chillin': I am sensing there will be trolling, one instance of BIE for one lucky farker, and a picture of Darth Vader filling up a milk jug in the ocean.


www.gusto-graphics.com

SO CLOSE!!!
 
2011-07-11 04:08:55 PM  

meanmutton: RedEmily: Ishkur: RedEmily: Why are psychics not the richest people in the world?

Why would Warren Buffet admit that he's psychic?

If they were psychic they could predict anything and makes millons. They don't so they aren't. Pretty easy.

If they were psychic they should have known in advance that 3 year old Aerie Berry was going to be shot to death last night in Detroit by a stray bullet. Either these people knew that a little girl was going to die last night and did nothing or they are full of shiat and are taking advantage of people's grief for personal financial gain.

Either way, they can DIAF


Subby here. I think this is also the best argument about god (which ever one you subscribe to) is not real. If God exists and is love, etc, etc. then why wasn't this prevented?
 
2011-07-11 04:09:11 PM  

SomeoneDumb: mormonapril:
[rlv.zcache.com image 400x400]

I'd be more ashamed of my failure to spell or preview if I weren't so dumb to begin with.


oh, no, you didn't spell it that way, I did to make a lame joke and post a cute psychic chick picture.
/no worries
 
2011-07-11 04:09:32 PM  

Coelacanth: I used to manage a very busy occult bookstore, I used to attend parapsychology lectures at the USC Conference Center in Lake Arrowhead, California, and I have a great many friends who tell me that they are clairvoyant...
I've never met one psychic who could tell me what my Social Security number was, or what city I was born in, or how much change was in my pocket.


and they all said:

It doesn't work like THAT!

/amirite
 
2011-07-11 04:10:31 PM  

mama2tnt: What? No "Psyche" reference yet?

/and when does the new season start? or is it gone forever now?


It's the second post, and there is no E. Psych
 
2011-07-11 04:12:33 PM  

mormonapril: timujin: Just as a note, if as the article claims, there was "overwhelming evidence that she probably did it" it would have been really nice for the prosecution to have presented that during the trial.

STOP CASEY ANTHONY-ING EVERY FARKING THREAD!


Huh? The thread and the article is about the renewed attention brought to "psychic investigators" by the involvement of one in the Casey Anthony story.
So why exactly are you yelling at that other farker?
 
2011-07-11 04:12:58 PM  
The Psychic Fern and his friends lie in wait. Their time will come...
 
2011-07-11 04:13:54 PM  
meat0918:
Psychics read body language and verbal cues. It's a good skill to have, but there is nothing mystical about it.
If they don't have a crystal ball or tarot cards we usually just call them con-artists.
I've been wondering if successful psychics aren't just highly sensitive people that don't mind bilking people out of money or really do think they are psychic.


A very few so-called psychics whom have been blessed with a little charm use the same kind of deductive reasoning used by the literary character Sherlock Holmes to get their results. Those that I've met in my day really should've been working for law enforcement. But they were making more money as psychics. For example, I used to know this 80 year old Tarot card reader. He worked two hours a day, five days a week doing readings. He was pulling down a grand a week and he collected SS on top of that. While he was laying down the cards, he would give his clients good advice on how to lead their lives. Most of that advice came from 'Dear Abby' books he bought from a store I managed.
Many more so-called psychics are just jerks who practice the patter and are lucky that they haven't been arrested yet. And worst yet, the so-called psychics who really think that they are psychic and need to cool their heels inside a secure mental ward somewhere.
 
2011-07-11 04:14:59 PM  

The_Sponge: the worst poker face in the world.


What the worst Poker Face in the world might look like...

perfectionistgal.files.wordpress.com
 
2011-07-11 04:16:10 PM  

Thorndyke Barnhard: mormonapril: timujin: Just as a note, if as the article claims, there was "overwhelming evidence that she probably did it" it would have been really nice for the prosecution to have presented that during the trial.

STOP CASEY ANTHONY-ING EVERY FARKING THREAD!

Huh? The thread and the article is about the renewed attention brought to "psychic investigators" by the involvement of one in the Casey Anthony story.
So why exactly are you yelling at that other farker?


Sorry, TFA wouldn't load on my work computer and I was assuming it was another troll bringing up Casey Anthony without provocation.

/my bad
//*sits in corner*
///images.cheezburger.com
 
2011-07-11 04:17:06 PM  
FTFA: In typical white-person fashion, whoever came up with this myth looked down at his arm and assumed that the little blue lines running up and down his arms must actually be blue, failing to notice that different colors of skin reflect different light waves, making the veins look anywhere from green to pink when viewed through other colors of skin.


Oh those dopey honkies trying to be all science-y, will they never learn? Self-depricating racist idiot
 
2011-07-11 04:18:37 PM  

bel4sucks: mama2tnt: What? No "Psyche" reference yet?

/and when does the new season start? or is it gone forever now?

It's the second post, and there is no E. Psych


Sorry - old lady here. Got offspring who love it, but I can't stay up that late.
 
2011-07-11 04:19:14 PM  

chaddsfarkprefect: FTFA: In typical white-person fashion, whoever came up with this myth looked down at his arm and assumed that the little blue lines running up and down his arms must actually be blue, failing to notice that different colors of skin reflect different light waves, making the veins look anywhere from green to pink when viewed through other colors of skin.


Oh those dopey honkies trying to be all science-y, will they never learn? Self-depricating racist idiot


how do you know the author is white?
 
2011-07-11 04:20:00 PM  
How about including all economists and their "forecasts"? They're worse than, and try as often as, weathermen. Yet we still listen to them when their mouths are talking. And by we, I mean not me.

/actually weather prognostication has improved much over the last five decades and is no longer worthy of that nomer. my apologies to weatherpersons for the association
//thanks space exploration, for the satellites
 
2011-07-11 04:20:36 PM  
I blame the peroxide most of them seem to use in abundance on their hair.
 
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