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(Quad City Times)   "Lane zippers" are the cause of more traffic headaches and crashes because they're in too big of a hurry to actually READ THE F*CKING ROAD SIGNS   (qctimes.com) divider line 211
    More: Obvious, I-74, Illinois State Police, headaches, Cowardly Lion, road rage  
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12649 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jun 2011 at 11:48 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-06-17 08:27:54 PM  
Instead of merging traffic into the left lane or right lane directly, merge both lanes to one middle lane straddling the dashed white line and then shift it right or left. Both approach lanes appear equal.

Maybe somebody has already patented the concept and will license the design to DOTs. (Technically somebody would have to patent the use of cones, posts, barriers, barrels, pavement parkings, signs, telepathy, or any other device to direct traffic to a merge point. Same thing.)
 
2011-06-17 08:29:20 PM  
Is this the thread where a bunch of internet tough guys tell me that I'm the real danger because I'm going the speed limit in the right hand lane?
 
2011-06-17 08:49:00 PM  
I've had more trouble with people who cannot seem to see stop signs than any other kind of driver.

Mentat: Is this the thread where a bunch of internet tough guys tell me that I'm the real danger because I'm going the speed limit in the right hand lane?


Speed limit? Right-hand lane? What a doofus!
 
2011-06-17 08:53:55 PM  
Merging at the last second only works if everybody's going the same speed and leaving a safe distance with the car in front of them. If you pass up a huge gap only to expect the next guy to hit his brakes for you, you've just slowed everybody down.
Once traffic is backed up to the point of stop and go anyhow, yeah go ahead and use both lanes. But if it's moving at a reasonable speed, merge somewhere that won't slow everyone down.
 
2011-06-17 09:14:23 PM  
I read a road sign once. I thought it was a suggestion.
 
2011-06-17 09:17:24 PM  

Mentat: Is this the thread where a bunch of internet tough guys tell me that I'm the real danger because I'm going the speed limit in the right hand lane?


Nope, that's the other thread about passing lanes. This is the one where you get raped for letting more than one car merge in front of you.
 
2011-06-17 09:21:32 PM  
Dammit, it should work like a zipper. Both lanes full up to the actual cones then one car merges into the open lane, then one car goes, then the next car merges, then the next goes.
 
2011-06-17 09:33:44 PM  

ZAZ: Instead of merging traffic into the left lane or right lane directly, merge both lanes to one middle lane straddling the dashed white line and then shift it right or left. Both approach lanes appear equal.


I like that idea...neither lane has the right of way.
 
2011-06-17 09:37:04 PM  

Mentat: Is this the thread where a bunch of internet tough guys tell me that I'm the real danger because I'm going the speed limit in the right hand lane?


TFA appears to be from Iowa. In that case, I can only assume that you would be doing the speed limit in the right lane in order to go screaming past all the Iowans doing 10 under the left lane.
 
2011-06-17 09:37:39 PM  

schief2: 10 under in the left lane


/you probably figured it out anyway
 
2011-06-17 10:45:01 PM  
Some people are accustomed to dropping into one lane the split second they see a merge coming. And they insist on subjecting everyone else to their customs.

Traffic that is in one lane can drive 45 mph UNLESS (UNTIL) some farker goes all the way to the dead end and THEN puts his blinker on so everyone in the open lane has to STOP to let him in -- This is ONLY efficient for the one cutting in line.
 
2011-06-17 11:03:25 PM  

Bevets: Traffic that is in one lane can drive 45 mph UNLESS (UNTIL) some farker goes all the way to the dead end and THEN puts his blinker on so everyone in the open lane has to STOP to let him in -- This is ONLY efficient for the one cutting in line.


This this this.

And the zipper method only works in the lab. In the real world people follow at a distance they are comfortable with, not twice that distance.
 
2011-06-17 11:54:34 PM  
In my experience, the safest way to drive is to pretend as if you're in some Mad Max wasteland. Run stop signs, red lights, never signal turns, and always speed. When you obey traffic laws, you're at the mercy of the elderly. fark that.
 
2011-06-17 11:56:47 PM  
I hope there's a special place in hell for the people who change out of the open lane into the one that cuts off, then zoom up to the front and try and barge in front of everyone. I had some entitled biatch in a Mercedes do that this afternoon then yell out her window that "everyone was being assholes today".
 
2011-06-17 11:56:47 PM  
Or the double Yellows (asshole woman

My two girls did that in the last 4 months

No slash
 
2011-06-17 11:56:50 PM  
The thing that's annoying me these days is the people turning right when the other road has right of way w/o enough space forcing the driver on the main road to slow down. Happened to me at 2 consecutive intersections the other day.
 
2011-06-17 11:57:31 PM  

Bevets: Some people are accustomed to dropping into one lane the split second they see a merge coming. And they insist on subjecting everyone else to their customs.

Traffic that is in one lane can drive 45 mph UNLESS (UNTIL) some farker goes all the way to the dead end and THEN puts his blinker on so everyone in the open lane has to STOP to let him in -- This is ONLY efficient for the one cutting in line.


Wow...I didn't expect to agree with Bevets on this. Or anything. BUt he and I are united in hatred for that arsehole who thinks he's soooooo special and zooms past the queue and then expects to be let in at the last minute. This is why I straddle the lanes to prevent these jerkoffs from being tools.
 
2011-06-17 11:57:43 PM  
The best thing to do in terms of traffic flow is to straddle the lanes at the apex of the split. It forces those behind you to merge. At least, it works when I do it.
 
2011-06-17 11:58:08 PM  
IS THIS HEADLINE F*CKING LEGAL?
 
2011-06-17 11:59:08 PM  

Bevets: This is ONLY efficient for the one cutting in line.


I see you have forgotten Luke 15:11-32.
 
2011-06-17 11:59:49 PM  
Oh my god I'm agreeing with Bevets. Someone slap me.
 
2011-06-17 11:59:59 PM  
The killers out here in LA are the ones who see their exit coming up, in heavy traffic, and then STOP (no, I'm not kidding) until the exit lane--often also the merge lane around here--opens up enough for them to get in. Or vice versa. Then the backed-up traffic behind these morons either stalls for miles, or some other impatient fool squirts out the side, generally into faster-moving traffic on the left, and someone else has to swerve out of the way.

It's a mess. I don't know where this concept came from, but it happens all the time; but only in the last few years. Someone got the bright idea "If I just wait, sooner or later there will be a space!" and neglected to notice they were on the 405 in rush hour traffic; and then it caught on. It's at times like those that I miss my old Plymouth Valiant, the bus-crasher. because I could have used her to just push those morons into the path of a speeding semi.
 
2011-06-18 12:00:02 AM  
Readin is for suckas
 
2011-06-18 12:01:41 AM  

gimmegimme: Bevets: Some people are accustomed to dropping into one lane the split second they see a merge coming. And they insist on subjecting everyone else to their customs.

Traffic that is in one lane can drive 45 mph UNLESS (UNTIL) some farker goes all the way to the dead end and THEN puts his blinker on so everyone in the open lane has to STOP to let him in -- This is ONLY efficient for the one cutting in line.

Wow...I didn't expect to agree with Bevets on this. Or anything. BUt he and I are united in hatred for that arsehole who thinks he's soooooo special and zooms past the queue and then expects to be let in at the last minute. This is why I straddle the lanes to prevent these jerkoffs from being tools.


I think someone forgot to log out of their alt when they posted this.
 
2011-06-18 12:03:25 AM  

gimmegimme: Bevets: Some people are accustomed to dropping into one lane the split second they see a merge coming. And they insist on subjecting everyone else to their customs.

Traffic that is in one lane can drive 45 mph UNLESS (UNTIL) some farker goes all the way to the dead end and THEN puts his blinker on so everyone in the open lane has to STOP to let him in -- This is ONLY efficient for the one cutting in line.

Wow...I didn't expect to agree with Bevets on this. Or anything. BUt he and I are united in hatred for that arsehole who thinks he's soooooo special and zooms past the queue and then expects to be let in at the last minute. This is why I straddle the lanes to prevent these jerkoffs from being tools.


I straddle to prevent arsewipes from cutting everyone off.
I did it on my way home on I-5 from Seattle once with a cop behind me.
Nothing happened, except that others started to follow my lead.
 
2011-06-18 12:03:52 AM  
I don't even know how many accidents I've had in my front yard because people ignore all the farking "sharp turn" and "Slow down for the love of God" signs at the sharp curve by my house. Fortunately, only one of the accidents had fatalities (five people, and that was a grisly scene I'll never forget - I think it's why I'm such a cautious and paranoid driver today), but we get at least one a year.
 
2011-06-18 12:04:13 AM  

Bevets: Traffic that is in one lane can drive 45 mph UNLESS (UNTIL) some farker goes all the way to the dead end and THEN puts his blinker on so everyone in the open lane has to STOP to let him in -- This is ONLY efficient for the one cutting in line.


Bevets, I thought you died a long time ago.
 
2011-06-18 12:05:15 AM  

Bevets: Traffic that is in one lane can drive 45 mph UNLESS (UNTIL) some farker goes all the way to the dead end and THEN puts his blinker on so everyone in the open lane has to STOP to let him in -- This is ONLY efficient for the one cutting in line.


When I lived in TN, this was all too common.
 
2011-06-18 12:05:52 AM  

Crackers Are a Family Food: I don't even know how many accidents I've had in my front yard because people ignore all the farking "sharp turn" and "Slow down for the love of God" signs at the sharp curve by my house. Fortunately, only one of the accidents had fatalities (five people, and that was a grisly scene I'll never forget - I think it's why I'm such a cautious and paranoid driver today), but we get at least one a year.


Why did you buy a house at the corner of a sharp turn? Seems like a hazard to me. I hope you don't have kids.
 
2011-06-18 12:06:54 AM  

Mentat: Is this the thread where a bunch of internet tough guys tell me that I'm the real danger because I'm going the speed limit in the right hand lane?


No, you're confusing that with driving the speed limit in the leftmost lane.
 
2011-06-18 12:11:02 AM  

serial_crusher: Merging at the last second only works if everybody's going the same speed and leaving a safe distance with the car in front of them. If you pass up a huge gap only to expect the next guy to hit his brakes for you, you've just slowed everybody down.
Once traffic is backed up to the point of stop and go anyhow, yeah go ahead and use both lanes. But if it's moving at a reasonable speed, merge somewhere that won't slow everyone down.


This...it pisses me off to no end when people have plenty of space to get over but choose to try to pass 15 cars that are in front of them before they merge and undoubtedly someone always has to hit their breaks to let them in.

I don't "straddle", I completely drive in the other lane parallel to where my spot was in line.
 
2011-06-18 12:11:11 AM  

Gyrfalcon: The killers out here in LA are the ones who see their exit coming up, in heavy traffic, and then STOP (no, I'm not kidding) until the exit lane--often also the merge lane around here--opens up enough for them to get in. Or vice versa. Then the backed-up traffic behind these morons either stalls for miles, or some other impatient fool squirts out the side, generally into faster-moving traffic on the left, and someone else has to swerve out of the way.

It's a mess. I don't know where this concept came from, but it happens all the time; but only in the last few years. Someone got the bright idea "If I just wait, sooner or later there will be a space!" and neglected to notice they were on the 405 in rush hour traffic; and then it caught on. It's at times like those that I miss my old Plymouth Valiant, the bus-crasher. because I could have used her to just push those morons into the path of a speeding semi.


Happened to me about a week ago during rush hour. He gave me enough time to reach into my change cup and throw a handful of pennies at his massive SUV.

/forward arc out of the moonroof
//works every time
//well maybe not but it makes me feel better
 
2011-06-18 12:14:00 AM  
If the backups are so bad that you have to worry about lane straddlers they should do the work on nights and weekends only or just shut the whole farking road down and work on it 24/7 until it's fixed.
 
2011-06-18 12:14:37 AM  
lern 2 driv noobs
 
2011-06-18 12:16:03 AM  

Outshined_One: gimmegimme: Bevets: Some people are accustomed to dropping into one lane the split second they see a merge coming. And they insist on subjecting everyone else to their customs.

Traffic that is in one lane can drive 45 mph UNLESS (UNTIL) some farker goes all the way to the dead end and THEN puts his blinker on so everyone in the open lane has to STOP to let him in -- This is ONLY efficient for the one cutting in line.

Wow...I didn't expect to agree with Bevets on this. Or anything. BUt he and I are united in hatred for that arsehole who thinks he's soooooo special and zooms past the queue and then expects to be let in at the last minute. This is why I straddle the lanes to prevent these jerkoffs from being tools.

I think someone forgot to log out of their alt when they posted this.


Don't worry. I don't have any alts and I DEFINITELY disagree with Bevets on everything else.
 
2011-06-18 12:17:37 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Crackers Are a Family Food: I don't even know how many accidents I've had in my front yard because people ignore all the farking "sharp turn" and "Slow down for the love of God" signs at the sharp curve by my house. Fortunately, only one of the accidents had fatalities (five people, and that was a grisly scene I'll never forget - I think it's why I'm such a cautious and paranoid driver today), but we get at least one a year.

Why did you buy a house at the corner of a sharp turn? Seems like a hazard to me. I hope you don't have kids.


Well, it's my family's house, and they bought it thirty years ago. I guess people had common sense back then. There are no small kids in my house, but the neighbors have a few of them, and despite my "get off my lawn" nature, I have no problem with them walking through my yard to get to the bus. Walking near the road is asking to get killed.

/almost had a tractor trailer come into my bedroom once
//douchebag pulled over, brushed the power lines and debris off his truck, and kept going
///he did get arrested and lost his license
 
2011-06-18 12:18:41 AM  
I ran into a traffic merging nightmare recently, but it wasn't necessarily the fault of people who can't read signs. On a 3 lane road, there were warning signs about only the left lane being closed ahead, at a specific mile marker. Well, without warning, a right lane closed ahead sign appears out of nowhere, several miles before the left lane was supposed to be closed. That caused traffic to basically stop, as everyone in the right lane figured they suddenly had to merge. Well, the right lane was never closed, but it turns out 2 farking left lanes were closed, a full 5 miles before the point where about a dozen signs had warned that just 1 left lane was going to be closed. Nobody knew what god damn lane they were supposed to be in until you got all the way to those lane closures, because traffic was moving at a solid half a mile an hour. You had people in the right lane merging over, then having to merge back when the middle lane, the one everyone thought "well at least I know this farker should be open" suddenly ended.

I know that sounds confusing....because it farking was. You had several signs warning of just 1 left lane closed for miles ahead of time, then they say the right lane is going to be closed (but who knows when, all you see is stopped traffic, red tail lights, and the backs of semis). Then suddenly 2 left lanes close well before the point they were warning about, and the right lane never actually closes, despite the signs. Does any of that make sense? It didn't to me. But here's the kicker, there was no construction anywhere, for the entire time those 2 left lanes were closed off by barrels. Not a single piece of equipment on the road, or near the road. The road wasn't torn up or anything. It was just barrels, for miles, closing off two lanes. And not a cop anywhere in sight of course. It took an hour and a half to move a mile, until finally you got to the point where traffic was single file and everyone could move somewhat normally. God knows how far back traffic was backed up behind me too.

For anyone wondering, this was driving around Indianapolis on 465 recently, roughly 10:00 on a friday night. Maybe next time they could use those electronic warning signs to supply people with the correct information instead of bald faced lies, or maybe they could pick up the barrels when they're done for the day and the road is ok to drive on. Or at least take down the sign that warns of a lane closure that NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENS. Farking Indianapolis. How can that size city become such a nightmare to drive around?
 
2011-06-18 12:18:46 AM  
Try the idiots who refuse to get OUT of the turning lane until the very second because those big yellow signs marked RIGHT LANE MUST TURN RIGHT or EXIT ONLY are really tough to miss.

Simple solution to idiot problem: every driver that goes a specific period of time (perhaps 6 years or so) with no accidents of which they are at fault or traffic tickets gets a hand grenade from the department of motor vehicles. They could use that grenade on whomever and whatever they wished. Imagine: some jackoff talking on a cell phone tries to pass you and a semi on a double yellow because he's too impatient; toss the grenade and hope for the best. I suspect the driving problem would work itself out pretty quickly.

If you have an open contempt for human life, these sort of ideas just flow freely.
 
2011-06-18 12:19:42 AM  
I have well over 500K miles of driving in NJ on the main highways...
I've concluded traffic jams are due to:
1) Huge gaps left by people who just don't pay attention.. it's ok to tailgate at 5mph
2) People who zip along the middle lane and then decide to cut into the exit lane
3) People who cut from lane to lane trying to figure out which one is faster. I've been bored many times just to see
which lanes are faster and they might be faster here and there, but they seem to end up pretty much around the same spot miles later (i.e. you see the same cars).

If people would just pick a lane, know when their exit is, and close the gaps...loads of time would be saved.
 
2011-06-18 12:20:39 AM  

dkimball: I have well over 500K miles of driving in NJ on the main highways...
I've concluded traffic jams are due to:
1) Huge gaps left by people who just don't pay attention.. it's ok to tailgate at 5mph
2) People who zip along the middle lane and then decide to cut into the exit lane
3) People who cut from lane to lane trying to figure out which one is faster. I've been bored many times just to see
which lanes are faster and they might be faster here and there, but they seem to end up pretty much around the same spot miles later (i.e. you see the same cars).

If people would just pick a lane, know when their exit is, and close the gaps...loads of time would be saved.


4) women,/minorities
 
2011-06-18 12:21:46 AM  
There will come a time when robots will be in control of cars. And the difference in the speed and flow of traffic, and the reduction in fatal accidents, will be dramatic. No ego, a programmed grasp of physics, dramatically reduced reaction times. People will look back at the carnage of our present day highways, and regard it with the sort of fascinated horror that most of us now reserve for contemplating what a trip to the dentist would have been like in the eighteenth century.
 
2011-06-18 12:23:42 AM  

schief2: Mentat: Is this the thread where a bunch of internet tough guys tell me that I'm the real danger because I'm going the speed limit in the right hand lane?

TFA appears to be from Iowa. In that case, I can only assume that you would be doing the speed limit in the right lane in order to go screaming past all the Iowans doing 10 under the left lane.


pffft, Iowa doesn't have subways.
 
2011-06-18 12:24:51 AM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Try the idiots who refuse to get OUT of the turning lane until the very second because those big yellow signs marked RIGHT LANE MUST TURN RIGHT or EXIT ONLY are really tough to miss.


I've gotten to the point where I'll turn on my turn signal well before the turn just to assure the other drivers I won't cut them off.
 
2011-06-18 12:30:29 AM  
This is exactly why I drive a rusty, dented up Chevy van.

I merge whenever I f*cking want to and Mr. Shiny New Car always backs off.
 
2011-06-18 12:31:47 AM  
I 65 from Elizabethtown to Bowling Green has a section that about 40 people died on last year . For an interstate out in the freak of middle nowhere that's kinda bad. Its always backed up due to construction . The bast@rds I want to string up are ones who pass on the breakdown lane or the grass median. Damn Hillbillies.....
 
2011-06-18 12:34:04 AM  

Repo Man: There will come a time when robots will be in control of cars. And the difference in the speed and flow of traffic, and the reduction in fatal accidents, will be dramatic. No ego, a programmed grasp of physics, dramatically reduced reaction times. People will look back at the carnage of our present day highways, and regard it with the sort of fascinated horror that most of us now reserve for contemplating what a trip to the dentist would have been like in the eighteenth century.


I would gladly, GLADLY turn over the control of my vehicle to a robot, assuming all the other idiots have robots too. I can't stand sitting in stopped traffic, I have really long legs and I can't hardly sit in any car and have them totally stretched out on the pedals, so I cramp up easily when I have to be on and off the brake constantly.

Yeah, I hate farking driving. I think it would be a lot of fun, if I was the last man on earth. Hell, I'd probably still use my turn signals because that's ingrained. That's right, I'm one of the minority that signals all my turns, farking crazy right?

/if I ever murdered someone, guaranteed it will be because of something that happens on the road
 
2011-06-18 12:34:56 AM  
Since everyone is complaining about drivers here is my complaint. Here in Pittsburgh everyone seems to have the habit of veering into the other lane when making a right turn. Plenty of times they go way over the dotted line when driving a normal sized car. You don't have a big rig so farking stop. Just turn the wheel right.
 
2011-06-18 12:35:05 AM  

TiredWings: I 65 from Elizabethtown to Bowling Green has a section that about 40 people died on last year . For an interstate out in the freak of middle nowhere that's kinda bad. Its always backed up due to construction . The bast@rds I want to string up are ones who pass on the breakdown lane or the grass median. Damn Hillbillies.....


I know the stretch. It has enough traffic esp. trucks to warrant 6 lanes and the narrow medians are just asking for trouble. I've gotten to the point where I know which side of the interstate US31W is on at every exit.
 
2011-06-18 12:37:36 AM  
This isn't JUST a problem of speeders. Slow people do it too. The problem is PEOPLE DON'T PAY ATTENTION! Know where you are going and what's going on around you.
 
2011-06-18 12:38:51 AM  
I live in Seattle, so I am used to bad traffic and people that don't know how to merge. I constantly deal with people that want the half car length in front of me instead of the two car lengths behind me.
 
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