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(CNN)   Good news, everyone: Coffee helps prevent prostate cancer. Unfortunately, it also causes bowel cancer   (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) divider line 63
    More: Obvious  
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2780 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jun 2011 at 4:40 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-06-02 11:58:22 PM
You know what else prevents prostate cancer? Jerking it daily.


So put a little cream into your coffee!
 
2011-06-03 01:47:19 AM
Uh-huh.

Just like knowing how to read causes cancer. Many of these "studies" are pulled out of a sample of about 27 people.

You know what causes cancer? I'mma tell ya -- the red dye they used to put in M&Ms in the 70s. What the government doesn't say anymore is what (besides alcohol) will destroy your liver. Venlafaxine, Desvenlafaxine, and every other Serotonin or Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor. I don't have cancer, but thank Jeebus I had a psychiatrist in 2007 who prescribed medication that guarantees that I'll need a liver transplant.

My dad STILL won't buy M&Ms.
 
2011-06-03 04:33:42 AM
img.photobucket.com
 
2011-06-03 04:45:38 AM
Came for the "device". Relaxed and satisfied.

/I'll go clean up
 
2011-06-03 04:46:41 AM
well.....
 
2011-06-03 04:49:11 AM
You're doing it wrong.
 
2011-06-03 04:49:44 AM
Decisions, decisions....
 
2011-06-03 04:50:39 AM
What bowel cancer medication might look like:

tryingtogrok.mu.nu

ecmoRandomNumbers: My dad STILL won't buy M&Ms.


I stopped buying M&Ms when they made the bags smaller. Back in the day (late 90s/early 00s) I would often buy a pound every week, sometimes eating the whole bag in a day or two. Then I noticed the bag had an ounce less in it for the same priced and vowed I'd never buy M&Ms again, I've stuck to it to this day. Good thing I was an active kid or I'd be a fatty. Probably good I stopped buying them either way...

/csb
 
2011-06-03 04:55:15 AM
Good news!
1.bp.blogspot.com
Realistically.
 
2011-06-03 05:10:19 AM
So is a gerbil that is wired on caffeine in your colon a good thing or a bad thing?
 
2011-06-03 05:13:03 AM

K3rmy: So is a gerbil that is wired on caffeine in your colon a good thing or a bad thing?


How sharp are the claws?
 
2011-06-03 05:24:30 AM
Cancer.... it gets you cumming and going. :P
 
2011-06-03 05:30:55 AM
It causes cancer as much as cell phones do, which means that next week we'll hear it doesn't.
 
2011-06-03 05:39:18 AM
FTA: "The next group down, classified as 2A, are "probable" carcinogens, which include a variety of activities such.......shift work that disrupts circadian rhythm".

ruh roh
 
2011-06-03 05:40:46 AM

JackalRabbit: K3rmy: So is a gerbil that is wired on caffeine in your colon a good thing or a bad thing?

How sharp are the claws?


I think it is wearing little gerbil gloves so they not be an issue.

JWideman: It causes cancer as much as cell phones do, which means that next week we'll hear it doesn't.


What if the cell phone in question is being used by the ultra-hyper uber-caffeinated gerbil that now is prowling the corridors of some poor soul's colon?

/Covering my bum with legs crossed, trusting no one and no thing.
 
2011-06-03 05:42:37 AM
Is there a list of things that don't cause cancer? I suspect it would be a very short list.
 
2011-06-03 05:43:45 AM
i471.photobucket.com
 
2011-06-03 05:52:26 AM
So is coffee why every public restroom is covered in a mist/droplet/flung-from-a-bucket mix of human feces here in the Greatest Country in the World?
 
2011-06-03 05:56:43 AM
Somebody photoshop a coffee mug with those cancer pics they're about to put on cig packs.

/please?
 
2011-06-03 06:07:42 AM

apoptotic: FTA: "The next group down, classified as 2A, are "probable" carcinogens, which include a variety of activities such.......shift work that disrupts circadian rhythm".

ruh roh


Crap. Didn't catch that till you quoted it. Now I gots the cancer.

/shift cancer
 
2011-06-03 06:10:38 AM
Everything causes cancer in everything.

/drinking coffee
//smoking a cigarette
///yeah yeah it's a all bad for me
////love coffee
 
2011-06-03 06:14:58 AM
i148.photobucket.com
 
2011-06-03 06:33:09 AM
This blows. I've always been a heavy coffee drinker and when they found my cancer, it was in my small bowel.
 
2011-06-03 06:41:10 AM
Dammit! I guess this means I'm getting teh bowel cancer.
 
2011-06-03 06:47:28 AM
I looked at the PDF of things that could give you cancer and I've come to the simple conclusion that LIVING gives you cancer. Why bother worry if A or B is going to make you sick. Apparently, existing exposes us to enough nasty crap to do us in some time or another.

/Enjoy your coffee
//Don't worry, be happy
 
2011-06-03 06:49:51 AM

gopher321: You know what else prevents prostate cancer? Jerking it daily.


So put a little cream into your coffee!


Unfortunately, all the lube you're using is causing palm and shaft cancer. So stroke at your own risk.
 
2011-06-03 06:57:11 AM
ppffsstt You people will trust anything that says 'survey' on it. I really hate to break it to ya folks. But people have been dying for millions of years, and your turn will come. So stop coffee, smoking, drinking, eating, and live in an emotional prison for fear of what others think of you.

Me? Well, I jerk off daily 'cause I like it, having milk 'cause it was there, and a bagel because my wife told me to. I live so recklessly. Because we all know, that eventually, a coffee and smoke will make it's way into my day.
 
2011-06-03 07:11:13 AM

DarknessTigerpaw: I looked at the PDF of things that could give you cancer and I've come to the simple conclusion that LIVING gives you cancer. Why bother worry if A or B is going to make you sick. Apparently, existing exposes us to enough nasty crap to do us in some time or another.

/Enjoy your coffee
//Don't worry, be happy


Yup. What he said. Nobody gets out of this alive. Eat and drink what you like. All things in moderation, including moderation.
 
2011-06-03 07:15:44 AM
So what prevents bowel cancer? I'll just put it in my coffee.
 
2011-06-03 07:24:07 AM
Does it come with a free frogurt?
 
2011-06-03 07:30:16 AM

gopher321: You know what else prevents prostate cancer? Jerking it daily.

So put a little cream into your coffee!


Excellent ... I'm NEVER going to get prostate cancer.

/ TMI
// for EVERYONE
 
2011-06-03 07:31:51 AM
I'm sitting here drinking my coffee so I'm getting cancer from all this...
 
2011-06-03 07:41:21 AM

Grey Street: Does it come with a free frogurt?


Can I go now?
 
2011-06-03 07:41:25 AM
I'm having a nice big cup of coffee this morning, so I'm getting a real good case of cancer out of these replies!
 
2011-06-03 07:56:01 AM
static.tvguide.com

Coffee causes bowel cancer? Did someone forget to tell that to Michael?
 
2011-06-03 08:05:54 AM

Mr. Right: DarknessTigerpaw: I looked at the PDF of things that could give you cancer and I've come to the simple conclusion that LIVING gives you cancer. Why bother worry if A or B is going to make you sick. Apparently, existing exposes us to enough nasty crap to do us in some time or another.

/Enjoy your coffee
//Don't worry, be happy

Yup. What he said. Nobody gets out of this alive. Eat and drink what you like. All things in moderation, including moderation.


What they said.

/Nothing to add
 
2011-06-03 08:07:30 AM
You know, with the scare mongering the last 10 years, I've decided I really don't care if I get cancer. Being that everything gives it to you now, if anything it gives me freedom to live my life and not give a rats ass.
 
2011-06-03 08:13:09 AM
Came for the Hubert farnsworth references,

Leaving satisfied.
 
2011-06-03 08:20:12 AM

Necrosis: What bowel cancer medication might look like:



ecmoRandomNumbers: My dad STILL won't buy M&Ms.

I stopped buying M&Ms when they made the bags smaller. Back in the day (late 90s/early 00s) I would often buy a pound every week, sometimes eating the whole bag in a day or two. Then I noticed the bag had an ounce less in it for the same priced and vowed I'd never buy M&Ms again, I've stuck to it to this day. Good thing I was an active kid or I'd be a fatty. Probably good I stopped buying them either way...

/csb


M&M's are gross anyways. It's like they took the grainiest, blandest chocolate they could find and coated it with a flavorless coating. That is why I don't buy them. Get me some Cadbury's or Ghirardelli and I'll be one happy fatty.
 
2011-06-03 08:28:41 AM

K3rmy: So is a gerbil that is wired on caffeine in your colon a good thing or a bad thing?


Came here for Farnsworth, was surprised to learn Richard Gere's Fark handle.
 
2011-06-03 08:32:05 AM

cchings: Necrosis: What bowel cancer medication might look like:



ecmoRandomNumbers: My dad STILL won't buy M&Ms.

I stopped buying M&Ms when they made the bags smaller. Back in the day (late 90s/early 00s) I would often buy a pound every week, sometimes eating the whole bag in a day or two. Then I noticed the bag had an ounce less in it for the same priced and vowed I'd never buy M&Ms again, I've stuck to it to this day. Good thing I was an active kid or I'd be a fatty. Probably good I stopped buying them either way...

/csb

M&M's are gross anyways. It's like they took the grainiest, blandest chocolate they could find and coated it with a flavorless coating. That is why I don't buy them. Get me some Cadbury's or Ghirardelli and I'll be one happy fatty.


It's lucky for me the stores only bring out the Cadbury Mini Eggs for easter or I'd be a goddamn human sphere.
 
2011-06-03 08:32:54 AM
THAT VOICE IS IN MAY HEAD!
 
2011-06-03 08:39:11 AM
I'm sitting here drinking coffee reading Fark.. i just took 225mg of effexor xr and haven't ate in quite a long time... am I just a huge mass of tumors by this point? Or should I go buy a tin of chewing tobacco - just to be sure..
 
2011-06-03 08:39:15 AM

Loaf's Tray:
It's lucky for me the stores only bring out the Cadbury Mini Eggs for easter or I'd be a goddamn human sphere.


THIS. We still have a partial bag left and I am savoring them. My god they are so good.

/Hates when people think I mean mini Cadbury creme eggs, which I don't because those aren't even very good.
 
2011-06-03 08:46:18 AM

Grey Street: Does it come with a free frogurt?


The frogurt also causes cancer.
 
2011-06-03 08:49:05 AM
This morning, I dipped my cell phone in coffee and shoved it up my ass, so I'm getting a kick out of these comments.
 
2011-06-03 08:57:22 AM

Arkanaut: Grey Street: Does it come with a free frogurt?

The frogurt also causes cancer.


That's bad.
 
2011-06-03 09:05:37 AM

ShadyLamarr: Arkanaut: Grey Street: Does it come with a free frogurt?

The frogurt also causes cancer.

That's bad.


But it comes with your choice of topping!
 
2011-06-03 09:08:13 AM

Grey Street: ShadyLamarr: Arkanaut: Grey Street: Does it come with a free frogurt?

The frogurt also causes cancer.

That's bad.

But it comes with your choice of topping!


That's good!
 
2011-06-03 09:34:30 AM

Mr. Right: DarknessTigerpaw: I looked at the PDF of things that could give you cancer and I've come to the simple conclusion that LIVING gives you cancer. Why bother worry if A or B is going to make you sick. Apparently, existing exposes us to enough nasty crap to do us in some time or another.

/Enjoy your coffee
//Don't worry, be happy

Yup. What he said. Nobody gets out of this alive. Eat and drink what you like. All things in moderation, including moderation.


Nooooooooo!!!

Moderation causes cancer.
 
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