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(Daily Kansan)   Student paper offers helpful advice to freshman about their first one-night stand   (kansan.com) divider line 84
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21091 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Aug 2003 at 8:32 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



84 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2003-08-21 01:47:51 PM
That advice is almost as spectacular as AskMen. It's a one-night stand; Names are optional. Fake names are preferred.
 
2003-08-21 01:53:34 PM
I was engaged my freshman year so I missed most the fun.
 
2003-08-21 03:01:59 PM
That article was weak.
 
2003-08-21 04:10:17 PM
I'd guess that 2/3rds of my encounters were 'one-night' stands.... never used a rubber. I'm just grateful that nobody got preggers and The Captain remains free of any oozing sores.

[/Dodged some bullets in the '80s]
 
2003-08-21 04:17:11 PM
bump...The Captain is OK, but what about Tenille?
 
2003-08-21 04:29:28 PM
She's into beastiality now. She's doing a group thing with those two bulldogs.
 
2003-08-21 04:31:51 PM
Sudie In cases such as this, I call upon my wonderous super powers of denial. Perhaps their insides were rocky places, where my seed could find no purchase.
 
2003-08-21 04:57:15 PM
Ah denial, I know it well.
 
2003-08-21 06:21:16 PM
no advice on getting the one night stand though huh? Guess you can go to askmen for that.

Still they should have included ways to escape without having to talk to the person the next morning. Or a few hours later for that matter.

And how much should you tip for a one night stand?
 
2003-08-21 06:28:20 PM
its funny because its about sex and college.
 
2003-08-21 07:02:33 PM
Dear Freshmen,
Sex, with a new partner, the first time, is usually not terribly satisfying.
Maybe this is a female thing, maybe it's just a me thing, but no thanks.
Oh yeah, that's right. Maybe it's a no drug thing. If you're on something, this doesn't seem to hold true.
Seriously, now, why would you want to get nekkid and share bodily fluids with someone while high that you wouldn't want to face sober?
Trying it once, understandable. Making it a habit?
You could be cheating yourself out of really good, memorable sex.
You earthlings confuse me.

Slow and steady with a good period of delicious sexual tension building into a crescendo that you can ride like a wave for an extended period of time is they way to go, kids.
 
2003-08-21 07:38:52 PM
Slow and steady with a good period of delicious sexual tension building into a crescendo that you can ride like a wave for an extended period of time is they way to go, kids.

Ku_No_Ichi, I would have to agree with you. That description just gave me wood.
 
2003-08-21 08:37:26 PM
Wow, that was the most boring sex advice I have ever seen.
 
2003-08-21 08:38:29 PM
Sex, with a new partner, the first time is usually not terribly satisfying.

I agree entirely. First time sex is nervous, awkward and not usually all that passionate or rewarding. And yes, I do think that's mostly a female thing. We have to get comfortable with our partners before we can "let go" of ourselves.
 
2003-08-21 08:39:08 PM
Could someone PLEASE explain to this asshat
<-------------------
How a baseball cap works?
 
2003-08-21 08:39:59 PM
Of the two times that happened when I was a frosh,I can't remember their names. Sad part is,I can't remember if it was any good or not. :(
 
2003-08-21 08:40:37 PM
bump, lots of men turn women to lesbianism, but to beastiality . . . damn, what did you do to the poor girl?
 
2003-08-21 08:40:59 PM
2003-08-21 07:02:33 PM Ku_No_Ichi

Dear Freshmen,
Sex, with a new partner, the first time, is usually not terribly satisfying.
Maybe this is a female thing, maybe it's just a me thing, but no thanks.


Maybe, read on.

Slow and steady with a good period of delicious sexual tension building into a crescendo that you can ride like a wave for an extended period of time is they way to go, kids.

You just described my first sexual experience. I'm talking like four hours of foreplay, here.

Damn, I was lucky.
 
2003-08-21 08:47:58 PM
I write for a college newspaper and let me just say that this article is crap. Im not sure if it was intended to be funny or serious. The author should have figured out what he was tryin to get across other than the fact that he failed English 101
 
2003-08-21 08:51:09 PM
Anybody know who wrote that? Kinda sounds like that college sex advice chick that was Playboy a few months back. I believe she was in Kansas as well...
 
2003-08-21 08:51:51 PM
Oh Lewis..
I meant building up the attraction for weeks or months or...

Never mind..

/not cut out to be a 'sexpert'
 
2003-08-21 08:52:43 PM
Agreed Scottish. If this guy was on my staff back in the day I would have fired his ass.
 
2003-08-21 08:53:27 PM
They forgot to add that you should see if the other person is legal first. If the answer is yes, it's a no problem situation. If no, and you still want to bang said minor, get ready for a sneaky, long term relationship.

/16 and going to college :P
 
2003-08-21 08:53:30 PM
what is "your KUID"?
 
2003-08-21 08:55:40 PM
I get the feeling this "journalist" never did any research on the subject... ever.
 
2003-08-21 08:55:59 PM
2003-08-21 08:51:51 PM Ku_No_Ichi

Oh Lewis..
I meant building up the attraction for weeks or months or...


Well, I guess it was building up for weeks.

Sex on the first date? Who do you think I am?

/why I would never
//oh yes I would. That's actually been proven. Several times.
 
2003-08-21 08:56:02 PM
Keys
U???
ID

Maybe. I have no idea really.
 
2003-08-21 08:56:50 PM
zoom280: I imagine they're referring to your student ID number. KUID == KU (Kansas University) ID (Identification).
 
2003-08-21 08:56:55 PM
KUID = Kansas University Identification Card

Yeesh, and I'm not even a Jayhawk.
 
2003-08-21 08:57:11 PM
what is "your KUID"?

University of Kansas Identification Card
 
2003-08-21 08:57:45 PM


K.U.I.D.
 
2003-08-21 08:59:35 PM
Heh, you're funny Assh.

Survey says 8 out of 10 male Farkers would bang you silly, no questions asked.

/and 1 out of 10 female Farkers
 
2003-08-21 08:59:46 PM
So why do you need your not-so-significant other to get your KUID on the way out the door??? I don't really get that part..
 
2003-08-21 09:00:14 PM
KUID would be "kansas university ID"

but anyway, rather useless info. and onenight stands while fun, are pretty much like glorified masterbation. They're fun but you can get a lot better.
 
2003-08-21 09:00:24 PM
"...their insides were rocky places, where my seed could find no purchase."

CLASSIC, Bump.
 
2003-08-21 09:01:50 PM
C-
 
2003-08-21 09:02:21 PM
tanks for the info... but shouldnt you have your OWN ID?
 
2003-08-21 09:03:29 PM
I decided to translate this in JIVE.

Fust...one-night stand You'sve met yo' hottie, and ya' wrote his o' ha' digits waaay down on some coasta' and stuffed it deep into yo' pocket. Man! (Avoid writin' de digits on yo' hand, cuz' when doodads dig hot and heavy, yo' little reminda' could rub off, blowin' yo' cova' and literally screwin' yo' chances uh anoda' romp. Jes hang loose, brud.) If ya' gots de unfo'tunate tax' uh takin' yo' show on de road in de residence halls, ya' need t'consida' dree big doodads. One, tiny-ass beds leave little room fo' play, so's ya' may wanna snatch yo' shaggin' t'de floo'. But watch out fo' rug burn. 'S coo', bro. Two, unless ya're lookin' fo' some dreesome, ya' may wanna warn roommates wid de proverbial sock o' any oda' medod ya' kin figure out on yo' way in. 'S coo', bro. Dree, if ya' feel de need t'bolt fum de residence hall in de mo'nin' once ya' wake down, ya' still gots'ta need yo' not-so-significant oda' to dig yo' KUID on de way out da damn doo'. advertisement If ya' dun did fo'get t'get deir dojigger o' ya' kint find it in yo' pockets, some quick way t'find it in de residence halls be to check de doo'. If ya're still stuck, look around quietly fo' mail o' cribwo'k. Ya' know? And dont fo'get, kidies findin' and usin' protecshun be required t'protect ya' and yo' homey.

...it still sucks

/hoping people don't have sex in Kansas
 
2003-08-21 09:06:08 PM
This story made me sleepy.
 
2003-08-21 09:07:53 PM
bump

Nice Raising Arizona Phrase

Ahh the one nighters had me a few of them 2 in july alone
 
2003-08-21 09:12:14 PM
Sir, I can only assume that you mean all-night spanking sessions by "one nighters."
 
2003-08-21 09:15:31 PM
Ku_No_Ichi

There is no doubt that the first time is no fun, whether it be the first time with a new partner, or THE first time.

In fact, I don't know what keeps you doing it after the first time, other than determination that it's got to be better.
 
2003-08-21 09:15:34 PM
2003-08-21 08:59:46 PM dave_b93

So why do you need your not-so-significant other to get your KUID on the way out the door??? I don't really get that part..

Maybe you have to surrender your student ID to the front desk at the dorm, and only the person whom you're a guest of can retrieve it for you?

/just guessing here
 
2003-08-21 09:15:55 PM
I always use Im Sheldon Mitchell from Sheboygan Wisconsin
 
2003-08-21 09:26:52 PM
Hooooee!

My UDK made it onto Fark! I just read this rag today in class.

/me laughs
 
2003-08-21 09:28:32 PM
Good god, that was a poorly-written story.
Low on content, high on pabulum, and what the fark is a "kidie?"
 
2003-08-21 09:32:48 PM
Wow, very true advice. Especially the bed part, well except my bed was full of shiat from going camping the previous weekend that there wasn't much choice. Plus it was lofted so it would have made a racket.
 
2003-08-21 09:33:03 PM
yeah some school dorms require you register your guest. i seem to recall something like that in oswego, ny when i spent a week there one night.
 
2003-08-21 09:34:19 PM
Great - my sister-in-law just started at KU - now I'll have to act all concerned and protective or something.
 
2003-08-21 09:34:29 PM
oh yeah and that was the lamest college sex story i've ever read.
 
2003-08-21 09:38:51 PM
That's what AskTaco.com is for.
 
2003-08-21 09:43:22 PM
jessie and KuNoIchi

Your assertion that the first time is usually nervous and awkward is correct most of the time, but not always. I think the root cause of a lot of the awkwardness is that people don't let a relationship progress to a suitable level before the first sexual encounter.

The longer a girl makes me wait (within reason, of course...there's a difference between "waiting" and "frigid"), the more enjoyable the sex inevitably is when it comes...especially if there's a build-up in what she'll "let me do" in the weeks leading up to the first trip all the way around the bases.

As for one-night stands, I've had three, and they've been three of the emptiest, most unfulfilling farks of my life. Even the wildest one-nighter can't hold a candle to relationship sex.
 
2003-08-21 09:51:32 PM
As for one-night stands, I've had three, and they've been three of the emptiest, most unfulfilling farks of my life.

Eh, I've done pretty well, I guess. I've probably had three or so, and they were really okay.

This one time (first one-nighter, actually), well, she was technically a virgin, and was saving herself for marriage, so we just went down on each other - twice - which was cool with me. But each time, right after she did me, I'm all like, hold me, and she's immediately in the bathroom, cleaning up.

Yeesh. I thought girls were supposed to be the cuddly ones.
 
2003-08-21 09:56:33 PM
Who knows, Bump. Maybe there are some little Bumplets running around that you don't know about...
 
2003-08-21 10:31:37 PM
I'm all like, hold me
Jeeze man, you've had your orgasm, why can't you just let me sleep?
 
2003-08-21 10:36:50 PM
From my experiance, one-night stands are highly overrated. I've been through my share of them, and ended up having the bore plunged a couple of times. Thank God that I never got anything that wasn't treatable. Now that I've been married 6+ years, I can say that the best sex is the sex you have to wait for.
Ku_No_Ichi summed it up best "a good period of delicious sexual tension building into a crescendo that you can ride like a wave for an extended period of time is they way to go, kids."
 
2003-08-21 10:42:28 PM
Lewis: "I'm all like, hold me, and she's immediately in the bathroom, cleaning up."

Maybe she was trying to give you a hint that you still had a layer of "lady lube" on your face as thick as a fruit rollup.
 
2003-08-21 10:45:18 PM
bumpIf Tenille is into bestiality, isn't it, "Muskrat Love?"


Ku_No_IchiWhy Women Fake Orgasm may have some comments about that cuddle bit...

 
2003-08-21 10:47:37 PM
Ah, but they forgot the "Walk of Shame"

Oh, for the days of staying up the entire night, camping out on lawn chairs in the frat quad with bloody marys and surveying the assorted wildlife stumble home under a haze of hangovers.
 
2003-08-21 10:54:03 PM
Maybe she was trying to give you a hint that you still had a layer of "lady lube" on your face as thick as a fruit rollup.

Eh. Never occurred to me.
Whatever, like that's a bad thing.

/not afeared of my or my partner's secretions
 
2003-08-21 10:55:22 PM
If her lady lube's the consistency of a Fruit Roll-up, I commend you for suppressing your gag reflex while going down on her.

/sweet nectar of life
 
2003-08-21 11:20:03 PM
"Ku_No_IchiWhy Women Fake Orgasm may have some comments about that cuddle bit..."

Ejaculation = orgasm (in the article)? Damn, if that's true then orgasm isn't any better than just existing... Sad times for panda.
 
2003-08-21 11:27:50 PM
SimuLord

Worst. Post. Evar.

/going to be sick.
 
2003-08-21 11:32:51 PM
actually, I blame Otto's Jacket for that one.
 
2003-08-21 11:33:27 PM
i seem to recall something like that in oswego, ny when i spent a week there one night.

HoosierDaddy, WTF??!?!?
How did you spend a week in one night? Did you write this article?

Man, I was so glad to have a double as a single @ CU as a frosh. Two beds, pushed together, with no roommate, and at the school that just topped the chats as the nation's best party school.
 
2003-08-21 11:52:41 PM
i seem to recall something like that in oswego, ny when i spent a week there one night

How did you spend a week in one night? Did you write this article?

Translation for humor-impaired: Oswego is boring. How boring? So boring that a boring night there could feel as long as a week. Call it artistic license.
 
2003-08-21 11:53:59 PM
This article rated incredibly high on the "No shiat" meter.

All the guy did was state the terribly obvious... don't write the name on the hand, don't let your room-mates stumble in on you, use protection... no shiat. In his next article, he'll probably explain the proper way to use a rubber, complete with instructions on how to open the wrapper.
 
2003-08-21 11:55:24 PM
So why do you need your not-so-significant other to get your KUID on the way out the door??? I don't really get that part..

They check IDs to get back into the dorms after 11:00 pm.
 
2003-08-21 11:59:08 PM
Maybe she was trying to give you a hint that you still had a layer of "lady lube" on your face as thick as a fruit rollup.

the imagery you just projected onto my brain will haunt me for weeks.
 
2003-08-22 12:04:30 AM
Sod A Dog - Y E S ! ! Finally got the reaction I was looking for, even though it took almost an hour.

DenverDawg - Quentin Griffin will be the next Barry Sanders if he stays healthy. Shanahan has made another great late round RB pick.


/OU alum living in Denver
 
2003-08-22 12:07:06 AM
Thank you too, frendufp!

/sitting back with my arms crossed, grinning sheepishly
 
2003-08-22 12:20:46 AM
Sod A Dog

How do you think I feel? I'm the one who had to taste it.

/Now THAT, mein freund, is the Worst. Post. Evar.
 
2003-08-22 01:24:08 AM
I thought the article was going to be a lot more practical, talking about how to dispose of the body and stuff like that.
 
2003-08-22 01:40:52 AM
you know, my freshman year I actually did see somebody leaving from a one night stand get the girl's name wrong, it was hilarious, cause I thought that kind of crap never happened except in the movies.
 
2003-08-22 01:50:57 AM
From my Grandpa:

"Son, you're gonna be going off to College soon and well, I wanted to tell you one thing before you leave.

Beer.

It can be both your greatest friend, and your worst enemy.

Good luck."
 
2003-08-22 01:54:09 AM
That is the damndest thing. I was just reading the Kansan today and wondering if it would ever get an article posted on fark.
 
2003-08-22 02:00:24 AM
Walk of shame: done it. It's much more fun to watch the other idiots do it. Seeing some chick wearing clothes about eight sizes bigger than they should be is always a sure fire sign. So is spotting a chick walking like a cowboy.

One Nighter: Done it. I will say it was great. It was my first time and I was too drunk to say no. I was used and it was great.

Relationship Sex: Good but hard to get my girlfriend to do all the wierd kinky shiat anymore.

Protection: ALWAYS. You don't wanna get the aids fellas.
 
2003-08-22 02:02:49 AM
Don't forget the Walk of Bliss: Walking home after farking for hours still drunk and happy...I walked eight blocks in the snow in my boxers, shoes, and a wife beater once. Didn't even get cold.
 
2003-08-22 03:28:39 AM
Don't get caught like the 14 year olds for post down.
 
2003-08-22 08:33:38 AM
"Lady Lube"- I think that was a Lou Rawls hit in the 80's...

...or a Weird Al remake.
 
2003-08-22 09:25:37 AM
I don't think the sock should be proverbial... more of a literal sock, or a literal sock replacements.
One ocasionally misses the proverb your roomie left on your door.
 
2003-08-22 12:03:30 PM
Wow what wonderful journalism. KU = DUKE = SUCK
 
2003-08-22 12:03:40 PM
Student paper ?
Context - F
Subject - F
Style - F

Who wrote this ? A 10 year old on mushrooms ? Once again, a monkey could do better.
 
2003-08-22 12:43:08 PM
I once used the searching for mail thing to find out her name...last name though...
 
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