FARK.com: (6230436) Harold Camping may not be doing God's work, but he's certainly helping out Darwin

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		Harold Camping may not be doing God's work, but he's certainly helping out Darwin (news.yahoo.com)		195
		More: Followup, Harold Camping, tin foils, New Age, deputy editors, Benjamin Radford

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Grouchy Old Bear		2011-05-24 01:24:57 PM

Fart_Machine: My personal favorite spin was that Camping was an atheist mole using the Rapture to make Christians look silly.

They don't need his help

trappedspirit		2011-05-24 01:26:30 PM

notmtwain: First off, there is no award for a murder and second, her own attempted suicide displayed no "astounding misapplication of judgment" or evidence that there was any capability of mature judgment.

Whaa? That sentence is complete garbage.

Latinwolf		2011-05-24 01:26:50 PM

FTA:
A California woman named Lyn Benedetto was one of millions who heard Camping's message, and became concerned that her daughters would suffer terribly in the coming apocalypse. She allegedly forced her daughters, 11 and 14, to lie on a bed and then cut their throats with a box cutter. She then tried to kill herself, though police arrested Benedetto and all three survived.

Others were not so lucky. An elderly man in Taiwan reportedly killed himself on May 5 ahead of the Rapture by jumping out of a building. He had heard that doomsday was imminent, and had taken recent earthquakes and tsunamis as early warning signs.

Last time I checked suicide was still a sin that you couldn't repent for thus making it an automatic trip to hell. And if you're stupid enough to do it please don't attempt to take any loved ones with you, murder is also still a sin.

psu4evr		2011-05-24 01:27:19 PM

swahnhennessy: Why would you kill yourself ahead of doomsday? What's the rush? If it comes and it's horrible and you aren't one of the first to be eaten, THEN you kill yourself. Not that you would expect such reason from the people in the article.

Yeah, that's retarded. If you're gonna go you might as well wait it out and enjoy the ride!

meat0918		2011-05-24 01:27:47 PM

FTA:"A California woman named Lyn Benedetto was one of millions who heard Camping's message, and became concerned that her daughters would suffer terribly in the coming apocalypse. She allegedly forced her daughters, 11 and 14, to lie on a bed and then cut their throats with a box cutter. She then tried to kill herself, though police arrested Benedetto and all three survived."

Parents killing their kids or attempting to happens a whole hell of a lot more than we'd like to admit, failed Rapture predictions not withstanding.

Camping will suffer nothing for his failure, will he?

Tyrone Slothrop		2011-05-24 01:30:18 PM

SideOfBacon: AbiNormal: moralpanic: Wow, and this is one nut with a small congregation. Imagine if/when the Jehovah's Witnesses say Rapture is coming.

I can't wait. No more farking nut jobs knocking on my door.

/knock knock, shiat happens

not getting a kick as 2 of them came to my farkin' door yesterday
/had to answer it as I had ordered a pizza and thought it was delivery
//interrupted my game of NBA JAM Online
///told them I thought Joseph Smith was a trader for sleeping with Pocahontas and to get off my porch
//yes i know that was John Smith
/all I could come up with in the spur of the moment 4 vodaks into my Monday evening

He traded for sex? I guess that makes him a whore.

Worst.Fark handle. ever.		2011-05-24 01:30:36 PM

Dammit. Why isn't the IRS sending in teams of helicopters to this nutbag's location as we speak? It's obviously not a religion but just a money racket that causes fear and harm to people. It doesn't deserve to be tax-free!

trappedspirit		2011-05-24 01:31:00 PM

swangoatman: moralpanic: Wow, and this is one nut with a small congregation. Imagine if/when the Jehovah's Witnesses say Rapture is coming.

They do not believe in Rapture as it is not a part of their dogma.

But what if the 7th day adventists come out with an announcement?

Dr_Gene		2011-05-24 01:32:23 PM

Marcintosh: nice going old man - you suck- stop with teh bs and get a frikin job.

really now old boy cut the crap

Don't be so hard on the old geezer. I mean, he made a slight miscalculation (six months off out of 2,00 years is not too bad...).
Big deal. It's not like it's the end of the world....

Worst.Fark handle. ever.		2011-05-24 01:33:28 PM

Diogenes: I can't help but have a bit of sympathy for the suckers who bought into this. But the families and friends of these nitwits get the lion's share of that sympathy.

Like I said in an earlier Camping thread. Having a friend or relative get religion is like as if they got cancer or Alzheimer's. It's horrible watching what happens to them.

nekom		2011-05-24 01:33:43 PM

meat0918: Parents killing their kids or attempting to happens a whole hell of a lot more than we'd like to admit, failed Rapture predictions not withstanding.

Especially women, oddly enough because men lead the way in most violent crimes. Postpartum depression I guess.

Dr_Gene		2011-05-24 01:34:49 PM

Dr_Gene: Marcintosh: nice going old man - you suck- stop with teh bs and get a frikin job.

really now old boy cut the crap

Don't be so hard on the old geezer. I mean, he made a slight miscalculation (six months off out of 2,00 years is not too bad...).
Big deal. It's not like it's the end of the world....

Make that 2,000! lol See? Anyone can make a simple math error.

Tatsuhiko		2011-05-24 01:35:14 PM

As a person who loves to find fault in the bindings of a religious novel, it makes me wonder how bible scholars can calculate anything from the damn thing. It wasn't an English book to begin with, I'm sure most of it is loosely translated so the numbers could be screwed up. Would you add, subtract, multiply or divide the numbers? How would you know? How in hell would you know what the date would come out if the numbers did connect? Was the old calculation like 5,212,011? 52,111? Somehow the 5th month and 21 days of the year 2011? How would you miss it so much that it was originally 1994?

/You'd have to then translate the calendar from biblical times into the newer calendar.
//You didn't do the math old man!

Worst.Fark handle. ever.		2011-05-24 01:35:20 PM

nekom: Quasar: That lady is such a failure she can't even slit a throat properly.

I've never attempted it, but I'm sure it's harder than the movies make it out to be.

www.famousmonstersoffilmland.com

"Human skin is a lot tougher than you think."

Ed Grubermann		2011-05-24 01:36:20 PM

meat0918: Camping will suffer nothing for his failure, will he?

Correct. The law has nothing to go after him for and his idiot followers will continue to give him money.

farbles		2011-05-24 01:36:54 PM

Latinwolf:
Last time I checked suicide was still a sin that you couldn't repent for thus making it an automatic trip to hell. And if you're stupid enough to do it please don't attempt to take any loved ones with you, murder is also still a sin.

Yes, but if you /really/ love your children you'll murder them. They get into Heaven as innocents. You go straight to Hell of course but you've Saved your kids.

/this is what passes for logic in such discussions.
//i think fundamental assumptions here are wonky.

SideOfBacon		2011-05-24 01:38:00 PM

Tyrone Slothrop: SideOfBacon: AbiNormal: moralpanic: Wow, and this is one nut with a small congregation. Imagine if/when the Jehovah's Witnesses say Rapture is coming.

I can't wait. No more farking nut jobs knocking on my door.

/knock knock, shiat happens

not getting a kick as 2 of them came to my farkin' door yesterday
/had to answer it as I had ordered a pizza and thought it was delivery
//interrupted my game of NBA JAM Online
///told them I thought Joseph Smith was a trader for sleeping with Pocahontas and to get off my porch
//yes i know that was John Smith
/all I could come up with in the spur of the moment 4 vodaks into my Monday evening

He traded for sex? I guess that makes him a whore.

1. traitor
2. John Smith is male, so would have been high fives all around
3. Pocahontas would have been the whore in that wonderful childhood story
4. and thats the story I will tell my daughter until shes 35 years of age (or I'm dead)

Franko		2011-05-24 01:42:09 PM

I'm all for personal responsibility, but I think it should extend to what you say. Would that woman have slit the throats of her daughters had Camping not predicted the end of the world? I know it's hypothetical, but if the answer is "NO", then I feel Camping shares some responsibility.

/Yes there are stupid people out there, so you have to watch what you say

Vash's Apprentice		2011-05-24 01:45:39 PM

SideOfBacon: Ral: I thought proper response was to invite them in for some sodomy and tea?

I thought it was gay swinging and coffee.

keep em coming for my arsenal on their next attempt.

I know a guy that just points to a giant pentagram flag he has hanging up.

SideOfBacon		2011-05-24 01:47:03 PM

Vash's Apprentice: SideOfBacon: Ral: I thought proper response was to invite them in for some sodomy and tea?

I thought it was gay swinging and coffee.

keep em coming for my arsenal on their next attempt.

I know a guy that just points to a giant pentagram flag he has hanging up.

mines painted on my bedroom floor beneath my bed, and they arent even getting passed my front door. but thx for the idea!

Pick		2011-05-24 01:47:59 PM

My father got roped in by a guy named Herbert W. Armstrong. He said Jesus was supposed to return, in I think 1972. When thatdidn't happen, I think they changed it to 1978. They also had some lame ass excuse about miscalculations. In the end, most of the followers, including my father and friends died in poor financial shape, and Armstrong died a multi-millionaire.

Ever since then, I detest organized religion. Bunch of farking con artists. I hope they all DIAF.

Splinshints		2011-05-24 01:48:27 PM

Franko: I'm all for personal responsibility, but I think it should extend to what you say. Would that woman have slit the throats of her daughters had Camping not predicted the end of the world? I know it's hypothetical, but if the answer is "NO", then I feel Camping shares some responsibility.

And some people wouldn't go on shooting sprees if they didn't see it in a video game, that doesn't mean we should ship John Carmack off the Hague.

You never know what a lunatic's trigger is going to be and we shouldn't all have to walk around constantly worried we'll be dragged into a wrongful death suit just because some psychopath overheard us make a "distasteful" comment and snapped. If I didn't actually goad the guy into doing it, it's not my fault.

CygnusDarius		2011-05-24 01:50:33 PM

A California woman named Lyn Benedetto was one of millions who heard Camping's message, and became concerned that her daughters would suffer terribly in the coming apocalypse. She allegedly forced her daughters, 11 and 14, to lie on a bed and then cut their throats with a box cutter. She then tried to kill herself, though police arrested Benedetto and all three survived.

Sorry, but she ain't a Darwin-award nominee.

/Damnitsomuch, why Humanity, why!?

ZeroCorpse		2011-05-24 01:50:46 PM

Hear voices in your head, and get instructions from them? You'll be committed.

Hear God speaking in your head, and get instructions from Him? Not committed, and people send you money.

Some crazy people just pick the wrong focus, or don't know how to lie well enough.

pedalphile		2011-05-24 01:51:05 PM

During the Y2K scare, my mother called and asked if the stores around me carried bottled water, she was in a retirement community and the stores around there were all out. The old farts would empty a pallet of water faster than the stockers could pull it onto the sales floor. I told her not to worry. She asked if I had lots of water stocked up. I said no, but I had guns. She didn't understand, so I said that IF everything came crashing down on New Year's, I'd load up and come out and she'd have all the water she needed. She was quite shocked at that, but she never got around to saying that shooting her neighbors was bad. Heh.

/off my lawn.(click-click) Mr. 12 gauge says so.

Syphilis_Smile		2011-05-24 01:51:12 PM

Godwin gets what Godwin deserves.

Itstoearly		2011-05-24 01:53:31 PM

TheirThey'reNow: Diogenes: I have a friend whose mother is a religious fanatic. She surprisingly didn't buy into this Rapture crap. But seeing how my friend interacts with her makes me sad. He loves her, but she's simply impossible to deal with anymore. ...

My grandparents are becoming this way. They also, thankfully, didn't bite on this latest rapture garbage. Every time I call to catchup I get to hear their latest interpretation of the bible.

It's very sad... these loudly religious folks are pushing the people that truly care about them away. As someone familiar with the bible, I just can't figure out how people like Camping can take advantage of others so easily when it EXPLICITLY STATES IN THE BIBLE that no man will know when God will return to Earth. You'd think one of these morans would try reading the book they claim to follow. Amazing.

I think you might be surprised how many Christians have never actually cracked open a bible.

theorellior		2011-05-24 01:53:56 PM

Worst.Fark handle. ever.: Having a friend or relative get religion is like as if they got cancer or Alzheimer's. It's horrible watching what happens to them.

It's a virulent communicable disease, except it preys on the operation of the cortex, not the body.

Freezebyte		2011-05-24 01:55:38 PM

If anyone should be part of Jigsaws plan in the Saw movies to teach him a lesson, it should be this guy:

"Hello Harold, I'd like to play a game. For too long you have warned and scared others with your predictions of the end and death to humanity. You have spread fear and hatred to make your worthless life seem meaningful and to have purpose. Your obessesed with death and the end and you force upon your obsession of death to others who would rather go about living and not knowing the time of the end.

Well.... now its time to see if you are truly looking forward to death itself or if deep down, you actually have a desire to live....

* insert some very evil, sick twisted game to teach harold that life is about living and not finding the time of the end*

Live or die Harold.... make your choice.....

4.bp.blogspot.com

TigerStar		2011-05-24 01:56:44 PM

Fart_Machine: My personal favorite spin was that Camping was an atheist mole using the Rapture to make Christians look silly.

I heard that Allah told Muhammad to go back in time and plant those fossils so that in the future people would turn against christianity.

Fluorescent Testicle		2011-05-24 01:58:19 PM

Barakku: They do realize it was Jesus Christ right, not Jesus Voorhees?

i52.tinypic.com

/Awesome idea, Barakku.
//That's one religion I might be interested in.

glassbottomboatcaptain		2011-05-24 01:58:39 PM

Larry Mahnken: Chewlies Gum Representative: I was watching Spiderman on Broadway shortly before the 6pm deadline passed

Yikes, how would you even tell if the Apocalypse had started or not?

TigerStar		2011-05-24 01:59:28 PM

Fart_Machine: My personal favorite spin was that Camping was an atheist mole using the Rapture to make Christians look silly.

Genesis, the talking snake, the talking donkey, and Noah's Ark make the Christians look silly, no?

Ed Grubermann		2011-05-24 01:59:37 PM

Pick: My father got roped in by a guy named Herbert W. Armstrong.

I remember that asshole. (Armstrong, not your dad.)

AngryPanda		2011-05-24 02:08:19 PM

Satanicpuppy: Aarontology: Heaven's Gate Christian UFO group

Um... what?

That would be these idiots.

I think the issue is that someone's Googlefu failed, because Heaven's Gate's beliefs weren't exactly as stated in TFA.

luckyeddie		2011-05-24 02:12:03 PM

So he's now picked another number out of his arse, presumably because he didn't make enough farking money last Caturday.

If someone tops him before October 21st, think how many lives they'll save.

The problem is, they'll be saving nuthatches and dumbasses.

Anyway, it couldn't possibly be October 21st. That's more than 20 days too late.

/Perhaps obscure to some, but this is Fark so someone will get it straight away.

Arcturus72		2011-05-24 02:18:43 PM

The guy looks stoned, which is the only way I would stand behind a continued ban on weed...

Then again, to come up with the farked up shiat he's come up with probably requires him to be on way harder shiat...

8DragonFark		2011-05-24 02:21:01 PM

Psycho Zombie Monkey: Even Westboro Baptist thinks this guy is an asshole

I support a cage-match fight between congregations.

To the Death.

Jesus will officiate.

We all win

Still waiting for Westboro crazies to protest Camping...
/popcorn, watching...
//with slashies

itsfullofstars		2011-05-24 02:23:34 PM

Remember...

t0.gstatic.com

But that's just for your crazy ass, dont take others down with you. That's not cool. Bad karma in whatever afterlife you are going for,

trappedspirit		2011-05-24 02:24:12 PM

TigerStar: Fart_Machine: My personal favorite spin was that Camping was an atheist mole using the Rapture to make Christians look silly.

Genesis, the talking snake, the talking donkey, and Noah's Ark make the Christians look silly, no?

I prefer the guy who got stronger as long as he didn't cut his hair. And the guy who was swallowed by a fish but came back out after a few days.

kbronsito		2011-05-24 02:40:06 PM

DoBeDoBeDo: I love how he basis this on his study of the Bible.

Matthew 24:44 (New International Version)

44 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

So pretty much at any time OTHER than this crazy man's predictions.

Who exactly is "you" in Matthew? Is is any of us? What if we all take turns picking a day of the year when we expect the son of man. God couldn't make the world end if each person in charge of their particular day was really expecting him. For an all knowing, all powerful being he seems to have missed a pretty big loophole here.

8DragonFark		2011-05-24 02:45:29 PM

StupidPopMediaReference: Quasar: That lady is such a failure she can't even slit a throat properly.

I bet Abraham wouldn't have farked that up.

Pro-tip: don't drag the knife across the entire neck. Insert just to the side if the windpipe and slice out through the side at a steep angle. Better blood flow, faster demise. Puncturing the diaphragm with a quick, upward stab below the ribs beforehand will also disable their ability to cry out.

/What?
//What?!

It would seem you have given this FAR too much thought...

Valiente		2011-05-24 02:48:01 PM

moralpanic: Wow, and this is one nut with a small congregation. Imagine if/when the Jehovah's Witnesses say Rapture is coming.

Imagine it? If I weren't an atheist, I'd pray for it. Retards need to learn to stop flinging poop, and a knuckle-rap of 144,000 corpse is what I call "a start".

Plus think of all those inner-city Kingdom Halls coming onto the market. Ka-ching, Yahweh!

chende1		2011-05-24 02:49:04 PM

FTFA - It's easy to dismiss and ridicule failed prophets as modern-day harmless Chicken Littles misleading the gullible, but apocalyptic visions can have deadly consequences -even when they are wrong.

Even then.

stonicus		2011-05-24 02:50:54 PM

Latinwolf: Last time I checked suicide was still a sin that you couldn't repent for thus making it an automatic trip to hell.

moviesmedia.ign.com

There's ways around it...

Devil's Playground		2011-05-24 02:53:15 PM

Latinwolf: Last time I checked suicide was still a sin that you couldn't repent for thus making it an automatic trip to hell. And if you're stupid enough to do it please don't attempt to take any loved ones with you, murder is also still a sin

I realize that in the christian religion suicide is an unpardonable sin, but can any body tell me why a "Loving God" that is the creator of all things bright and beautiful would make some of us with malfunctioning chemical processors and then when those processors completely malfunction and the person carrying them around decides it would be a whole lot easier just to sit in a warm bath with a razor blade, then that God decides to put that person in a lake of fire for all eternity?

HA HA HA! Good one, God!

MrEricSir		2011-05-24 02:57:13 PM

Devil's Playground: I realize that in the christian religion suicide is an unpardonable sin, but can any body tell me why a "Loving God" that is the creator of all things bright and beautiful would make some of us with malfunctioning chemical processors and then when those processors completely malfunction and the person carrying them around decides it would be a whole lot easier just to sit in a warm bath with a razor blade, then that God decides to put that person in a lake of fire for all eternity?

HA HA HA! Good one, God!

Oh, it's very simple. Here, let me show you.

Something good happens: It's the work of God! Huzzah!
Something bad happens: It's all part of "God's plan", and God works in mysterious ways that us mortals should not question.

(Note: despite being a tenant of modern Christian theology, the above explanation does not have any root in the Bible.)

meat0918		2011-05-24 02:59:52 PM

MrEricSir: Devil's Playground: I realize that in the christian religion suicide is an unpardonable sin, but can any body tell me why a "Loving God" that is the creator of all things bright and beautiful would make some of us with malfunctioning chemical processors and then when those processors completely malfunction and the person carrying them around decides it would be a whole lot easier just to sit in a warm bath with a razor blade, then that God decides to put that person in a lake of fire for all eternity?

HA HA HA! Good one, God!

Oh, it's very simple. Here, let me show you.

Something good happens: It's the work of God! Huzzah!
Something bad happens: It's all part of "God's plan", and God works in mysterious ways that us mortals should not question.

(Note: despite being a tenant of modern Christian theology, the above explanation does not have any root in the Bible.)

The story of Job is an attempt to explain why bad stuff happens and why you should grin and bear it, because God will reward you if you keep the faith through the hard times.

Even after you've been cursed with boils, your family and livestock struck down, and you're life has been made Hell on Earth.

Kittypie070		2011-05-24 03:04:14 PM

meat0918 2011-05-24 02:59:52 PM

The story of Job is an attempt to explain why bad stuff happens and why you should grin and bear it, because God will reward you if you keep the faith through the hard times.

Yep, and it ends up basically as "Because I said so, cuz I'm GOD."

piglet		2011-05-24 03:04:22 PM

I just like this line FTA:
"apocalyptic visions can have deadly consequences -even when they are wrong."

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