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(Yahoo)   Apocalypse later   ( news.yahoo.com) divider line
    More: Followup, Harold Camping, Family Radio, raptures, emotional abuse, Tim LaHaye, tv channels, apocalypses, Bible verses  
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13500 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 May 2011 at 4:29 AM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



175 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2011-05-23 11:37:02 PM  
FTFA: Saturday was "an invisible judgment day" in which a spiritual judgment took place, he said. But the timing and the structure is the same as it has always been, he said.

Wait; the judgement has already happened? I already got my ticket to heaven? Let the raping and pillaging commence!!!
 
2011-05-23 11:48:08 PM  
Well done, subby.

Anyone who had "he doubles down", come collect your prize.
 
2011-05-23 11:48:13 PM  
Rapture - no kings or gods!
 
2011-05-23 11:54:37 PM  
I always live every day as though I will die in my sleep before tomorow.

I stay up late a lot.
 
2011-05-23 11:56:46 PM  
Heathen Kitteh is taken by surprise.

[image from img233.imageshack.us too old to be available]
 
2011-05-23 11:57:35 PM  
Damn, the day before my birthday.
 
2011-05-24 12:00:47 AM  
I feel sorry for the children of the gullible idiots who quit their jobs and sold their homes because of this crap.
 
2011-05-24 12:04:17 AM  
Too soon?
 
2011-05-24 12:08:39 AM  
Poor old bastard will probably die before October. Anyway, I'm dressing up early for Halloween.
 
2011-05-24 12:13:12 AM  
I need to come up with a scam like this. How hard can it be to tell people that they're destined for eternal suffering unless they listen to me and give me money?

Farkers? You're all going to live your lives amounting to nothing more than sad, lonely virgins with overdeveloped forearms. And, Farkettes? Oh.. It makes me sad to tell you that you're going to all die alone with your dusty wombs in dusty houses surrounded by dusty cats.

Fear not, though. I have the answer! And, next week, if you give me enough money, I shall share with you a way to find salvation from the horrors of 4chan that lay ahead for you.

Yeah... I need to work on my A-Game.
 
2011-05-24 12:18:56 AM  

Vodka Zombie: I need to come up with a scam like this. How hard can it be to tell people that they're destined for eternal suffering unless they listen to me and give me money?

Farkers? You're all going to live your lives amounting to nothing more than sad, lonely virgins with overdeveloped forearms. And, Farkettes? Oh.. It makes me sad to tell you that you're going to all die alone with your dusty wombs in dusty houses surrounded by dusty cats.

Fear not, though. I have the answer! And, next week, if you give me enough money, I shall share with you a way to find salvation from the horrors of 4chan that lay ahead for you.

Yeah... I need to work on my A-Game.


OK - first of all - and I'm giving you this for free, mind you - you need to learn how to pick your audience. But fear not - just send me a monthly tithe of 10% of your income, and I'll reveal all to you. God wants you to be prosperous - that's why he put me here to guide you. Now you have to show your faithfulness to him by putting money down on the deal. That is, by paying this laborer in the vineyard her wages, and trusting what god has sent me to reveal to you.

Paypal accepted.
 
2011-05-24 12:19:45 AM  

Vodka Zombie: Farkers? You're all going to live your lives amounting to nothing more than sad, lonely virgins with overdeveloped forearms.


That's assuming a lot. How many ambidextrous wankers are there on Fark, anyway?

/lefty
 
2011-05-24 12:19:54 AM  
Why is this even news?
 
2011-05-24 12:21:46 AM  
I'm in the East Bay. I'm thinking of asking the old fart for a loan before October.
 
2011-05-24 12:37:15 AM  
img1.fark.netView Full Size
October 22, 2011:

Well, God's calendar isn't Man's calendar. What is October 21, 2011 for God may not be what we think of as October 21, 2011.

ARMAGEDDON IS COMING!
 
2011-05-24 12:37:39 AM  

Occam's Chainsaw: Well done, subby.

Anyone who had "he doubles down", come collect your prize.


C'mon - that was the safe bet, man. No odds to be had there. Almost a foregone conclusion, actually. Kind of like betting that his followers would say, "I guess we must have misunderstood god's will" instead of realizing that they believe in something completely disconnected from reality.
 
2011-05-24 12:37:54 AM  

Lorelle: I feel sorry for the children of the gullible idiots who quit their jobs and sold their homes because of this crap.


I'd like to feel the same, but chances are their kids are as brain-washed as their parents. Probably think mom/dad were doing the right thing too. When these kids grow up, they'll likely be just as crazy.
 
2011-05-24 12:40:35 AM  
[image from d.yimg.com too old to be available]

May 21st is not the date you were looking for

 
2011-05-24 12:41:59 AM  
images.cheezburger.comView Full Size
 
2011-05-24 12:42:43 AM  

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Lorelle: I feel sorry for the children of the gullible idiots who quit their jobs and sold their homes because of this crap.

I'd like to feel the same, but chances are their kids are as brain-washed as their parents. Probably think mom/dad were doing the right thing too. When these kids grow up, they'll likely be just as crazy.


Actually, there's hope. I was brought up by fundamentalists. I would have believed what my family said was the truth. And yet here I am, a godless heathen. So don't give up on them. And don't hold them responsible for their parents' idiocy. it truly is not their fault, and they're being abused - at the very least, it's a form of neglect, and they have absolutely no control.

I has a sad.
 
2011-05-24 12:50:07 AM  
Jesus! Look at those ears!
 
2011-05-24 12:56:56 AM  
Hey, we all make mistakes. Cut him some slack--it's not the end of the world.
 
2011-05-24 01:17:02 AM  

Ender's: Jesus! Look at those ears!


They claim that the ears don't get bigger, that they only seem larger because the rest of the head shrinks. I don't believe it. My head would have to shrink by 3/4 to have my ears look that enormous.
 
2011-05-24 02:44:15 AM  
img593.imageshack.usView Full Size


/quick and dirty
 
2011-05-24 03:00:31 AM  
baroninsurancegroup.comView Full Size


Well, I can't lie to you Clark. The truth is, things ain't going too good at all. You know I told you I borrowed the RV from my neighbor? Nope. It's mine. We live in it. I had to sell off the house, the barn, the ten acres. All I kept was a 50-foot plot, the pigs and the worm farm. If only I had back the money that me and Cathrine sent that TV preacher that was screwing the hockey players.
 
2011-05-24 04:55:20 AM  

miss diminutive: /quick and dirty


The way I like it
 
2011-05-24 04:59:05 AM  

Vodka Zombie: I need to come up with a scam like this. How hard can it be to tell people that they're destined for eternal suffering unless they listen to me and give me money?

Farkers? You're all going to live your lives amounting to nothing more than sad, lonely virgins with overdeveloped forearms. And, Farkettes? Oh.. It makes me sad to tell you that you're going to all die alone with your dusty wombs in dusty houses surrounded by dusty cats.

Fear not, though. I have the answer! And, next week, if you give me enough money, I shall share with you a way to find salvation from the horrors of 4chan that lay ahead for you.

Yeah... I need to work on my A-Game.


So... you're selling cat-dusters?
 
2011-05-24 05:00:49 AM  
storage.canoe.caView Full Size


/In the meantime, he continues raking in millions. Seriously, want to get rich? Start a religion.
 
2011-05-24 05:01:48 AM  
We knew this was coming...

x929.caView Full Size
 
2011-05-24 05:02:02 AM  
images.cheezburger.comView Full Size
 
2011-05-24 05:02:34 AM  
Somebody needs to fill out the Rapture Excuse Bingo Card.

I'm too lazy...and, too sick of this whole damn story.
 
2011-05-24 05:03:25 AM  
That old bastard still has not collected enough money from the suckers yet? What a greedy farker! I went to his website hoping to find a place to leave a message. Nope. But you can leave a donation.
 
2011-05-24 05:04:49 AM  
Wait a second. Do you think maybe theres a chance he might just be pulling these dates out his ass?
 
2011-05-24 05:07:35 AM  

7wolf: Vodka Zombie: I need to come up with a scam like this. How hard can it be to tell people that they're destined for eternal suffering unless they listen to me and give me money?

Farkers? You're all going to live your lives amounting to nothing more than sad, lonely virgins with overdeveloped forearms. And, Farkettes? Oh.. It makes me sad to tell you that you're going to all die alone with your dusty wombs in dusty houses surrounded by dusty cats.

Fear not, though. I have the answer! And, next week, if you give me enough money, I shall share with you a way to find salvation from the horrors of 4chan that lay ahead for you.

Yeah... I need to work on my A-Game.

So... you're selling cat-dusters?


Is that what they're calling it now?

/penis
 
2011-05-24 05:13:23 AM  
Firefly theme song tune:

Huff my butt, lick my ass,
Harold Camping said the last

That's all I have so far.
 
2011-05-24 05:19:39 AM  
The Rapture is an important piece in the puzzle of faith. It forces each believer to live each moment as if their next moment will have them face to face with their Redeemer. Would you want to be giving to the poor when Jesus comes back? Would you want to be giving the finger to another driver on the freeway?

Would you want to be screwing a woman other than your wife? Would you want to be teaching your children how to skip stones at the lake?

Would you want to be high on drugs? Would you want to be reflect God's light in your life?

The Rapture as a specific date loses a lot of its meaning, and that is why Camping's fortune telling is wrong. No one knows when Jesus will return to take His followers to Heaven, therefore live each moment as if it were your last.
 
2011-05-24 05:24:52 AM  
God has his exclusive VIP guest list for Heavenfest '11 finished; sponsoring me for TF is the only way to be a late addition. Don't miss the fun at the holiest of ho-downs, Heavenfest 2011!

/pre-booking for Heavenfest 2012 - The Saviour's Salsa is also available now!!
 
2011-05-24 05:25:34 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: No one knows when Jesus will return to take His followers to Heaven


I know when Jesus will return: NEVER.
 
2011-05-24 05:32:45 AM  
I love end of the world parties, another day to look forward to between now and Dec. 2012 where I'll get just as drunk and blasphemous as I did last Saturday. Scoff on, people.
 
2011-05-24 05:35:30 AM  
*clicks link*

Oh sh*t, you had me worried.

I thought Coppola was going to pull a George Lucas and do some lame series of prequels or something.
 
2011-05-24 05:36:39 AM  
So, he forgot to carry the one?
 
2011-05-24 05:38:51 AM  
I suppose it'd be silly of me to hope the media hype will be toned down to a whisper by the time of the next date?


/ yeah probably.
 
2011-05-24 05:39:22 AM  
About Matthew 24:36, it has been said that even if God spoke in a direct, clear voice, people who don't like what God says will still deny it.
 
2011-05-24 05:47:06 AM  

Vodka Zombie: I need to come up with a scam like this. How hard can it be to tell people that they're destined for eternal suffering unless they listen to me and give me money?

Farkers? You're all going to live your lives amounting to nothing more than sad, lonely virgins with overdeveloped forearms. And, Farkettes? Oh.. It makes me sad to tell you that you're going to all die alone with your dusty wombs in dusty houses surrounded by dusty cats.

Fear not, though. I have the answer! And, next week, if you give me enough money, I shall share with you a way to find salvation from the horrors of 4chan that lay ahead for you.

Yeah... I need to work on my A-Game.


i.dailymail.co.ukView Full Size


"Piss off, Junior. I'm workin' this side of the street."
 
2011-05-24 05:47:09 AM  
Customer: It's not much of a Rapture, is it?
Camping: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Camping: Well, it's so clean, sir!
Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by Rapture....
Camping: (brightly) You haven't asked me about October, sir.
Customer: Would it be worth it?
Camping: Could be....
Customer: (slowly) Will the Rapture occur in October?
Camping: No.
Customer: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me
Camping: Yessir?
Customer: Have you in fact got any Rapture here at all.
Camping: Yes,sir.
Customer: Really?
(pause) Camping: No. Not really, sir.
Customer: You haven't.
Camping: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
 
2011-05-24 05:47:35 AM  

Cloudchaser Sakonige the Red Wolf: About Matthew 24:36, it has been said that even if God spoke in a direct, clear voice, people who don't like what God says will still deny it.


Harold Camping doesn't claim to be God. I'm unsure if he has claimed that God speaks through him, though.
 
2011-05-24 05:48:14 AM  
I was really expecting for he and his followers to go all "Heaven's Gate" and decide that they needed to be dead in order to be swept up in the Rapture. I am very disappointed that didn't happen. Oh well, maybe he and his followers will think of it by October.
 
2011-05-24 05:48:25 AM  

Cloudchaser Sakonige the Red Wolf: About Matthew 24:36, it has been said that even if God spoke in a direct, clear voice, people who don't like what God says will still deny it.


Well...you remember Matthew 21:17.
 
2011-05-24 05:53:49 AM  
Don't ruin this for me.

I was perfectly content thinking of Saturday as a "moral fire-drill", so to speak.

It's not really happening, but if it were, would you be prepared?

Kinda thing.

/ "word", or "word," IT DRIVES ME NUTS. HELP.
 
2011-05-24 05:55:37 AM  
Curious how many people still believe him.
 
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