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(Celebitchy)   Scarlett Johansson "determined" to have Sean Penn's baby. In related news, subby "determined" to vomit profusely   (celebitchy.com) divider line 49
    More: Scary, Scarlett Johansson, Sean Penn, Melanie Sloan, Ryan Reynolds, scars, Kaboom  
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4850 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 13 May 2011 at 4:27 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2011-05-13 02:17:41 PM  
Ok I'm just going to go gouge my eyes out now.
 
2011-05-13 04:35:23 PM  
WTF?! Why? Why would she do that? Why!? I demand answers!

/I need a shower
 
2011-05-13 04:35:30 PM  

torch: Ok I'm just going to go gouge my eyes out now.


From envy?
 
2011-05-13 04:36:41 PM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2011-05-13 04:45:58 PM  
No need to cry subby. You can get him on the rebound. These celebrity couplings never last that long.
 
2011-05-13 04:48:17 PM  
This would be less disturbing if it meant she was determined to eat his baby.

It's not her, specifically. I just don't want him to breed, and, if he must, I don't want to know about it. He is the weakest among his brothers, and by far far FAR the most annoying.
 
2011-05-13 04:48:28 PM  
Who knew she was club footed? (check the picture below the story)

/her spell over me was broken long ago, i'm now under the influence of Jennifer Lawrence
 
2011-05-13 04:51:03 PM  
www.myfacewhen.com
 
2011-05-13 04:52:03 PM  
Oh, maybe she'll get pregnant, but his falcon punch(when applied to women he's with) is legendary
 
2011-05-13 04:53:54 PM  
It's like dining on oatmeal while watching the the toothless sexagenarian eat the best steak in the house by way of a blender.
 
2011-05-13 04:57:24 PM  

ZeroCorpse: It's like dining on oatmeal while watching the the toothless sexagenarian eat the best steak in the house by way of a blender.


I was tempted to make fun of you but at this point oatmeal sounds like gourmet cuisine. Can't be worse than starvation.
 
2011-05-13 04:57:52 PM  
img822.imageshack.us
 
2011-05-13 05:13:34 PM  
Retching is definitely the wisest course of action,subby.
 
2011-05-13 05:17:55 PM  
Granted I can't hate on Penn but I don't think it's going to last. I mean if Ryan Reynolds got tired of her, then we can only imagine what's going to happen in due time with Penn.
 
2011-05-13 05:36:42 PM  
I don't care what y'all say. Gimme some of that bad boy.
 
2011-05-13 05:39:47 PM  
Say what you will about Sean Penn, but the guy has passion and ambition. Women love that.

This is why broke artists can pull decent tail and you're stuck paying for dinner every time.
 
2011-05-13 05:49:45 PM  
Dear Scarlett,

Ask Robin Wright how that worked out for her.

Sincerely,

The Internet.
 
2011-05-13 05:52:20 PM  
That's like making a delicious bacon sandwich and then throwing it in the trash.

/got nothin'
//half drunk already
 
2011-05-13 06:15:58 PM  
She should move to Montreal. Plenty of old, short, ugly, fat, bald, paunchy graying middle-aged men with wrinkly faces but little hotties on their arms. It's baffling. The other day I was sure I saw a father/daughter couple on the Metro but then they started french-kissing and I thought "wow parenting sure has changed since I was a kid".
/Shaving my head and dyeing my hair white tonight
 
2011-05-13 06:17:21 PM  
So... all I have to do is dress up like Sean Penn? Score!
 
2011-05-13 06:22:55 PM  

LegacyDL: Granted I can't hate on Penn but I don't think it's going to last. I mean if Ryan Reynolds got tired of her, then we can only imagine what's going to happen in due time with Penn.



The difference is that Ryan Reynolds is intelligent and very witty. Sean Penn is a dope with delusions of depth. Scarlett Johansson has always seemed pretty dopey to me too, so Sean Penn probably thinks she's a farking genius.
 
2011-05-13 06:33:15 PM  
mongbiohazard: so Sean Penn probably thinks she's a farking genius.

If that is all it takes, I hereby declare that I believe Scarlett Johansson has an I.Q. of 190 and should be nominated for the Nobel Prize for Science.
 
2011-05-13 06:37:19 PM  
Daddy issues?
 
2011-05-13 06:45:12 PM  

Beerguy: mongbiohazard: so Sean Penn probably thinks she's a farking genius.

If that is all it takes, I hereby declare that I believe Scarlett Johansson has an I.Q. of 190 and should be nominated for the Nobel Prize for Science.



Congratulations! You're now successfully attracted to her.

Now getting HER to like YOU is another story. I suggest that you start by getting money. Lots of money.
 
2011-05-13 07:22:44 PM  

Quiefenburger: Who knew she was club footed? (check the picture below the story)


Yeah, that looked at least uncomfortable.
 
2011-05-13 07:27:54 PM  

spacely_sprocket: WTF?! Why? Why would she do that? Why!? I demand answers!

/I need a shower


She has the hots for older, pretentious, men who coastal society worships; how is this not clear yet?
 
2011-05-13 07:31:48 PM  
If she came out as a lesbian I would still love her.


But Sean Penn? That's just too icky.
 
2011-05-13 07:58:38 PM  
I prefer men who don't look stinky.
 
2011-05-13 08:10:30 PM  
Haha... he's bonin' Scarlett, and you're NOT!
 
2011-05-13 08:55:36 PM  
eh, it's not like I would ever have had anything approaching a chance anyway.
 
2011-05-13 09:08:04 PM  
I think he is one of the most stupid americans. Maybe that's why he is so successful.
 
2011-05-13 09:21:15 PM  
This is just part of her plan to troll all hetero men everywhere.
 
2011-05-13 09:39:49 PM  

Rapmaster2000: Say what you will about Sean Penn, but the guy has passion and ambition. Women love that.

This is why broke artists can pull decent tail and you're stuck paying for dinner every time.


This. Remember, this guy spent several years tapping Natalie Portmans ass.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-05-13 10:28:45 PM  
i51.tinypic.com

Madame Tussauds has really outdone themselves.
 
2011-05-13 10:49:26 PM  
Women fall for style, get bored with substance.
 
2011-05-13 11:51:16 PM  

LegacyDL: Granted I can't hate on Penn but I don't think it's going to last. I mean if Ryan Reynolds got tired of her, then we can only imagine what's going to happen in due time with Penn.


Pretty sure their split was her idea.


AcneVulgaris: Haha... he's bonin' Scarlett, and you're NOT!


Word. This is a distillation of every Scarlett Johansson/Sean Penn thread in its purest form.
 
2011-05-14 12:14:29 AM  
"This is why broke artists can pull decent tail"

This is why some women think all men are assholes, that's because that's what they pick to date.
As for Scarlett, it appears she is slowly approaching the ramp before the shark. She'll be able to compare career notes with Catherine Zeta-Jones.
 
2011-05-14 01:08:18 AM  
Look on the bright side guys - her mommy boobs will be glorious.
 
2011-05-14 01:37:57 AM  

beer4breakfast: Look on the bright side guys - her mommy boobs will be glorious.


(sings) Always look on the bright side of life!

/whistles
//plenty of vodka tonight
 
2011-05-14 07:23:37 AM  
Subby, you're not alone.
 
2011-05-14 09:52:21 AM  

Quiefenburger: Who knew she was club footed? (check the picture below the story)


Actually, the pics below the story made it look like she showed up in front of him, he thought, "Wha-?," and she stayed there and he started running away scared to death. I found that mildly amusing.
 
2011-05-14 11:03:00 AM  
No pics of Scarlett boobies yet? Fark, I am disappoint.
 
2011-05-14 11:27:30 AM  
Say what you will about Sean Penn; he's done a lot of work down in Haiti that a lot of the other "cause of the week" types aren't doing.
 
2011-05-14 02:25:48 PM  

Primitive Screwhead: Madame Tussauds has really outdone themselves.


LOL... exactly my thoughts as well.
 
2011-05-14 10:27:00 PM  
Farkers I am disappoint.

/I get tired of doing the heavy lifting around here
 
2011-05-15 02:39:39 AM  
yuck. There were rumors about her humping Benicio del Toro in an elevator a while ago, and now I believe them; clearly she has a thing for fugly old dudes.

My husband still has a bit of a thing for her... too bad for him he's handsome and relatively young, not her bag at all.
 
2011-05-15 01:54:45 PM  

dmc001: Primitive Screwhead: Madame Tussauds has really outdone themselves.

LOL... exactly my thoughts as well.


I looked at that and thought she was kind of greasy looking. Like Madame Tussauds ran out of wax and used lard instead.
 
2011-05-15 04:04:41 PM  

Flappyhead: Rapmaster2000: Say what you will about Sean Penn, but the guy has passion and ambition. Women love that.

This is why broke artists can pull decent tail and you're stuck paying for dinner every time.

This. Remember, this guy spent several years tapping Natalie Portmans ass.


And Lohan's when she was still hot.
 
2011-05-16 08:37:39 AM  

fatcurlytoes: yuck. There were rumors about her humping Benicio del Toro in an elevator a while ago, and now I believe them; clearly she has a thing for fugly old dudes....


Hmm...didn't Robert Redford give her her first big role (Horse Whisperer)? Hopefully there wasn't a casting couch involved...
 
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