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Bin Laden underwater on his mortgage, Katy Perry's boob fairy, and nobody expects the Spanish Imposition: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 5/1 - 5/7
Posted by Drew at 2011-05-10 3:03:54 PM (14 comments) | Permalink

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7042 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 May 2011 at 3:10 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



From Unfreakable:

No update from Drew this week, just some headlines that we thought were fun. Hope you enjoy them, too, if you missed any the first time around.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-05-01 to Sat 2011-05-07:

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  Al-Qaeda will unleash a "nuclear hellstorm" if Osama bin Laden is captured. Good thing he wasn't captured then    
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  Final Osama bin Laden message likely to surface soon. May include, "Is that someone at the door?"    
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  Spanish court surprises everyone by imposing sentences of 439 years each to Somali pirates. Apparently no one expected quite a Spanish imposition    
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  Thanks to Botox, teens on prom night will be just like your prom date: numb, expensive and incapable of showing emotion    
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  Osama grew weed at his compound and drank Pepsi while chanting 'death to America'. So basically he was a UC Berkeley student    
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  Man, 100 and woman, 93 marry and become world's oldest newlyweds. Leaving today for honeymoon at Viagra Falls    
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  Ring ring ring goes the trolley. Argh argh argh goes the worker trapped under it    
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  Bin Laden's mansion worth only 25 percent of what he paid for it, meaning he'll be underwater for a long time    
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  How was Osama Bin Laden killed? Here are the 72 versions    
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  Left handed people are more affected by fear, which researchers say has sinister implications    
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  Police arrest man for stealing stenography machines. He wants a short sentence    
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Sports:

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  Barkeep, give me an Alex Ovechkin -- that's a White Russian on ice with no cup    
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  Favre expresses desire to expose himself on camera again    
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  Pagan sidelined by injury. Heathen to fill in    
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Geek:

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  2011: CERN physicists successfully preserve antimatter for 17 minutes. 2021: CERN physicists threaten to blow up the planet if their demands aren't met    
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  Scientists may have found a way to prevent Ebola infections, which is great news for people who were frankly tired of bleeding out of their eyes all the time    
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  Koalas have exactly the same fingerprints as humans. That means any one of us could be a secret koala agent    
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Showbiz:

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  Homeless woman with poor vision but highly tuned sense of smell mistakes Paris Hilton for Lindsay Lohan    
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  Daniel Radcliffe fancies Pippa Middleton, puts on his robe and wizard hat    
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  "Terminator 5" will NOT reunite the original cast. Michael Biehn goes back to staring at his phone    
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Politics:

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  Current county commissioners commission county committee to commission county commissioner    
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  Prince Edward Island boasts 75% voter turnout, residents disappointed that fourth guy didn't bother    
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  Former Bush Chief of Staff thinks Obama is bragging too much in the wake of bin Laden's death. Jeez, he's talking like Obama rode a jet fighter to an aircraft carrier and gave a speech in front of a Mission Accomplished banner    
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Music:

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  US appeals court rejects Phil Spector appeal, use of NewsFlash tag    
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  Katy Perry's upbringing was so strict that her minister father wouldn't even let the family eat "deviled" eggs or own a Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner. Fortunately the Boob Fairy wasn't under similar restrictions    
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  Paul Stanley 1981: "If it's too loud, you're too old." Hip replaced, deaf Paul Stanley 2011: "IT'S TOO LOUD"    
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Business:

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  Siemens gets its profits all over the place    
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  UBS agrees to pay $160 million and will stop putting the ports so close together    
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  Topless coffee shop gets ready to clothes    
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· · ·

14 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2011-05-10 03:12:50 PM  
Osama underwater = HOTY so far
 
2011-05-10 03:16:01 PM  

Chupacabra Sandwich: Osama underwater = HOTY so far


It's making a pretty strong case, I'd say.
 
2011-05-10 03:17:00 PM  
I didn't see the Ring ring ring one before. I had to call my wife and tell her that one.
 
2011-05-10 03:25:22 PM  

Chupacabra Sandwich: Osama underwater = HOTY so far


I missed that one when it aired. That replaces the OBL Cocktail: Two shots and a splash of water as my new favorite topical joke.
 
2011-05-10 03:27:55 PM  
That katy perry thread was an impressive tribute to boobs, in many ways. Vote is still for underwater osama.
 
2011-05-10 03:45:07 PM  

Chupacabra Sandwich: Osama underwater = HOTY so far


This

R.A.Danny: I didn't see the Ring ring ring one before. I had to call my wife and tell her that one.


And this.
 
2011-05-10 04:04:39 PM  

Mechanicum: That katy perry thread was an impressive tribute to boobs, in many ways. Vote is still for underwater osama.


This. Good thing the current pic naziism isn't being retroactively applied. This thread made a handy bookmark.
 
2011-05-10 04:06:03 PM  

Chupacabra Sandwich: Osama underwater = HOTY so far


agreed
 
2011-05-10 04:11:55 PM  

Chupacabra Sandwich: Osama underwater = HOTY so far


Ditto
 
2011-05-10 04:29:37 PM  
I loved the underwater headline too. I didn't read any of the threads so I don't know if anyone else came up with this. I thought of it too late to do any submitting or even commenting really.

Hearing Osama discussed on the radio after a conversation that included sharks prompted this thought... You may not realize this but, Osama underwent a transformation almost as remarkable as Ebenezer Scrooge. In just one night he went from hated terrorist to pretty good chum.
 
2011-05-10 04:31:59 PM  
Topless coffee shop gets ready to clothes

seems appropriate given the lessened site traffic
 
2011-05-10 06:31:31 PM  
Chupacabra Sandwich: Osama underwater = HOTY so far

Aye!

In my book, that's a definite frontrunner for the HOTY!
 
2011-05-10 07:53:34 PM  
I could use a boob fairy. Not for my boobs of course.

Bin Laden headline rocked.
 
2011-05-12 01:37:05 PM  
Woohoo... I got a HOTW!

And I was paying attention when this was posted two days ago!
 
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