cmunic8r99: 12. Caring this much about food in the first place.

/foodsnobs and beersnobs deserve a special place in hell

Good food is too mainstream.

My last stupid experience.

I take my wife to a new somewhat-fancy restaurant.

It's a "treat" night so a place with plates at 40-60$ weren't an issue.

We are seated and get someone asking us about drinks. We order something non-alcoholic and they are dropped off very quickly, as in the guy drops them off and walked away as fast as possible.

So ok, they might be busy we think.

We check the menu and decide on some items, but many things we aren't sure about so we wait to get someone to stop at our table so to ask about them.

We sit there.

We sit some more.

We try to catch the attention of a waiter or anyone that works there for over 10 minutes. The waiters and such are walking pass us, all rushing, back and forth and no matter what we do, we can't get a single one of them to notice us.

Short of whittling, we stand up, I gesture to a man (that appears to works there) that's looking at us, but yet doesn't move.

So fine, after 20-30 minutes of this, we grab our stuff, I drop 5$ for the drinks on the table, and we walk out.

The man that had been staring at us comes after us as we exit the doors, and he introduces himself as the owner. He starts begging us not to leave. His explanation was that the "rule" is that people must close the menu and put it on the table before the waiter will come to the table.

We spend 5 minutes telling him how stupid this was and why, while he's trying to offer a free meal if we reconsider.

In the end, we left, letting him know that after something this stupid, I wasn't going to even care to bother with his place, for God knows what other stupid thing might come out of this... our evening was seriously screwed, finding another restaurant after the time wasted was now difficult and we no longer had it in us to eat out.

So for these lists, I'd rather see one about what the restaurants are doing wrong instead of the clients.

Sock Ruh Tease: Honest Bender: 16. Tipping.

It's true: if you don't tip, you end up being the last one alive at the end of the movie.

Uh I don't know what movies you're watching, but in the ones I've seen the black dude usually dies first.

studebaker hoch: Who the hell can afford to eat at restaurants anymore?

Friday lunches and once a week with the wife.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: studebaker hoch: Who the hell can afford to eat at restaurants anymore?

People with jobs who live within their means?


Also this

If you are getting a steak for your entrée, is it wise to order the bacon-wrapped dates as a starter and then a foie gras terrine as your appetizer? Probably not, unless you want to be carried out on a stretcher.

Well of course I want to be carried out on a stretcher.

pudding7: shivashakti: Spending more than $30 per person for an entree.



gameshowhost:
Ya. I can't recall ever having an expensive dining experience that was anywhere near worth it.


You guys need to find better restaurants.

You're a New Yorker, aren't you?

I've been to a couple of spendy restaurants that were very good, but usually they are are a waste of money, catering to people who want to impress their dates rather than people who like good food. Mind you, there are good ones out there...but the burn of dropping hundreds of dollars on bad food when you're trying to find a good place in a new town is hard to forget.

ArkAngel: whilst singing karaoke

Me thinks I've found your problem.

;)

/jk!

rhiannon: 8. Going To The Bathroom Right Before They Serve Your Next Course.

You may not know this...

You may not know this: I'll go to the bathroom whenever I feel I need to.

That sharp crack you heard was the point breaking the sound barrier and it went over your head.

17. Not checking your local county food safety website before going to your restaurant.

Just because you like the restaurant doesn't mean the place is keeping foods at the proper temperatures or not cross contaminating uncooked foods.

/Protip: A 'Green' or 'A' health rating on a restaurant window doesn't mean they don't have major violations in food safety. They just don't have enough violations to warrant a lower score.

kwame: I'm really interested in 60's music, but I don't really care for guitars. Any way I can get someone to cut the solos out of Axis: Bold as Love?

Oh, and I am a HUGE fan of football, but I don't really like tackling. Would you mind taking that out for me?

Eat the f*cking mushrooms or order off the kids' menu.

JPSimonetti: Honest Bender: 16. Tipping.

Aaaaaaand we're off!

/grabs popcorn

I'll get it started.


imfallen_angel: I'd rather see one about what the restaurants are doing wrong instead of the clients.

1) NO TIPPING! Give me the real price it costs to pay for your supplies and employees like every other farking business and if I don't like my experience I'll take my patronage elsewhere like I do with every other farking business!

/I still tip well
/the waiters and busboys shouldn't be the ones punished

In before the usual Olive Garden kerfuffle.

Also, acting like Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack is only appropriate for the > $30 entree places.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: the black dude usually dies first



And Mr. Pink never dies.

6. Salting Your Food Before You Taste It.

Morans

Rufus Lee King: Oh, my goodness.

How YOU doin'?

imfallen_angel: My last stupid experience.

I take my wife to a new somewhat-fancy restaurant.

It's a "treat" night so a place with plates at 40-60$ weren't an issue.

We are seated and get someone asking us about drinks. We order something non-alcoholic and they are dropped off very quickly, as in the guy drops them off and walked away as fast as possible.

So ok, they might be busy we think.

We check the menu and decide on some items, but many things we aren't sure about so we wait to get someone to stop at our table so to ask about them.

We sit there.

We sit some more.

We try to catch the attention of a waiter or anyone that works there for over 10 minutes. The waiters and such are walking pass us, all rushing, back and forth and no matter what we do, we can't get a single one of them to notice us.

Short of whittling, we stand up, I gesture to a man (that appears to works there) that's looking at us, but yet doesn't move.

So fine, after 20-30 minutes of this, we grab our stuff, I drop 5$ for the drinks on the table, and we walk out.

The man that had been staring at us comes after us as we exit the doors, and he introduces himself as the owner. He starts begging us not to leave. His explanation was that the "rule" is that people must close the menu and put it on the table before the waiter will come to the table.

We spend 5 minutes telling him how stupid this was and why, while he's trying to offer a free meal if we reconsider.

In the end, we left, letting him know that after something this stupid, I wasn't going to even care to bother with his place, for God knows what other stupid thing might come out of this... our evening was seriously screwed, finding another restaurant after the time wasted was now difficult and we no longer had it in us to eat out.

So for these lists, I'd rather see one about what the restaurants are doing wrong instead of the clients.

Really, you didn't know this? Seriously? I was raised in a farking barn and I knew this. Just because your an uncultured slob doesn't mean the rest of the world needs to lower itself to your slovenly standards.

Strange, since most of the people reading this list are going to have incomes closer to the waiters than the diners in this hypothetical restaurant.

Seriously, 4 5 & 8 don't apply to most of us. And most places won't be able to do #7, #3 would be pointless since the waitstaff wouldn't know the answers.

And on #10, at a mom & pop restaurant I leveed my complaints and observations. I went back a month later and nothing had changed so I haven't returned.

I literally just got home from eating at a locally-owned gourmet burger place that my buddy manages. I wanted the ostrich burger, but apparently they're all out due to a salmonella outbreak at an ostrich farm. I settled for a classic angus sandwich. It was good. Not $24 good, but good.

imfallen_angel: The man that had been staring at us comes after us as we exit the doors, and he introduces himself as the owner. He starts begging us not to leave. His explanation was that the "rule" is that people must close the menu and put it on the table before the waiter will come to the table.

I think this is fairly common, and common sense too.

No one wants the waiter pestering them for their order while they're still perusing the menu and trying to make up their minds.

At a good restaurant, the waiters will wait until you've finished looking over the menu to come by, rather then coming over whenever they feel like it and interrupting you while you're still reading it.

jetzzfan:

I prefer to eat around the mushrooms, and then at the end trying to put together the slices into a whole mushroom again. My dining companions disapprove.

What kind of mushroom glue do you prefer?

TheOther: ArkAngel: unyon: ArkAngel: GAT_00: ArkAngel: strawberry-banana margarita

You don't mind I call you a woman from now on, do you?

Booze should taste like booze.

I've got no problem drinking beer, wine, or various liquers. But I generally don't like hard liquors except in frozen drinks.

I've heard of your kind (new window).

Yes, I like girly drinks. So what?

The burn of hard liquor is a safety thing, like pain. Girly drinks go down easy and comes back hard. Straight liquor goes down hard and gives you a clue that too much is going to hurt.

It won't stop you, but at least it won't deceive you.

/whiskey sour victim in my youth
//disclaimer: didn't learn how to not binge drink for decades

I've never failed to be vomiting the day after manly 100+ proof shots were involved.

Doc Daneeka: imfallen_angel: The man that had been staring at us comes after us as we exit the doors, and he introduces himself as the owner. He starts begging us not to leave. His explanation was that the "rule" is that people must close the menu and put it on the table before the waiter will come to the table.

I think this is fairly common, and common sense too.

No one wants the waiter pestering them for their order while they're still perusing the menu and trying to make up their minds.

At a good restaurant, the waiters will wait until you've finished looking over the menu to come by, rather then coming over whenever they feel like it and interrupting you while you're still reading it.

Wrong. If his timing assessment of the scenario is correct, they should have had waitstaff check to see if they had questions, or offer the specials or recommendations.

unyon: ArkAngel: GAT_00: ArkAngel: strawberry-banana margarita

You don't mind I call you a woman from now on, do you?

Booze should taste like booze.

I've got no problem drinking beer, wine, or various liquers. But I generally don't like hard liquors except in frozen drinks.

I've heard of your kind (new window).

Hands down, one of my fave KITH skits of all time. Bravo.

If you are getting a steak for your entrée, is it wise to order the bacon-wrapped dates as a starter and then a foie gras terrine as your appetizer?

That's some sweet advice right there. I'd never considered that. Great stuff.

Next up: how to use a steak knife without traumatically amputating your own hand; how to go to the toilet without emerging wild eyed, gasping for air & smeared in your own effluent.

The Fark Filter: If that is enough to make him a snobby prick in your eyes, then I'd have to guess that all the people who taunt you about your eating habits are really doing it just because of how you react.

What makes him a snobby prick in that statement is that he assumes you don't know what you like and don't like.

That component is there for a reason: it's meant to balance out the other elements on the plate and if you throw that balance off, your dinner will be disappointing.

Maybe no mushrooms would make it taste worse for you article writer, but for someone who doesn't like mushrooms, it's going to make it taste better.

/I try to stick to the menu meal
//but sometimes all the other menu options are worse than the one item with a garnishment or sauce I don't want

ArkAngel: TheOther: ArkAngel: unyon: ArkAngel: GAT_00: ArkAngel: strawberry-banana margarita

You don't mind I call you a woman from now on, do you?

Booze should taste like booze.

I've got no problem drinking beer, wine, or various liquers. But I generally don't like hard liquors except in frozen drinks.

I've heard of your kind (new window).

Yes, I like girly drinks. So what?

The burn of hard liquor is a safety thing, like pain. Girly drinks go down easy and comes back hard. Straight liquor goes down hard and gives you a clue that too much is going to hurt.

It won't stop you, but at least it won't deceive you.

/whiskey sour victim in my youth
//disclaimer: didn't learn how to not binge drink for decades

I control my drinking very carefully. In my entire life, I've been drunk twice. Once after my uncle died, the second time I accidentally had too many double Rumple Minze whilst singing karaoke. Still had enough sense and brevity to walk twenty blocks home and get into the shower before throwing up and passing out.

unLucky for me I have Clustered headaches, which prohibits me from having alcohol period, not even a single beer. Before my condition was found, I would probably drink 3-4 12 packs of beer before even getting a slight buzz, mainly the headaches would take over and I'd be unable to tell if I was even drunk or buzzed. To put in perspective, where most people would have 2-3 shots and feel a buzz, I would down an entire bottle of Patron in one sitting just to get a buzz, and no I was not smashed hammered.

/because of CH I refuse to touch alcohol, chocolate
//want to know how bad CH is? youtube "Clustered headaches" and try to watch 5 minutes of someone suffering through one

AbbeySomeone: Doc Daneeka: imfallen_angel: The man that had been staring at us comes after us as we exit the doors, and he introduces himself as the owner. He starts begging us not to leave. His explanation was that the "rule" is that people must close the menu and put it on the table before the waiter will come to the table.

I think this is fairly common, and common sense too.

No one wants the waiter pestering them for their order while they're still perusing the menu and trying to make up their minds.

At a good restaurant, the waiters will wait until you've finished looking over the menu to come by, rather then coming over whenever they feel like it and interrupting you while you're still reading it.

Wrong. If his timing assessment of the scenario is correct, they should have had waitstaff check to see if they had questions, or offer the specials or recommendations.

Perhaps so, but that's assuming there's no exaggeration or hyperbolic embellishment in the story.

Mad Scientist: 15. Supersizing your combo, then ordering a diet cola.

Supersizing is stupid, but regardless of what you chew, no soda is good enough to justify sucking down the extra sugar.

#1. Going to the wrong restaurant.

Srsly. I have a lunch in a restaurant 3-5 days a week. They serve a different menu each day, the soup plus main dish cost less than a whopper menu in BK (5.4 USD exactly). The food is just great, the waiters are nice. It's 10 minutes walk from my office, perfect. I'm drooling if I recall the food I have eaten there this week.

Smackledorfer: p you, but at least it won't deceive you.

/whiskey sour victim in my youth
//disclaimer: didn't learn how to not binge drink for decades

I've never failed to be vomiting the day after manly 100+ proof shots were involved.

You knew it was coming, though, when you took the shot. A daquiri is more ninja-sneaky.

orbitalfreak: I am not a Limivore: /Protip: A 'Green' or 'A' health rating on a restaurant window doesn't mean they don't have major violations in food safety. They just don't have enough violations to warrant a lower score.


/link hotter than 160º

*rofl* that is definitely sneaky.

I'm glad I read this before my 8 o'clock reservation for tonight at Denny's.

11. When the waiter opens the wine and offers you to the first taste, swirling your wine in the glass before taking the first taste. This is a reliable indicator of a poser who is only pretending to understand wine.

The first taste has one purpose: to determine whether or not the wine is corked. A corked bottle has been contaminated with the residue of a fungal disease that originated or resides in the cork. Corked wine smells faintly of wet dog.

When the bottle is first poured, your best chance of detecting whether this condition is present is to drink the wine in its most pristine and least disturbed state. The last thing you want is to aerate the wine or "open up" the flavor or "let it breathe" or any such nonsense. Doing so will obscure the faint but characteristic stench of the cork and will diminish your ability to taste the contamination that is the entire purpose of the excercise. You are screening for disease, not passing judgment on whether you "like" the wine.

Many wine drinkers equate the first taste with what you do at a wine tasting when you are actually trying to savor the wine itself. No. Don't do this. Stop being a noob. You are trying to detect corruption before the wine reaches the sweet lips of your date, dammit. Swirl the wine, if you must, after you determine that it is sound. Or better yet, stop all the swirling nonsense and drink your wine slowly enough that you can actually taste the transformation as it oxidizes in your glass. The last sip will taste different than the first, and that's an interesting thing.

11. Don't tip 20% just because the restaurant industry says you have to. Remember, it's 10% for decent service, 15% for great service and 20% if it's really outstanding.

ModernLuddite: I'm glad I read this before my 8 o'clock reservation for tonight at Denny's.

Happy Baconalia to you, sir

UNC_Samurai: 6. Salting Your Food Before You Taste It.

This is doing it wrong in general. Chances are your food already has more than enough sodium in it.

Chances are, you're wrong. After attending culinary school, I've come to realize that most "chefs" don't properly season their food.

I was one of 42 in my class who actually salted things correctly.

whatshisname: 20% if tit's really outstanding.

ftfy

ModernLuddite: I'm glad I read this before my 8 o'clock reservation for tonight at Denny's.

If you gt that booth with a view of the parking lot I will be pissed; I've been on a waitlist for it for weeks.

12349876: JPSimonetti: Honest Bender: 16. Tipping.

Aaaaaaand we're off!

/grabs popcorn

I'll get it started.


imfallen_angel: I'd rather see one about what the restaurants are doing wrong instead of the clients.

1) NO TIPPING! Give me the real price it costs to pay for your supplies and employees like every other farking business and if I don't like my experience I'll take my patronage elsewhere like I do with every other farking business!

/I still tip well
/the waiters and busboys shouldn't be the ones punished

This is how I feel. I am furiously against the idea of tipping. Some corporate douchebag with a politician in his pocket introduced the idea of tipping so they could save $6 in paid wages. Why the hell am I paying your employees? It makes no damn sense.

And anyone that sits down and just thinks about the concept and who it benefits most will agree. It screws customers. Period. Waiters make good wage, so it benefits them. But the restaurant is saving six figures yearly, minimum.

... but, what can you do? The system sucks. I still tip 18% or more no matter what, or I feel guilty.