I know several guys who could use these.

Testicles as fashion accessory?

Now I can show off my dog's balls to all my friends yay!

My friend's dog has a massive tumor on her stomach that looks like balls. I suppose this is the natural alternative.

Man, if for some reason I lost my testes, I would have them replaced with the same material, but shaped into cubes. Because then I would have a more geometrically aesthetic undercarriage.

MimeticNoise: Wouldn't work, there is absolutely no bling in those testicles at all.

And one other thing, Who cares if they feel natural. Last time I checked I didn't spend too much time fondling canine marriage tackle.


But maybe I should be.

I'm not a pet owner, but could someone explain to me why someone would buy replacement testicles for their pets? And why would someone care about their *firmness*?

Man's best friend, sure, but for some people I worry that they might be "man's best friend" *wink wink nudge nudge say no more*, peanut butter notwithstanding.

Of course, it could just be my sleep deprivation talking.

Ku_No_Ichi
Interesting idea with the Die. Chicks would want to blow on them for luck.

rkgoboom

When I had my cat neutered I had the vet implant bovine neuticles - they really are quite pleasant to fondle. And they work! Her new testicles scare off all the other cats - she hasn't had a litter in years.

If something happened to mine (the agony of the thought), I'd seriously consider getting a set of the horse or bull nuts implanted.

Damn good conversation starter.

Why?

I'm almost afraid to ask...is this site for real?

I'd like to get some installed that are made of something really heavy, like tungsten. There's something reassuring about walking around with your scrote stretched taut from the sheer weight of your neuticles.

Yeah, if something happens to the ol' Left and Right, get a pair implanted (preferably horse), and get fresh with a chick at a bar.

When they go to kick you in the nuts, just stand there and take it for a few swings and then yell "Ha! I am impervious to your attacks on my massive testicles! What will you do now, woman? My scrotum is invincible!"

You may get thrown out of the bar, but hey, shiat happens.

If I bust a blood vessel in my brain and die from laughing I just wanted you to know



I hated you all more than anyone else

It's important to buy your dog the natural ones.. if you buy the hard plastic ones, the next time he's biting his balls in public, he may chip a tooth. And THAT would be embarassing.

Goddamn unclosed bold tag.

Even cooler than brass balls would be those two balls you hit together and they make sparks? Every time you ran, your crotch would explode. That'd rule. I bet you could use that to get out of work and stuff. "Damn, sorry boss, I'd love to stay late, but my crotch just exploded."

Nah, because then you'd be sued for sexual harassment, especially if you had a female boss.

I just woke the whole house up laughing! This thread is too funny!

If you had brass or metal neuticles you would make a "clacking" sound when you walked...

Maybe you could develop an Oriental meditative technique of walking so the metal neuticles constantly orbited one another but never came in contact.

"NeuticlesNatural FDA medically-approved (for human use) solid silicone replicates pets testes in firmness."
Who tested those? Who wants pet testes? Or, who wants pet teste firmness?

see, now WWII could have been compleatly avoided had this technology been around then.

lyrics to a song. my grandad used to hum this while he was working in his shop. i asked him what he was humming, so he sang it for me.

Who tested those? Who wants pet testes? Or, who wants pet teste firmness?

Dunno, but if I was forcibly castrated, I'd probably want artificial balls too.

Neuticles make up for the lack of sperm production by being a pure comedy gold mine.

That should be their slogan:

"One more reason for people to laugh at your (pet's) nuts."

Mercan:

Thanks alot for that link...now I'll have that tune and those lyrics in my head all damn day (not to mention thoughts of this thread!) ;)

Now that I think about it, I wouldn't want to be the test for human firmness. Might pay good though.

If I got bovine-size Neuticles implanted in my scrotum, I promise I'd wear nothing but kilts and stand near a high school bus stop waiting for the wind to kick up.

"Hey kids, hows it going? A little chilly out, don't you think?"

*Gust of wind, kids start screaming*

"OMG, bad breeze! Shame on you!"

That'd be one hell of a court hearing, I tell you what.

I have a feeling that I just killed this thread.

why wait for castertion? i've always wanted a third nut...now, i can have 3, 4, 5...as many as i want! thanks, Neuticals!

testes,
testes,
one ....two .....uh....three.


thank you I'll be here all week...

Tip your waitress.....

thank you butthead.

Personally Recommended by Gelded Mullet Man

Neuticals! The're great! I'm having a big bowl of them right now.

I don't understand. Is this an aesthetic thing?? If so why do we have to choose the firmness of the balls?? I mean what kind of person cares about how firm their pets testicles are? Did somebody actually get some of these installed and think to themselves, well they sure are nice balls, but I wish they were a little firmer, like Sparky's balls used to be. I'm so confused.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH guys gather around lassie and feel her new nuts!

shiat does timmy know?

Sorry I had to post more after reading their website in more detail. This really caught my eye.
Why Neuticles?
The 200 year-old traditional form of altering used on family pets includes the permanent removal of the pet's testicles. Many caring pet owners hesitate or even to refuse to neuter their pets because of this. Neuticles eliminates 'neuter-hesitant' concerns - as a 'Neuticled' pet looks exactly the same after surgery.

So they thing that people have second thoughts about cutting off their pets nutsack because of the way the pet would look after?? I always assumed it was because they had too much empathy to let somebody run around with a frank and no beans.

I want to get a dog and have 10 Neuticles inplanted in his nut sack.

He'd be the baddest dog on the block, as all the other dogs run in fear from his 12 balls.....

Why stop with plain neuticals? Why not make them play "La Cucharacha" and vibrate when you squeeze them. Or make them like those shoes that light up every time you take a step, that would show up through a scrotum.

In fact, I see no reasonable limits on what could be implanted into a canines nut repository.


Heh, canine nut repository.

of course the apostrophe is invisible, but it is in a position that denotes ownership.

Having been forcefully castrated at the hands of "Humane" Society nazis when he was a defenseless pup, the candidate will be having a press conference later today on the subject of neuticles.

Does anybotty remember the ol' schoolboy rhyme that went something like:

do your balls hang low? do they wobble to and fro? do you beat your meat on a toilet seat?

is that correct? is there more?

Do your balls hang low?
Can you swing them to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder
Like a pair of boulder holders?
Do your balls hang low?

You mean that one?

Nope. Can't recall as I've ever heard it.

Neuticles screams "PHOTOSHOP!"