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(KnoxNews)   You're banned from a pub named "Friends," and a waitress asks you to leave. Do you c:) shoot the patron standing beside you, cut out his heart, and eat some of it?   (knoxnews.com) divider line 94
    More: Ironic, friends, pub names, guilty verdicts, Douglas Statzer  
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17363 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Mar 2011 at 12:16 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-03-23 12:52:19 PM  
I know I'm being a stickler here but the article states that he didn't cut out the heart, but a fist sized chunk of flesh.
 
2011-03-23 12:53:14 PM  

the_rev: mantafirefly: I don't get what the national obsession with beer even is. It's a farking drink, it doesn't even taste nice (If it did you'd be able to drink it much more quickly), so buy something you like the taste of more. If you want to get drunk quick, there's better methods.

1/10


I wasn't even trolling, it does taste horrible. I prefer vodka in my apple juice.
 
2011-03-23 12:54:09 PM  

Stanfan114: Remember, guns make everybody safer, kids.


Heeeeeere we go.
 
2011-03-23 12:55:49 PM  
The One Where Chandler Snaps
 
2011-03-23 12:56:46 PM  

milowitz: I know I'm being a stickler here but the article states that he didn't cut out the heart, but a fist sized chunk of flesh.


Yeah, but he was *trying* for the heart. He ain't a surgeon, after all.
 
2011-03-23 12:56:53 PM  
This is why I don't drink. I would SO do that.

/place is surely haunted now
/kickass
 
2011-03-23 12:58:26 PM  

milowitz: I know I'm being a stickler here but the article states that he didn't cut out the heart, but a fist sized chunk of flesh.


Nah, it said "heart" (which is how to describe a pound of flesh apparently)
 
2011-03-23 12:59:18 PM  
schoolofdisney.com

We're friends with every creature
Comin' down the pike
In fact we never met an animal
We didn't like

That's what Friends are for!
 
2011-03-23 12:59:36 PM  
DAD??
 
2011-03-23 12:59:39 PM  
Is this guy the brother of the nutjob who tried to strangle Diane Chambers?
 
2011-03-23 01:04:38 PM  

TrixieDelite: DAD??


now now, your dad is much more of a gentleman. to me, at least.
 
2011-03-23 01:05:01 PM  
Damn you Prank Call of Cthulu! You *KNOW* the Magua thing is mine!

img137.imageshack.us

/My pic is bigger anyway.
 
2011-03-23 01:10:49 PM  

Sarcastica75: all these hearty zingers based on the headline alone and as someone's already pointed out, he merely ate but some flesh.

*sniff

/don't people know how to cannibalize anymore?
//is it truly a lost art?


I've heard that the pancreas tastes like breadfruit...
 
2011-03-23 01:22:52 PM  
Did he make a grand exit onto a Greyhound bus headed to Canada?
 
2011-03-23 01:29:45 PM  
the_rev: mantafirefly: I don't get what the national obsession with beer even is. It's a farking drink, it doesn't even taste nice (If it did you'd be able to drink it much more quickly), so buy something you like the taste of more. If you want to get drunk quick, there's better methods.

1/10

I wasn't even trolling, it does taste horrible. I prefer vodka in my apple juice.


You should make a list of things you think taste horrible. There may be other foods and beverages I enjoy without realizing how bad they taste until you point it out.
 
2011-03-23 01:32:55 PM  

joelris: What's his fark handle?


That one's too easy: dittybopper
 
2011-03-23 01:35:31 PM  
lucianogalasso.files.wordpress.com
 
2011-03-23 01:36:28 PM  

BobaFeet: Wow. Just wow. This shiat really happens.


Hardly ever actually. The guy it happened to should consider himself lucky and buy a lottery ticket.
 
2011-03-23 01:36:44 PM  

milowitz: I know I'm being a stickler here but the article states that he didn't cut out the heart, but a fist sized chunk of flesh.


"He told me he was trying to cut (Ford's) heart out."

He was aiming for the heart. He just missed.
 
2011-03-23 01:37:53 PM  

mantafirefly: the_rev: mantafirefly: I don't get what the national obsession with beer even is. It's a farking drink, it doesn't even taste nice (If it did you'd be able to drink it much more quickly), so buy something you like the taste of more. If you want to get drunk quick, there's better methods.

1/10

I wasn't even trolling, it does taste horrible. I prefer vodka in my apple juice.




Tell me... are there still a good many slut-holes in London to rake out?
 
2011-03-23 01:39:15 PM  
I've got chunks of guys like him in my stool.
tvmedia.ign.com
 
2011-03-23 01:42:11 PM  
www.wildyams.com

When the waitress is dead, Magua will eat her heart. Before she dies, Magua will put her children under the knife, so the waitress will know her seed is wiped out forever.

/hopefully not the waitress from Sunny
 
2011-03-23 01:44:52 PM  
Shiat, i wonder what he'd do for a klondike bar?
 
2011-03-23 01:50:28 PM  
I live in Knoxville, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

/Also, I would like a farking beer.
//Right farking now.
 
2011-03-23 01:56:08 PM  

JoeJitsu:
That's what Friends are for!


Fools and horses running their courses and browbeaten down like dust on the ground you cheat easily like sweet charity and all of the bastards the world despises springing surprises in newer disguises you cheat easily like all charity...
 
2011-03-23 02:02:49 PM  

PDX Ghost Hunter: Stanfan114: Remember, guns make everybody safer, kids.

Heeeeeere we go.


www.lowbird.com
 
2011-03-23 02:04:04 PM  
I guess they'll have to change the name to Foes.
 
2011-03-23 02:06:16 PM  

the_rev: preciousmetal: Well, did he get his beer?

They didn't have the heart to refuse him...


+1
 
2011-03-23 02:11:53 PM  

ElPollotonto: milowitz: I know I'm being a stickler here but the article states that he didn't cut out the heart, but a fist sized chunk of flesh.

Nah, it said "heart" (which is how to describe a pound of flesh apparently)


This incident didn't take place in Venice, did it?
 
2011-03-23 02:12:13 PM  
I dont get it.. how is it ironic?

Unless it was his friend that he shot and not a random guy..

If it was called "everyone here is friendly" or "you wont get killed here".. then it would be ironic..
 
2011-03-23 02:19:33 PM  

cbackous: I dont get it.. how is it ironic?

Unless it was his friend that he shot and not a random guy..

If it was called "everyone here is friendly" or "you wont get killed here".. then it would be ironic..


Human hearts are loaded with iron.

Er, so I hear.
 
2011-03-23 02:24:20 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: In his defense, (expletive) beer IS pretty farking good.


Hahahah. Nice. I actually lol'd.

I'm thinking about getting my homebrew operation started back up. If I do, I'm definitely going to make (expletive) beer.
 
2011-03-23 02:41:26 PM  
Came for magua and temple o doom.

Leaving doubly satisfied.

/was surprised at no davy jones heart pics or jokes
 
2011-03-23 02:49:40 PM  
This man is in desperate need of a bullet through the back of the skull.
 
2011-03-23 03:02:08 PM  

Adjective Bird Whiskey: the_rev: I've been to Friends several times. It was a pretty cool little place until this incident happened.

Murder/cannibalism does tend to ruin the ambiance of a place.


innovationcharter.pbworks.com

Their meat pies are great, though!

/much better than they were before "the incident", I might add
 
2011-03-23 03:09:44 PM  
i55.tinypic.com

Here Alex, have a heart
 
2011-03-23 03:52:40 PM  

dittybopper: Damn you Prank Call of Cthulu! You *KNOW* the Magua thing is mine!



/My pic is bigger anyway.


www.gameinformer.com
 
2011-03-23 04:01:58 PM  

PumpUpDaFark: joelris: What's his fark handle?

That one's too easy: dittybopper


i54.tinypic.com

Who? Me?
 
2011-03-23 04:04:44 PM  

Igor Jakovsky: Here Alex, have a heart


Wow. A Dreamscape reference. Don't see that everyday.
 
2011-03-23 04:42:00 PM  
jigger Quote 2011-03-23 04:04:44 PM
Igor Jakovsky: Here Alex, have a heart

Wow. A Dreamscape reference. Don't see that everyday.


Frankly, I was surprised I was able to find that pic so easily.
 
2011-03-23 06:10:40 PM  
Sarcastica75: /don't people know how to cannibalize anymore?

they're called Catholics
 
2011-03-24 01:12:44 AM  
theinspirationroom.com

Unavailable for comment.
 
2011-03-24 07:03:02 AM  
SOME of it? What a pussy...
 
2011-03-24 08:09:56 AM  

Loaf's Tray: SOME of it? What a pussy...


Well, (expletive) Beer *is* quite filling.
 
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