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Actual news overload, the invasion of cute, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/13 - 3/19. Duke sucks 
Posted by Drew at 2011-03-22 1:07:00 PM (18 comments) | Permalink

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3417 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Mar 2011 at 3:00 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Well the news cycle seems to be hitting overload, as in there's so much going on that MSM is finally stretched to cover all of it. Unfortunately, I think this means that we're going right back to Charlie Sheen once this stuff is over. Kind of like how Alanis Morisette disappears for a couple years between albums and comes back sounding fresh - which lasts all of about a month and then you're tired of it again. So get ready for more Sheen weirdness after this news cycle ends. No, I'm not excited about it either.

Regarding the current news cycle, look for more shlocky cute stuff than usual. When people become disturbed they become snark-avoidant. No need to worry about this happening on Fark, as long as we're randomly bombing middle-eastern countries and claiming it's due to "humanitarian aid" or "democracy", there will be enough cynicism to last for the full news cycle. Seriously, what the hell is the plan in Libya? That's likely a rhetorical question because I'm pretty sure there isn't one. Sure Laffydaffy is a jackass but do we know anything at all about the other guys? Looked more like a coup to me than a democratic uprising. BTW you know what the problem with democracy is? Sometimes we don't like who gets elected -- like Palestinians voting in Hamas. Yay democracy. Can we go back to Pax America now? Okay I think I've exhausted everything offensive I can say about that without bringing in cheap tsunami references.

I noticed the other day that there are a few phrases I've caught myself saying in the past two weeks that I never thought I'd ever say, including:

- Japanese multiple nuclear meltdown
- French military offensive
- I don't think Duke's going out in the first round

I actually did have Duke out in the second round, and I was one last-second shot away from being right. So it goes. I'm not saying I'm some kind of basketball genius, I always pick Duke to go out early -- and when they do it's a jackpot for my bracket. However, when they don't, like last year, it doesn't work out so well. I'm still hanging in there bracket-wise but I picked KY to win it all as I was required to per state law. It could happen. I always make sure to enter pools that are out of state, everyone in state picks Kentucky which makes it less fun when they win it all. I don't think that will happen this year; however, if it is I look forward to having to give the title back four years from now.

All right that's enough rambling, back to the coffee.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-03-13 to Sat 2011-03-19:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Deaf school teacher accused of luring minor for sex, prosecutor reportedly willing to accept plea in lieu of hearing    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Suicidal woman falls 100 feet inside new library. Reporters quickly calculating the number of stories    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  If you lost two large bales of marijuana down the Arizona sewer system, the police would like a word with you. Also, if you are smoking Arizona weed there's a reason it tastes like some good shiat    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Opera patron assaults usher, police escort him from the aria    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Three people shot near Target. They probably should have stood farther away    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Election observers quit one month before polls in Djibouti. This could really shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake Djibouti    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Mild-mannered earthquake shakes Ontario and Quebec, apologizes for rattling windows    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  PoGo StIcKs ReCaLlEd BeCaUsE oF iNjUrY rIsK    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Illinois schools have fired more than 2,600 teachers this year, at least 600 of whom were not having sex with students    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Great Dane has 17 puppies by Cesarean section. Owner fined for littering    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  US astronomers announce discovery of room temperature dwarf brown star. NASA immediately names it Gary Coleman    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Imminent NFL lockout does not threaten Madden 12 release. It will be so realistic that hitting "play now" will feature an empty stadium and right trigger will show owners cooking the books    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Adrian Peterson decries the "modern day slavery" of the NFL as he returns to his job of picking cotton -- or silk -- sheets for his guest house    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  New York Mets drop Luis Castillo like a fly ball in the 9th inning with two outs against the Yankees    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  NASA spacecraft now circling massive object that is not your wife, despite being super-hot on one side and super-cold on the other    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  ICANN has .xxx domain names? Yes    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Research shows that when the human egg encounters a sperm, the egg offers key navigation help to the sperm through hormones. It's like back seat driving at a cellular level    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Showbiz:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  15 vacation destinations every child under age 15 should see. The Champagne Room of the Vegas Spearmint Rhino just missed the cut    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Crowd enjoys Jodie Foster's Beaver. This is not a repeat from The Accused    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Laptops stolen from West Philadelphia school. With no leads and lacking any fresh prints, Will Smith replaces all 30 computers    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Rep. Chris Lee offers apology, refund, signed shirtless photo to all of his donors    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  The F-35: A weapon that cost more than Australia. How much is that in Delawares again?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  PR Firm of completely benevolent and benign Koch Brothers banned from Wikipedia for "sock puppeting," which is the last thing you want to see on a Koch    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Music:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Auction of 70 Eric Clapton personal guitars raises over $2 million for needy charity. Hopefully, this now gives them less to fret about    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Gwen Stefani says she couldn't write music after having kids. Some argue that sentence is three words too long    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Björk to debut new album, digitally-controlled pipe organ, a 30 foot pendulum that harnesses the earth's gravitational pull to create musical patterns... you know - the usual    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  AP writer can't understand why no one builds a grocery store in a town with no money. Also baffled by the way Kleenex keep popping up out of the box    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Horse hoof ankle length shoes for women now on sale in England. Perfect for the winter when the weather is Friesian    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  General Mills in $1.1 billion takeover of Yoplait, hopes to avoid a culture clash    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·
(view entire blog)


18 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2011-03-22 03:07:16 PM  
Where's "An Idiot Abroad begins its second season"? That one cracked me up.
 
2011-03-22 03:09:55 PM  
The Jodie Foster headline is the funniest 'this is not a repeat' headline I've ever seen on Fark.
 
2011-03-22 03:12:49 PM  

brigid_fitch: Where's "An Idiot Abroad begins its second season"? That one cracked me up.


It's flagged as a context Headline of the Year because the joke doesn't work until you click on the link. There were several of those even in this batch of headlines.
 
2011-03-22 03:17:23 PM  
fresh prints. *groan*
 
2011-03-22 03:21:16 PM  
my wolverines should have won had they not gotten away with those damn spider arms and other numerous calls missed....
/hater is hatin'
 
2011-03-22 03:25:54 PM  
Does it still count as a Fark headline of the week when it's word for word the same headline as the article?
 
2011-03-22 03:27:52 PM  
It ain't a 'coup.' Maybe a civil war in the making.
 
2011-03-22 04:05:08 PM  
Coffee?!
 
2011-03-22 04:06:15 PM  
Where's the one about stars being caught in the act on camera? Best headline i read all week and i'd link but i'm on a mobile browser.
 
2011-03-22 04:31:55 PM  
"Can we go back to Pax America now?"

Oooh oooh, *raises hand and waves back and forth* I found an error!
What do i win?

Really? I get to be that guy!
Hey everybody! I'm that guy!
 
2011-03-22 04:56:00 PM  

SideOfBacon: my wolverines should have won had they not gotten away with those damn spider arms and other numerous calls missed....
/hater is hatin'


Cannot be repeated often enough.
 
2011-03-22 05:10:39 PM  

Caeldan: Where's the one about stars being caught in the act on camera? Best headline i read all week and i'd link but i'm on a mobile browser.


Of course I find it now, and it was posted on the 21st... seems so long ago... *facepalm*
 
2011-03-22 05:21:48 PM  
Thanks for the love of my Idiot Abroad headline. I think Wonkette stole/co-opted it, though it's entirely possible they came up with the headline on their own(though not likely) Link (new window)

As for the rest, I'm a sucker for a good Target joke(RIP Mitch Hedberg).
 
2011-03-22 05:42:23 PM  
Sneaky BHOTW. Won't throw it back!
 
2011-03-22 06:21:48 PM  
Invasion of cute you say?
farm6.static.flickr.com
 
2011-03-22 08:02:59 PM  
tl;dr
 
2011-03-22 08:11:58 PM  
If you lost two large bales of marijuana down the Arizona sewer system, the police would like a word with you. Also, if you are smoking Arizona weed there's a reason it tastes like some good shiat.

My headline was good. The ModMin who changed the second line made it better. This is really their headline.

+1
 
2011-03-23 09:43:54 AM  
(go blue)
 
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