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(Fark)   Contest: Fark headlines from before the dawn of Fark. Difficulty: From BC   (fark.com ) divider line
    More: Misc, French President Nicolas Sarkozy, The Fake Headlines, Happy Birthday, French President, morning-after pills, sex therapist, Pinal County, Religious Right  
•       •       •

2890 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Mar 2011 at 7:44 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



616 Comments   (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2011-03-18 04:47:02 PM  
img0.fark.net img1.fark.net Gaul Surrenders
 
2011-03-18 05:16:14 PM  
(Some Roman) img1.fark.net Christ crucified. Oh sap!
 
2011-03-18 05:18:38 PM  

HawgWild: (Some Roman) Christ crucified. Oh sap!


*facepalm*

That's not exactly BC, is it ...

/oh well
 
2011-03-18 05:23:06 PM  
Some Guy i105.photobucket.com Red Jungle fowl domesticated in Southeast Asia. Tastes like chicken
 
2011-03-18 05:24:07 PM  
img1.fark.net Actual flash: Uncle Og just MADE fire
 
2011-03-18 05:25:55 PM  
(sad) We all know each other now (new window)
 
2011-03-18 05:28:21 PM  
img1.fark.net What was that big bang?
 
2011-03-18 05:31:45 PM  
(Some Hominid) i105.photobucket.com Study: after years of research scientists come up with Bipedal Locomotion
 
2011-03-18 05:37:20 PM  
img1.fark.net King Solomon adept at splitting heirs.
 
2011-03-18 05:39:19 PM  
img1.fark.net Abel has this weird, sticky red fluid coming out of him. It's horrible on toast
 
2011-03-18 05:42:16 PM  
img1.fark.net More like Alexander Teh Ghey, amirite?!
 
2011-03-18 05:45:10 PM  
(Some Adam) img1.fark.net I don't know what these things are. Not Safe For Garden.
 
2011-03-18 05:49:28 PM  
img1.fark.net *fart* What the hell was that?
 
2011-03-18 05:53:02 PM  
img1.fark.net Father of the Year candidate Abraham attempts to murder his son, told by an invisible man to do so. Also claims neighbor's goat said telling him to kill others to impress Jodie Foster.
 
2011-03-18 05:57:14 PM  
img545.imageshack.us New dance craze sweeping across the Giza Plateau has everyone walking like an Egyptian
 
2011-03-18 06:02:23 PM  
i55.tinypic.com Neighbors complain of too many animals, and guy's obsession to build big boat.
 
2011-03-18 06:10:48 PM  
img135.imageshack.us Julius Ceaser brutusly murdered
 
2011-03-18 06:10:49 PM  
(some Jonah) img1.fark.net Just when you thought it was safe to go into the water...
 
2011-03-18 06:21:02 PM  
img1.fark.net Og come out of closet, put to death by new wheellotine.
 
2011-03-18 06:23:43 PM  
(Priam) i55.tinypic.comNot news: The Greeks finally chickened out. News: Someone forgot their giant wooden horse on the beach. FARK: If they come back looking for it they'll have to get in to the city to find it. HA HA!
 
2011-03-18 06:34:40 PM  
img1.fark.net After 39 years, Moses FINALLY asks for directions to Promised Land. Men ...
 
2011-03-18 06:44:44 PM  
img1.fark.net 8, 9, 10. 10 plagues strike Egypt. Ah ah ah
 
2011-03-18 07:00:00 PM  
img1.fark.net Anti-Moses protesters build statue of golden calf. Your dog wants golden steak
 
2011-03-18 07:08:17 PM  
(Rome Ledger) img1.fark.net Senate passes historic tax breaks for the rich; Crassus complains they don't go far enough
 
2011-03-18 07:09:06 PM  
[Fail] Christ: "Let he who is without sin, toss the first stone." Romans: "Deal."
 
2011-03-18 07:15:26 PM  
img1.fark.net Pharoah, pleased with pyramid completion but angry at mess, tells aliens to take all their tools and machines with them when they leave
 
2011-03-18 07:15:28 PM  
Geek
[Spiffy] Hey, you got arsenic in my copper. Hey, you got copper in my arsenic
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-03-18 07:17:03 PM  
[SCARY] Ugly-ass baby god born in Olympus. Zeus is the father
 
2011-03-18 07:17:17 PM  
Geek
[Interesting] What if man got on top of a horse? No, not like that, you perv.
 
2011-03-18 07:17:22 PM  
[Geek Tab] img1.fark.net Scientists explain how to make 'fire'. Still no cure for anything
 
2011-03-18 07:19:10 PM  
Politics
[Dumbass] Poor woman rejects offer of tax-cut on her infant. Hooker accepts.
 
Pud
2011-03-18 07:22:31 PM  
(Some Guy) img545.imageshack.us God is said to have decided to rest on the seventh day, and drink copious amounts of beer, eat BBQ, and oggle the hot young nymphs at the pool side. This sounds like a good idea, maybe we all should do this.
 
2011-03-18 07:23:38 PM  
Music
[Video] Sun rises for first time (new window)
 
2011-03-18 07:24:27 PM  
(some Roman) img1.fark.net Goths sack Rome. This is not a repeat from 387 BC
 
2011-03-18 07:25:40 PM  
(some cuneiform) [NewsFlash] Word
 
2011-03-18 07:25:52 PM  
img1.fark.net Ice age ends. Climate change deniers unavailable for comment.
 
2011-03-18 07:27:23 PM  
[Dumbass] Vesuvians offend the gods, with predictable results.
 
2011-03-18 07:27:36 PM  
Tito the T-rex, forced 1,000 miles from his home due to meteor impact, makes it back just in time for Dinoday.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-03-18 07:29:09 PM  
[ASININE] Spartard thinks land war in Asia is totally reasonable response to getting dumped
 
2011-03-18 07:30:04 PM  
[Spiffy] Scientists develop new sundials. Still no cure for an overabundance of black bile
 
2011-03-18 07:30:38 PM  
 
2011-03-18 07:30:43 PM  
img1.fark.net the plains may be cultivated, shamans say, though until we invent irrigation we'll still have barley enough to survive.
 
2011-03-18 07:30:51 PM  
[Scary] Woman from Endor weighs less than a duck
 
2011-03-18 07:32:44 PM  
[Cool] Leave it to a woman to create the first profession. Wait, she does WHAT for coin?
 
2011-03-18 07:33:02 PM  
TFD version:

TFer needs swaddling advice. Difficulty: manger.
 
2011-03-18 07:33:29 PM  
(Some Atlantian) [Sappy] So long and thanks for all the fish.
 
2011-03-18 07:35:09 PM  
This is why I love Fark!

t2.gstatic.com
 
2011-03-18 07:37:14 PM  
Politics - Fascist
[Hero] Emperor Qin Shi Huang ends illegal immigration
 
2011-03-18 07:37:29 PM  
img1.fark.net Captain James Cook reports natives friendly at Friendly Cove, Nootka Sound. What's a Nootka Sound? Nuu-chah-nulth!

Oh. Not that BC.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-03-18 07:38:07 PM  
[FAIL] If you've fought the enemy for nine years and have his city surrounded, do you (a) starve him out, (b) launch the final assault, (c) call off the war and give a giant wooden horse as a present?
 
2011-03-18 07:38:49 PM  
(Some Smarty) [Cool] Writing invented. Grammar nazis to follow in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...
 
2011-03-18 07:39:45 PM  
Politics - Fascists
[Dumbass] Lazy commies refuse to gather food, attempt to grow own
 
2011-03-18 07:40:22 PM  
img1.fark.net The best pictures you'll see today of the trees in bloom at Butchart Gardens.
 
2011-03-18 07:40:29 PM  
DIT: Hempen or canvas sack cloth? Also, will my wife still be a virgin after she gives birth? She formed babby with FSM so she has yet to take a dick, but after birth, she will have had a penis in her vagina. Still virgin? Discuss.
 
2011-03-18 07:40:58 PM  
Sports
[PSA] Sports fans warned to be on the lookout for Krakens at this year's Clash of the Titans Championships
 
2011-03-18 07:41:31 PM  
*shakes tiny fist at Rusty Shackleford*
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-03-18 07:43:14 PM  
[FOLLOWUP] Dido reacts to Aeneas' departure with proper royal dignity. Just kidding, she went full attention whore.
 
2011-03-18 07:44:33 PM  

BKITU: *shakes tiny fist at Rusty Shackleford*


Next time you're here, I'll buy you a beer at the Bard and Banker to make up for it. (I'll throw in lunch if you promise to try and find me a piece of Japanese shell shrapnel from the attack on the oil refinery in '42!)
 
2011-03-18 07:46:04 PM  
[Obvious] Continental-rifting deniers: "Localized earthquakes don't necessitate a larger phenomenon"
 
2011-03-18 07:46:14 PM  
(Some Guy) img1.fark.net Not news: Guy claims to be 600 years old. News: He's building a giant boat and rounding up two of every animal on Earth. Fark.com: He says God's gonna flood the whole world to get rid of all the sinners.
 
2011-03-18 07:46:15 PM  
(Some Trojan) [Obvious] Religious figure kidnaps impressionable young boy, keeps him as love slave. News: Religious figure is Zeus. Fark: Gives the boy a cock as a love token
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-03-18 07:47:17 PM  
[PSA] Stargate is now operational. If you can read, please report for transport. If you can't read, you'll have to wait 3,000 years for the next greenlight. Which you won't be able to read, so you probably don't care.
 
2011-03-18 07:47:33 PM  
[Cool] Sanctuary granted for loose women from the stars fleeing Cylons
 
2011-03-18 07:49:05 PM  

Rusty Shackleford: BKITU: *shakes tiny fist at Rusty Shackleford*

Next time you're here, I'll buy you a beer at the Bard and Banker to make up for it. (I'll throw in lunch if you promise to try and find me a piece of Japanese shell shrapnel from the attack on the oil refinery in '42!)


Good trade.
 
2011-03-18 07:49:13 PM  
Romans take Sabine Women to Number Six Dance.
 
2011-03-18 07:49:51 PM  
img1.fark.net I'm stuck to my rock. I'm so very scared. Help. (Details In thread)
 
2011-03-18 07:51:11 PM  
[Obvious] netweavr forgets to enable voting, this is not a repeat since the beginning of time.
 
2011-03-18 07:52:52 PM  
I love this like the kitten loves the thread.
 
2011-03-18 07:53:34 PM  
img1.fark.net Shaman harness the power of fire, still no cure for cancer.
 
2011-03-18 07:54:04 PM  
[Scary] Rain isn't letting up. Subby is going to need a large boat
 
2011-03-18 07:54:42 PM  
img1.fark.net Nanny state completes Stonehenge. But that's OK citizen, you will be safer as the Sun God watches over it
 
2011-03-18 07:55:28 PM  
img1.fark.net Sodom and Gomorrah Sodomized for Sodomy
 
2011-03-18 07:55:50 PM  
i26.photobucket.com Fish with legs: okay coming out of the ocean now
 
2011-03-18 07:56:08 PM  
Duke sucks mammoths
 
2011-03-18 07:56:21 PM  

netweavr: [Obvious] netweavr forgets to enable voting, this is not a repeat since the beginning of time.


Yes, because I would totes vote for this one:

netweavr: Politics - Fascists
[Dumbass] Lazy commies refuse to gather food, attempt to grow own

 
2011-03-18 07:56:26 PM  
img0.fark.netimg.fark.net Round things roll better than flat things. Still no cure for cancer.
 
2011-03-18 07:56:33 PM  
nobody buying the wheel main complaint is the mother in law.
 
2011-03-18 07:56:43 PM  
Abe Vigoda dies.
 
2011-03-18 07:56:46 PM  

DesertDemonWY: Music
[Video] Sun rises for first time (new window)


You forgot to add: The Sun is there as per requirement of Sun news submissions. :-)
 
2011-03-18 07:56:49 PM  
img1.fark.net Happy 38th birthday to Larry King. Here is a hilarious interview with Archimedes of Syracuse
 
2011-03-18 07:56:51 PM  
[Asinine] Heron of Alexandria invents machine powered by steam, smiles smugly
 
2011-03-18 07:56:59 PM  
(B BC) [Spiffy] Anonymous female hacker conducts successful denial-of-service attack on Holofernes
 
2011-03-18 07:57:01 PM  
img1.fark.net Fire Good!
 
2011-03-18 07:58:13 PM  

BKITU: The best pictures you'll see today of the trees in bloom at Butchart Gardens.


I lol'ed.
 
2011-03-18 07:58:44 PM  
img1.fark.net WHAR IS WOOLLY MAMMOTH?? WHAR?
 
2011-03-18 07:58:59 PM  
img1.fark.net BANG
 
2011-03-18 07:59:48 PM  
[COOL] Wheel invented. To be reinvented often until end of time.
 
2011-03-18 08:00:11 PM  
{NEWSFLASH} Streetlight seen over Bethlehem.
 
2011-03-18 08:00:17 PM  
First mammal evolves fur just in time for Caturday
 
2011-03-18 08:00:21 PM  
[FAIL] Hidden security eagle shows why there are only 10 commandments


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-03-18 08:00:48 PM  
[Fail] Government infrastructure project scheduled for 24 hours takes years to complete. Rome finally built.
 
2011-03-18 08:01:20 PM  
Your Vlad wants stake
 
2011-03-18 08:01:48 PM  
Can I vote for all of them, holy hell this is good
 
2011-03-18 08:02:26 PM  
(Some Guy) img1.fark.net Roman Republic invades France. You know who else will invade France?
 
2011-03-18 08:02:37 PM  

etherknot: DesertDemonWY: Music
[Video] Sun rises for first time (new window)

You forgot to add: The Sun is there as per requirement of Sun news submissions. :-)


doh! indeed I did, good call
 
2011-03-18 08:02:44 PM  
[Dumbass] Dyonisia out of ideas, Euripides writes play about Helen of Troy
 
2011-03-18 08:02:59 PM  
Greek government repeals Don't Ask, Don't Tell; Lesbian navy relieved
 
2011-03-18 08:03:07 PM  
(newsflash) Fish begin walking. Homo Halibut a leg up on competition.
 
2011-03-18 08:03:12 PM  
[Interesting] Chinese Emperor builds great wall to keep out Mongolian hordes, neighbor's dog.
 
2011-03-18 08:03:21 PM  
[OBVIOUS] Proving once again that global warming is bullshiat, ice storm enters 4th month. Suck it, libs.
 
2011-03-18 08:03:47 PM  
[Obvious] Jesus last seen riding the dinosaur north out of town...
 
2011-03-18 08:03:53 PM  
The Peasants are revolting!
Well, they are a little bit tacky.

/OK, so it's "The Wizard of Id" and not "B.C.", but you get the idea.
 
2011-03-18 08:03:56 PM  
[Unlikely] Some kook predicts major meteor strike for Pangaea as soon as this weekend...
 
2011-03-18 08:04:16 PM  
img1.fark.net Aristarchus of Samos claims Earth goes around the Sun.
 
2011-03-18 08:05:02 PM  
t2.gstatic.com
 
2011-03-18 08:05:04 PM  
img1.fark.net Socrates drank what?
 
2011-03-18 08:05:07 PM  
[amusing] I'm a Cladoselache, I'm a Cladoselache, suck my d*ck, I'm a Cladoselache
 
2011-03-18 08:05:12 PM  
[Strange] New species of upright apes discovered, named homo erectus, faces stiff competition against established hominids, hard road ahead, expected to get shafted by history. Penis.
 
2011-03-18 08:05:51 PM  
[Cool] Caesar files for divorce from Betty White. Divorce rumored to be finalized March 15.
 
Pud
2011-03-18 08:06:29 PM  
img0.fark.net [FARK PARTY] Stonehenge Fark party update. DIT
 
2011-03-18 08:06:29 PM  
[Newsflash] God creates Woman. Man declares she has sharp knees
 
2011-03-18 08:07:29 PM  
img1.fark.net MAXIMVS COMMODVM EVICIT | DVX COMBIBVNT
 
2011-03-18 08:07:37 PM  
Vikings land in Minnesota! Proclaim "This Place Sucks!" Leave immediately.
 
2011-03-18 08:08:19 PM  
[Boobies] Hi I'm Eve. Wanna try my apples?
 
2011-03-18 08:08:37 PM  
img1.fark.net God angry over tall tower. Says he will dải nhân loại quyền lực của mình bằng cách sắp xảy ra giao tiếp của chúng tôi.
 
2011-03-18 08:08:45 PM  
img1.fark.netAtouk alunda Tonda!!!!
 
2011-03-18 08:08:49 PM  
[Interesting] Stevenus Jobus unveils Antikythera Mechanism
 
2011-03-18 08:08:51 PM  
(SCARY) New century brings advent of greater torture devices for unbelievers. So, how's that hopey changey thing working out for you?
 
2011-03-18 08:08:57 PM  
(Thar's widow) img1.fark.net Photoshop this cave etching of Thar being gored by a Wolly Mammoth
 
2011-03-18 08:09:06 PM  

FloydA: (Some Hominid) i105.photobucket.com Study: after years of research scientists come up with Bipedal Locomotion


Well played, sir.
 
2011-03-18 08:09:07 PM  
[Weiners] Hey the name is Adam. Plenty of me to go round! What's that? Snake?! I hate snakes!
 
2011-03-18 08:09:32 PM  
(Follow Up) Gilgamesh spews on about city walls. No public response yet to WarkaGARBL.
 
2011-03-18 08:09:41 PM  
[Cool] Xenophon's new stand-up special tonight on Philosophy Central. Here's a sneak peak (sponsored link)
 
2011-03-18 08:09:43 PM  
[some Athenian] Socrates forced to commit suicide because (γ) he taught kids to not be drones
 
2011-03-18 08:09:50 PM  
[Fail] Humanity evicted from Garden of Eden after Adam eats Eve's apple, cherry.
 
2011-03-18 08:10:05 PM  
Hiker suffers hallucinations. Mysterious local shaman prescribes nothing but two tablets. "I think he's a quack. He made me take off my sandals"
 
2011-03-18 08:10:20 PM  
[Obvious] News: Christopher Columbus discovers a new route to India and names the natives "Indians" Fark: He's not in India.
 
2011-03-18 08:10:34 PM  
(Photoshop) Photoshop this humble abode.
 
2011-03-18 08:10:51 PM  
[MISC] TFD: This girl down the street left some mashed barley and honey mixed with water out for a few weeks, people are worshiping the beverage as a revelation from the gods and saying she should be a priestess. I don't think this religion will last long though. DIT with recipe
 
2011-03-18 08:10:54 PM  
[Scary] Scientists baffled by counting years backwards. "Oh, we should have gone the other way!" *facepalm*
 
2011-03-18 08:11:34 PM  
[news] Man shapes rock into point to help with hunting. Still no cancer.
 
2011-03-18 08:11:36 PM  
[News Flash] Earth Created, the Sun is there
 
2011-03-18 08:11:39 PM  
Torah Bore-ah! Current Hebrews write allegorical stories describing laws and dietary guidelines relevant to today's society
 
2011-03-18 08:11:41 PM  
netweavr: Politics - Fascists
[Dumbass] Lazy commies refuse to gather food, attempt to grow own


/ now VE
 
2011-03-18 08:11:54 PM  

enforcerpsu: [Obvious] News: Christopher Columbus discovers a new route to India and names the natives "Indians" Fark: He's not in India.


So not BC.
 
2011-03-18 08:11:54 PM  
[Amusing] Man finds burning bush. Said to be precuror to Lindsay Lohan
 
2011-03-18 08:11:57 PM  

Agarista: (Follow Up) Gilgamesh spews on about city walls. No public response yet to WarkaGARBL.


This is bad news...for Enkidu.
 
2011-03-18 08:12:15 PM  
img1.fark.net Incesty McCaligulaburton names horse to Senate because FEMA not invented yet.
 
2011-03-18 08:12:20 PM  
img1.fark.net Caledonii sign first-round draft pick Jamie Moyer
 
2011-03-18 08:12:27 PM  
[PSA] More mysterious disappearances in La Brea Swamp. IT'S A TRAP!
 
2011-03-18 08:13:39 PM  
[Sick] Shrimp declared inedible, eating them punishable by eternal damnation. Your dog want's steak, heaven.
 
2011-03-18 08:13:52 PM  
img1.fark.netIf you let Moses lead the jews across the Red Sea, let them go, man, because they're gone
 
2011-03-18 08:14:26 PM  
If someone steals your mastodon steaks do you A. Steal them back? B. Go out hunting for more? C. Drop a massive boulder off the cliff above their village, killing the whole tribe instantly?
 
2011-03-18 08:14:40 PM  
(Some Caveman) img1.fark.net When my saber-tooth tiger sits on the cooking rock, is its bunghole touching the rock or is there some kind of furry thing keeping it off?
 
2011-03-18 08:15:02 PM  
[Caturday] Yes, u can haz giant wings, kitteh. Great sphinx construction in Giza finally complete
 
2011-03-18 08:15:05 PM  
[Advice] Mount Vesuvius is spewing ash. Should I leave?
 
2011-03-18 08:15:12 PM  
[ASININE] Bacon outlawed in Israel. You know who's responsible for this, don't you?
 
2011-03-18 08:15:28 PM  
(Roman Times-Jovrnal) [dumbass] First time, we took your colonies and made you pay a fine. Second time, we burned down your city and took all your land but left you a rump state. But since you won't listen, Carthage, enjoy some mineral enhancement of your fields and a way to ensure your children know what 'discipline' is.

(Atlantis Daily) [news] Small earthquakes rattle entire continent, government reports a sinking feeling

(Qin Imperial News Network) [china] Romance of the Three Kingdoms ends poorly for two of them - whole of Qin'a/China now unified

(Olmec Reporter) [sad] New statues dedicated at Monte Alban, questions of paternity ensue after known father looks nothing like statue

(Alexandria Tattler) [asinine] Cleopatra takes another lover, maybe Marc Antony will keep Egypt free of those pesky Romans, decent Latin music

(Grecian News Leader) [silly] Nude man runs around screaming, "Eureka!", starts trend of nude sightings and safewords

(Hot Gates Enquierer) [hero] Leonidas and 300 defend against 1000:1 odds with spears, curiasses, and geography
 
2011-03-18 08:15:34 PM  
img1.fark.netTop scientist predict 'great lakes' will exist where today's northern glaciers are and that Wolly Mammoths may go extinct. Doesn't sound so great...
 
2011-03-18 08:16:20 PM  
img0.fark.netimg1.fark.net Democritus postulates existence of atoms
 
2011-03-18 08:16:21 PM  
[SPIFFY] Anti-Moses protesters build golden calf. Your dog wants golden steak.
 
2011-03-18 08:16:35 PM  
(Some Doomsayer) [Obvious] Unicorns, dragons require special accommodations. We're going to need a bigger boat.
 
2011-03-18 08:16:43 PM  
[Scary] Samuel proposes a complete resolution to the Amalek problem. You know who else liked final solutions?
 
2011-03-18 08:17:03 PM  

stoli n coke: [SPIFFY] Anti-Moses protesters build golden calf. Your dog wants golden steak.


Already did it, bro!
 
2011-03-18 08:17:34 PM  

Actual Farking: Agarista: (Follow Up) Gilgamesh spews on about city walls. No public response yet to WarkaGARBL.

This is bad news...for Enkidu.


Not after they SHAmash in the ANUs
 
2011-03-18 08:17:53 PM  
[Gay] Lost sabertooth tiger kittens find their way back to cave just in time for Caturday
 
2011-03-18 08:17:54 PM  
Some of these are CLASSIC. Everyone should be proud... wow...

Anyone happen to have a link to the first time Fark did this, when it was only Pre-Fark headlines? I shoulda bookmarked that one at the time.
 
2011-03-18 08:17:55 PM  
[ADVICE] Is there any way to get rid of these cockroaches?
 
2011-03-18 08:17:57 PM  
[Sad] Girlfriend Lucy last seen near Awash Valley. Please contact Ong if you've seen her.
 
2011-03-18 08:18:11 PM  

etherknot: DesertDemonWY: Music
[Video] Sun rises for first time (new window)

You forgot to add: The Sun is there as per requirement of Sun news submissions. :-)


How about "God says 'Let here be light'. The Sun is there."
 
2011-03-18 08:18:20 PM  

HawgWild: stoli n coke: [SPIFFY] Anti-Moses protesters build golden calf. Your dog wants golden steak.

Already did it, bro!


Son of a biatch!
 
2011-03-18 08:18:40 PM  
And just because I can't read and think it's funny....

[Interesting] Pavlov publishes study on conditioning. Your dog wants steak.
 
2011-03-18 08:18:47 PM  
img1.fark.net If apes evolved from lemurs, why do we still have lemurs?
 
2011-03-18 08:19:15 PM  
[NewsFlash] A second plague has hit the pyramids
 
2011-03-18 08:19:54 PM  
(unlikely) Hector says he's not afraid of Trojan turds. Claims he's "winning".
 
2011-03-18 08:20:01 PM  
[SAD] Achilles without worry over coming Trojan War, discounts claims of vulnerable leg and boasts "the only thing my enemies will see is the back of my foot after it stomps their ass"
 
2011-03-18 08:20:02 PM  
[Obvious] Anubis tired of all the god spelled backward jokes
 
2011-03-18 08:20:16 PM  
Florida legislature introduces bill to teach science students that the world was formed 6,000 years from now.
 
2011-03-18 08:20:22 PM  
Phelps Family opens new eatery for Lions, now over a million christians served!
 
2011-03-18 08:20:27 PM  
[Obvious] Seriously, if the country you want to conquer is on the opposite side of 300 pissed off Spartans, just let it go man, 'cuz it's gone.
 
2011-03-18 08:20:43 PM  
img1.fark.net Man finally emerges from ocean. Makes Boobies to news website fark.com
 
2011-03-18 08:21:38 PM  
barefoot in the head:

How about "God says 'Let here be light'. The Sun is there."

Nice.
 
2011-03-18 08:21:55 PM  
(obvious) Mitanni ruling class always in a Hurri.
 
2011-03-18 08:22:22 PM  
i52.tinypic.com Oedipus kills sphinx, marries Queen Jocasta

i55.tinypic.com Ew...
 
2011-03-18 08:23:08 PM  
img1.fark.net A documented virgin from Bethlehem is expected to give birth any day now.
 
2011-03-18 08:23:24 PM  
[Newsflash] News: Athenians win at Marathon Cool: Pheidippides runs from battle with news Sad: Pheidippides dies after delivering news.
 
2011-03-18 08:23:25 PM  
[Sick] Scientists squeeze a cow's udder and drink what comes out.
 
2011-03-18 08:24:07 PM  
[INTERESTING] I don't know what an Abe Vigoda is, but Dionysus just proclaimed him Best New Artist.
 
2011-03-18 08:24:24 PM  
img1.fark.net Nebuchadnezzar II to Babylon and on about more Hanging Gardens, letters in name
 
2011-03-18 08:24:27 PM  
[Unlikely] Scientists say newly-created Universe is expanding even faster than your mom.
 
2011-03-18 08:24:43 PM  
This is truly an Historic thread
 
2011-03-18 08:24:49 PM  
[spiffy] Development of agriculture leads to increasing job specialization. Jack pissed


/meh. some great ones here!
 
2011-03-18 08:25:27 PM  
[Dumbass] Cretan falls to death from cliff, yes alcohol was a factor. How about we just call every dumbass a Cretan?
 
2011-03-18 08:25:28 PM  
img1.fark.net NOT NEWS: Peaceful ape-people awaken to find black monolithic rock standing outside their cave. NEWS: Monolith makes the most gawdawful noise you ever heard in your life. FARK: Now the ape-people are beating their neighbors to death with clubs
 
2011-03-18 08:25:40 PM  

Cpl.D: Mobutu: [Obvious] Seriously, if the country you want to conquer is on the opposite side of 300 pissed off Spartans, just let it go man, 'cuz it's gone.

You do realize the persians WON that war... right?


Yeah, but not exactly as planned, IIRC. I thought the battle at Thermopylae bought time for Greece reinforcements, the war waged on, etc.

Besides, the headline is supposed to be "as it happened" not "umpteen years later when we know the results."
 
2011-03-18 08:25:48 PM  
[fail] Giant tower near Babylon collapses, I guess nobody could understand the foreign instructions
 
2011-03-18 08:25:53 PM  
[Hero] Socrates puts his hemlock where his mouth is, refuses to escape
 
2011-03-18 08:26:30 PM  
[Geek] Device invented to measure time. The Sundial is there.
 
2011-03-18 08:26:36 PM  

www.retrorebirth.com
All headlines kneel before ME!

 
2011-03-18 08:26:38 PM  
(follow up) Area around Van Lake's response to Assyrian taunts of 'weaklings': Urartu.
 
2011-03-18 08:26:55 PM  
[Stupid] Culture War Round 1: Local man develops "theory" of one god
 
2011-03-18 08:27:09 PM  
[FAIL] Hamurabi issues new law code, business leaders threaten to leave due to new expensive regulations
 
2011-03-18 08:27:23 PM  
[Interesting] Pythagorean school puts a new angle on an old philosophy
 
2011-03-18 08:27:42 PM  

Cpl.D: Mobutu: [Obvious] Seriously, if the country you want to conquer is on the opposite side of 300 pissed off Spartans, just let it go man, 'cuz it's gone.

You do realize the persians WON that war... right?


That battle, eventually, but not the war.
 
2011-03-18 08:28:07 PM  
img1.fark.net New Giza Necropolis makes pharaoh pitch a tent
 
2011-03-18 08:28:11 PM  
[NEWS] Greeks pull off surprising upset to defeat Trojans. Duke sucks.
 
2011-03-18 08:28:32 PM  
Between a rock and a hard place? Call Me!
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-03-18 08:29:23 PM  
(dumbass) You've just led the Jews out of slavery. Do you a) start a new country, b) retire and hand over the reigns to someone younger, or c) wander through the desert for forty years?
 
2011-03-18 08:29:30 PM  
[Interesting] Magnets discovered. How do they work?!
 
2011-03-18 08:29:55 PM  

netweavr: [Interesting] Pythagorean school puts a new angle on an old philosophy


A squared jibe can B square. I C what you did there.
 
2011-03-18 08:29:58 PM  
PIIIIITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

media.jinni.com
 
2011-03-18 08:30:43 PM  
img1.fark.net You got your sapiens in my H. neanderthalensis
 
2011-03-18 08:31:10 PM  
[Asinine] (1) Copyright a2 + b2 = c2©; (2) patent troll Pythagoras, right angles; (3) profit!
 
2011-03-18 08:31:37 PM  
img1.fark.netXenu leaves Earth, says it was a blast.
 
2011-03-18 08:32:14 PM  
Not news: man adopts new son. News: man tries to kill new son. Fark: all hail King David.
 
2011-03-18 08:32:36 PM  
[Obvious] Man discovers fire, promptly loses eyebrows
 
2011-03-18 08:32:51 PM  
[sad] Icarus discovers flight. The Sun is there.
 
2011-03-18 08:33:25 PM  
There are truly so many good ones already that it's impossible to vote. Very nice!
 
2011-03-18 08:33:36 PM  
[Stupid] It's not news. It's Fvrk.com.
 
2011-03-18 08:33:39 PM  
(Palaeolithic House) [SPIFFY] Racy new cave drawings of Grog's wife found and blah blah blah you're already at the cave.
 
2011-03-18 08:34:07 PM  
img1.fark.net Human diaspora begins. In the future, will all leaders be accused of being Kenyan?
 
2011-03-18 08:34:30 PM  
(Some beer lover) [Obvious] Egyptians, great slavers or the greatest slavers
 
2011-03-18 08:36:05 PM  
[Sick] Woman is uncertain if the man she's been having an affair with is a god, as his wife claims. Does she (c) insist on seeing him in all his splendour which kills her? Dionysus being born trifecta in play.

/a long way to go, I realize.
 
2011-03-18 08:36:09 PM  
[Fail] Yabba dabba doo doo - Wolf feces the latest flintster fad
 
2011-03-18 08:36:44 PM  
Lack of Mental Ward in Jerusalem area spawns three major religions. Pagan utopia to be torn down next Thursday.
 
2011-03-18 08:37:00 PM  
img1.fark.netCaveman Og insists his encounter with funny man and red haired girl in disappearing blue box really happened
 
2011-03-18 08:38:01 PM  
img1.fark.net Shrine of Apollo at Delphi constructed for Great Oracle. One free technology mysteriously absent
 
2011-03-18 08:38:24 PM  
"After the brush fire, local fire authorities took a statement from the only witness, Moses, who promptly blamed bush"
 
2011-03-18 08:38:35 PM  
0.tqn.com Village man cuts sleeves and neck out of white ceremonial garb, molests 9 year old in neighbors tent, rapes alligator, and invents methamphetamine. Dad?
 
2011-03-18 08:39:01 PM  
Zoomies: God angry over tall tower. Says he will dải nhân loại quyền lực của mình bằng cách sắp xảy ra giao tiếp của chúng tôi.

Zoomies
that is the greatest tower of Babel headline, should have enabled voting. I did for ya.
 
2011-03-18 08:39:04 PM  
img1.fark.net Women's brain is only 1/3 the size as males. It's science.
 
2011-03-18 08:39:17 PM  
[COOL] Adam realizes his new mate came equipped with boobie dials and a docking port, stops fapping.
 
2011-03-18 08:39:33 PM  

FloydA: (Some Hominid) Study: after years of research scientists come up with Bipedal Locomotion


ah, you missed out on a great one. you should have added "still no cure for cancer."
 
2011-03-18 08:39:57 PM  
[Unlikely] Moses: "I have been given fift- *CRASH* uh.. TEN commandments"
 
2011-03-18 08:40:05 PM  
scientists discover the way to lose weight is through diet and exercise
 
2011-03-18 08:41:53 PM  
[Spiffy] Plutonium ore - the new clear way of keeping your cave spotless
 
2011-03-18 08:41:56 PM  
(sad) Two bodies recovered from shipwreck off Roman coast. Authorities still looking for Juan Mooricus
 
2011-03-18 08:42:56 PM  
TFD [Spiffy] When cleaning out cave today, wife tripped over fire and caught weeds outside on fire. Suddenly, very hungry and feel funny in head. What happening to me?
 
2011-03-18 08:43:02 PM  
(rolling stone) [music] Some monks are chanting the same song. Fark: AT DIFFERENT TIMES.
 
2011-03-18 08:43:11 PM  
(Some Goy) Hebrew goes into the mountains, comes back talking about his burning bush. Still no cure for locusts.
 
2011-03-18 08:43:24 PM  
img1.fark.net Hibernians threaten to take over the world.


img1.fark.net Hibernians discover whiskey
 
2011-03-18 08:43:53 PM  
[Spiffy] King David Falleth For Hot Chick Bathing On Roof Who . . . And Thou Already Clicketh On the Link, Haven't Thou?
 
2011-03-18 08:44:39 PM  
img1.fark.net Father of the Year candidate summons bears to attack children of Bethel
 
2011-03-18 08:44:53 PM  
[PSA] If your bush is burning, you might want to consult a doctor.
 
2011-03-18 08:45:10 PM  

epoc_tnac: flintster


Yeah, I'm more into artisnal charcoal-based implements. You probably haven't heard of them. I bet you tan your animal skins in urine instead of mashed-up animal brains.

I rate your knapped flint hand-axe 4.5. Too much auto-tune.
 
2011-03-18 08:45:34 PM  
(Some guy with a lawn) [Obvious] Kids these days are lazy, stupid, and disrespectful
 
2011-03-18 08:46:11 PM  
(dumbass) Herod says he has to kill all newborns; be at the gym in 26 minutes
 
2011-03-18 08:46:22 PM  
They can all go to hell, except for cave 7
 
2011-03-18 08:46:54 PM  
[Spiffy] Onan discovers man can have sexual pleasure without nagging of women. Just don't congratulate him with a handshake.
 
2011-03-18 08:47:28 PM  
Can I just add that this thread is great and has generated a lot of new favorites for me.
 
2011-03-18 08:47:43 PM  
[NEWS] Leaked memo to Caesar 6 months ago: "Brutus determined to strike at empire." Caesar's Response: "Now watch this discus."
 
2011-03-18 08:48:18 PM  
[SAD] Elijah carried away into the sky on a chariot, told to come back in 3000 years as Glenn Beck.
 
2011-03-18 08:48:24 PM  
Zeus overthrows Cronus. Uranus unavailable for comment.
 
2011-03-18 08:48:46 PM  
img1.fark.net BC weed like, still the strongest in Canada, man, probably in the world
 
2011-03-18 08:49:38 PM  
[OBVIOUS] The Big Bang was a hoax!!!
 
2011-03-18 08:50:21 PM  
img1.fark.net Deep Thought creates the greatest supercomputer of all time to understand 42.
 
2011-03-18 08:50:44 PM  
Creation time line

Day Eight: Man creates god.
 
2011-03-18 08:50:54 PM  
[newsflash] Buddha dies. This will be a repeat.
 
2011-03-18 08:51:07 PM  
[NewsFlash] A second Bang has hit the nothingness
 
2011-03-18 08:51:59 PM  
(news flash) Constantinople now Istanbul.
 
2011-03-18 08:52:09 PM  
photos.imageevent.com Some cats with the chops bring to the town in Jericho
 
2011-03-18 08:52:47 PM  
img1.fark.net Theme of Farktography thread No. 0: "Camera obscura". LGT next eras thread.
 
2011-03-18 08:53:08 PM  
[News] Stonehenge finally finished. Egyptians heard laughing, whipping
 
2011-03-18 08:53:43 PM  
[NEWS] Shamans discover eating Genitals of Tiger make men last many hours with woman; still no cure for Horrible Bleeding Cough
 
2011-03-18 08:54:02 PM  
img1.fark.net Gondwana celebrates as North America begins to move away
 
2011-03-18 08:54:55 PM  
[Followup] Istanbul is now Constantinople.
 
2011-03-18 08:55:02 PM  

Emac09: (news flash) Constantinople now Istanbul.


That's nobody's business but the Turks!
 
2011-03-18 08:56:01 PM  
(dumbass) Galileo almost condemned to death for heretic theories. Better luck next time, heretic theories.
 
2011-03-18 08:56:03 PM  
(The New Greek Times) [BOOBIES] Emo poet Sappho returns from exile to Isle of Lesbos and finds it devoid of men. Mood brightens when she finds Amazon has lipstick
 
2011-03-18 08:56:08 PM  
[spiffy] Dog domesticated. But now he wants steak.
 
2011-03-18 08:57:06 PM  

Hector Remarkable: (dumbass) Galileo almost condemned to death for heretic theories. Better luck next time, heretic theories.


Oops, not BC.
 
2011-03-18 08:59:00 PM  
[Scary] En Sabah Nur born. Future Summers worried

[Amusing] Man draws bat on cave. Local cavemen not impressed
 
2011-03-18 08:59:18 PM  
[News] Tea baggers go on strike, demand the right to form a union
 
2011-03-18 09:00:16 PM  
[Showbiz]
(Some Caesar) [Interesting] Not News: Caesar rumored to have fathered child out of wedlock. News: Woman has to have operation to give birth. Fark: Joan Rivers makes statement.
 
2011-03-18 09:00:53 PM  
img1.fark.net Large meteor about to strike Yucatan peninsula, could destroy all life on Ear+++++++CARRIER LOST++++++++
 
2011-03-18 09:01:22 PM  
(ECCE HOMO) ROMANI ITE DOMUM. SVBICI CVM TITVLVS MELIVS
 
2011-03-18 09:02:05 PM  
[Interesting] 12 Tribes of Israel re-capture Jerusalem. And nothing bad will ever happen to them again, ever.
 
2011-03-18 09:02:28 PM  
[Sick] Not news: Teacher betrothes student. Fark: His own age!
 
2011-03-18 09:03:22 PM  

mrtimo: [spiffy] Dog domesticated. But now he wants steak.


Dog domesticated. What is steak?
 
2011-03-18 09:03:36 PM  
[News] Despair in Aotearoa when they discover they will have to wait many centuries for a Maori Christmas
 
2011-03-18 09:04:11 PM  
leviosaurus: Hibernians threaten to take over the world.


Hibernians discover whiskey


Well played good sir.
 
2011-03-18 09:04:25 PM  
[News] Moses tries to ignore teen upstart Ronald Reagan.
 
2011-03-18 09:04:39 PM  

toraque: Sodom and Gomorrah Sodomized for Sodomy


You said sodomy twice.
 
2011-03-18 09:04:58 PM  

Emac09: mrtimo: [spiffy] Dog domesticated. But now he wants steak.

Dog domesticated. What is steak?


[Newsflash] Dog not really domesticated yet. Your dog wants you
 
2011-03-18 09:05:48 PM  
[News Flash] Sodom, Gomorrah destroyed for prevalence of rape, sodomy, infidelity, rape.
 
2011-03-18 09:06:55 PM  
img1.fark.net Drew holds Japan Greenlights hostage, demands 10,000 TF subscriptions
 
2011-03-18 09:07:02 PM  

orbitalfreak: [News Flash] Sodom, Gomorrah destroyed for prevalence of rape, sodomy, infidelity, rape.


Thus saith thou rape twice, verily!
 
2011-03-18 09:07:36 PM  
Man builds large boat and loads two of every animal. Must be planning a huge BBQ. Ark Ark Ark.
 
2011-03-18 09:07:47 PM  
(BBC) [Fail] Large Hadron Collider misses again. This is not a repeat from 2011
 
2011-03-18 09:08:46 PM  
img1.fark.net If you've found an orate Ark allowing you to level any army and talk to God directly please return it to the Hebrews - apparently they lost it.
 
2011-03-18 09:09:43 PM  
Jedi or not, here comes the Deathstar.

(Happened long, long time ago)
 
2011-03-18 09:10:36 PM  

netweavr: (BBC) [Fail] Large Hadron Collider misses again. This is not a repeat from 2011


You had me at ...

netweavr: Politics - Fascists
[Dumbass] Lazy commies refuse to gather food, attempt to grow own


/favy'd
//need a farkie for you ...
 
2011-03-18 09:10:38 PM  
[AMUSING] The Geicocene Epoch, so easy a caveman can do it
 
2011-03-18 09:10:47 PM  

HawgWild: [Scary] Scientists baffled by counting years backwards. "Oh, we should have gone the other way!" *facepalm*


Yeah but these so-called scientists waited until we ran out of years before taking a week to come up with the forward counting system. Assholes.
 
2011-03-18 09:10:54 PM  
[scary] Land bridge between Alaska and Russia disappears. Now where did I leave my wallet?
 
2011-03-18 09:11:27 PM  
[photoshop] challange: year one follows year two, shop what follows year 1.
 
2011-03-18 09:11:57 PM  
[Weird] Gaius's son Julius born, extracted from his mother's hole. No, not that one. No, not that one either.
 
2011-03-18 09:13:08 PM  
[OBVIOUS] Neanderthal tribe unable to compromise with local Cro-Magnons, claim tax cuts are the answer to everything, science is bullshiat--because it hasn't been invented yet--and that they will form own party to govern
 
2011-03-18 09:13:10 PM  
[Fail] Atlantis sinks. Anyone seen my wallet?
 
2011-03-18 09:13:12 PM  
col.stb.s-msn.com

I like where this thread is going.

/REALLY
 
2011-03-18 09:14:18 PM  
Stonehedge completes test flight but grounded for minor technical flaw. Contractors say they see druid to the next scheduled test flight. "This thing will fly again."
 
2011-03-18 09:14:49 PM  
(1 BC) [Unlikely] Calendar set to end. Are the doomsday prophecies true?
 
2011-03-18 09:16:22 PM  
[Sad]King dies young, legacy unestablished. So long, Tut.
 
2011-03-18 09:16:26 PM  
(Some TFD) [Advice] My daughter is pregnant. She told me god did it, can this be true?
 
2011-03-18 09:17:40 PM  
[Dumbass] Pythagoras claims millenium bug will make time run backwards, set us back thousands of years
 
2011-03-18 09:17:50 PM  
(Some Caveman) [NewsFlash] Let slip the Ogs of war
 
2011-03-18 09:18:23 PM  
[Asinine] Apophis orders pyramids built. Jack O'Neil not happy
 
2011-03-18 09:19:56 PM  

Cpl.D: You do realize the persians WON that war... right?


Uh, no. After the battle at Thermopylae the Persians did advance and burn and loot all over Attica including Athens for a while. However a Greek army fortified the isthmus of Corinth preventing the Persians from entering the southern section of Greece and completing their planned conquest. The Persian navy was then soundly defeated at the straits of Salamis. After the naval defeat Xerxes hauled ass back to Asia leaving his general in charge of the army. The next spring when campaigning season started the Persian army was destroyed by the Greeks, while on the same day what was left of the Persian navy after the defeat at Salamis was also destroyed. The invasion was a failure and over the following years Persia would lose all its influence in Europe.

/history geek
 
2011-03-18 09:20:19 PM  
Moon and sun in sky at SAME time---you can't explain that!
 
2011-03-18 09:20:37 PM  
(some hebrew) img1.fark.net God announces plans to allow Mankind to show its devotion to him. The Son is there.
 
2011-03-18 09:20:38 PM  
Gay Caveman invents interior design. Paints cave. No boobies!
 
2011-03-18 09:20:50 PM  

netweavr: (Some TFD) [Advice] My daughter is pregnant. She told me god did it, can this be true?


Which one? You better hope it was Zeus. Cos all those other gods are c*nts.
 
2011-03-18 09:21:08 PM  
img1.fark.net Big fire at the library near the sea
 
2011-03-18 09:21:26 PM  
(Some TFD) [Sick] I just went by my friend Jocasta's place...
 
2011-03-18 09:21:48 PM  
Conan destined to wear jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow. Cool story, chronicler.
 
2011-03-18 09:21:59 PM  
[DUMBASS] Not news: the Emperor appointed a new Consul. News: It's his horse. Fark: No, wait, never mind. He just beheaded the horse.
 
2011-03-18 09:22:33 PM  
(obvious) Aristotle to takeover Plato's school of young boys. Fabulous.
 
2011-03-18 09:24:58 PM  
[Unlikely] Can philosophy figure out the answer to everything? Xeno says we're halfway there.
 
2011-03-18 09:27:10 PM  
[Newsflash] Rome burns. Nero seen playing world's smallest fiddle.
/not quite BC
 
2011-03-18 09:27:24 PM  
[Cool] Giant statue built at Rhodes. Helios is there.
 
2011-03-18 09:28:17 PM  
(Assinine) Loving God forgives Soddomites. Just kidding, he destroyed the place.
 
2011-03-18 09:28:22 PM  
Dog Bite Man
 
2011-03-18 09:30:04 PM  
[Followup] Earthquake destroys giant statue at Rhodes. Yet the sun is still there.
 
2011-03-18 09:30:38 PM  
(spiffy) Daniel survives lion's den, taking new "Winning" tour across the country.
 
2011-03-18 09:30:49 PM  
[News Flash] God prohibits sodomy, bestiality, adultery, incest. Your mom reportedly inconsolable.
 
2011-03-18 09:31:57 PM  
[Politics] Pharaonic Party attempts to quash union of Hebrew government workers, cites divine right
 
2011-03-18 09:32:07 PM  
Die Young. Cancer Cured
 
2011-03-18 09:32:09 PM  
img1.fark.net PeeeeeThaaaaaaaa!
 
2011-03-18 09:32:16 PM  
[Cool] Ladies and gentlemen, the beetles!
 
2011-03-18 09:32:53 PM  
[Dumbass] Man defaces communal cave by painting bison on the wall
 
2011-03-18 09:33:41 PM  
[Follow-up] Cease-fire between the Israelis and Palestinians broken
 
2011-03-18 09:34:47 PM  

Ken at Popehat: [News Flash] God prohibits sodomy, bestiality, adultery, incest. Your mom reportedly inconsolable.


She was a virgin when she had me. Inconsolable doesn't describe it.
 
2011-03-18 09:37:34 PM  
(dumbass) God to Adam- tits? GTFO
 
2011-03-18 09:38:05 PM  
[Interesting] Developers start game called "Duke Nukem Forever"... Just as soon as someone discovers that thing called "Fire"
 
2011-03-18 09:38:42 PM  
[Fail] Odyseus arrives home after epic decade at work, greeted with Penelope's mile-long "honey-do" list
 
2011-03-18 09:39:13 PM  
[Some Guy] [Unlikely] Hey, does anyone else have internet? (0)
 
2011-03-18 09:39:26 PM  
[Dumbass] Your wife is turned to salt by an angry God. Do you C) Bang your daughters? Can we get Sodom tag already?
 
2011-03-18 09:39:32 PM  
[Unlikely] I submitted this Before Christ with a much funnier headline.
 
2011-03-18 09:39:47 PM  
[Florida] Circumcision? On my foreskin? It's more likely than you think
 
2011-03-18 09:40:02 PM  
[HERO] General Cincinnatus returns from war refusing all honors and going straight back to his farm. Just kidding...wait, he really did?
 
2011-03-18 09:40:14 PM  
(scary) Minoan Volcanic Eruption thread (continued) Stay safe, fellow Cretins.
 
2011-03-18 09:40:31 PM  
In other news, Fark needs an indigenous Everglades people tag.
 
2011-03-18 09:40:50 PM  
Many good entries not vote enabled..
 
2011-03-18 09:40:53 PM  

Emac09: (dumbass) God to Adam- tits? GTFO


Well, you didn't enable voting. Let's just say a GIS for eve eden shows a lot of tits. And god controls safesearch on google, right?

God is in favour of tits, but only if they were made out of a rib.
 
2011-03-18 09:41:23 PM  
[Spiffy] Helen of Troy reportedly does not have sharp knees
 
2011-03-18 09:41:43 PM  
[Spiffy] Roman contractor turns down deal to write about cement saying "Surely man can never forget an invention as great as this"
 
2011-03-18 09:42:51 PM  
Man Invents Campfire. Still No Cure for Marshmellows
 
2011-03-18 09:43:09 PM  
[Sick] Yo Lot, you heard we like incest, so you put your progeny in your progeny, so you can begat where you begat.
 
2011-03-18 09:43:11 PM  
[Sad] Traveling poet Homer dies, sadly never wrote down any of his poems, d'oh!
 
2011-03-18 09:44:00 PM  
img18.imageshack.us Caveman spearheads meals on wheel program for Dick Clark
 
2011-03-18 09:44:43 PM  
Char-u leaves for dreamwalk, hopes to not be revived by Timothy Hutton in 40k years
 
2011-03-18 09:45:12 PM  
[INTERESTING] Babylonian artist unveils new fertility goddess statue. Philistine claims knees too sharp
 
2011-03-18 09:45:19 PM  
(Some homo-not-erectus) img1.fark.netBoner deboned, feeling flaccid.
 
2011-03-18 09:45:22 PM  
[Sick] Yo Lot, you heard we like incest, so you put your progeny in your progeny, so you can begat where you begat.

voting enabled, sry
 
2011-03-18 09:46:04 PM  
Hrm.
 
2011-03-18 09:46:56 PM  
[HERO] Plato chastises youth of today for being ill mannered, lazy and immature. Maybe now they'll start to behave.
 
2011-03-18 09:47:18 PM  
Facerock adds new wooly mammoth alert. Mood: Stabby
 
2011-03-18 09:47:56 PM  
[FAIL] God trio splits, citing artistic differences, to form own bands. What could go wrong?
 
2011-03-18 09:48:11 PM  
[ADVICE] I'm stuck to a crucifix. I'm so very scared. Help. (Details In thread)
 
2011-03-18 09:48:18 PM  
[Obvious] Congratulations you just ransacked another city, what will you name it? A)Alexandria, B)Alexandria, C)Alexandria.
 
2011-03-18 09:49:45 PM  
Thorg Invents Wheel. Now if we only had some smooth flat things to roll them on.
 
2011-03-18 09:50:01 PM  
[Cool] Man plays humanity's first music, says you've probably never heard it before
 
2011-03-18 09:51:17 PM  
[Dumbass] Senile old man who hears voices convinces wife and maid to journey across desert with him, this will end well.
 
2011-03-18 09:52:41 PM  
i253.photobucket.com
 
2011-03-18 09:53:06 PM  
[Amusing] Gladiator team owner Alus Davius celebrates happy 80th birthday. Feeds Russellus to lions.
 
2011-03-18 09:53:39 PM  
[Sad] Pharaoh announces no end of year bonus to slaves, assures population that it's still better than a hot cocoa sampler box
 
2011-03-18 09:54:28 PM  
[Interesting] Asian nomads should have taken a left at Albequerque, discover whole "New World"
 
2011-03-18 09:54:57 PM  
img1.fark.net New theory suggests that sex may cause babies
 
2011-03-18 09:55:30 PM  
(Obvious) Pricipal. Caught sayof tribe that stoped hunting gathering." See? told you so." Is he dead or not. Og says yes. Dinosaur looking for cave-OR- "hello, I am prehistoric and wait for jesus"
 
2011-03-18 09:55:37 PM  
hammettman [OBVIOUS] Neanderthal tribe unable to compromise with local Cro-Magnons, claim tax cuts are the answer to everything, science is bullshiat--because it hasn't been invented yet--and that they will form own party to govern

Good thing both of those species became extinct, otherwise we may STILL be dealing with that kind of shiat!

/wait, wut?
 
2011-03-18 09:55:50 PM  
Spiffius Invents Rhymes. Gets laid.
 
2011-03-18 09:56:26 PM  
(news flash) Kid being born to end era. Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?
 
2011-03-18 09:56:47 PM  
[Advice] Josephus of Nazareth asks "how is babby formed?"
 
2011-03-18 09:57:32 PM  
img1.fark.net Methuselah dead at 969. No word on Weird Al's Parents.
 
2011-03-18 09:58:55 PM  
[Cool] FINAL REMINDER: Athens Fark Party/Bacchanalian Orgy, Sunday March 20th, at the Temple of Dionysus. Get there early, as first served is first come.
 
2011-03-18 09:59:56 PM  
img1.fark.net Mr. Adam Wanker discovers new use for seemingly useless appendage.
 
2011-03-18 10:00:45 PM  
Super late to this thread, but a big kudos to everyone who contributed. This is hands down one of the best Fark threads I've seen in quite a while!
 
2011-03-18 10:01:10 PM  
(Youtube) [amusing] Here's the latest song from that hipster douchebag Orpheus. Kids these days don't know what real music is...
 
2011-03-18 10:01:55 PM  
img0.fark.netimg1.fark.net Pankration - Diagoras defeats Theagenes. Thasos sucks.
 
2011-03-18 10:02:05 PM  
School Invented. Great place to pick-up young chicks. Boys.
 
2011-03-18 10:02:21 PM  
[Stupid] Your boyfriend loses the battle of Actium. Do you (c) kill yourself by letting a highly poisonous snake bite you
 
2011-03-18 10:03:14 PM  
This thread's funny, but five shekels a month?
 
2011-03-18 10:05:08 PM  
Some Virgin img1.fark.net Not News: Girl Pregnant. News: She's a Virgin. Fark: Claims God is the baby daddy.
 
2011-03-18 10:05:52 PM  
[Politics](asinine)Hurr and durr in Ur: Group of fat people in chariots demands smaller government, sandalstraps, Sumer tag
 
2011-03-18 10:06:54 PM  
[FAIL] LaBrea area mammoth finds huge tar pit, hires band, invites over 100,000 animals to join Friday night mosh
 
2011-03-18 10:08:28 PM  
[Sick] So easy a caveman could do it; guess who just woke up next to a Neanderthal.
 
2011-03-18 10:09:12 PM  
WhyteRaven74 [Cool] Man plays humanity's first music, says you've probably never heard it before

Nice. Humanity's 1st hipster?
 
2011-03-18 10:09:52 PM  
[Obvious] Greek "doctor" denounced for setting rules on treating patients. Opponents consider him a Hippocrit
 
2011-03-18 10:10:02 PM  
Cheops begins construction project. Critics can't see the point.
 
2011-03-18 10:10:21 PM  
[Spiffy] Man fathers Fb-
 
2011-03-18 10:10:34 PM  
[Newsflash] Jews cross Red Sea. I mean Reed Sea, oh hell, like anyone will care about this after tomorrow.
 
2011-03-18 10:12:49 PM  
Pretty Pit Bull Puppies: Nice. Humanity's 1st hipster?

exactly :)
 
2011-03-18 10:13:24 PM  
(ESPN) [cool] Will Maximus dominate again? Will Gaius finally get the thumbs down? Will the fans of Marcus keep whining about last year's fight? (get over it - he's dead!) It's your daily gladiator fights discussion thread.
 
2011-03-18 10:13:28 PM  
Rome now too big to fail.
 
2011-03-18 10:13:32 PM  

Pretty Pit Bull Puppies: WhyteRaven74 [Cool] Man plays humanity's first music, says you've probably never heard it before

Nice. Humanity's 1st hipster?


Yeah, I was trying to think of one of those ...
 
2011-03-18 10:14:23 PM  
(music) Joshua brings down the house in Jericho. Welcomes new guitarist Keith Richards to the band.
 
2011-03-18 10:14:35 PM  
Can't figure how but there's a Greek/geek joke out there.
 
2011-03-18 10:17:48 PM  
(Sports) Greeks dominate medal count at olympics.
 
2011-03-18 10:17:56 PM  

Emac09: Can't figure how but there's a Greek/geek joke out there.


Think math ...
 
2011-03-18 10:18:00 PM  
[Amusing] Caesar wears haute couture to Senate, hipster college kids ruin it for everyone
 
2011-03-18 10:18:28 PM  
Scientist predicts the birth of God. Bureaucrats hurry to invent the Post Office. Stamps.
 
2011-03-18 10:19:20 PM  
(Plug) Batteries found in Babylon.
 
2011-03-18 10:20:13 PM  
HawgWild Pretty Pit Bull Puppies: WhyteRaven74 [Cool] Man plays humanity's first music, says you've probably never heard it before

Nice. Humanity's 1st hipster?

Yeah, I was trying to think of one of those ...


Let me correct myself before somebody else does. This is Fark, after all. So that would be Humanity's 1st "douche-bag" hipster.

/My bad.
//Don't stone me. I hear that's a popular punishment in whatever year b.c. we've managed to arrive at in this thread.
///Also, best thread evar!
 
2011-03-18 10:21:39 PM  
This thread needs a badge ...
 
2011-03-18 10:22:53 PM  

HawgWild: This thread needs a badge ...


Won't happen. We haven't discovered metallurgy yet.
 
2011-03-18 10:23:34 PM  
[Sick] Man discovers animal husbandry, has Leonard Nimoy narrate.
 
2011-03-18 10:23:38 PM  

orbitalfreak: HawgWild: This thread needs a badge ...

Won't happen. We haven't discovered metallurgy yet.


Clay?
 
2011-03-18 10:24:04 PM  
photos.imageevent.comSome cats with the chops bring down the town in Jericho
 
2011-03-18 10:27:49 PM  
[FLORIDA] Alligator population to wait out mass-extinction event by retiring to Florida
 
2011-03-18 10:27:52 PM  
καβγ [Obvious] Water is wet. Ric Romero is there.
 
2011-03-18 10:28:10 PM  
Man gets stoned. Rampages. Gets stoned
 
2011-03-18 10:28:51 PM  
For everyone in this thread:

t1.gstatic.com

/have I mentioned that I love this thread?
//cuz I do
\\\backwards slashies!
 
2011-03-18 10:32:37 PM  
[Cool] Civilization discovered in Mesopotamia. Scientists promise to cure cancer after just one...more...turn.
 
2011-03-18 10:33:16 PM  
(Finance) Step 1. Jews enslaved, learn banking. Step 2. ??? Step 3. Profit.
 
2011-03-18 10:33:37 PM  
Some Deity [Hero] Ok, particles are coming out.
 
2011-03-18 10:33:50 PM  
[Unlikely] Designers say new Pyramid "will easily last for 5000 years".

[Scary] Ice sheets retreating, Shamans say mammoth emissions to blame.

[Cool] Mr and Mrs. Vigoda announce the birth of a son.

[Awesome] Egyptian Scientists announce the discovery of a process for making a beverage from fermented grains. Drewses V approves!
 
2011-03-18 10:34:45 PM  
(The Nile News) [Obvious]Floor goes in, floor goes out. Never a miscommunication.
 
2011-03-18 10:35:33 PM  
[FAIL] News: God invents Viagra. Not News: Abraham, age 100, takes the drug God invented. Fark: Abe must plow 80 year-old Sarah until she's knocked up. Eww...
 
2011-03-18 10:37:32 PM  
Wise men bring God's babymomma Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh! Everyone now has to wait 2000 years for google to be invented to find out what the hell Myrrh is!
 
2011-03-18 10:38:59 PM  
Man invents beer. Has another good reason to leave cave.
 
2011-03-18 10:39:43 PM  

Grand Architect: (The Nile News) [Obvious]Flood goes in, flood goes out. Never a miscommunication.


/ftfm nwv
 
2011-03-18 10:41:49 PM  
[Cool] Greek astronomers predict future solar eclipses with Antikythera mechanism, the sun is there
 
2011-03-18 10:42:22 PM  
I need to bookmark this thread. It's full of awesome.
 
2011-03-18 10:43:37 PM  
First misspelling reported in Sumuria.
 
2011-03-18 10:43:45 PM  
[Cool] Delilah opens Israel's first hair salon; Samson first customer.
[Follow up] Samson tries to kick Delilah's ass as revenge for hideous new do, fails.
 
2011-03-18 10:45:01 PM  
[UNLIKELY] Tired of being called "Sissy," King Sisyphus proves his mettle by rolling a boulder up and down a hill, forever.
 
2011-03-18 10:45:30 PM  
[COOL] Gilgamesh and Enkidu in the Cedar Forest
 
2011-03-18 10:45:53 PM  
[Cool] Delilah opens Israel's first hair salon; Samson first customer.
[Follow up] Samson tries to kick Delilah's ass as revenge for hideous new do, fails.
Brings down the house.
 
2011-03-18 10:48:03 PM  
[Scary]First total eclipse sinks earth in darkness at noon. The Sun was there.
 
2011-03-18 10:48:27 PM  
[Silly] Narcissis told to go fark himself, is intrigued by the idea
 
2011-03-18 10:49:56 PM  

HawgWild: For everyone in this thread:

/have I mentioned that I love this thread?
//cuz I do
\\\backwards slashies!


back at ya
www.joethepeacock.com
 
2011-03-18 10:52:09 PM  
Nostradamus Predicts his own birth in two millenniums. No comet.
 
2011-03-18 10:52:22 PM  

stoli n coke: [Silly] Narcissis told to go fark himself, is intrigued by the idea


Ha!

/you need to enable voting, brah
//want a smoke, brah?
///you need Christ, brah
 
2011-03-18 10:54:24 PM  
i118.photobucket.com New "nucleus" creates a stir, but will it cell?
 
2011-03-18 10:57:10 PM  
[FOLLOWUP] Vesuvius eruption thread #3, LGT to earlier thread (lots)

[CARVING] Coolest depictions of Vesuvius erupting you'll see all week (45)

[CAPTION] Caption this Pompeiian's reaction to the lava flow
 
2011-03-18 10:57:38 PM  
Snorg invents the canoe, off shore gambling.
 
2011-03-18 11:00:04 PM  

dstanley: [CAPTION] Caption this Pompeiian's reaction to the lava flow


I imagine he was quite ashen
 
2011-03-18 11:01:07 PM  
(Some Cylon) [SPIFFY] You've got your Dylan in my Beatles
 
2011-03-18 11:01:51 PM  
Egg asks sperms, "Are you all on the same team, or what?"
 
2011-03-18 11:04:40 PM  
Adam has twins. Heads for Nod
 
2011-03-18 11:06:42 PM  
[Spiffy] Cro-Magnon develops story-telling using only weapon and tool movements, promises to be a real shake spear
 
2011-03-18 11:06:42 PM  
mmrrrrRRRIIIIP

CLAMS GOT VELCRO!

/oh wait...
 
2011-03-18 11:07:13 PM  
If I had any artistic skills at all, I'd whip up a picture of Nero fiddling while a Roman mother cried with her baby.www.nubblies.net
 
2011-03-18 11:12:15 PM  
img0.fark.netimg1.fark.net Top 10 worst breakfast foods of 80 BC - Who remembers gruel?
 
2011-03-18 11:13:50 PM  
This is a post from the future. I travelled back in time. But that changed the past up to the present and on to the future. So this is not the original version of my submission. Oh, and. . .I farked a cavewoman.

/you're welcome.
 
2011-03-18 11:14:18 PM  
stoli n coke >[Silly] Narcissis told to go fark himself, is intrigued by the idea

Whar vote? That's hilarious!
 
2011-03-18 11:15:17 PM  
img1.fark.net Stegosaurus tail named after Thag Simmons.


img135.imageshack.us Thag Simmons thagomized by stegosaurus tail.


Where are the Far Side fans???

 
2011-03-18 11:18:08 PM  
You are omnipotent. Do you C) create a planet of dullards to torture.
 
2011-03-18 11:18:10 PM  
I promised myself that when I got two posts in a row, that I would say, "thank you!" And put this game down. Hail! Fark! It is a great thingie. St. Patrick's Day, too big to fail. May Richard Dawkins bless you all. Where is Octomom? Remember that no noose is good noose. This universe grew out of a big bang. It is our job to keep banging. Boobies. Go get to work.
 
2011-03-18 11:18:30 PM  
[geek] See. The original version was a headline
 
2011-03-18 11:19:15 PM  
[Obvious] If you left a giant wooden horse outside the gates of Troy, the Trojans would like to have a word with you.
 
2011-03-18 11:19:34 PM  
(Some kids) [Scary] HA! HA! GO ON UP YOU BAAAARRRRRRGH
 
2011-03-18 11:27:40 PM  
[Amusing] Dionysus short sheets Zeus' bed, hilarity ensues.
 
2011-03-18 11:31:59 PM  
(Some Achaean) img1.fark.net Troy doesn't look gift horse in mouth, trapdoor
 
2011-03-18 11:35:55 PM  
[Spiffy] Mayan Astrologists predict bright future for empire until 2012 AD. What the hell is AD?
 
2011-03-18 11:37:00 PM  
(Some Corinthian) [Sad] Jason dumps Medea to marry king's daughter, and King Creon gives her 24 hours to GTFO. Then things get all stabby.
 
2011-03-18 11:39:02 PM  
img695.imageshack.us
 
2011-03-18 11:40:09 PM  
[weird] Virgin pregnant. Bf+ is the father?
 
2011-03-18 11:40:29 PM  
[Obvious] Caesar ignores the senate's objections. Brutus makes sure that he gets the point.
 
2011-03-18 11:40:31 PM  
Lets try again.

(Some Corinthian) [Sad] Jason dumps Medea to marry king's daughter, and King Creon gives her 24 hours to GTFO. Then things get all stabby.

Also, this to everyone in the thread:
i56.tinypic.com
 
2011-03-18 11:41:35 PM  
[spiffy] Ugly-ass prokaryote born in protean soup.
 
2011-03-18 11:42:12 PM  
[BOOBIES] Helen of Troy's assets can even raise an Athenian's Mast
 
2011-03-18 11:42:48 PM  
[Interesting] Cleopatra seduces.. oh you already opened the scroll didn't you.
 
2011-03-18 11:46:01 PM  
[Cool] Dogs allow themselves to become domesticated in hopes of getting steak
 
2011-03-18 11:48:54 PM  
[News] Hadrian orders wall built on border to keep Scotsmen from taking our jorbs
 
2011-03-18 11:49:40 PM  
photos.imageevent.com Man invents brick and everyone babylons about new ideas and no one knows what the other is talking about. Last seen traveling off in different directions
 
2011-03-18 11:53:27 PM  
At first I was like
www.newgeology.us


But then I
www.webresourcesdepot.com
 
2011-03-18 11:53:37 PM  
Old and busted: Silver, amber, and saffron; The new hotness: Gold, frankincense, and myrrh
 
2011-03-18 11:55:43 PM  
photos.imageevent.com Robot arrives from future, asks for Sarah Connor
 
2011-03-18 11:56:48 PM  
[Scary] A pox upon thee!
 
2011-03-18 11:57:47 PM  
img1.fark.net Thousands of Egyptians defrauded in pyramid scheme
 
2011-03-18 11:58:26 PM  
i88.photobucket.comErnie Kovacs Career Suddenly Crashes
 
2011-03-18 11:59:08 PM  
(Some Caveman)img1.fark.net UGH. UGH UGH UGH UGH, GRAHH FIRE! UGH?
 
2011-03-19 12:01:02 AM  
(Some Prophet) img1.fark.net Make fun of Elisha's bald head? That's a bearin'
 
2011-03-19 12:01:32 AM  
(Some Spartan) img1.fark.net Persian Ambassador: Submit to us or be cast into oblivion. King Leonidas: NO U! *kick*
 
2011-03-19 12:01:41 AM  
The beauty is they've all been greenlit.
 
2011-03-19 12:02:34 AM  
img1.fark.net In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. Then things get weird.
 
2011-03-19 12:04:04 AM  

StokeyBob: The beauty is they've all been greenlit.


I've wanted to read some of the articles
 
2011-03-19 12:04:28 AM  
(Some Greek) img1.fark.net Sparta wins Peloponnesian War, promises next war will be easier to spell
 
2011-03-19 12:06:10 AM  
(Some Ancient Greek) img1.fark.net Message received from someone called "Large Hadron Collider" in "Cern". Where in Hades is Cern?
 
2011-03-19 12:06:42 AM  
img0.fark.netimg1.fark.net Tired of having to fight past pushy bankers at the entrance to the church? One local carpenter says "enough". (tag is for the carpenter)
 
2011-03-19 12:08:10 AM  
(Some Ancient Greek) img1.fark.net Message received from someone called "Large Hadron Collider" in "Cern". Where in Hades is Cern?

(...now with voting)
 
2011-03-19 12:08:18 AM  
(Some Soggy Egyptian) img1.fark.net Egyptian army drowns in Red Sea; everyone blames the Jews
 
2011-03-19 12:08:48 AM  
img1.fark.net Ultra-miniature observatory erected in Wiltshire will foretell solar eclipses, find Sarah Connor.
 
2011-03-19 12:11:15 AM  
[Sad]Greeks invent comedy, tragedy soon follows.
 
2011-03-19 12:12:35 AM  
img1.fark.netGreek Senator and presidential nominee John McCain reminds citizen at town hall meeting that his opponent is not a Muslim, but is " a good man"
 
2011-03-19 12:13:06 AM  
(Some Roman Citizen)[misc] Why don't we get in our chariots and see who can make it to the *LAST POST* (LGN)
 
2011-03-19 12:13:55 AM  
Showbiz

(Tau Mu Zeta) img1.fark.net Thespis steps away from chorus during Dionysian Festival, calls it "acting". Next gig: starring in "Keeping Up With the Thespians" reality tragedy in Athens.
 
2011-03-19 12:14:31 AM  
img0.fark.netimg1.fark.net Tired of having to fight past pushy bankers at the entrance to the church? One local carpenter says "enough". (tag is for the carpenter)

(voting now enabled damn it)
 
2011-03-19 12:16:30 AM  
FFS, BC means BEFORE CHRIST. not During Christ.
 
2011-03-19 12:16:49 AM  
[Hero] Perseus returns from Kisthene, gives Athena head
 
2011-03-19 12:17:47 AM  
[Hero] Perseus returns from Kisthene, gives Athena head

(now with votey goodness)
 
2011-03-19 12:18:20 AM  
Virgin, pregnant mother wanders town looking for place to stay. Conservative outcry is scarce as WWJD rhetoric not yet born.
 
2011-03-19 12:18:28 AM  
[Some Caveman] [Spiffy] Wolf not leave camp, follows on hunt. Should I give steak?
 
2011-03-19 12:21:19 AM  
Ur in my desert, creatin my civilisation
 
2011-03-19 12:22:03 AM  
[Newsflash] Lincoln stands with the Negros. Hates the Constitution.
 
2011-03-19 12:24:18 AM  
[INTERESTING] Chinaman orders massive wall to be built to protect northern-- Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please
 
2011-03-19 12:27:33 AM  
[Spiffy] 100 Centurions form a shield wall, 100 Centurions from roman. Hack one down slash him around, 99 Centurions form a shield wall.
 
2011-03-19 12:31:08 AM  

Grand Architect: [Spiffy] 100 Centurions form a shield wall, 100 Centurions from roman Rome. Hack one down slash him around, 99 Centurions form a shield wall.


Rome dammit!
 
2011-03-19 12:35:06 AM  

Actual Farking: TFD version:

TFer needs swaddling advice. Difficulty: manger.


Bravo!
 
2011-03-19 12:37:29 AM  
Greek man discovers that the long side of a triangle can be calculated based on the lengths of the other sides. Here comes the science.
 
2011-03-19 12:40:16 AM  
img.fark.net img.fark.net God completes fourth day of creation, and this one is good too. The sun is there.
 
2011-03-19 12:40:57 AM  
this thread is frikken hilarious. Nice job everyone.
 
2011-03-19 12:43:17 AM  
[Fail] Nazareth town officials unable to locate Jesus' birth certificate, confirm middle initial is H.
 
2011-03-19 12:43:44 AM  
[Scary] Eat some of God's personally stash? That's a banishing.
 
2011-03-19 12:46:49 AM  
[News Flash] The Pharaoh is dead, long live the Pharaoh!
 
2011-03-19 12:47:37 AM  
[STRANGE] Where the crap did Atlantis go?
 
2011-03-19 12:48:21 AM  
eggrolls (Some Ancient Greek) Message received from someone called "Large Hadron Collider" in "Cern". Where in Hades is Cern?

Awesomeness. Glad I came back to peruse this thread!

/golfclap
 
2011-03-19 12:50:19 AM  
[dumbass] Not news: Man builds Ark. Fark: In the middle the of the desert.
 
2011-03-19 12:52:44 AM  

AkaDad: [Newsflash] Lincoln stands with the Negros. Hates the Constitution.


Man, that's not even close to BC.
 
2011-03-19 12:53:29 AM  

Karma Curmudgeon: [dumbass] Not news: Man builds Ark. Fark: In the middle the of the desert.


[Followup]Man now claims a flood is coming. EVERYBODY PANIC!
 
2011-03-19 12:55:20 AM  
[Paintshop] Paintshop this bison being pursued by Ogg and Thrak. Difficulty: No hand prints
 
2011-03-19 12:57:13 AM  
(Obvious) Empire begins inevitable crumbling. I dare you to greenlight this, Drewicus Maximus!
 
2011-03-19 01:00:28 AM  

AstroJesus: AkaDad: [Newsflash] Lincoln stands with the Negros. Hates the Constitution.

Man, that's not even close to BC.


I may have tweeked the difficulty a tad...
 
2011-03-19 01:05:11 AM  
[Interesting] Cleopatra found wrapped in a rug. Reports have the drapes matching and damn right you'd hit it.
 
2011-03-19 01:05:40 AM  

AkaDad: AstroJesus: AkaDad: [Newsflash] Lincoln stands with the Negros. Hates the Constitution.

Man, that's not even close to BC.

I may have tweeked the difficulty a tad...


I guess that is why it's called a difficulty.
 
2011-03-19 01:06:42 AM  
img1.fark.net Not Fark: God creates man; still not Fark: in his own likeness; Fark: he is one sick fark
 
2011-03-19 01:07:01 AM  
[Interesting] Aristotle claims the earth is center of the universe, you can't explain that.
 
2011-03-19 01:07:19 AM  

AstroJesus: I guess that is why it's called a difficulty.


Give him a break, he's playing with a handicap.
 
2011-03-19 01:08:37 AM  
Archimedes shows value of pi. Mmmmmmm, pi

/This is waaaay easier than finding actual articles.
 
2011-03-19 01:10:06 AM  

mrtimo: FFS, BC means BEFORE CHRIST. not During Christ.


'BC' means 'before common [era]
 
2011-03-19 01:10:43 AM  
'
 
2011-03-19 01:11:29 AM  
[Interesting] Aristotle invents logic, Vulcans approve.
 
2011-03-19 01:13:00 AM  
(Strange) Olmec civilization moves capital city, continues to decline. Oh maya.
 
2011-03-19 01:13:54 AM  
 
2011-03-19 01:15:25 AM  

urban.derelict: mrtimo: FFS, BC means BEFORE CHRIST. not During Christ.

'BC' means 'before common [era]


No, people who want to use Before Common Era call it BCE and they would therefore be using CE instead of AD.
Both nomenclatures use the same zero point.
 
2011-03-19 01:15:46 AM  
(fail) Never say Nebuchadnezzar again
 
2011-03-19 01:18:05 AM  
{Hero] Shadrach, Messhach and Abednego say "you call that a furnace?"
 
2011-03-19 01:18:22 AM  
[HERO] WTF is this Cicero guy's problem? Tag is for Caesar
 
2011-03-19 01:22:10 AM  
(Unlikely) Sargon of Akkad claims his survival from floating river basket is due to his "Tigris blood" and "Assyrian DNA"
 
2011-03-19 01:22:46 AM  
[Obvious] News: Balaam gets his ass handed to him. FARK: By the ass under his ass. What an ass.
 
2011-03-19 01:24:11 AM  

netweavr: [Dumbass] Vesuvians offend the gods, with predictable results.


LMAO... This is why you have so many submitted links.
Congrats on your 1000th green. You're a master.
 
2011-03-19 01:25:08 AM  
[Unlikely] Balaam ties his ass to a tree, walks for 40 miles.
 
2011-03-19 01:25:57 AM  
[Geek] Big Bang Theory no longer theory. News at 5 seconds.
 
2011-03-19 01:26:34 AM  
(Cool) I don't know what a Chandragupta is, but it just formed the Mauryan empire.

/Okay, now they're getting a little obscure.
 
2011-03-19 01:27:33 AM  
[News] Atlantis sinks. Aw, faucet!
 
2011-03-19 01:27:58 AM  

HawgWild: [Cool] Leave it to a woman to create the first profession. Wait, she does WHAT for coin?


If there's coins, doesn't that imply professions such as mining, metallurgy, minting, government, accounting, etc etc already exist?

//Sorry. It was bothering me.
 
2011-03-19 01:30:22 AM  

dahmers love zombie: I'm stuck to my rock. I'm so very scared. Help. (Details In thread)


You should have enabled voting.

Great job everyone! Wow.
 
2011-03-19 01:31:26 AM  
[News] You want to see Ptolemy? This is all there is.
 
2011-03-19 01:33:00 AM  
[FAIL] Not News: Christ is born. FARK: in 5 B.C. Tag for the morans who will invent the calendar in the future.
 
2011-03-19 01:34:15 AM  
Alexander: Major combat operations have ended in India
 
2011-03-19 01:36:07 AM  
img.fark.net Name of new Roman general is pronounced "siezer". Gaul surrenders.
 
2011-03-19 01:37:21 AM  
[SPIFFY] God places Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden without any clothes and you've already headed over to the land between the Tigris and Euphrates, haven't you?
 
2011-03-19 01:39:03 AM  
(sick) Indo-European woman seduces Bronze age boy with new iron smelting technique. w/ you bet you'd Hittite it pic
 
2011-03-19 01:39:05 AM  
[Entertainment] Show me your lighthouse, Alexandria, and I'll show you my colossus.
 
2011-03-19 01:41:05 AM  
[Followup] Local virgin chosen for this weekends sacrifice. With "I'd hit it" drawings.
 
2011-03-19 01:42:49 AM  
[obvious] The chick couldn't follow simple directions so we're all screwed now
 
2011-03-19 01:43:27 AM  
Some old flame[oblivious]Man finds meat on fire is tasty. Still no cure for bacon.
 
2011-03-19 01:44:38 AM  
[INTERESTING] His brother un-able to stop him, Cain weds sister, not that anybody incested that he do so.
 
2011-03-19 01:45:49 AM  
POLITICS (unlikely) Libs from the East follow star to meet new King of the Joos.
 
2011-03-19 01:46:09 AM  
[Scary] Shi'ite just got real.

/I know - AD.
 
2011-03-19 01:47:17 AM  
[SPIFFY] Fredericus Phelpus leads Westboro Bacchus Church in protest at Circus Maximus. Your lions no long want steak.
 
2011-03-19 01:49:02 AM  
oh fark. sorry about the spelling error

[SPIFFY] Fredericus Phelpus leads Westboro Bacchus Church in protest at Circus Maximus. Your lions no longer want steak.
 
2011-03-19 01:52:53 AM  
(cool) Thousands migrate across the Bering Strait into the Americas, your mom
 
2011-03-19 01:53:04 AM  
[SPIFFY] 6th Day TotalFark TORD. What did you create today? Post a pic. NSFW.
 
2011-03-19 01:53:53 AM  
img.fark.net You're in an angry mob out for the blood of the assassin Cinna, nowhere to be found. Do you... c) grab a rapper of the same name and kill him for his lame-ass rhymez
 
2011-03-19 02:00:30 AM  
[SPIFFY] Homo Sapiens migrate out of Africa. NTTAWWT.
 
2011-03-19 02:04:03 AM  
[SAD] Persians push past Thermopylae. This was Sparta.
 
2011-03-19 02:05:11 AM  
[SODOM] "So, should we call you Grandpa Lot or just Daddy?" Yes, alcohol was a factor.
 
2011-03-19 02:15:46 AM  
img.fark.net Old and busted: clothes made out of grass. New hotness: clothes made out of caterpillar spit
 
2011-03-19 02:28:39 AM  
[STUPID] Greeks win Marathon. Big deal. A race with one runner.
 
2011-03-19 02:30:20 AM  
Showbiz (SAD) Eagle gives Aeschylus bad review
 
2011-03-19 02:31:27 AM  

img.fark.net Jaguars, threat or menace? With helpful pic of what a jag might look like


upload.wikimedia.org

 
2011-03-19 02:33:51 AM  
(Sports) David, 16 seed, beats Goliath, 1 seed.
 
2011-03-19 02:37:24 AM  

eggrolls: HawgWild: [Cool] Leave it to a woman to create the first profession. Wait, she does WHAT for coin?

If there's coins, doesn't that imply professions such as mining, metallurgy, minting, government, accounting, etc etc already exist?

//Sorry. It was bothering me.


Fine, Mr. anal, how's this for you?
(Some clam) img1.fark.net Woman uses clam to earn clams. w/you'd hit it like a rock hammer drawing.
 
2011-03-19 02:48:31 AM  
Hot farkette hunting in my part of the savannah. No club available. Give lines to get her back to my cave. Grawk.
 
2011-03-19 02:52:02 AM  
[SAD] Your Phineas wants steak.
 
2011-03-19 03:02:29 AM  
[SPIFFY] Solutreans leave France, cross Atlantic and prosper in Michigan. Said to be best workers in Flint.
 
2011-03-19 03:04:58 AM  
Damn you farkers are a funny bunch.
Nothing else to add.
 
2011-03-19 03:06:15 AM  
[FAIL] Sodomites get theirs in the end.
 
2011-03-19 03:11:23 AM  
[SPIFFY] Two ugly-ass twins raised by wolf. With mosaic of happy family.
 
2011-03-19 03:18:53 AM  
img.fark.net img.fark.net Windows crashing? Usually it's from kids playing with your discs, but BC World reveals that sometimes a mouse is to blame. That, or you're gripping your joy stick too hard.
 
2011-03-19 03:36:33 AM  
img.fark.net Drunken cobbler busted for possession of 20 bushels of poppies after crashing into senator's horse. Centurions had no choice but to confiscate the 10 bushels. Praefect says he is just glad the 5 bushels are now off the streets.
 
2011-03-19 04:22:15 AM  
[Asinine] In a move surprising no one, the entire Roman Senate supports privitizing fishing supplies. So much for net neutrality.
 
2011-03-19 04:44:45 AM  
A. Mazing. Thread.
 
2011-03-19 05:38:39 AM  
WHAR are MOAR of these?
www.arcamax.com

/+1 to JLP FLP
 
2011-03-19 05:39:54 AM  
jl *H
 
2011-03-19 05:51:10 AM  
New beverage invented from fermented grains. Farkers rejoice.
 
2011-03-19 06:23:38 AM  
[SAD] Socrates discovered what happens when the oil hits the anus.
 
2011-03-19 06:31:04 AM  
[Advice] When my woman sits on the cave floor, is her bunghole touching the ground or is there some kind of furry thing keeping it off?
 
2011-03-19 06:46:04 AM  

stoli n coke: [OBVIOUS] Proving once again that global warming is bullshiat, ice storm enters 4th month. Suck it, libs.


stoli n coke: [ASININE] Bacon outlawed in Israel. You know who's responsible for this, don't you?


stoli n coke: [INTERESTING] I don't know what an Abe Vigoda is, but Dionysus just proclaimed him Best New Artist.


stoli n coke: [NEWS] Greeks pull off surprising upset to defeat Trojans. Duke sucks.


stoli n coke: [NEWS] Leaked memo to Caesar 6 months ago: "Brutus determined to strike at empire." Caesar's Response: "Now watch this discus."


stoli n coke: [Silly] Narcissis told to go fark himself, is intrigued by the idea


Re-submitted, this time with voting enabled. Sorry bout that.
 
2011-03-19 07:02:14 AM  

Grand Architect: Karma Curmudgeon: [dumbass] Not news: Man builds Ark. Fark: In the middle the of the desert.

[Followup]Man now claims a flood is coming. EVERYBODY PANIC!


[Asinine] 40 days and nights of rain. You can't explain that.
 
2011-03-19 07:10:23 AM  
[NEWS] Volcanic explosions, earthquake, sulphuric acid raining on Sodom. We're all sodomites now.
 
2011-03-19 07:19:47 AM  
[Cool] That's no mo...oh wait, yeah it is.
 
2011-03-19 07:34:26 AM  
[SCARY] Medusa found decapitated. With "sort of want" before shot.
 
2011-03-19 07:37:40 AM  
[NEWSFLASH] Where's your messiah no-, wait, where? Bethlehem? Really? Well, shiat.
 
2011-03-19 07:43:48 AM  
(Some Pederast) img1.fark.net Not news: Greek men participate in popular athletics competition. Fark: Naked. Penis
 
2011-03-19 07:58:24 AM  
img0.fark.net img1.fark.net Eve succumbs to giant serpent. No, Adam, not yours
 
2011-03-19 08:19:06 AM  
Wow, I never expected this thread to go this far. Nice job everyone.

/Subby
//Here's a badge for y'all:

i369.photobucket.com
 
2011-03-19 08:46:44 AM  
img1.fark.netLiberal Confucianists lead by peasant take over the government, call themselves the Han Dynasty. Yeah, I'm sure that'll last
 
2011-03-19 09:00:56 AM  
(GREEK tab) [some wolf] Romulus and Remus, after being left to die, raised by she-wolf. Your wolf wants your young.
 
2011-03-19 09:05:40 AM  
I'm going to go ahead and give myself a correction to my earlier post.


img1.fark.net Not News: Two men come to town, everyone wants to have sex with them. News: Both men claim to be "angels". Fark: Father of the Year offers up virgin daughters to angry mob instead.

i55.tinypic.com Father of the Year candidate Abraham attempts to murder his son, told by an invisible man to do so. Also claims neighbor's goat told him to kill others to impress Jodie Foster. Trifecta now in play.

img135.imageshack.us Jephthah led an army against the Ammonites and returns home to the arms of his loving daughter whom he thanks for keeping the house in order.. Just Kidding, she runs away for two months, then when she gets home, he promptly kills her. Trifecta Complete.
 
2011-03-19 09:24:21 AM  

Nightsweat: [weird] Virgin pregnant. Bf+ is the father?


BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
 
2011-03-19 09:47:20 AM  
(SAD)
Dirty heel kills Achillies.
 
2011-03-19 10:09:16 AM  
[INTERESTING] Jews decide to attack Jericho by walking around the city and blowing rams horns. This should end walls.
 
2011-03-19 10:37:28 AM  
Pompous Pompeeins pay price for pomposity? unpossible!
 
2011-03-19 10:38:21 AM  
Pompous Pompeeins pay price for pomposity? unpossible!
/phail
 
2011-03-19 10:45:34 AM  
img1.fark.net Jersey shore overrun by neolithic Italians. This situation will recur 11,000 years from now
 
2011-03-19 11:50:57 AM  
[STRANGE] Not News: Jocasta marries Oedipus. News: Her husband's killer. Fark: He's her son. (With you'd hit it too etching)
 
2011-03-19 12:00:15 PM  
[NEWSFLASH] ROMANES EUNT DOMUS


/according to my observations this would be an instagreen HL and would get hundreds of comments easily
 
2011-03-19 12:47:35 PM  

AkaDad: AstroJesus: AkaDad: [Newsflash] Lincoln stands with the Negros. Hates the Constitution.

Man, that's not even close to BC.

I may have tweeked the difficulty a tad...


I thought BC meant Before Coolidge

/Calvin not Rita
 
2011-03-19 12:56:26 PM  
img1.fark.netAnother philosophy teach caught dabbling in one of his students. Can we please get a Greece tag?
 
2011-03-19 01:29:16 PM  
 
2011-03-19 01:38:20 PM  
[SAD] Roman tourists avoid rear of Egyptian wonder. It sphinx back there!

/bob saget on The Larry Sanders Show
 
2011-03-19 01:41:12 PM  
[SPIFFY] Series of frescos celebrate king of Crete. Them pictures is Minos.
 
2011-03-19 01:48:22 PM  
[SAD] Suetonius Paulinus gives Mona a Brazilian.
 
2011-03-19 01:48:45 PM  
img0.fark.net King Solomon's Temple completed. Documents obtained by TSG prove existence of the involvement of an as-of-now unnamed society in its construction.
 
2011-03-19 01:55:37 PM  
[SAD] Spartacus leads slave rebellion in Rome, sees his house from there.
 
2011-03-19 02:32:50 PM  
[SILLY] Barney beds Betty in Bedrock, Bam-Bam ensues.
 
2011-03-19 05:01:38 PM  
img0.fark.netimg1.fark.net Thag buy rock at Best Rock. Employee make Thag show proof he bought rock. Thag no like show proof, hit Best Rock employee with rock.
 
2011-03-19 06:53:40 PM  

Oysterman: (Some Achaean) Troy doesn't look gift horse in mouth, trapdoor


i55.tinypic.com Okay, people are coming out

(and very late voting this time as well)
 
2011-03-19 07:19:12 PM  
(Galilee Scroll) t2.gstatic.com Jesus turns water into wine, still no cure for cancer.
 
2011-03-19 07:32:37 PM  
(The Heiroglyph) t2.gstatic.com Moses to Pharoah "Let my people go!"
 
2011-03-19 08:07:15 PM  
(Some Greek) [Sick] This biatch is nuts
 
2011-03-19 08:34:10 PM  
img0.fark.netimg1.fark.net Thag buy rock at Best Rock. Employee make Thag show proof he bought rock. Thag no like show proof, hit Best Rock employee with rock.

//voting enabled, how does that work? arrrgghhh....
 
2011-03-19 10:40:21 PM  
[FAIL] Remember the army that Cambyses sent to Amun? Yeah, about that...
 
2011-03-19 11:15:38 PM  
img0.fark.netimg1.fark.net Chinese restaurant to open, just in time for Purim.

/From the 10 Adar II 1062 edition
 
2011-03-19 11:36:47 PM  
Showbiz (SAD) Eagle gives Aeschylus bad review

/Forgot to activate voting.
 
2011-03-20 12:51:59 AM  
img.fark.net Julius Caesar declares himself dictator for life. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this.

img.fark.net Julius Caesar buttbuttinated. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this.
 
2011-03-20 01:14:55 AM  
img1.fark.net The real reason everyone in Rome is batshiat crazy these days? Lead pipes. Here comes the science.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-03-20 07:26:44 AM  
img1.fark.net Virum virumque cano
 
2011-03-20 01:13:07 PM  
ilovethisthreadsomuch.jpg
 
2011-03-20 03:14:38 PM  
nightshadebooks.com
 
2011-03-20 04:27:12 PM  
img1.fark.net Oedipus is a motherfarker.
 
2011-03-20 07:14:44 PM  
t2.gstatic.comPolynieces denied burial by Uncle. Oh, the Antigone!
 
2011-03-20 10:07:20 PM  
Holy crap - so many great headlines! Barkeep, +1 Internets all around!
 
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