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(Cracked)   Six ways marketers think we're retarded   (cracked.com) divider line 110
    More: Interesting, obesities, pudding, Duh Marketing, Hawaiian Punch, McNuggets  
•       •       •

24321 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Mar 2011 at 11:48 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



110 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2011-03-17 09:35:56 AM  
That's like saying Tila Tequila's breasts are "real" because one of them is filled with actual cadaver fingers.

I have the weirdest boner right now.
 
2011-03-17 09:58:30 AM  
We are retarded. That's why crap like this works.
 
2011-03-17 10:05:46 AM  

Sybarite: We are retarded. That's why crap like this works.


I came in to say this.
 
2011-03-17 10:59:07 AM  
Is this the thread where some delusional bastard claims they have never purchased something because of advertising?

Because if it is, I've got other crap to do and I'd like to get this out of the way:

You are full of it.
 
2011-03-17 11:08:38 AM  

cmunic8r99: Is this the thread where some delusional bastard claims they have never purchased something because of advertising?

Because if it is, I've got other crap to do and I'd like to get this out of the way:

You are full of it.


I've never purchased anything from anyone. I'm totally self-sustaining. I built this computer out of leaves and twigs from the yard.
 
2011-03-17 11:13:08 AM  

mod3072: cmunic8r99: Is this the thread where some delusional bastard claims they have never purchased something because of advertising?

Because if it is, I've got other crap to do and I'd like to get this out of the way:

You are full of it.

I've never purchased anything from anyone. I'm totally self-sustaining. I built this computer out of leaves and twigs from the yard.



I've never purchased anything from anyone. I stole a gun when I was 13 and have been robbing and mugging people since.
 
2011-03-17 11:28:20 AM  
WOW! That is NEW! and IMPROVED! news you got there Mr. marketing critic.


/used to do package design for Lever Bros., American Home Products, Pfizer etc.
 
2011-03-17 11:36:51 AM  
It's so obvious we ignore it.
 
2011-03-17 11:49:23 AM  
Correction: six ways marketers KNOW we're retarded.
 
2011-03-17 11:52:04 AM  

cmunic8r99: Is this the thread where some delusional bastard claims they have never purchased something because of advertising?

Because if it is, I've got other crap to do and I'd like to get this out of the way:

You are full of it.



I agree. I've certainly purchased things that I was informed about through advertising. But not all advertising targets morons. Some advertising simply showcases the product.

A good example of moron-targeted advertising? - Zima. Every 20-something wanted to be the hip jacket-wearing guy at the party holding that uniquely designed bottle of Zima. It took at least a couple of years for the fact that Zima tastes like malted battery acid to overwhelm the allure of the commercials.
 
2011-03-17 11:52:40 AM  
Did they invent something we call love, to sell pantyhose?
 
2011-03-17 11:53:49 AM  
But wait! There's more!
 
2011-03-17 11:55:44 AM  
I'm enjoying a sugar free, fat free, calorie free water right now. Thankfully the bottle told me all that. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known to drink it.

During the mid 1990s I was working at a computer store and some magazine ran an ad that said something like "Your best graphics monitor is now your best internet monitor." I had some people ask me if their computer monitor was compatible with the internet. My boss suggested that I tell them no and recommend that they buy a new one.
 
2011-03-17 11:55:53 AM  
"The first 100 callers......."
 
2011-03-17 11:56:47 AM  

Bunnyhat: mod3072: cmunic8r99: Is this the thread where some delusional bastard claims they have never purchased something because of advertising?

Because if it is, I've got other crap to do and I'd like to get this out of the way:

You are full of it.

I've never purchased anything from anyone. I'm totally self-sustaining. I built this computer out of leaves and twigs from the yard.


I've never purchased anything from anyone. I stole a gun when I was 13 and have been robbing and mugging people since.


Yeah, but every time you choose to mug the guy with the iPhone instead of the Blackberry, you're just a tool of the advertising hacks.
 
2011-03-17 11:57:24 AM  
Every thing I buy is due to clever advertising.
I just bought a new helmet because of the flashy commercial.
 
2011-03-17 11:58:40 AM  

Mini Ditka: "The first 100 callers......."


My personal fav is when they have that countdown timer on infomercials where they act like when the commerical ends the operators are going to shut down the phone systems and stop taking calls.
 
2011-03-17 11:58:52 AM  

cmunic8r99: Is this the thread where some delusional bastard claims they have never purchased something because of advertising?

Because if it is, I've got other crap to do and I'd like to get this out of the way:

You are full of it.


I can't say I've purchased much for myself due to advertising, but the kids received Pillow Pets for Christmas because of how much the advertising affected them.
 
2011-03-17 12:00:31 PM  
When I was younger I always wondered how the vendors knew when you were eligible for the "call in the next 15 minutes" offer if the ad was running on multiple channels. Only things ads convince me to buy now are videogames and food.
 
2011-03-17 12:01:08 PM  
The "real" on mayonnaise is to differentiate it from Miracle Whip.
 
2011-03-17 12:03:51 PM  
I can count to potato.
 
2011-03-17 12:04:19 PM  
We are retarded.

i51.tinypic.com
 
2011-03-17 12:05:15 PM  

Rev. Skarekroe: The "real" on mayonnaise is to differentiate it from Miracle Whip.


Miracle Whip is not food, it's a punishment. It tastes like mayo that has sat in the sun for several days.
 
2011-03-17 12:05:33 PM  
I do have to say his example for York Peppermint Patties is weak. They were advertising that they have less fat than a candy bar, which I think most people would call their competition. A fair point to make.

/always impressed by calorie free water
//Working in "York" right now.
 
2011-03-17 12:05:58 PM  

altinos: I'm enjoying a sugar free, fat free, calorie free water right now. Thankfully the bottle told me all that. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known to drink it.

During the mid 1990s I was working at a computer store and some magazine ran an ad that said something like "Your best graphics monitor is now your best internet monitor." I had some people ask me if their computer monitor was compatible with the internet. My boss suggested that I tell them no and recommend that they buy a new one.



I am not making this story up: I once had a user of our software email me that his printouts were too dark. After several exchanges, out of desperation, I finally suggested that he turn up the brightness on his monitor and try printing again. He emailed back and said, "Nope, still too dark."

This man was a professor at Harvard Business School.
 
2011-03-17 12:06:21 PM  

KNEE_GROWS: I just bought a new helmet because of the flashy commercial.


What kind? I sure could use a new helmet.
 
2011-03-17 12:07:09 PM  
I like how in that Dominos commercial the farmer is standing there in a tomato field, in California, holding a tomato when he says to the skeptical customers "These are grown right here in California".
 
2011-03-17 12:08:41 PM  

UrCa: When I was younger I always wondered how the vendors knew when you were eligible for the "call in the next 15 minutes" offer if the ad was running on multiple channels. Only things ads convince me to buy now are videogames and food.


I always wondered how they were going to check on the discount you get "if you tell five of your friends...." I envision old women lying awake in bed thinking they still owe it to Ron Popeil to tell Erma and Shirley because they'd only told Ruth, Pearl and Maizie and they had agreed to tell five friends about the product to get the discount.
 
2011-03-17 12:08:50 PM  
List fails w/out "Wholesome".
 
2011-03-17 12:09:21 PM  

DirkTheDaring: We are retarded.


Wow, how did they genetically engineer those bananas to grow plastic packages around them?
 
2011-03-17 12:09:42 PM  

Rev. Skarekroe: The "real" on mayonnaise is to differentiate it from Miracle Whip.


came to say this. What fake mayonnaise may look like:

www.blogcdn.com
 
2011-03-17 12:10:33 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2011-03-17 12:11:45 PM  
Everything I buy is due to idiotic advertising.
I only buy cold medicine if it was made by someone with no medical training, and I don't trust anything that cures headaches without being rubbed onto my forehead.

I also buy gold coins.
 
2011-03-17 12:12:05 PM  
What about when they come out with a bigger package saying "Now _% More!" yet there's no mention that they also raised the price by an even higher percentage.
 
2011-03-17 12:13:31 PM  
Diamonds.

That is all.
 
2011-03-17 12:13:44 PM  
I might be in the market for the juice from holding a jar under a fisherman while he jogs.
 
2011-03-17 12:15:07 PM  

zamboni: Diamonds.

That is all.


www.emotibot.net
 
2011-03-17 12:15:14 PM  
Socialism
Hope and Change
Support the troops
Unions are greedy
Liberal Media
Taxes are evil

I is not that we are retarded it is because we are lied to.
 
2011-03-17 12:18:28 PM  

MatrixOutsider: DirkTheDaring: We are retarded.

Wow, how did they genetically engineer those bananas to grow plastic packages around them?


By harnessing the awesome power of Febreze©
 
2011-03-17 12:18:44 PM  

cmunic8r99: Is this the thread where some delusional bastard claims they have never purchased something because of advertising?

Because if it is, I've got other crap to do and I'd like to get this out of the way:

You are full of it.


I don't think that's the point of this article or being wary of invasive advertising. Sure, I buy stuff that I've seen advertised all the time, but I also try to be aware of this kind of patronizing advertising as well as deceptively placed advertising. The reason? It's insulting and annoying. Seriously, I long for the days when there weren't (intentional) product placements in songs and every TV show wasn't using the dialog of its characters to pimp some product.

But yeah, I'm not trying to sound as if I'm impervious to advertising.
 
2011-03-17 12:21:25 PM  
We don't think you're retarded, we know you're retarded.

Not everybody in the U.S. is an idiot, but enough people are that this shiat works. We do it because it works.

Most people don't think when they purchase. They buy the stuff they do because of the way it makes them feel. We have billions of dollars worth of consumer research that proves it. That's why most advertising is designed the way it is. To give a quick shot of buzz words (New! Improved! Fat-free!) and the rest is to manipulate your emotions so that you feel our product is the best choice, regardless of what the facts actually are.
 
2011-03-17 12:23:19 PM  
One of the better Cracked lists in a long time.
 
2011-03-17 12:23:33 PM  
I see Cracked has hurriedly changed the headline to 6 Words Advertisers Love (That Don't Mean A Damn Thing)

(They forgot the url, though--http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-ways-marketers-think-were-retarded/#ixzz1G sHmnc5v)

Obviously, they didn't want to offend anyone. I don't know why they bothered. Retards can't read.
 
2011-03-17 12:24:40 PM  
Does anyone else think that the writer was trying too hard? Most times, I like the Cracked articles, but this one went overboard with all the hog semen and cadaver fingers. Sorry Cracked, just not funny (or even mildly amusing) this time.
 
2011-03-17 12:25:45 PM  
Hi. Marketing guy here. Been in the business for nearly a quarter-century now, getting a kick, etc.

Many of you are, in fact, retards. That's true. But far more of you are just regular, normal people who make purchasing decisions every day the same way that everyone else does: emotively, and not rationally.

Yes you do. Sorry.
 
2011-03-17 12:26:31 PM  
Miracle Whip is the devil's ejaculate.
 
2011-03-17 12:26:52 PM  
I think I can explain the bananas in plastic (read about it here:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303550904575562480804057778.html

Short explanation: for sale in vending machines, "Del Monte also developed a special packaging for bananas that keeps them fresher longer. Plastic loosely encases the banana, which is relatively green at first, and helps control the mix of gases in its atmosphere that drives ripening."
 
2011-03-17 12:28:19 PM  

unicron702: One of the better Cracked lists in a long time.


Seanbaby always delivers the goods. He usually makes me laugh (out loud, even) at least 3-4 times.
 
2011-03-17 12:28:38 PM  

unicron702: One of the better Cracked lists in a long time.


Not really.

"Real" mayo vs. stuff like Miracle Whip. "Fat Free" as in there is no fat in it. This is valid info for the consumer.

TFA reads like Andy Rooney on a bad night.
 
2011-03-17 12:29:14 PM  
i171.photobucket.com
 
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