All those years of doggy medical school down the drain.

Who among us has never decided that they were a kickass, gun toting Jesus and started shooting people? Non-story.

The sheriff said (when they arrested him), "Every other word is the f-word, but that's OK because he's Jesus."

I knew he'd be pissed at the second coming, but I thought the Revelation "sword mouth" verse meant something other than the f-word.

Remember when the previous Jesus chased around God the Father with an assault rifle?

Good times, good times.

Seymour!!

I didn't read the Bible much either[lie], but I'm pretty sure Jesus is all New Testament.

patrick767: Who among us has never decided that they were a kickass, gun toting Jesus and started shooting people? Non-story.

I've done no such thing. I've decided I was a kickass gun toting Vishnu, but never in a moment would I even consider being a kickass gun toting version of any western religious figures. That would be in bad taste.

Im not sure if beating the crazy out of him would work, but Im willing to give it a shot.

/after the gym in 26 min of course.

Who would Jesus shoot?

There was an old testament Jesus?

thomps: Nabb1: thomps: it's been a while since i read the bible, but isn't this basically the same thing that got the original jesus arrested and prosecuted?

I haven't read it in a while, either, but I'm fairly certain Jesus didn't shoot his parents. Not Mary, anyway.

i dunno man, it was something like that. maybe not his parents, but i'm pretty sure he was tossing lightning bolts at people. isn't that why we celebrate valentines day?


No, silly, he was using bows. Where do you think cupid came from?

Nabb1: thomps: it's been a while since i read the bible, but isn't this basically the same thing that got the original jesus arrested and prosecuted?

I haven't read it in a while, either, but I'm fairly certain Jesus didn't shoot his parents. Not Mary, anyway.

When I was Jesus, it was all about forgiveness, man.

Tenchiro: There was an old testament Jesus?

High five, Tenchi, we're on top.

tereklusec: I didn't read the Bible much either[lie], but I'm pretty sure Jesus is all New Testament.

You must not be Catholic.

Hey! What version? Benny Hinn version (1.7 or 2.0)? Shuller version? Which one? Black or white version? Rich one/poor one?
We need to know this!

You can have my gun when you pry it from the holes in my cold, dead hands.

Sorry, but his story has holes in it.

HE DOESNT LOOK A THING LIKE JEEEEESUUUUUS!

/shiatty band
//shiatty song
/// but oh man, that line.

"Goddammit, get in here!"


"But Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!"

Where's colonel Flag when you need him?

thelordofcheese: tereklusec: I didn't read the Bible much either[lie], but I'm pretty sure Jesus is all New Testament.

You must not be Catholic.

No, actually, I'm not. When people ask me what I gave up for Lent I say, "Lent."

Raised Assembly of God. Non-denominational school from 6-12th grade. Took Bible as a course.

Not really sure where I am now. Gnostic sometimes, fervent penitent when my livelihood's on the line. I really just don't want to wake up early on Sundays.

what_now: Evitt's father, Terry, told Cole his son hadn't slept for six days, Cole said.

"I don't know if it has anything to do with sleep," the sheriff said.

Well, that makes you an idiot, now doesn't it?

Or maybe, just maybe, he realizes he's not a medical professional and shouldn't be making those assumptions (even though it's a HIGHLY likely and probably an accurate one) to the media. I'm sure he thinks it probably does hae something to do with it, but doesn't want to go spouting off at the mouth. Unlike a lot of people do now a days.

wait wait wait ... how do we know he's NOT the returned Jesus? can anyone prove he isn't?

Is that pronounced gheese-us or hey-zeus?

"was hit twice in the chest by slugs fired from a .22-caliber rifle"

.22 slugs? *facepalm*

Obviously crazy... Jesus isn't a ginger.

thomps: Ahhhhhhh: thomps: Nabb1: thomps: it's been a while since i read the bible, but isn't this basically the same thing that got the original jesus arrested and prosecuted?

I haven't read it in a while, either, but I'm fairly certain Jesus didn't shoot his parents. Not Mary, anyway.

i dunno man, it was something like that. maybe not his parents, but i'm pretty sure he was tossing lightning bolts at people. isn't that why we celebrate valentines day?


No, silly, he was using bows. Where do you think cupid came from?

you WE can't shoot lightning with a bow.

/FTFY
//Jesus can

Must be "Fightin' Jesus":




Way better than Vampire Jesus: "I gave my blood for you and now I want it BACK!"

/subgenius
//Former Pope Of Central Michigan University and All Of Oil City

Wouldn't this fall under the parents just wide eyed nodding their heads saying "ok, you're jesus" while secretly thinking their son isn't playing with a full deck.
/and really? who is?

Cole said he is trying to figure out why a veteran who among other postings served in Afghanistan and who received several medals could be violent toward his parents.

Because I read on the Interweb that the more medals you earn, the less possibility you have to commit a crime.

/the sheriff is an ass
//he's not an analyst

This sounds more like some of his dads work.

tereklusec: Tenchiro: There was an old testament Jesus?

High five, Tenchi, we're on top.

He probably meant Supply Side Jesus. :p

Maybe he IS Jesus. He's supposed to come back, ya know. But, when anyone ever says it, they immediately call him crazy. One guy, down in Waco, Texas, said he was Jesus and we set him on fire. Christianity, it's fun to say you believe, but deep down, nobody really does.

What would Jesus Do?:*BAMBAMBAMBAM*

Yeah...that could convince me that you were the reincarnated Jesus. Blowing away someone who didn't agree with you.

/eyeroll

I have a friend who is also going through similar episodes. He is mentally unstable and also lives with his parents. He has made number of claims and these are just some of them: He has been abducted by aliens and been probed on numerous occasions, there is a small orb in one of his eyes and Arabs are going to gouge out of of his eyes and beat him till he gets brain damage, the CIA is listening on his phone calls, the mafia wants him dead, he was raped by retarded people at a group home he parents run, local gangs (Random people on the street, he mostly focuses on hispanic people) want him dead, my dead grandfather (who is now a member of the Masons apparently) is plotting against him and hates him because they met once when he was twelve. He once shoved his mothers dildo up his ass, the entire bible was written about him and his family which was created by the Chinese using time travel. The entirety of California will be destroyed because of him. Satelites are sending him shocks to areas of his body to tell him messages about what to do.

And these are just some of the things he believes.

Also the people who calling the father an idiot for not being sure lack of sleep was to blame, my friend also stays up for days on end sometimes. The thing is that lack of sleep makes a normal person unhinged, but with these people they were already unhinged in the first place. They New Jesus from the article was probably already on a psychotic episode and that is why he didn't sleep, he probably wasn't psychotic because of lack of sleep. That is why the father was unsure of whether sleep had anything to do with it or not.

FTA: An enraged Seymour man shot his mother and tried to shoot his father Tuesday night after the couple refused to acknowledge their son as the reincarnated Jesus..

Want to know how I know that he isn't Jesus?

Citrate1007: FTA: An enraged Seymour man shot his mother and tried to shoot his father Tuesday night after the couple refused to acknowledge their son as the reincarnated Jesus..

Want to know how I know that he isn't Jesus?

Because Jesus is an excellent shot.

Tenchiro: tereklusec: Tenchiro: There was an old testament Jesus?

High five, Tenchi, we're on top.

He probably meant Supply Side Jesus. :p

Jesus was a mean brawler and a master of weapons of opportunity. I can't imagine him using a gun, though. He was all anti-swords back in his day.

Now Jesus down at the corner slangin' herb? Yeah, he'll probably gun ya down.