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(Mother Nature Network)   How to survive a bear attack. "Don't be a tease"   ( mnn.com) divider line
    More: PSA, food shortage, big year, pepper sprays, polar bears, Eurasia, Yellowstone, ZUMA Press, topographic isolation  
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6369 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Mar 2011 at 2:16 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



70 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2011-03-09 02:17:17 PM  
Woof!
 
2011-03-09 02:19:30 PM  
Dwight Schrute knows nothing about bear attacks.
 
2011-03-09 02:20:02 PM  
black bear: fight back
grizzly: play dead
polar bear: make peace with god

Where's the 'overwhelming firepower' option?
 
2011-03-09 02:20:39 PM  
How To Survive a Bear Attack!

A. Be able to run faster than the bear, or...
B. Be able to run faster than at least one of your companions.
 
2011-03-09 02:21:25 PM  
img843.imageshack.us
 
2011-03-09 02:22:00 PM  
But she wanted it! Didn't you see the way she was dressed?
 
2011-03-09 02:22:23 PM  
images1.wikia.nocookie.net

/Let bears pay the bear tax
 
2011-03-09 02:22:28 PM  
t0.gstatic.com
 
2011-03-09 02:22:29 PM  
Drink your own piss?
 
2011-03-09 02:22:33 PM  
Chris: Dad I know what to do! I saw NBC's 'When Bears Attack'. GO AWAY. You are not wanted, go on... scat. Stay tuned for all new Ally Mcbeal.
 
2011-03-09 02:22:52 PM  
I think that's more advice on how to *avoid* a bear attack in The Castro
 
2011-03-09 02:23:05 PM  
But but but, that's blaming the victim!
 
2011-03-09 02:23:40 PM  
You can always lay a trap for the bear. You dig a hole and line it with ashes. Then you put a ring of peas around the hole. When a bear stops to take a pea, you run up and kick it in the ash hole.
 
2011-03-09 02:23:42 PM  
Some times you eat the bar, some times the bar eats you.
 
2011-03-09 02:23:42 PM  
i6.photobucket.com

And whatever you do, don't let them sneak up behind you and start fondling your manly pectorals.
 
2011-03-09 02:24:18 PM  

DarnoKonrad: Where's the 'overwhelming firepower' option?


THere isn't one.

WHile I'm sure this thread is soon to be filled up with people from big cities all over the USA who insist "git mah big gun!" is the solution to bears, studies have found pepper spray to be more effective and safer than guns against attacking bears.

I had dozens of up-close encounters with black bears last year including a mom and two cubs who were prowling our neighbourhood for a few weeks in Sept/Oct.
 
2011-03-09 02:24:39 PM  

give me doughnuts: How To Survive a Bear Attack!

A. Be able to run faster than the bear, or...
B. Be able to run faster than at least one of your companions.


make sure they keep Jay Cutler in the game?
 
2011-03-09 02:24:54 PM  
FTA: "The ursine violence has been linked to a variety of factors, including habitat loss, human intrusion, food shortages and even climate change/i>.

You saw that one coming.
 
2011-03-09 02:25:49 PM  
www.aaanything.net

doing it wrong
 
2011-03-09 02:26:36 PM  
t2.gstatic.com

Don't menstruate.
 
2011-03-09 02:27:05 PM  

Farker T: FTA: "The ursine violence has been linked to a variety of factors, including habitat loss, human intrusion, food shortages and even climate change/i>.

You saw that one coming.


but is it due to Al Gore or SuperMooning?
 
2011-03-09 02:30:20 PM  
Don't forget your bear suit.

majikthise.typepad.com
 
2011-03-09 02:30:27 PM  
Wasn't this covered eloquently 20 years ago?
Surviving a Grizzly Bear Attack (new window)


/WOOOO!!! WOMEN!!!!
 
2011-03-09 02:30:50 PM  
daily-medicine.com
 
2011-03-09 02:33:39 PM  

Bill_Wick's_Friend:

I had dozens of up-close encounters with black bears last year including a mom and two cubs who were prowling our neighbourhood for a few weeks in Sept/Oct.


Well, then... Good luck and...
Don't act like prey.
 
2011-03-09 02:35:06 PM  
If you're losing your hair get yourself implants!
If you're wrestling a bear then you ain't got a chance!
Old Uncle Freddy just rages and rants!
Ain't about love! Ain't about romance!
Just got squirrels in my pants!
 
2011-03-09 02:38:04 PM  

Jackal_N: Don't act like prey.


I do everything the article suggests.

I make a lot of noise when I'm in the woods.

I'm aware of the bears.

I take in the fruit from my trees before they become attractants (though the bears stole all my plums last year one day before I was going to pick them and left a big plum-filled bear crap in my backyard. $*^!%$*!!)

The district FINALLY put a law in-place a couple of years ago enforcing garbage lock-ups, which is something I've done ever before the law came into effect.

I carry pepper spray.

I make myself look big and I sternly tell the bears to fark off while I back away slowly.

They're beautiful. They're very cute and cuddly looking. They have extremely expressive eyes. If they weren't so dangerous you'd really want to go up to them and pat them on the head like a big dog.
 
2011-03-09 02:39:16 PM  
i252.photobucket.com
 
2011-03-09 02:41:38 PM  
does this work against Sarah Palin?
 
2011-03-09 02:42:37 PM  
Put down your appletini and grab some Jagermeister.
 
2011-03-09 02:46:56 PM  
Bears don't want to attack people

When did this happen?
 
2011-03-09 02:52:00 PM  
Fatal grizzly attack.

Stephan Miller fatally attacked by grizzly bear (new window)
 
2011-03-09 02:52:22 PM  

palad: But but but, that's blaming the victim!


Exactly! Bear attacks are always the bear's fault!
 
2011-03-09 02:53:57 PM  

SideOfBacon: give me doughnuts: How To Survive a Bear Attack!

A. Be able to run faster than the bear, or...
B. Be able to run faster than at least one of your companions.

make sure they keep Jay Cutler in the game?


Oh you!!

www.delawareonline.com
 
2011-03-09 02:55:30 PM  

laid back w/bud light: Put down your appletini and grab some Jagermeister.


I'd rather deal with a bear than a roving pack of frat boys.
 
2011-03-09 02:56:44 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: And whatever you do, don't let them sneak up behind you and start fondling your manly pectorals.


moar plz
 
2011-03-09 02:57:56 PM  
Guy I used to know ran a gun shop. He told me about a client who wanted a pistol for protection against bears. He showed the client a .44 Mag and recommended 200 grain JSP.

The customer wanted a Beretta .25 cal. He was adamant and would not consider anything bigger. The gun shop owner finally sold him the pistol but as as the guy left the store he told him he should cover the pistol in bacon grease if he goes in the woods. When the customer asked him why he replied that after he has emptied the pistol he could throw it away and maybe there was a chance that the bacon grease would attract the bear away from him.
 
2011-03-09 02:58:53 PM  
Came for the Bearforce One, leaving unscarred
 
2011-03-09 03:02:53 PM  

MasterSFV: Guy I used to know ran a gun shop. He told me about a client who wanted a pistol for protection against bears. He showed the client a .44 Mag and recommended 200 grain JSP.

The customer wanted a Beretta .25 cal. He was adamant and would not consider anything bigger. The gun shop owner finally sold him the pistol but as as the guy left the store he told him he should cover the pistol in bacon grease if he goes in the woods. When the customer asked him why he replied that after he has emptied the pistol he could throw it away and maybe there was a chance that the bacon grease would attract the bear away from him.


Met a guy at a shooting range in the mid-west who was trying out a small .22 lr pistol. We got to talking, and he'd bought it to carry when trout fishing in Montana and Wyoming "in case I get attacked by a bear". I asked him why he though annoying the bear would help him in that event. Told him to go with pepper spray and/or a long gun.
 
2011-03-09 03:04:32 PM  
For polar bears - don't be tasty.
 
2011-03-09 03:10:06 PM  
Bear attack thread > shark attack thread. Discuss.
 
2011-03-09 03:11:44 PM  
You can learn all you need to about messing with bears from 2 people:

1. Timothy Treadwill

2. And the lady who jumped into the polar bear exhibit at the zoo.
 
2011-03-09 03:17:05 PM  
CSB time.

I've had a few bear run ins, but the most notable by far was being charged by one that spotted my father and I when I was 12yo bird hunting in a forest area we were flown-in-to called Lord's Flat in OR. Mid-day we spotted a bear between us and our camp at about 250 yrds in a lightly wooded area. We waited, but he didn't perceive us. We had to get back to camp, so the old man chose to alert it to our presence by whistling very loud.

It immediately looked up at us, grunted, and charged us at full speed!

www.northeasthunting.com

Oh crap! We ejected the bird shot and loaded in the slugs - a single shot .410 for me and a 3 round capacity 12g for the old man. The bear looked to weigh in at around 300lbs. I somehow managed to not piss myself as it closed-in, and we pulled the stocks to our shoulders. In that moment the old man reminded me if the slugs didn't drop it I was to climb a smallish diameter tree, the size/type I was taught to scale if it came to a fight between Dad with his buck-knife and one of Oregon's Black Bears. Attack!!? Not this time. The bear ran right past at about 15 yards, apparently just checking us out, and perhaps getting to it's cubs some distance away?


t1.gstatic.com
We've been told, that well placed 2 3/4"12g slugs would have dropped him. Possibly even the .410 slug which is about aproxx a.44 round? Fortunately we didn't find out.

Anyway, I got 3 grouse that day.

Note: The man who loaned me the .410 had run in with a massive Brown Bear some years later. His story involved lots of flying lead, and a much different ending.
 
2011-03-09 03:29:02 PM  
First sentence in article
"Bears don't want to attack people."

Two paragraphs later
"polar bears are more aggressive and more likely to see people as prey"


So which one is it?
 
2011-03-09 03:29:55 PM  

jicon: Wasn't this covered eloquently 20 years ago?
Surviving a Grizzly Bear Attack (new window)


/WOOOO!!! WOMEN!!!!


came for the Kids in the Hall reference, was hoping to see a screen grab of Kevin's pants being pulled down. leaving semi-satisfied.

/you had sex last night!
 
2011-03-09 03:30:10 PM  
FTFA

The ursine violence has been linked to a variety of factors, including habitat loss, human intrusion, food shortages and even climate change

Let's keep the fear mongering going for climate change....oh noes bear attacks!!!
 
2011-03-09 03:30:16 PM  
Just because it's in mah bukket:

img543.imageshack.us
 
2011-03-09 03:30:32 PM  
NO BEAR IS A MATCH FOR ME!
 
2011-03-09 03:33:23 PM  
Learned everything I need to know from a book called "Hiking with Grizzlies". Excellent info in there, as I live in the middle of griz country.
 
2011-03-09 03:38:10 PM  
Don't act like prey.

FTA

Careful it's grizzly (new window)
 
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