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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-02-27 to Sat 2011-03-05
Posted by Drew at 2011-03-08 11:21:18 AM, edited 2011-03-08 11:31:34 AM (12 comments) | Permalink
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1922 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Mar 2011 at 11:21 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



From Unfreakable:

No update from Drew this week; enjoy the headlines.

See you guys in Vegas.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-02-27 to Sat 2011-03-05:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  I said, THERE'S STILL NO EXPLANATION FOR LAST MONTH'S HERRING LOSS    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  For 75 years, woman plays piano weekly for her church. Credits her longevity to watching her keys and pews    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Chinese farmer awaits an artifical asshole. Then, after James Franco's visit, he'll need surgery as well    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  New Jersey woman steals valuable church crucifix. Police nab her after brief cross examination    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Tennessee would like its own currency. But is meth a stable enough standard?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Mary Lee Ditto given 10 days in jail for furnishing alcohol to a minor. Mary Lee Ditto given 10 days in jail for furnishing alcohol to a minor    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  The Supreme Court rules that, yes, the Constitution protects your right to be an asshole. In writing for the majority, Chief Justice Roberts added, "Goddamnitsomuch"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Sirhan Sirhan denied denied parole parole    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Man successfully walks through 7 lanes of interstate traffic to retrieve hubcap he spotted in median. Too bad he needed 8 lanes to complete the level    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Sailor fighting U.S. Navy discharge after getting caught in bed with another male sailor says he's not gay -- they just fell asleep watching "The Vampire Diaries." Dude, you need to stop talking    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Two men arrested for poaching deer and serving the meat at Super Bowl party. Stealers lose again    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  FAP motion fizzles out after four members take matters into their own hands and a load off of the president, who no longer has to hold his own    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Collect your winnings if you had "22 months" in the "When Will JaMarcus Russell Lose His House?" pool    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Bob Sanders shakes hands on one-year deal with San Diego, dislocates shoulder    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Federal researchers, who clearly hang out in different bars than I do, declare the eastern cougar officially extinct    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Smartphone market share in a pretty graph - and if you'll notice, Android doesn't even make the cut. iCan't imagine why    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Florida man finally grows eight-pound turnip. Tells friends he's now beet. Just wants to go home, read the pepper, take a leek endive into bed    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Showbiz:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  ABC is casting for a new show tentatively called "Good Christian Biatches." One assumes that name will be changed    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  The 31st annual Razzie Award winners have been announced. In a stunning twist, M. Night Shyamalan sweeps yet again    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Simon Pegg says the Star Trek 2 script is "amazing." Yes. We all agree, Wrath of Khan was the best of the Star Trek films. Thanks for reminding us    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Christina Aguilera arrested for public intox after failing sobriety test, by oversinging the wrong letters to the alphabet    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Mel Gibson calls Charlie Sheen to offer his support. Two now set to co-produce a buddy cop sex tape    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  The 10 most paused moments in movie history. Have these people never heard of Fast Times at Ridgemont High?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  The AV Club revisits the cultural significance of "Clarissa Explains it All." Or, as Subby calls it, "A Televised Introduction to Onanism"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Jessica Simpson is: A) desperate for love; B) a ravenous lover of snacks and fast food; C) always drunk. Difficulty: pick one    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Colin Firth being demoted from king to knight. Check mate    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Fox News: You can beat the TSA by putting someone else's DNA in your mouth. Fark: Of course it was Steve Doocy who suggested it, as he likely has had a lot of different DNA in his mouth    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  GAO issues first report on Government waste and duplication. Many more expected to follow    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Sarah Palin thinks that military funerals are more important than the first amendment. On the bright side, Sarah Palin can now name TWO Supreme Court cases she disagrees with. Take that, Couric    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Unemployment rate drops to 8.9% as new jobs are created to clean up after Charlie Sheen    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Music:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Thieves try and sell $2 million violin for $150 with no strings attached    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  UK's Download Festival turns down Metallica, saying they are "boring", evidently tired of that one Metallica song that goes from F#m to E. No, not that one. The other one. No, not that one. Yeah, that one that sounds like that one    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Mariah Carey embarrassed about performance linked to Gadhafi. In other news, next week's Sweet 16 concert still on for Ashley Hitler    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  US Uncut protests that the banks don't pay their tip of the taxes, and that they're giant dicks    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Blue Cross of Massachusetts rewards CEO for $149 million loss with $11 million severance pay. No wonder it's a nonprofit    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Rupert Murdoch gets UK government approval to complete buy-out of satellite broadcaster BSkyB, build Death Star that only flies to the right    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·


12 Comments   (+0 »)
 
2011-03-08 11:37:40 AM  
None of mine made it this week. But these two I loved.

Bob Sanders shakes hands on one-year deal with San Diego, dislocates shoulder

Sailor fighting U.S. Navy discharge after getting caught in bed with another male sailor says he's not gay -- they just fell asleep watching "The Vampire Diaries." Dude, you need to stop talking
 
2011-03-08 11:48:57 AM  
The iCant one deserves a spot if only for subby's massive failure at graph comprehension
 
2011-03-08 11:50:06 AM  
Hands down:

For 75 years, woman plays piano weekly for her church. Credits her longevity to watching her keys and pews
 
2011-03-08 11:50:32 AM  
Don't forget the DFW Fark Party tonight.
 
2011-03-08 12:04:42 PM  
woohoo!

i said, WOOHOO!
 
2011-03-08 12:17:38 PM  
The "keys and pews" made me LOL when I first saw it, and again just now. HOTY material.
 
2011-03-08 12:34:40 PM  

LesserEvil: Hands down:

For 75 years, woman plays piano weekly for her church. Credits her longevity to watching her keys and pews


Yes, it's nice to see some people actually think about the headlines they submit.
 
2011-03-08 12:45:21 PM  
Any reason why the categories are not in the order that their tabs are in?
 
2011-03-08 12:59:24 PM  

Fireproof: Any reason why the categories are not in the order that their tabs are in?


Probably forgot about the Business tab, as there are only like 3 greenlit threads in there a day.
 
2011-03-08 01:01:05 PM  
Failure to pull out leaves Glory whole should be in there.

/disappointed
//no, im not the subby
 
2011-03-08 02:37:35 PM  

The Flexecutioner: Failure to pull out leaves Glory whole should be in there.

/disappointed
//no, im not the subby


Second.
 
2011-03-08 04:05:34 PM  
My Rupert Murdoch one made it. Woot.
 
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