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(Denver Channel)   Woman uses knowledge acquired from the "Twilight" saga to fight off would be rapist   (thedenverchannel.com) divider line 70
    More: Scary  
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14153 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Mar 2011 at 11:06 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-03-07 09:45:48 AM
Well, those movies had to be good for something eventually.
 
2011-03-07 10:03:59 AM
Biting, hmm? I thought she would have used her acquired ability to be an emotionally-unattractive, swooning, shrill ham-beast.

/my bias is showing
 
2011-03-07 10:20:39 AM
Did she play with her hair, blink a lot, and suck on her upper lip?
 
2011-03-07 10:49:56 AM
She figured out he was gay and he lost interest?
 
2011-03-07 11:08:23 AM
Did she vomit a fountain of blood? It seems like that would usually be a boner killer.
 
2011-03-07 11:08:52 AM
Did the perp sparkle like a gay-pride parade float?
 
2011-03-07 11:09:19 AM
she said she only likes to fark underage boys?
 
2011-03-07 11:10:03 AM
I like how this happened in Edwards.
 
2011-03-07 11:11:04 AM
hope she ripped his throat out.
 
2011-03-07 11:11:28 AM

milk_plus: Did she vomit a fountain of blood? It seems like that would usually be a boner killer.


You never know what poeple may be into.
 
2011-03-07 11:11:39 AM
She bored him into a coma?
 
2011-03-07 11:12:06 AM
Thought before clicking on the link: Wow, there was something useful about those books?

Thought after clicking on the link: Oh. No, no, there wasn't.
 
2011-03-07 11:12:33 AM
She acted vapid and distant like Kirsten Stewart and the guy immediately all interest in sex for the rest of his life?
 
2011-03-07 11:12:40 AM

milk_plus: Did she vomit a fountain of blood? It seems like that would usually be a boner killer.


You know how I can tell you ain't metal?

(note: I'm not especially metal myself)
 
2011-03-07 11:13:16 AM
Everyone knows that to thwart a rapist, you cluck like a chicken and pee yourself. Duh.
 
2011-03-07 11:13:55 AM
She said in her deepest, most husky voice

...hello, laaaaaaaaaaaaaadies!
 
2011-03-07 11:14:12 AM
I guess I'm going to have to be "that guy" and stand up for the twilight movies. They're farking awesome! Hilarious! Oh... Oh wait... you guys aren't watching these movies without Rifftrax, are you? ARE YOU?!

*BARF*

Oh, God... What a horrible idea.
 
2011-03-07 11:14:48 AM
She menstruated on his face?
 
2011-03-07 11:16:55 AM
Kind of ironic when you consider that the main character nearly dies every time the boy isn't there to protect her in the books.
 
2011-03-07 11:17:16 AM
Show him a baby and hope he falls in love with it?
 
2011-03-07 11:17:20 AM
I'm just going to leave this here and back away slowly:

"The victim described her attacker as a Hispanic male with a nearly shaved head in his mid-twenties."
 
2011-03-07 11:18:54 AM
Biting his neck?

I'll do ya one better. I had to fight off an attack by my best friends boyfriend (back when I babysat God and the Big Bang was where you went to rock out).

He was groping me and trying to french kiss me, so I went all relaxed and when he stuck his tongue in my mouth, I bit the holy hell out of it. Blood in my mouth (ew!), blood coming out of his mouth, me laughing at him.

As he drove off he yelled back at me, "pfft mmmm yaaa thuck!"
 
2011-03-07 11:18:57 AM
She could have at least tried to be more original... like pretending to be his wife, and just laying there.
 
2011-03-07 11:20:15 AM

New Moon Rabbit: french kiss


i haven't heard that term in 2 brazillion years
 
2011-03-07 11:21:28 AM
Maybe he was born with it. Maybe it was Maybelline.
 
2011-03-07 11:24:19 AM
Guy had earrings and a eyebrow piercing. And she bit him on the neck? I'm not going to argue with success, but the piercings suggest that he doesn't mind a bit of pain, so biting him could have only played into his fantasy.

On the other hand, grabbing the piercing or the earring in your teeth and pulling... That might get his attention.
 
2011-03-07 11:27:08 AM

Andrew Wiggin: New Moon Rabbit: french kiss

i haven't heard that term in 2 brazillion years


Is it now called "freedom kissing"? >^..^
 
2011-03-07 11:28:24 AM

Honest Bender: I guess I'm going to have to be "that guy" and stand up for the twilight movies. They're farking awesome! Hilarious! Oh... Oh wait... you guys aren't watching these movies without Rifftrax, are you? ARE YOU?!

*BARF*

Oh, God... What a horrible idea.


ah, rifftrax. is there nothing they can't make watchable?
 
2011-03-07 11:30:15 AM
How is it that all of you mocking Twilight know so much about it?

Don't get me wrong--I'd love to join you in your mockery, but I wouldn't know where to begin.
 
2011-03-07 11:30:22 AM

kingoomieiii: Biting, hmm? I thought she would have used her acquired ability to be an emotionally-unattractive, swooning, shrill ham-beast.

/my bias is showing


Full of win!!
 
2011-03-07 11:30:31 AM
She could have just started talking about Twilight, and the guy would have run off without bringing violence into the situation.
 
2011-03-07 11:31:43 AM
He was last seen wearing a blue purple hooded sweatshirt.

t3.gstatic.com
 
2011-03-07 11:31:57 AM
I slowly walk around it and I try not to look at it...

"The victim described her attacker as a Hispanic male with a nearly shaved head in his mid-twenties."
 
2011-03-07 11:32:21 AM

Allornone: Honest Bender: I guess I'm going to have to be "that guy" and stand up for the twilight movies. They're farking awesome! Hilarious! Oh... Oh wait... you guys aren't watching these movies without Rifftrax, are you? ARE YOU?!

*BARF*

Oh, God... What a horrible idea.

ah, rifftrax. is there nothing they can't make watchable?


I have to say the second one was painful even with Rifftrax. It wasn't their fault, it's just NOTHING happened in that film.

/Alright booze, time to work your dark magic on me
 
2011-03-07 11:33:02 AM
Aside from happening in a place that almost shares a name with one of the main characters, what exactly does this have to do with twilight?
 
2011-03-07 11:37:02 AM
Before I read the article I thought maybe she walked around with her shirt off and then turned into a werewolf. That would have been much more interesting.
 
2011-03-07 11:38:04 AM

RedEmily: milk_plus: Did she vomit a fountain of blood? It seems like that would usually be a boner killer.

You never know what poeple may be into.


Does that do it for you?
 
2011-03-07 11:41:30 AM
If she was anything like Kristen Stewart, she'd have rendered him unconscious with that massive jaw of hers. I swear she has to be linked somewhere on the family tree to Leno. Between the Ultra-Mega-Mega Jaw and the problem of Sameface, I don't see the appeal.

/The blonde supermodel vampire is a hottie tho
//and the future-seeing gothy one
 
2011-03-07 11:42:54 AM
Chewed through his womb?

/...reaching.
 
2011-03-07 11:43:33 AM
Someone gets bit in twilight?
 
2011-03-07 11:48:10 AM
She broke a chunk of his face off?
 
2011-03-07 11:49:59 AM
Wouldn't it be more accurate to say she learned it from Stoker's Dracula?

I've read Twilight (because it's terrible and now I know how terrible through direct experience). There's a distinct lack of neck-biting for a book supposedly about vampires. There's a lot of whinging and misogyny and pedophilia, though.
 
2011-03-07 11:50:07 AM

Dr J Zoidberg: Kind of ironic when you consider that the main character nearly dies every time the boy isn't there to protect her in the books.


Until she becomes a vamp herself and then she saves everybody.

/ um...or so I've heard.
 
2011-03-07 11:52:07 AM

New Moon Rabbit: Andrew Wiggin: New Moon Rabbit: french kiss

i haven't heard that term in 2 brazillion years

Is it now called "freedom kissing"? >^..^


bravo :)
 
2011-03-07 11:53:35 AM

Thorak: Wouldn't it be more accurate to say she learned it from Stoker's Dracula?

I've read Twilight (because it's terrible and now I know how terrible through direct experience). There's a distinct lack of neck-biting for a book supposedly about vampires. There's a lot of whinging and misogyny and pedophilia, though.


It was written by a Mormon, what did you expect?
 
2011-03-07 11:55:12 AM
People still try that rape thing in this day and age?
 
2011-03-07 11:55:12 AM

New Moon Rabbit: Biting his neck?

I'll do ya one better. I had to fight off an attack by my best friends boyfriend (back when I babysat God and the Big Bang was where you went to rock out).

He was groping me and trying to french kiss me, so I went all relaxed and when he stuck his tongue in my mouth, I bit the holy hell out of it. Blood in my mouth (ew!), blood coming out of his mouth, me laughing at him.

As he drove off he yelled back at me, "pfft mmmm yaaa thuck!"


lmao!
 
2011-03-07 11:56:30 AM
www.aaanything.net

/my apologies to gay people, y'all are much better than that incubus
 
2011-03-07 11:58:55 AM
Was it this girl?

k2.okccdn.com
 
2011-03-07 12:07:12 PM
1) I want to thank everyone for ignoring the racist piece of shiat troll.

2) Biting is good; a human bite is more dangerous than an animal bite, but she just got any blood born pathogens he might have had in her mouth. Not good.

3) Ladies: Grap, twist, pull. It will stop a rapist in his tracks and you don't even need any weapons.
 
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