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(Washington Post)   Sailor fighting U.S. Navy discharge after getting caught in bed with another male sailor says he's not gay -- they just fell asleep watching "The Vampire Diaries." Dude, you need to stop talking   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 106
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6736 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2011 at 9:31 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-03-04 08:34:42 PM  
Am I the only one who is more horrified that two grown men were watching The Vampire Diaries than I am by the idea of a couple guys enjoying some mutually desired cock sucking?
 
2011-03-04 08:38:31 PM  

quickdraw: Am I the only one who is more horrified that two grown men were watching The Vampire Diaries than I am by the idea of a couple guys enjoying some mutually desired cock sucking?


To be fair, watching the Vampire Diaries is way more gay than sucking cock.
 
2011-03-04 09:29:51 PM  
Personally, I'd make it a requirement that all our soldiers watch Vampire Diaries. Let's see any enemy army or terrorist willing to mess with us then. I can imagine.

Ivan: Da! We will conquer the American capitalist pig-dogs.
Rajiv: Indeed. Yes yes yes, we will be telling them to please be getting off our lawn!
Abdul: Infidel swine! They watch Vampire Diaries instead of praying to Allah!
Ivan: What is this...Vampire Diaries?
Rajiv: I am not sure. Let me call my cousin who owns a 7-11 in Jersey...

(a few minutes pass as Rajiv listens to his cousin explain this as Rajiv explains)

Ivan: Stalin would never have started the Cold War if he had known they could watch that stuff!
Abdul: Yes yes, I will never again make fun of their American Idol!
Rajiv: You know, maybe I'll give up suicide bombing and take up knitting.

ALL: The attack is off!
 
2011-03-04 09:34:00 PM  
Did they check the bed for seamen?
 
2011-03-04 09:37:42 PM  
Done in 4.
 
2011-03-04 09:39:17 PM  

Shenanigans!: Did they check the bed for seamen?


Wasn't that the problem? The roommate found seamen in the bed when he returned for the night.
 
2011-03-04 09:40:04 PM  
Jesus! There was discharge? And he's claiming they didn't have sex?

Oh, you mean he was...

Oh.
 
2011-03-04 09:43:01 PM  
The guy is a baby nuke. In that program they'll shiat can you if you wipe your ass with the wrong hand let alone get caught in bed with another guy

/once saw a mm3 get shiat canned from nuke school for being 1 minute late to class

/the POD was always an interesting read when in listed the captains masts along with the shiat canning infractions
 
2011-03-04 09:43:30 PM  
Was this out at sea on the ship or was this in port on a base?

This IS important, because its not gay if you are under way.
 
2011-03-04 09:45:39 PM  
"Berube stated both were wearing only boxer shorts but got dressed and left after he woke them up."

The probability of 2 dudes + 1 bed + boxer shorts only not equaling gay is pretty much zero.
Add in Vampire Diaries, and we get the singularity.
 
2011-03-04 09:46:36 PM  

Shenanigans!: Did they check the bed for seamen?


i181.photobucket.com

/It just can't help seeming, well...gay.
 
2011-03-04 09:48:37 PM  

I Am The Egg Matt Drudge Smears Upon His Body: /the POD was always an interesting read when in listed the captains masts


Oh, go ahead and tell us about your experiences with the captain's mast.

You know you want to.
 
2011-03-04 09:48:40 PM  
Even though there is no evidence the 21-year-old sailor committed any hanky-panky or that his friend was not permitted to visit, Jones has been charged with dereliction of duty. The Navy is seeking to discharge him, a move that he is contesting.


More like, "dere-DICK-tion of BOOTY"!!!!!! hoh man bro that is awesome dude how do you do it dude i don't know bro dude i mean that was like whoa dude i know bro up top yeah man hit me back top that shiat up bro dude i know i got you bro dude awesome yeah man right here bro dude you said "dere-DICK-tion of BOOTY" dude i know
 
2011-03-04 09:51:14 PM  
 
2011-03-04 09:51:17 PM  

rickythepenguin: More like, "dere-DICK-tion of BOOTY"!!!!!! hoh man bro that is awesome dude how do you do it dude i don't know bro dude i mean that was like whoa dude i know bro up top yeah man hit me back top that shiat up bro dude i know i got you bro dude awesome yeah man right here bro dude you said "dere-DICK-tion of BOOTY" dude i know


Can anyone read that and not be totally convinced he was fapping when he wrote it?

/Hands?
 
2011-03-04 09:51:23 PM  
totally not gay, they were just taking a nap after swabbing the poop deck.
 
2011-03-04 09:51:26 PM  
I'm in the navy at hospital corpsman school who came back to his room one night to find his gay roommate asleep in bed with his "friend" with the "Twilight: New Moon" dvd on the menu screen, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

//csb
//almost never post, am I doing this right?
 
2011-03-04 09:53:12 PM  
If those two aren't fabulous, I'm the King of England.

/The only way that could get any gayer is with Twilight involved somehow.
 
2011-03-04 09:54:30 PM  

Willingham420: I'm in the navy at hospital corpsman school who came back to his room one night to find his gay roommate asleep in bed with his "friend" with the "Twilight: New Moon" dvd on the menu screen, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

//csb
//almost never post, am I doing this right?


So these guys aren't gay then. Sleeping with another man appears to be common practice in the Navy.
 
2011-03-04 09:54:44 PM  
 
2011-03-04 09:56:10 PM  

Smokey the Bare: Sleeping with another man appears to be common practice in the Navy.


Girlfriend in every port and boyfriend on every ship?
 
2011-03-04 09:56:22 PM  

baorao: totally not gay, they were just taking a nap after swabbing the poop deck.



your post is incomplete without a "captain's head" or "coxswain" joke.

you can take the "F" or resubmit for half credit.
 
2011-03-04 09:56:28 PM  

Willingham420: //almost never post, am I doing this right?


What got you to come out of the closet?
 
2011-03-04 09:57:02 PM  
So, when will Obama repel don't ask, don't tell?


He did promise to do so.
 
2011-03-04 09:58:24 PM  

rickythepenguin: baorao: totally not gay, they were just taking a nap after swabbing the poop deck.


your post is incomplete without a "captain's head" or "coxswain" joke.

you can take the "F" or resubmit for half credit.


What about the fu'c's'le?
 
2011-03-04 10:00:22 PM  

Excen: If those two aren't fabulous, I'm the King of England.

/The only way that could get any gayer is with Twilight involved somehow.



"mommy, why are Navy Corpsmen called 'pecker checkers'?"

/HM humor
//when an HM says he has a tongue depressor and says "open your mouth", keep your eyes open.
///he's got
 
2011-03-04 10:01:19 PM  
interesting. i'm going to have to update my database

rum, bum, bacca and the vampire diaries
 
2011-03-04 10:01:25 PM  

Smokey the Bare: Willingham420: I'm in the navy at hospital corpsman school who came back to his room one night to find his gay roommate asleep in bed with his "friend" with the "Twilight: New Moon" dvd on the menu screen, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

//csb
//almost never post, am I doing this right?

So these guys aren't gay then. Sleeping with another man appears to be common practice in the Navy.


I'm not that surprised about the amount of gay dudes and girls here in Great Lakes, just at how so open most of them are, even before DADT was started to be repealed. An HM1 here even said to our class, "Nothing is official yet. Now is not the time to bust out your rainbow flags and prance around Chicago and the base".
 
2011-03-04 10:01:26 PM  

baorao: they were just taking a nap after swabbing the poop deck.


Pro Tip: If you GIS "swabbing the poop deck" make sure your search filter is set to at least "moderate".

www.ladda-ner-musik.net
 
2011-03-04 10:01:53 PM  

Airfoilsguy: So, when will Obama repel don't ask, don't tell?


He did promise to do so.


He did repeal it. But the military had an extra special little "catch" in there that basically said they could implement the repeal at their pace because it might hurt the lil troops to actually have to follow an order.

So, it's just being "reviewed for implementation"
 
2011-03-04 10:02:17 PM  

Mykeru: Willingham420: //almost never post, am I doing this right?

What got you to come out of the closet?


The subject of being gay in the navy, what else?
 
2011-03-04 10:03:15 PM  
In The Navy. (new window)

With a little bit of German goodness.
 
2011-03-04 10:03:30 PM  

Mykeru: I Am The Egg Matt Drudge Smears Upon His Body: /the POD was always an interesting read when in listed the captains masts

Oh, go ahead and tell us about your experiences with the captain's mast.

You know you want to.


No problem! I'll get to it just as soon I'm done hearing about your mom's experiences with the poop deck.
 
2011-03-04 10:04:25 PM  

Willingham420: gay in the navy


Wow, there's like an echo in here.
 
2011-03-04 10:04:33 PM  
Hey I like The Vampire Diares, minus the teen melodrama. Just because you don't see Anna Paquin's boobs doesn't make it any less manly.

Would I watch it with anoher dude in my bunk? No.
 
2011-03-04 10:05:41 PM  
Were they caught farking? No. Kissing? Nope. They were sleeping in bed together, and neither man was naked. There was no evidence at all they were having gay sex. In fact, I'll give them the benefit of a doubt.
Now, why were they undressed? Simple: It is against regulations to be in uniform and in bed. If either had been caught fully clothed in bed, the outcome would have been the same.
 
2011-03-04 10:07:40 PM  

redcard: Airfoilsguy: So, when will Obama repel don't ask, don't tell?


He did promise to do so.

He did repeal it. But the military had an extra special little "catch" in there that basically said they could implement the repeal at their pace because it might hurt the lil troops to actually have to follow an order.

So, it's just being "reviewed for implementation"


Reference or shut the fark up
 
2011-03-04 10:07:47 PM  

Oldiron_79: Was this out at sea on the ship or was this in port on a base?


not sure, article didn't indicate who was pitchin or who was hittin
 
2011-03-04 10:08:53 PM  
No frigging in the rigging references?


cuz there's fark-all else to do.
 
2011-03-04 10:10:22 PM  
So, I netflixed the first DVD of Vampire Diaries. Imagine the worst possible moments of Buffy. Now make it 1000 time worse than that, and put a bunch of people with no ability to act, and a terrible script.

Srsl, at one point they were talking about how these "vampires" were happy go lucky, wealthy, 17 year old Virginia lads.
In 1864.

There were NO males over the age of 15 left in 1864 who weren't fighting. Horrible, horrible show.


ALSO, so these guys are gay? So what?
 
2011-03-04 10:11:43 PM  

Mykeru: Willingham420: gay in the navy

Wow, there's like an echo in here.


Yes! People are responding to me on fark! And all it took was a thread about being gay in the navy. I'm gonna go have one more drink and then head back to the barracks and go get some dick. Later everyone.
 
2011-03-04 10:13:02 PM  

Smokey the Bare: Willingham420: I'm in the navy at hospital corpsman school who came back to his room one night to find his gay roommate asleep in bed with his "friend" with the "Twilight: New Moon" dvd on the menu screen, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

//csb
//almost never post, am I doing this right?

So these guys aren't gay then. Sleeping with another man appears to be common practice in the Navy.


Well, as a matter of fact... on most ships there's half as many beds as there are sailors. It's called hot racking.
/not like that, the beds are barely big enough for one person
//never had to hot rack in four years
 
2011-03-04 10:13:44 PM  
Don't fight the discharge.
 
2011-03-04 10:13:47 PM  

Airfoilsguy: redcard: Airfoilsguy: So, when will Obama repel don't ask, don't tell?


He did promise to do so.

He did repeal it. But the military had an extra special little "catch" in there that basically said they could implement the repeal at their pace because it might hurt the lil troops to actually have to follow an order.

So, it's just being "reviewed for implementation"

Reference or shut the fark up


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don't_Ask,_Don't_Tell_Repeal_Act_of_2010

From that article:

After the training period is completed, the president and his military advisors must sign to a certification which confirms the ability of the military to accept the integration of openly-LGBT personnel. Sixty days after the certification is signed, the DADT Repeal Act will take effect as law[

Text of the bill:

http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c111:s4023:


From that , in particular:

(b) Effective Date- The amendments made by subsection (f) shall take effect 60 days after the date on which the last of the following occurs:
(1) The Secretary of Defense has received the report required by the memorandum of the Secretary referred to in subsection (a).
(2) The President transmits to the congressional defense committees a written certification, signed by the President, the Secretary of Defense, and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, stating each of the following:
(A) That the President, the Secretary of Defense, and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff have considered the recommendations contained in the report and the report's proposed plan of action.
(B) That the Department of Defense has prepared the necessary policies and regulations to exercise the discretion provided by the amendments made by subsection (f).
(C) That the implementation of necessary policies and regulations pursuant to the discretion provided by the amendments made by subsection (f) is consistent with the standards of military readiness, military effectiveness, unit cohesion, and recruiting and retention of the Armed Forces.
(c) No Immediate Effect on Current Policy- Section 654 of title 10, United States Code, shall remain in effect until such time that all of the requirements and certifications required by subsection (b) are met. If these requirements and certifications are not met, section 654 of title 10, United States Code, shall remain in effect.


Now sit the fark down and let the adults talk.
 
2011-03-04 10:14:07 PM  

I Am The Egg Matt Drudge Smears Upon His Body: No problem! I'll get to it just as soon I'm done hearing about your mom's experiences with the poop deck.


Well, it's a terrific story. My mom has a huge ass. I mean, the thing is stupendous. You could park a Dodge Caravan in her shiatter sideways. And, well, she loves a good bean burrito. In fact, the only thing she loves more than a good bean burrito is more than one good bean burrito. And so she was taking it up the ass, basically it was like a conga line. I guess all that stuff just got packed and packed and packed and...

Well, ever hear of the Halifax Explosion of 1917?

www.goldiproductions.com

Kind of like that, only bigger. A lot bigger.

And brown.

And totally smelled like your Dad's dick after "Poker Night".

OK, your turn to tell your tale, which I will tentatively title "Two Queers Before the Mast".
 
2011-03-04 10:14:47 PM  
Another male sailor came by to watch "The Vampire Diaries," and they both dozed off in the same bed. "That is the honest, entire story," Jones said.


the other red (pink triangle / rainbow / Coldplay CD?) flag is the offensive/unsolicited/proactive use of "honest".

any time.

Any time.

ANY TIME someone uses the unsolicited/qualified "to be honest", what you are about to hear is USDA Grade A bullshiat.

1) you went to starbuck's, all you did was go to starbucks. wife saw the receipt:

"where were you today?"

uh, starbucks.


2) you went to your old girlfriend's apartment, you've been texting her, trading facebook posts, blew some cat behind the 7-11, held up a bank, blew some cat behind 7-11, strangled a hobo, served merlot at about 50 degrees.....then went to starbucks.....

wife then sees the receipt:

"where were you today?"


uh....starbucks...to be honest*, honestly, to be honest, i uh, honestly......ok i went to 7-11, but, honestly, to be honest, i uh....honestly, i have never even heard of the "internet", or even this, "spacebook", did you say?


*still believes charles barkley should trademark the word "honestly" or the phrase "to be honest"
 
2011-03-04 10:15:00 PM  
deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com

Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.
Burns: We know what you think.
 
2011-03-04 10:16:20 PM  
you can be mained or killed to fight our idiotic wars but a dude with a dude? kick them out!

goddamn how can grown men so pathetic? i hope the persecutors have gay kids.
 
2011-03-04 10:19:40 PM  

Willingham420: Mykeru: Willingham420: gay in the navy

Wow, there's like an echo in here.

Yes! People are responding to me on fark! And all it took was a thread about being gay in the navy. I'm gonna go have one more drink and then head back to the barracks and go get some dick. Later everyone.


Be careful there is a Seaman Stain in BEQ 131.
 
2011-03-04 10:20:26 PM  
If it was a woman would he have gotten in this much trouble?
/Never been in the military
 
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