Rarely has "What's his Fark handle?" been more appropriate.

Wow, this guy is good. Best I've done was to rub my schlong on this hot chic's phone receiver one quiet Saturday at the office. Cause, ya know, that way her mouth would be next to......

aw, fark it. this guy's nuckin futs.

Just shake the bottle, dilute it 10 times, then repeat over and over. Then you'll have some homeopathic birth control!

Lallana anal lal!

can't you people jizz in her hand lotion like a normal office weirdo?

"For me, it's a release. I think about my wife." Riiiiiiight.

Perp sez: "Yeah, I probably should have dumped it," he says on the tape. "Maybe I didn't want anything to seem out of the ordinary (on her desk)."

Besides the JIZZ in her beverage, Brainiac?

misanthropic1: kvinesknows: coxinha: Jesus Christ. Sometimes I'm glad I'm ugly.

ProTip.

most of the time we dont actually care what you look like, we still wack off into your water bottle, shoes, socks, purse, hand soap, hand cream, jelly filled donut,

we pee sometimes too.

Then there's the dried-fecal-matter-sprinkled-in-salad-bar guy; he doesn't care who eats it, so long as someone does.

/wish I was making this up
//addressed in an old Savage Love, if you aren't already sufficiently horrified

Oh geez. I need to start reading Savage Love more often

Farkher: "For me, it's a release. I think about my wife." Riiiiiiight.

he probably did, but more along the lines of "what will my wife do if she finds out i did this to her sister's bottle of water too?"

Killer Cars: FirstNationalBastard: Also, FTFA:


Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee put his semen in a water bottle to see if that's what she had tasted at work.

Suuuuuuuuuuure. We'll go with that excuse.

I'm trying to imagine what my response would be if my SO asked me to jizz in her water bottle.

"I've got a better idea. You can spit it into the water bottle."

misanthropic1: FirstNationalBastard: Assault? Battery? Seriously?

You down with coworkers randomly splooging in your beverages?

Ok, so it's either perfectly fine or it's assault and battery, and there's absolutely nothing in between.

Got it.

kvinesknows: could someone explain why the cops refused to do anything at first?

Because it wasn't about drugs. She should have said she thought somebody put drugs in her water bottle. Then she wouldn't have had to pay the lab costs to get it tested herself.

what I want to know is how did it get narrowed down to Mr. dumb dumb who admits it on tape in teh first place? Especially if he mostly workss outside the office....

glwtta: misanthropic1: FirstNationalBastard: Assault? Battery? Seriously?

You down with coworkers randomly splooging in your beverages?

Ok, so it's either perfectly fine or it's assault and battery, and there's absolutely nothing in between.

Got it.

Given that spitting on someone can carry the same charges, it doesn't sound unreasonable to me offhand; you have a better suggestion?

Why is everyone bagging on her for knowing what semen tastes like? I know what vagina tastes like and I'm certainly don't feel bad for it, so why should a woman feel bad for giving oral sex?

/steps off soap box...

Good thing she had prior knowledge as to what semen tasted like, otherwise this perp would still be at large.

UberDave: TFA: She said that when she returned the following Monday and drank from the bottle, she tasted what she believed to be semen. "I had a hunch that's what it was..."


Translation: "Having tasted plenty of semen in my time, I knew exactly what that was."

Pretty much attended this thread for a comment like that. Leaving satisfied.

God--: Why is everyone bagging on her for knowing what semen tastes like? I know what vagina tastes like and I'm certainly don't feel bad for it, so why should a woman feel bad for giving oral sex?

/steps off soap box...

This.

Thank you.

Mr.BobDobalita: what I want to know is how did it get narrowed down to Mr. dumb dumb who admits it on tape in teh first place? Especially if he mostly workss outside the office....

He was the common denomibator?

God--: Why is everyone bagging on her for knowing what semen tastes like? I know what vagina tastes like and I'm certainly don't feel bad for it, so why should a woman feel bad for giving oral sex?

/steps off soap box...

It's the natural progression of humor in a circumstance such as this.

God--: Why is everyone bagging on her for knowing what semen tastes like? I know what vagina tastes like and I'm certainly don't feel bad for it, so why should a woman feel bad for giving oral sex?

/steps off soap box...

Please reference the term 'double standard'. The whole stud man vs whore argument. And by double standard I actually mean reality standard. Duh!

God--: Why is everyone bagging on her for knowing what semen tastes like? I know what vagina tastes like and I'm certainly don't feel bad for it, so why should a woman feel bad for giving oral sex?

/steps off soap box...

Mostly because she played it off as initially not knowing, but also because sexually active men are studs, and sexually active women are dirty, dirty sluts.

kvinesknows: misanthropic1: kvinesknows: coxinha: Jesus Christ. Sometimes I'm glad I'm ugly.

ProTip.

most of the time we dont actually care what you look like, we still wack off into your water bottle, shoes, socks, purse, hand soap, hand cream, jelly filled donut,

we pee sometimes too.

Then there's the dried-fecal-matter-sprinkled-in-salad-bar guy; he doesn't care who eats it, so long as someone does.

/wish I was making this up
//addressed in an old Savage Love, if you aren't already sufficiently horrified

dont forget using the toilet paper without taking it off the roll and then rolling it back up.

WIN!

Don't know if I told this one but I worked in a store, a Deli, and we sold pot stickers. This one girl came in with her friends and was raving about them. This distinct flavor and all. Bla bla.
Wanted to know our secret ingredient. It has this flavor, you see, and she knows what it is but can't put her finger on it. And she won't leave until I tell her what this unique flavor is in the pot stickers that she is in love with.
I make her promise not to tell her girlfriends who are standing right there. You know how much fidelity I can attach to her promise not to tell them, right? About three feet out the door.
Well, I take her aside and whisper in her ear, "The lady who makes these is from India, and has a store down the street and she wears these prophylactic gloves when assembling them and the powder from the gloves gets on the pot stickers when they are wet and the dough absorbs the off gassing from the new gloves, and they smell, and thus taste like prophylactics " Her eyes are wide as saucers, and her face is beet red, but she knows. She knows, dude, that I'm not lying. She knows that taste.
She loves that taste. And she now knows that I know she loves that taste, which means I know she loves to go down but only if there is a lock on the fire hose, if you know what I mean.
And I repeat to her just to break that uncomfortable silence, "Remember. This is a secret recipe. Do NOT tell your friends. "
Three feet out the door her friends crowd her but she's red as a beet and not saying a thing.
I bet they had to get her drunk to divulge the "secret Recipe"
Bwahahahaha.

/csb

God--: Why is everyone bagging on her for NOT knowing what semen tastes like? I know what vagina tastes like and I'm certainly don't feel bad for it, so why should a woman feel bad for giving oral sex?

/steps off soap box...

Don't want to know a woman who doesn't know.
That includes grandma. You know she could probably tell the race of the shooter even while blindfolded.

dryknife: "I saw her water bottle and I did it," Lallana says on the tape. "For me, it's a release. I think about my wife."

He thinks this will mollify his wife. "Honey, when I jerk off in a co-worker's water bottle, I always think of you!"

FirstNationalBastard: Also, FTFA:


Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee put his semen in a water bottle to see if that's what she had tasted at work.

Suuuuuuuuuuure. We'll go with that excuse.



Does this look like semen to you?

Sarcasm Incarnate: Killer Cars: FirstNationalBastard: Also, FTFA:


Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee put his semen in a water bottle to see if that's what she had tasted at work.

Suuuuuuuuuuure. We'll go with that excuse.

I'm trying to imagine what my response would be if my SO asked me to jizz in her water bottle.

"I've got a better idea. You can spit it into the water bottle."

Farking awesome +1

He could have exposed her to cancer!!!

Am i the only one who is confused about how he got caught? Did they round up every male in the office and take them down to the police station for questioning?

/thinks i missed something

stephen02tb: Am i the only one who is confused about how he got caught? Did they round up every male in the office and take them down to the police station for questioning?

/thinks i missed something

easy, he's the only one in the office she hasn't gobbled on yet

Killer Cars: FirstNationalBastard: Also, FTFA:


Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee put his semen in a water bottle to see if that's what she had tasted at work.

Suuuuuuuuuuure. We'll go with that excuse.

I'm trying to imagine what my response would be if my SO asked me to jizz in her water bottle.

You don't understand- it's for SCIENCE!

Timmy the Tumor: Question I'd ask if it were my fiancee is "WTF? How many times do you have to drink water that tastes like it's been contaminated with someone's semen before you stop leaving your f*cking water bottle on your desk overnight and then come back the next day and just start drinking out of it again????"


Apparently, the answer to that is "Two."

she probably just finished working on getting a raise so wasn't sure if that taste was already in her mouth or if it was the water

"could someone explain why the cops refused to do anything at first?"

Some woman comes in and talks about her suspicions? There are already plenty of solid cases waiting for their attention. Lots of crime, few cops. Let the amateur crimestopper lady come back later with more evidence. Which she did.

JoeJitsu: Killer Cars: FirstNationalBastard: Also, FTFA:


Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee put his semen in a water bottle to see if that's what she had tasted at work.

Suuuuuuuuuuure. We'll go with that excuse.

I'm trying to imagine what my response would be if my SO asked me to jizz in her water bottle.

It should certainly take away some of her indignation the next time she caught you drinking straight from the milk jug.

That reminds me. My ex-wife would pitch a fit if I didn't wash my hands after I peed (I don't always need to) because just touching it was dirty.

Then a few hours later she has the whole thing in her mouth. I never said anything (I would be a fool to) but it always amused me.

A lot of time and taxpayers' money could have been saved by just telling this guy to stop doing that.

Or firing him.

Inflatable Rhetoric: A lot of time and taxpayers' money could have been saved by just telling this guy to stop doing that.

Or firing him.

"JOHNSON! GET YOUR GODDAMNED JOHNSON OUT OF THAT WATER BOTTLE OR YOUR DONE!"

vudukungfu: Don't know if I told this one but I worked in a store, a Deli, and we sold pot stickers. This one girl came in with her friends and was raving about them. This distinct flavor and all. Bla bla.
Wanted to know our secret ingredient. It has this flavor, you see, and she knows what it is but can't put her finger on it. And she won't leave until I tell her what this unique flavor is in the pot stickers that she is in love with.
I make her promise not to tell her girlfriends who are standing right there. You know how much fidelity I can attach to her promise not to tell them, right? About three feet out the door.
Well, I take her aside and whisper in her ear, "The lady who makes these is from India, and has a store down the street and she wears these prophylactic gloves when assembling them and the powder from the gloves gets on the pot stickers when they are wet and the dough absorbs the off gassing from the new gloves, and they smell, and thus taste like prophylactics " Her eyes are wide as saucers, and her face is beet red, but she knows. She knows, dude, that I'm not lying. She knows that taste.
She loves that taste. And she now knows that I know she loves that taste, which means I know she loves to go down but only if there is a lock on the fire hose, if you know what I mean.
And I repeat to her just to break that uncomfortable silence, "Remember. This is a secret recipe. Do NOT tell your friends. "
Three feet out the door her friends crowd her but she's red as a beet and not saying a thing.
I bet they had to get her drunk to divulge the "secret Recipe"
Bwahahahaha.

/csb

Cool story bro!

stephen02tb: Am i the only one who is confused about how he got caught? Did they round up every male in the office and take them down to the police station for questioning?

/thinks i missed something

He worked with her at one office where she thought she tasted semen in her water, then the two of them were moved to another office and it happened again.

"I had a hunch that's what it was, but I wouldn't dream in a million years that's what it was,"

Did reading that sentence make anyone else's brain hurt.

I work with this pretty hot chick...so one day I stole one of her tampons and crammed it up my ass. It's the closest thing I'll get to her vagina, without, you know, tampering with my marriage.