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(Canoe)   Doctors now say Steve Jobs has about six weeks left on his operating system   (cnews.canoe.ca) divider line 365
    More: Sad, Steve Jobs, liver transplantation, radiology, operating systems, Wall Street Journal Report, Patrick Swayze  
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54035 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Feb 2011 at 5:29 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-02-17 02:08:06 AM
At least we can be sure it's not a virus.
 
2011-02-17 02:18:35 AM

shirtsbyeric: At least we can be sure it's not a virus.


Oh snap!
 
2011-02-17 02:27:21 AM
And by "Doctors" Subby means "that one guy who made a diagnosis based on pictures The National Enquirer showed him."

/still, sad
 
2011-02-17 02:28:06 AM
Sell! Sellll!! Selllllllll!!!

Should I start shorting tomorrow?
 
2011-02-17 02:29:02 AM
And Steve Ballmer will be sweaty, overbearing, and clueless well into his 90s.

Where is the justice in that?
 
2011-02-17 02:29:15 AM
A gaunt-looking Apple CEO Steve Jobs is said to have been photographed leaving the same cancer clinic where late actor Patrick Swayze went for chemotherapy.

Correlation is not causation. But...
 
2011-02-17 02:29:59 AM

propasaurus: And by "Doctors" Subby means "that one guy who made a diagnosis based on pictures The National Enquirer showed him."

/still, sad


Seconded.

I'm hoping this doc is as inaccurate as he is a shiatty human being.
 
2011-02-17 02:42:14 AM
Shame that the pancreas is proprietary hardware, huh?
 
2011-02-17 03:11:49 AM
www.classymommy.com
 
2011-02-17 03:16:38 AM

propasaurus: And by "Doctors" Subby means "that one guy who made a diagnosis based on pictures The National Enquirer showed him."

/still, sad


www.tc.umn.edu
 
2011-02-17 03:24:12 AM
So diagnoses CAN be made through pictures now? Not just video? Damn, that's pretty good.
 
2011-02-17 03:31:25 AM

markie_farkie: And Steve Ballmer will be sweaty, overbearing, and clueless well into his 90s.

Where is the justice in that?


The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
 
2011-02-17 03:37:07 AM
Well I hope this is not true.

I've never owned an Apple product, regardless, Steve Jobs, be well, and you have my best wishes.
 
2011-02-17 04:18:05 AM
That is so sad. I hope it isn't true.
 
2011-02-17 04:23:03 AM
Hope it's just a guess. But that pancreatic cancer is nasty stuff. My Uncle Jack went about 2 months after finding out about it.
 
2011-02-17 04:23:26 AM
I might have to dig out the ol' Apple IIe in commemoration soon =(

Sad news.

/karateka!
 
2011-02-17 05:15:21 AM
Not the man's biggest fan... but to go like this I to no man wish.
 
2011-02-17 05:25:25 AM
What y'all don't know is that Jobs is merely shedding his human form, and has uploaded his brain onto every Apple product ever sold.

When his body flatlines, his mind goes online.
 
2011-02-17 05:30:16 AM

Zembla: Not the man's biggest fan... but to go like this I to no man wish.



oxymorons.informe.com
 
2011-02-17 05:32:20 AM
Then what's the use in destroying the 1920s mansion in Woodside if he's never going to see the replacement home?
 
2011-02-17 05:33:04 AM
At least he will live to see his mansion torn down.
 
2011-02-17 05:33:04 AM
Keep fighting Mr. Jobs.
Good luck.
 
2011-02-17 05:35:02 AM
So I guess an apple a day didn't...



Keep the Doctor away.
 
2011-02-17 05:35:29 AM

Zembla: Not the man's biggest fan... but to go like this I to no man wish.


First he must answer me these questions three.
 
2011-02-17 05:35:39 AM
as well I to go like this I to no man wish.
 
2011-02-17 05:35:48 AM

propasaurus: And by "Doctors" Subby means "that one guy who made a diagnosis based on pictures The National Enquirer showed him."

/still, sad


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2011-02-17 05:36:04 AM

The Fool: So I guess an apple a day didn't...



Keep the Doctor away.


YEAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 
2011-02-17 05:38:42 AM
Probably a regular followup visit. There is no way Jobs' doctor would speak to the media about a patient's health.
 
2011-02-17 05:38:49 AM

SpaceyCat: So diagnoses CAN be made through pictures now? Not just video? Damn, that's pretty good.


It's a refinement of the recently-developed Frist technique, though it's somewhat less reliable than the older "remote viewing" method.
 
2011-02-17 05:39:00 AM

Zembla: Not the man's biggest fan... but to go like this I to no man wish.


Yoda?
 
2011-02-17 05:42:52 AM
The phrase used is - this product has reached end-of-life and is no longer supported, please consider upgrading.
 
2011-02-17 05:47:06 AM

log_jammin: as well I to go like this I to no man wish.


I as well also as well I to go like this I to no man wish also.
 
2011-02-17 05:47:24 AM

doglover: Zembla: Not the man's biggest fan... but to go like this I to no man wish.


makes sense to me...
 
2011-02-17 05:47:42 AM
lol an article about enquirer having reportedly interviewed a doctor who saw photos of Jobs


how is this shiat even news?
 
2011-02-17 05:47:51 AM
Having been indoctrinated into the cult of mac many years ago, I hope the news isn't true.

Though he's doing well enough to attend this apparently: http://www.techradar.com/news/internet/jobs-schmidt-and-zuckerberg-to-meet-with- obama-this-week-929242
 
2011-02-17 05:49:22 AM
Remote, uninformed diagnoses?

Isn't there an app for that?
 
2011-02-17 05:49:28 AM
I'm thinking he didn't scroll down far enough.
www.macos.utah.edu
 
2011-02-17 05:49:59 AM
Never owned and never will own an Apple product...

/sad regardless
 
2011-02-17 05:50:20 AM
At least we know around what time to start shorting Apple stock. That company's image is so intertwined with Jobs' personality that I can see the stock price taking a larger than ordinary hit compared to a CEO death at another company.
 
2011-02-17 05:50:45 AM

pnu7b4ss311: lol an article about enquirer having reportedly interviewed a doctor who saw photos of Jobs


how is this shiat even news?


Something something, Fark.
 
2011-02-17 05:53:35 AM

SpaceyCat: So diagnoses CAN be made through pictures now? Not just video? Damn, that's pretty good.


The Doc didn't want to download/install Quicktime.
 
Xai
2011-02-17 05:54:46 AM
It's a good thing that that donated liver that could have gone to someong to extend their life by decades ended up giving a very wealthy man a few more months. if that. Isn't america great!
 
2011-02-17 05:56:18 AM

Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: At least we know around what time to start shorting Apple stock. That company's image is so intertwined with Jobs' personality that I can see the stock price taking a larger than ordinary hit compared to a CEO death at another company.


Take a look at the pre-market today? They're down 3+ percent before opening on these rumors.
 
2011-02-17 05:57:55 AM
When their stock starts to tank, they probably have a healthy looking Pixar Steve Jobs to show up on the screen to tell everyone that rumors of his demise are greatly exaggerated.

/my pappy died from pancreatic about 20 years ago, so was always kind of rooting for SJ or Patrick Swayze- anyone really, to actually beat the disease
 
2011-02-17 05:57:58 AM

randomjsa: Never owned and never will own an Apple product...

/sad regardless



Never? And I suppose there's some fascinatingly twisty moral reasoning behind this important life decision you've made? They ran over your sister and raped your dog?
 
2011-02-17 05:59:05 AM
The years of radiation exposure from his reality distortion field generator likely led to this. Hopefully someone will be willing to wield it's mighty power once Jobs leaves to meet the Machead upstairs.
 
2011-02-17 06:00:19 AM

Zembla: Not the man's biggest fan... but to go like this I to no man wish.


...

 
2011-02-17 06:01:44 AM
I'm trying to think. Who would be the best possible replacement for Jobs?

Hell, who would be the WORST possible replacement for Steve Jobs?
 
2011-02-17 06:02:56 AM
media.techeblog.com

Hope he doesn't clog the toilet.
 
2011-02-17 06:04:42 AM

Fair_Poopsmith: I'm trying to think. Who would be the best possible replacement for Jobs?

Hell, who would be the WORST possible replacement for Steve Jobs?


Steve Wozniak for both
 
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