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(Cracked)   Six factors that secretly influence who you have sex with   (cracked.com) divider line 114
    More: Interesting, interpersonal relationship, pick up lines, pedestrian separation structure, shoe size, research assistant, sexual organs, internal-combustion engines, Ernest Hemingway  
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33546 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2011 at 12:30 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-02-14 09:41:45 AM
I can think of two without RTFA. Does it have a vagina? If no, terminate sequence. If yes, does it want to have sex with me? If yes, commence copulation. If no, better luck next time, bub.
 
2011-02-14 10:02:06 AM
Does the list include "copious amounts of alcohol"?
 
2011-02-14 10:23:33 AM
The very first one is "Fear".

I was told there would be no rape.
 
2011-02-14 10:24:56 AM
And #1 is "timing".

If you have to be at the gym in 26 minutes, there isn't enough time.

: )
 
2011-02-14 10:51:56 AM
I've got a +5 Ring of Monogamy that determines who I have sex with.

It also has a Near-Total Sexual Avoidance curse on it, so there's that.
 
2011-02-14 10:52:13 AM

LittleBlondeJug: And #1 is "timing".


I think #1 is proximity.

/Why yes, I'm a guy. Why do you ask?
 
2011-02-14 11:17:46 AM
My wife determines who I have teh sexxy with.

/returns the +5 ring of manogamy
 
2011-02-14 11:22:43 AM
My Ring of Monogamy has Blessing of Frequency on it. Neener.

/imdoinitrite
 
2011-02-14 11:24:24 AM

snuff3r: My wife determines who I have teh sexxy with.

/returns the +5 ring of manogamy


Funny my wife also determines who I have sex with

/dons the +4 Helmet of Promiscuity.
 
2011-02-14 11:37:06 AM
FTA:

It turns out that female tears produce a hormone that dampens the male libido. According to the scientist behind the discovery, the purpose is evolutionary: "We've uncovered the chemical word for 'no,' or 'not now.'"

Or, "What the fark? What is this? I barely know this chick. She'd better be really hot for me to put up with this on a first date."
 
2011-02-14 11:40:32 AM
I i.crackedcdn.com u
 
2011-02-14 11:42:04 AM

IdBeCrazyIf: snuff3r: My wife determines who I have teh sexxy with.

/returns the +5 ring of manogamy

Funny my wife also determines who WHEN I have sex with

/dons the +4 Helmet of Promiscuity.

 
2011-02-14 11:42:52 AM

sweetmelissa31: I u


DAMN, that thang is RIPE!
 
2011-02-14 11:51:54 AM
The bit about the pill is certainly true. My fiance wasn't on the pill when we met, and we've noticed over time that when she is on it, it always means less sex. When she stops taking it for a while, her libido gets dialed up to 11.

Really need a pill for guys.
 
2011-02-14 12:27:47 PM

costermonger: The bit about the pill is certainly true. My fiancée wasn't on the pill when we met, and we've noticed over time that when she is on it, it always means less sex. When she stops taking it for a while, her libido gets dialled up to 11.

Really need a pill for guys.


Or for her to just get a copper IUD.

/not sure why so many women go through side effects from hell from hormonal contraceptives - there are other things that work
 
2011-02-14 12:32:17 PM
sense of humor
dem tittays
dat ass
9 inches
braaaaaaains
clean balls
 
2011-02-14 12:34:04 PM
how come your mom's not on that list?
 
2011-02-14 12:34:06 PM
LittleBlondeJug: If you have to be at the gym in 26 minutes, there isn't enough time.


26 minutes is plenty of time. What am I, Tarzan?
 
2011-02-14 12:34:20 PM

jpallan: costermonger: The bit about the pill is certainly true. My fiancée wasn't on the pill when we met, and we've noticed over time that when she is on it, it always means less sex. When she stops taking it for a while, her libido gets dialled up to 11.

Really need a pill for guys.

Or for her to just get a copper IUD.

/not sure why so many women go through side effects from hell from hormonal contraceptives - there are other things that work


Like swallowing.
 
2011-02-14 12:36:03 PM
Bewbie size curiously missing.
 
2011-02-14 12:37:03 PM

jpallan: "It turns out that female tears produce a hormone that dampens the male libido."


Huh? Under most circumstances, no it does not.
 
2011-02-14 12:37:11 PM
Does she have a nicely shaped buttocks?

If yes,

Does she have all of her teeth?

Complete. We don't need the other four.
 
2011-02-14 12:37:53 PM
WHOM. 6 factors that secretly influence WHOM you have sex with. Or really, "with whom you have sex". Or really (since this is Fark), "whom you fap about."
 
2011-02-14 12:39:10 PM
I haven't read the article yet, but I'm assuming wealth, power, material goods, looks, geographic proximity, and penis size...in that order. Am I close?
 
2011-02-14 12:40:06 PM
What about price? That's certainly a factor.
 
2011-02-14 12:40:08 PM

jpallan: costermonger: The bit about the pill is certainly true. My fiancée wasn't on the pill when we met, and we've noticed over time that when she is on it, it always means less sex. When she stops taking it for a while, her libido gets dialled up to 11.

Really need a pill for guys.

Or for her to just get a copper IUD.

/not sure why so many women go through side effects from hell from hormonal contraceptives - there are other things that work


...and proceed to puncture your uterus and go to the hospital with internal bleeding.
 
2011-02-14 12:40:22 PM

Sarcastica75: 9 inches


That's from the tip to the belly button, right?
 
2011-02-14 12:41:51 PM

Raging Thespian: Sarcastica75: 9 inches

That's from the tip to the belly button, right?


Thats not the normal way to measure? hmm..
 
2011-02-14 12:42:27 PM
Being on a first date in a scary environment is basically like dosing each other's drinks with an aphrodisiac.

True that. A woman has yet to say no when I take her to my special cellar on our first date.
 
2011-02-14 12:43:14 PM

joyride75: jpallan: "It turns out that female tears produce a hormone that dampens the male libido."

Huh? Under most circumstances, no it does not.


Yeah I thought the lap dance is supposed to be better when the stripper is crying.
 
2011-02-14 12:44:18 PM
Leave it to the nerds who can't get laid to study why
 
2011-02-14 12:45:12 PM

jpallan: costermonger: The bit about the pill is certainly true. My fiancée wasn't on the pill when we met, and we've noticed over time that when she is on it, it always means less sex. When she stops taking it for a while, her libido gets dialled up to 11.

Really need a pill for guys.

Or for her to just get a copper IUD.

/not sure why so many women go through side effects from hell from hormonal contraceptives - there are other things that work


Health care premiums being what they are I'd suggest a couple of pennies instead.

/mmmm snatch pennies
 
2011-02-14 12:46:46 PM
List FAIL w/o "a big butt and a smile."
 
2011-02-14 12:47:07 PM
The right/vs left side study shows why people who do social psychology really should do a bit more background research before making claims about sexual responding. There is a strong lateralization in humans for processing of speech into the right ear (called the right ear dichotic speech perception paradox). Asking for a cigarette in their left ear in a noisy club is more likely to get a "huh?" response.
 
2011-02-14 12:47:11 PM
i can think of only two

how fast she can run
how much chloroform i have

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-02-14 12:47:26 PM
#7:

ecobike.files.wordpress.com
 
2011-02-14 12:47:36 PM

LegacyDL: jpallan: costermonger: The bit about the pill is certainly true. My fiancée wasn't on the pill when we met, and we've noticed over time that when she is on it, it always means less sex. When she stops taking it for a while, her libido gets dialled up to 11.

Really need a pill for guys.

Or for her to just get a copper IUD.

/not sure why so many women go through side effects from hell from hormonal contraceptives - there are other things that work

Like swallowing.


Or blappin' on their grill....

/if they ask of course
//been asked
///complied
 
2011-02-14 12:49:22 PM
t3.gstatic.com
 
2011-02-14 12:50:14 PM
FTA: The men dangling hundreds of feet above certain death were just as likely to stop for the hot lady asking them to do paperwork. Also, they tended to provide more sexual answers to the open-ended questions on the forms they filled out. What's really weird is that their confused terror boner didn't go away. Both groups were given a number where they could reach the female assistant in case they required any "clarification" on the surveys. The guys on the suspension bridge were five times as likely to call her the next day.


I going to say there's some selection bias here. The men who happen to be walking across a 500 foot high bridge are probably more forward in general than those who walk across 5 foot high bridges.
 
2011-02-14 12:52:48 PM
i55.tinypic.com
Don't you mean "with whom you have sex?"
 
2011-02-14 12:53:30 PM
Have a Pulse. This means a personality. Opinions. A mind of your own.
Don't have STDs. I don't want to be reminded of your stint as the trainpulling queen of the Owl's Eye Anus Eaters Biker chapter from your Ontario days.
Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.
Don't stalk me like some college girl the day after we do it.
Do call me within one week, and ask for seconds.

C'Mon, ladies, it's not that difficult.
 
2011-02-14 12:55:44 PM
married & to lazy to whore around didnt make the list?!?!?!?
 
2011-02-14 12:58:01 PM

vudukungfu: Don't stalk me like some college girl the day after we do it.


That's a biggy for me. There is nothing more unattractive for me than when a woman gets clingy after coitus. "Oh why yes I love having you call every 3 hours every day to talk about nothing at all."
 
2011-02-14 12:58:07 PM

sweetmelissa31: I u


Aww -- I was hoping to see this next to DAT ASS! :)

/no skillz -- someone's gotta do it!
//Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
 
2011-02-14 01:00:14 PM

jehovahs witness protection: IdBeCrazyIf: snuff3r: My wife determines who I have teh sexxy with.

/returns the +5 ring of manogamy

Funny my wife also determines who WHEN I have sex with

/dons the +4 Helmet of Promiscuity.


I always figured mine was a +5 Vorpal Ring of Protection from Anal Sex. 'Cos any time I look like I want to try, she looks like she's gonna lop it off.
 
2011-02-14 01:02:15 PM

HillbillyBubba: I can think of two without RTFA. Does it have a vagina? If no, terminate sequence. If yes, does it want to have sex with me? If yes, commence copulation. If no, better luck next time, bub.



i.crackedcdn.com

Well, she's got one.... and if you can go and see if she's willing, you're all set.
 
2011-02-14 01:02:49 PM

sandmanahoy: WHOM. 6 factors that secretly influence WHOM you have sex with. Or really, "with whom you have sex". Or really (since this is Fark), "whom you fap about."


Factor that influence who you have sex with #7; whatever the person splits hairs over whom/who
 
2011-02-14 01:03:03 PM

jpallan:

Really need a pill for guys.

Or for her to just get a copper IUD.

/not sure why so many women go through side effects from hell from hormonal contraceptives - there are other things that work


Because they're stupid biatches?
/not totally redundant
//none presently in the room
 
2011-02-14 01:04:37 PM

Sarcastica75: 9 inches


you mean metric inches, right?
 
2011-02-14 01:07:13 PM

towatchoverme: #7:


And if you like dancers --of the exotic or legitimate sort-- that rolled-up twenty on top of the wallet will get you pretty far too.
 
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