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(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   Artificial heart stolen from Ohio company. Cops hoping to make a cardiac arrest   (blog.cleveland.com) divider line 48
    More: Strange, Ohio, Cleveland Clinic, Beachwood  
•       •       •

2247 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2011 at 12:26 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



48 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2011-02-05 09:37:47 AM
That's a serious infarction.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-02-05 09:48:26 AM
Have they been traveling recently? Maybe they left it in San Francisco.
 
2011-02-05 09:53:22 AM
That's so vein.
 
2011-02-05 10:14:31 AM
Aorta bypass this story.
 
2011-02-05 11:38:07 AM
They must feel pretty bad about it. They might want to chamber one and pump it into a valve.
 
2011-02-05 12:00:57 PM
What a heart-stealing thief might look like:

thesocialnewspaper.com
 
2011-02-05 12:29:53 PM
So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.
 
2011-02-05 12:31:18 PM
I hope there's a break in this case.
 
2011-02-05 12:34:11 PM
It was some guy too cheap to buy a decent Valentine's gift.
 
2011-02-05 12:34:11 PM
"Ya stole my heart but I love ya anyway."
 
2011-02-05 12:39:05 PM

Nakito: "Ya stole my heart but I love ya anyway."


You stole my heart, and you tore me apart, so f*ck you..
 
2011-02-05 12:39:32 PM

AbbeySomeone: It was some guy too cheap to buy a decent Valentine's gift.


Boy is she going to be pissed after she figures out it's fake.
 
2011-02-05 12:43:02 PM
Someone needs to sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him.
 
2011-02-05 12:43:49 PM
I for one would like to know what Dick Cheney's alibi is.
 
2011-02-05 12:47:06 PM

DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke: What a heart-stealing thief might look like:


oh gosh shes so cute i that pic

if she always looked like that id prefer her to her sister
 
2011-02-05 12:49:22 PM
"Who steals a heart?"
"Most likely a heartless thief."
 
2011-02-05 12:51:40 PM
Poor Tony Krause is wanted for investigation.

/For the "Infinite Jest" fans.
 
2011-02-05 12:52:31 PM
I suppose the mods like terrible puns. This one was awful and should have been rejected on principle.

/sigh
 
2011-02-05 12:53:56 PM
These guys are on it.

www.aceshowbiz.com
 
2011-02-05 12:56:23 PM
BOLO


static.tvtropes.org
 
2011-02-05 12:58:35 PM
Well played, subby.
 
2011-02-05 01:04:31 PM
Nice job smitty...And the first 4 replies were just priceless.

My two favorites though...

"Aorta bypass this story"

"This is a serious infarction"
 
2011-02-05 01:07:41 PM
I
 
2011-02-05 01:09:37 PM
If the real thing don't do the trick
You'd better make up something quick

img.photobucket.com
 
2011-02-05 01:09:43 PM

Airfoilsguy: BOLO


More likely this guy:

andanotherthing.chucklehound.com
 
2011-02-05 01:11:19 PM
I <3 this story.
 
2011-02-05 01:17:30 PM
"But this is high tech sh*t, man! Come on, yo.. I need at last a fiddy!"

"Four ten rocks. Period. Take it or leave it."
 
2011-02-05 01:20:01 PM
My dad has one artificial heart valve, so I'm not getting even a 1/4 of a kick out of these replies.
 
2011-02-05 01:23:52 PM

Maybe the person who stole it needs to replace his cheap Chinese-made heart.


www.filmofilia.com


Bonus link - best scene in original Crank is him and Amy Smart faking in the middle of Chinatown (NSFW?). I'm in love with Amy Smart.

 
2011-02-05 01:29:54 PM
www.clevelandskyline.com
 
2011-02-05 01:36:10 PM

DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke: What a heart-stealing thief might look like:


She stole mine the second I saw her.
 
2011-02-05 01:39:14 PM

skinink: Maybe the person who stole it needs to replace his cheap Chinese-made heart.

Bonus link - best scene in original Crank is him and Amy Smart faking in the middle of Chinatown (NSFW?). I'm in love with Amy Smart.


Wrong. Best scene = Danny Lohner + Maynard James Keenan in the park with the dog collar.
 
2011-02-05 01:42:13 PM
It was Harry Hartley of Hartford who heisted the heart.
/this is my lawn, you are on it
 
2011-02-05 01:53:33 PM

CowboyNinjaD: Airfoilsguy: BOLO

More likely this guy:


Unfortunately, he died a few years ago :( (Well, apart from the time Harrison Ford killed him...)
 
2011-02-05 02:07:10 PM
For you, subby. Good job!
media.giantbomb.com
 
2011-02-05 02:08:43 PM
I think I know who took the heart...

jasonjeffrey.files.wordpress.com
 
2011-02-05 02:15:12 PM
They stole WHAT?!
i21.photobucket.com
 
2011-02-05 02:16:59 PM
Ba dum tish!
 
2011-02-05 02:27:19 PM
You could have given me fart hailure.
 
2011-02-05 02:35:26 PM
Approves:

i759.photobucket.com
 
2011-02-05 02:41:11 PM
Subby and first several commenters have absolutely made my Saturday. The louder the groan, the better the pun in my book.
 
2011-02-05 02:56:12 PM

Honest Bender: So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.


how long have you been waiting to use that quote?
 
2011-02-05 03:09:10 PM
+1 Subby
 
2011-02-05 03:20:20 PM

KillAllHumans: Honest Bender: So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

how long have you been waiting to use that quote?


What makes you think I've just been waiting? *thumpthump* *thumpthump*
 
2011-02-05 03:25:30 PM
Police have found the culprits calling card.

images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2011-02-05 05:38:09 PM
Thank you for the tread
farm5.static.flickr.com
 
2011-02-05 05:56:27 PM
smileyarts.files.wordpress.com


TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad?
 
2011-02-05 09:25:13 PM
I left my artificial heart in artificial San Francisco.
 
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