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(SNPP)   What is the funniest moment/quote from The Simpsons? Voting enabled   ( divider line
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13522 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jul 2003 at 2:05 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2003-07-19 02:41:04 PM  
Ah here it is..

Lisa: I like him! He's smart, he's sensitive, he's clearly not obsessed with his physical appearance --
Homer: [walking by] My ears are burning.
Lisa: Uh, I wasn't talking about you, Dad.
Homer: No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
Marge: Mmm...
2003-07-19 02:41:17 PM  
Boy, where to begin..

Bart: Come on orange
Milhouse: Come on grapefruit
Ralph: Go banana!
Ralph: Why does everyone run away from me..(wets himself)
I could go on, but I'm really sleepy...but most of the real funny stuff happened to Ralph Wiggum
2003-07-19 02:41:35 PM  

When Lisa becomes a vegetarian and runs away from home: Come on Lisa, I'll give you a piggy back ride- oops, I mean a *veggie* back ride.

but it might only be funny if you're a vegetarian with a carniverous family

2003-07-19 02:41:39 PM  
Buzz Aldrin - "Careful! They're ruffled!"

Snake - "Oh no...Beta."

Lisa - "We got BEETS!"

Homer - "Dear Marge...You got a butt that won't quit. They got these soft chewy pretzels here............FIVE DOLLARS? Get out of here."

Homer - "So I says to the guy 'Yeah? Well if you want that money come and get it, cause I don't have it, ya baloney. You make me wanna wretch...'"

Trent Steele - "Oh, hey, great name!"
Homer/Max Power - "Thanks. I got it from a hair dryer."
2003-07-19 02:41:39 PM  
2003-07-19 02:41:55 PM  
Said to the comic book store guy...
"I see, a sarcastic overweight Star Trek you're real popular with the ladies, huh?"
2003-07-19 02:42:31 PM  
When Cartman tells Stimpy, "Don't call me Shirley"
2003-07-19 02:42:35 PM  
Moleman - "I was saying Boo-urns."
2003-07-19 02:43:05 PM  
Lisa: "Good old predictable Bart."

Bart: "Good old rock. Nothing beats that!"
2003-07-19 02:43:10 PM  
Space: The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Her mission: Maintaining bladder control.

Captain's Log, Stardate 6051: Had trouble sleeping last night; my hiatal hernia is acting up. The ship is drafty and damp. I complain, but nobody listens.

-- ``Star Trek XII: So Very Tired''
2003-07-19 02:43:14 PM  
Troy MacClure and the Dr. Zaius song.
2003-07-19 02:43:40 PM  
Some men hunt for sport,
Others hunt for food,
The only thing I'm hunting for,
Is an outfit that looks good...

See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better,
Than authentic Irish setter.

See this hat, 'twas my cat,
My evening wear - vampire bat,
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino.

Grizzly bear underwear,
Turtles' necks, I've got my share,
Beret of poodle, on my noodle
It shall rest,

Try my red robin suit,
It comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest,
See my vest.

Like my loafers? Former gophers -
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo
Would be best,

So let's prepare these dogs,
[Kill two for matching clogs,]
See my vest, see my vest,
Oh please, won't you see my vest
2003-07-19 02:43:46 PM  
Ralph, getting carried away by a wolf: "Your breath smells like dead bunnies"

Way too many to recall/list. That one is just fresh in my mind.
2003-07-19 02:43:52 PM  
Kent Brockman: The Burns bear, perhaps the most valuable widdle bear in the world, could be anywhere. It could be in your could be looking at it right now. It could be right in front of your face as I'm saying this, waggling back and forth, perhaps being held up by a loved one.
Homer: Maggie, I'm trying to watch TV. Put that moldy old bear down! (realizing) Moldy? Old? I'm gonna get something to eat!
2003-07-19 02:43:59 PM  
Leonard Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.
2003-07-19 02:44:11 PM  
"The hot pants?"

"Arrr...the hot pants."
2003-07-19 02:44:15 PM  

"You did it, Nibbles. Now, chew through my ball sack."
-- Principal Skinner, "Skinner's Sense of Snow"
2003-07-19 02:44:18 PM  
Ralph's best:
-"Me fail English? That's unpossible"
-"This is my swingset and this is my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. Over there is where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things"
-"I bent my wookie"
-"The doctor said my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I'd just keep my finger outta there"

-"My bologna has a first name it's H-O-M-E-R. My bologna has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R."
-"I am so smart S-M-R-T... I mean S-M-A-R-T"
-Mr. Burns:"There is no muscle stronger than the human heart..."
Homer:"What about the Weiner? A guy on TV lifted a can of paint with his."
-"In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women"
-"Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?"

I've got more but that should be good for now.
2003-07-19 02:44:24 PM  
Ralph: Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad.
2003-07-19 02:44:31 PM  
"Actually, the death ray only has evil purposes..."

[image from too old to be available]
2003-07-19 02:44:46 PM  
Sung..."You can't make friends with can't make friends with salad..."
2003-07-19 02:44:56 PM  
the one that always makes me giggle is when Barney says "Uh oh, my heart just stopped!....There it goes."
No voting beacause I don't think I got it exactly right but I always thought it was a funny one.
2003-07-19 02:44:58 PM  
Monty: Fool! Use an opened face club! A sand wedge!

Homer: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...openfaced club sandwich
2003-07-19 02:45:24 PM  
"Dental plan!"
"Lisa needs braces!"
"Dental plan!"
"Lisa needs braces!"

-definately the best episode of them all.
2003-07-19 02:45:51 PM  
"Let them have their 'tar-tar' sauce" ~ Mr. Burns
2003-07-19 02:45:52 PM  
Homer looks up to his brain for counsel: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."
2003-07-19 02:45:52 PM  
As intelligence goes up, happiness often goes down.
Look, I made a graph. I make lots of graphs. -Lisa

[image from too old to be available]
2003-07-19 02:46:00 PM  
Hobo on Train: "Apple wine, apple schnapps, apple brandy, apple juice with vodka..."

Lisa: "What about applesauce?"

Hobo on train: "I suppose you could grind a couple of pills into it."
2003-07-19 02:46:03 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-07-19 02:46:04 PM  
Homer goes shopping for fireworks at the Li'l Valu-Mart, with a
clerk that looks almost like Apu.

Hi... ummm... let me have some of those porno magazines... large box
of condoms... a couple of those panty shields [quickly] and some
illegal fireworks [back to normal] and one of those disposable enemas.
Ehhh... make it two.
-- Homer shops for illegal fireworks, "Summer of 4 Ft. 2"

My apologies, sir, but the sale of fireworks is prohibited in this
state and is punishable by a f...
[the last customer leaves]
Follow me.

After Homer gets home, Marge goes through Homer's purchase. "I don't know what you have planned tonight, but count me out."

Hahaha comedy gold!!!

/btw, go to for the complete Simpsons archive, scripts, references, damn near everything about the Simpsons.
2003-07-19 02:46:04 PM  
homer:" i say 'if this is the house of pancakes, how come i cant eat the walls?'"

anything from 'Deep Space Homer' or 'Grimey'
2003-07-19 02:46:12 PM  
Sideshow Bob: You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth. No truth-handler you! Bah! I deried your truth-handling abilities!
2003-07-19 02:46:27 PM  
"yar, these magazines will keep me crew from turning homosexual on out next voyage...for about 15 minutes"

..or something like that.

also from the sea capt'n

"yar, we must get our precious cargo to shore.."
"you mean the hot pants cap'n?"
"eye, the hot pants"
2003-07-19 02:46:31 PM  
"Simpson! Homer Simpson!"
"He's the greatest guy in history.
"From of Springfield,
"He's about to hit a chestnut tree... Doh!"
2003-07-19 02:46:37 PM  
Agent: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [stares blankly]
(A long time later)
Agent: [sighs in frustration] Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson! (stomps on Homer's foot a few times)
Homer: [stares blankly, then whispers to other agent] I think he's talking to you.
2003-07-19 02:48:17 PM  
Stop saying Hawaii in there!
2003-07-19 02:48:59 PM  
Ralph: Hello, Super Nintendo Chalmers
2003-07-19 02:49:05 PM  
Simpsons join the Movementarians:

Jane: It certainly is a beautiful day. We should thank the leader.
Homer: Who the hell is that, some kind of leader?
2003-07-19 02:49:22 PM  
Homer: That tree's been in Springfield since the time of our forefathers. Give it back or we'll bust in there and take it!
Shelby's dad: Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look.
Homer: Stupider like a fox!
2003-07-19 02:50:04 PM  
Mr Burns: $14 dollars, and 10...11...12 cents, there you go!

Delivery guy: You know sir, tipping is customary.

Mr. Burns: Ohhh, me sorry, me no speakee chinee.
2003-07-19 02:50:36 PM  
"This is Arnie Pie with 'Arnie in the Sky'"
2003-07-19 02:50:43 PM  
Homer: "Don't you hate pants?!"


Man in audience: "The finger thing means the taxes!"
2003-07-19 02:50:51 PM  
Marge: "Homer, you'll kill us all!"
Homer: "or die trying."
2003-07-19 02:50:55 PM  
Wow! This is gonna be the longest thread ever.
2003-07-19 02:51:32 PM  
Homer: "MMMMmmmm...Unexplained bacon"


Homer: (skiing) "Oww! This is the worst pain ever! OW! OW! OW! "
2003-07-19 02:52:00 PM  
Bees are on the what now?
Who shot who in the leg now?

Two of my favorites....
2003-07-19 02:52:06 PM  
So I says to Mabel I says...
2003-07-19 02:52:15 PM  
Apu (after waking up and seeing he still has 8 kids): I had this wonderful dream where I died!
Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon: Oh no you don't. Not 'till they go to college!

That and the story of hercules and the lion--HAHAHAHA
2003-07-19 02:52:28 PM  
"Ve Chermans are not all zmiles und zunshine."
2003-07-19 02:52:40 PM  
The whole UFO episode where Maggie teaches people that it's all a load of B.S. I loved that one!

(and sooo many Halloween episodes.)
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