BTW, anyone else run the length of a moving side walk?

I did that once at the airport back in the late 90's, I don't think I could do it again. No, I got fat.

mtylerjr: Escalator = steps?

And the mother will "take" them.
Puns get a lot of love around here.

Eshkar: I hate escalators! I couldn't ride one without spending at least 20 seconds worth of hesitation before getting on one until I was like 16... since then it only takes me 2 seconds of hesitation to get on one.
When I was 4 I got my hand stuck in a bowling alley ball return belt... I was letting my hand glide across top of it and the next thing I knew my hand was stuck in the machine. I can defiantly see how the kid got it stuck in an escalator.

Oh gawd, that must have hurt. I used to be a mechanic in a bowling alley and those things can take a hand off.

seriously brilliant headline.

cman: A redlight turned into a green? Good god!

And the mod's heart grew three sizes this day.

That's headline of the year material right there...

Man, and I thought the time I got my shoelace caught in one was scary.

advres: Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.

That's a harsh lesson.

Headline of the year right there. Great Victory to Subby today. That was fantastic.

whats with all the headline of the year headlines being knocked out in the beginning of the year? I got ten bucks that says this one clears the top ten easily if not outright wins the prize.

Yes. Yes. Glorious.

Best pun I've seen on Fark in at least 5 years. Would +1 if I still paid for TF (that is to say, if TF still had headlines like this one to make it worthwhile.)

Beautiful, subby. Simply beautiful.

WINNAR

*Clap Clap Clap*

They just needed different stairs

Link (new window)

Absolutely brilliant headline! My hat is off to you, Subby, and I wasn't even wearing a hat. That's how amazing, impressed, and LOLey I feel.

Kudos to a wonderful sense of humor and depth of angular and hilarious thought patterns.

Oh hell, it is just farking funny!

Headline of the year quarterfinals for this one.

Headline is funny on multiple levels!

//swidt?

Since I'm the mother of a toddler, I was sad when I read the beginning of the headline. And then I spent five full minutes giggling uncontrollably at the rest of the headline. I love FARK so much!

This headline was like Mr Opportunity.
It just keep knocking until someone opened the door.

Keep it up Phlegmmo u Rock.

awesome

reveal101: advres: Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.

That's a harsh lesson.

Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm. I just think that his mother should have to suffer that horrible ordeal so she learns how to manage her child.

aaronius: reveal101: advres: Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.

That's a harsh lesson.

Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm. I just think that his mother should have to suffer that horrible ordeal so she learns how to manage her child.


Damnitsomuch, too late.

*starts filling a sock with quarters*

Eshkar: I hate escalators! I couldn't ride one without spending at least 20 seconds worth of hesitation before getting on one until I was like 16... since then it only takes me 2 seconds of hesitation to get on one.
When I was 4 I got my hand stuck in a bowling alley ball return belt... I was letting my hand glide across top of it and the next thing I knew my hand was stuck in the machine. I can defiantly see how the kid got it stuck in an escalator.

Almost got Munsoned

Would read headline again. Recommended.

WordsnCollision: What a freak escalator might look like:

I'm laughing because it's funny and overwhelmingly sad.

"See what happens, dear? I told you not to point at people, it's impolite!"

I've seen this happen before. Subby stuns even the most cynical, sarcastic and jaded assemblage known to man (take a bow, Fark) with the penultimate headline. He comes out early (too early, he realizes, in retrospect) to claim his well-deserved accolades, sounding (also in retrospect) just a bit pompous. The repetitive praise begins to ring hollow in his ears as he begins to suspect that lurking just beneath the kind words and kudos is a seething collective jealousy - nay, contempt that they didn't think of it first. Before the comment queue breaks a century, the superficially smiling horde has moved on to snipe and snark elsewhere.

Subby's sense of anticlimax increases as he goes about his typical inconsequential existence, now made to seem even more inconsequential as the glow of his celebrity fades. He feels empty and invisible as he travels among the great unwashed nonfarkers who couldn't begin to appreciate his coup. In the vacuum left by the sudden departure of his supporters from the site of his triumph, he starts to question the value of his very being. His time in the spotlight - it was so fleeting. Why did it have to end so quickly? He descends into melancholy, alternatingly angry, depressed, bitter, then resigned, then angry, depressed, bitter and resigned all over again.

He begins to withdraw, and seeks solace in a bottle. He becomes alienated from his family, friends and co-workers, and loses all interest in his appearance, hygiene and livelihood. A combination of fatalism and ennui leads him to frequent brothels and racetracks, and before long he is diseased and destitute.

Was it suicide or did he merely pass out in a drunken stupor after pulling into his garage of his not-quite-repossessed house and closing the door? Most people will wonder. But we won't.

Behold the power of Fark!

Very nice subby. Good start to an otherwise uneventful (touches wood) friday.

Nice, this headline is a thing of beauty. Thank you TFers for pushing to get it green so the plebs like myself could bask in its glory as well.

Zembla: Very nice subby. Good start to an otherwise uneventful (touches wood) friday.

Touching wood isn't a bad way to start a friday.



/well done, subby

An excellent start to my Friday. I have no doubt this will be the best headline I read all day.

I HOPE HIS PANTS GET CAUGHT AND A BLOODBATH ENSUES.



Wait, I'm too late. Nevermind.

Zembla: Very nice subby. Good start to an otherwise uneventful (touches wood) friday.

You damn sicko, fapping to a story like this! I bet you can't orgasm unless another child loses an entire limb! It's guys like you... Tsk tsk.

HOL, subby!

You know, one of my better friends is missing half his pinky finger due to an escalator accident when he was about the same age as this kid.

Escalators: useful means of transport, or evil devourers of our precious childrens' digits?

Van Nuys, Van Nuys.

Meh... happens at Macy's all the time. He'll get over it.

But bravo, Submitter. Awesome headline.