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(news.com.au)   Twenty percent chance that Australia will become a U.S. state. Please bring Tim Tams   (news.com.au) divider line 190
    More: Unlikely  
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13675 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jul 2003 at 2:16 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-07-17 04:41:02 AM
Tadlette

Imho that's the point - make people start thinking about patriotism, nationalism and the national identity, as well as ramping them up to vote for independance the next time a republic establishment proposal is on the table by calling them empire hangers and implying we'd like to be part of the US 'empire' next. It's a beat up.

Well it would have been a little more subtle to drag out Slim Dusty and have a round of "Waltzing Matilda" next. Geez. I guess that makes sense, but here everyone else is reading this and going "Oh well you know they have amazing beer" and that's all there is to it. And the crocodile hunter, and Crocodile Dundee, and the little smiling Quantas Bear right back to "Tie me Kangaroo Down" is all people seem to know about Australia, so here comes this guy to sum it up for everyone by going "well there really isn't anything to know..." a BIT loudly. Perhaps there was another way to get people going, like publishing something awfully sentimental about how Olivia Newton John has decided to beat breast cancer again for the hell of it, or perhaps publishing pictures of Sarah Ferguson Nude on a sheep station in Tasmania, talking about how "Diana would have been charmed to move to Sydney"...

bleh.
 
2003-07-17 04:44:23 AM
I fully encourage all Americans to go about and wear viking helmets. That way, when we invade and pillage foreign countries, people will be like "Hey that's not cool!" and we'll just shrug and be like "We're Vikings, that's just what we do." then we can all snicker and whisper amongst ourselves about secretly being not vikings.
 
2003-07-17 04:44:36 AM
We musn't let Australia fall into the hands of the COMMIE REDS!
 
2003-07-17 04:46:30 AM
bbcrackmonkey

It would be fun being a crack-smoking swindler, but my dream job is to traffick in human souls. I've still got pieces of paper saying I own the souls of like 8 of the people I went to high-school with, signed by them for a few dollars loan.

*lol* I know a few people you'd get on very well with BB. I knew a girl who got people to sign away their souls with letters written in their own blood. Very impressive :)

faethe

Oh, being of Welsh descent would rock. Being the long haired hippy frock wearer that I am, and Wales pretty much being the source of all the best kirtle-wearing medieval-type songs and stories, I am jealous :)
 
2003-07-17 04:49:29 AM
In the future I want people to remember the Americans as a warlike and militaristic people, that way they'll name all their sports teams "The Americans" like its really badass.
 
2003-07-17 04:52:02 AM
Tad3tte:why is it considered anti-australian or unpatriotic (or whatever) for Australians to vote in favor of the Monarchy?

Personally, as an American, I really wouldn't care if we amended the constitution tomorrow to include a monarch -- seems pretty harmless to me. Not like the Queen is going to dissolve your Parliament and rule with an Iron fist like King Charles I did...
 
2003-07-17 04:53:04 AM
bbcrackmonkey

Far too busy drinking beer and slacking on the beach to pay attention to PNAC types here. We had a go at electing an elitist racist biatch (prolly the closest thing to PNAC we have), and she's now broke and a laughing stock.

People need to be haters or at least super-greedy control freaks to sympathise with PNAC-style organisations. Aussies don't have the energy or the motivation I hope. We get told greed is ugly in enough government propaganda for that attitude to strongly permeate society.

We might vote for them if they wear viking horns though :)
 
2003-07-17 04:53:26 AM



or better yet

 
2003-07-17 04:58:48 AM
bbcrackmonkey

you can claim that you aren't a conspiracy theorist at all, but a Dungeons & Dragons enthusiast. You still wouldn't get any dates, but your viking helmet would look way cooler than a tinfoil beanie.

Hey! My husband is a D&D guy. Take that back, you horny wannabe!
 
2003-07-17 04:59:22 AM
brianewart, yeah you'd say that until you found out that the person who was appointed monarch was Carrot Top. Then its time for a little monarchy removal, French style.
 
2003-07-17 05:01:55 AM
Tad3tte, I used to be a D&D enthusiast in high-school. I'm talking about in America. Most hot chicks won't touch you in America if you are an out-of-the-closet D&D guy because of all the high-school stereotypes associated therewith.
 
2003-07-17 05:01:59 AM
Tadlette

Ah! Then of course you would have the pleasure of mumbling in a language only God himself truly understands and count among your brethren Catherine Zeta Jones and Tom Jones. The welsh miners were my ancestors I'm afraid - and I can only hope it was something as maudlin and beasty as them being victims of that huge rebellion they had in the late 18th century, when England just tipped up Wales and went "That's it - all of you out now - you hiding under the table - get yer gear". I REALLY am unable to understand Welsh - I refuse to believe the Welsh do - I think they made it all up to confuse the Prince and bugger tourists. Must be huge fun watching a royal trying to say "Hello, I love all of you truly" in Welsh. :)

Time to go to Bed. Goodnight - have a good morning :). Tell Kim Jong Il to bite my arse if he feels like throwing a nuclear bomb for some distressing reason. You are much too classy to be the 51st state. And AUSTRALIA DOES have quite a nice flag.
 
2003-07-17 05:05:56 AM
bbcrackmonkey

I am about to crawl into bed with a D&D enthusiast right now. We both have written systems for another company, and met oh holy holy Gary bloody Gygax, Ed Greenfield, and all those long haired odd people that wrote for TSR (Now WOTC). Used to sell all that nonsense as well. Am currently reading all those stupid Drow books that have come out (The Whole War of the Spider Queen series). YOU ARE NOT ALONE :) Although I must admit Gen Con is a bit odd for people wishing to get laid...
 
2003-07-17 05:06:57 AM
brianewart

why is it considered anti-australian or unpatriotic (or whatever) for Australians to vote in favor of the Monarchy?

It isn't really, but may imply a lack of confidence in ourselves to take that last final vestige of control (and support) into our own hands. It's likening us to the teenager who isn't self-confident enough to move out of home, or wants to know there is someone else who'll pick up the tab or defend them if they need it. It's dependence, which isn't adult behaviour.

I personally think nations should be drawing closer and national lines will in the future blur into mere remnants of a divisive history, so personally I don't care if we never do leave the commonwealth. It might be an anachronism that will mutate into a desirable future.
 
2003-07-17 05:18:01 AM
faethe

*cries* My hubby will be on staff at DragonCon in ATL this year, as he is every year. Sometimes he runs games in the 24 hour gaming lobby. I've never been to Dragoncon but I did make Chattacon a few years ago. Won't be there this year because we are saving up for the big move and a plane ticket would blow the budget.

bbcrackmonkey

He *is* in America (still). He's been gaming with the same group for something like 10 years. We are talking hard core nerd here :)
 
2003-07-17 05:20:55 AM
faethe, I read most of those Drizzt books. Icewind Dale and the Exile trilogies were my favorites. Jarlaxle is the coolest character ever to be associated with Drizzt and his band of merry adventurers. Has Jarlaxle actually fought Drizzt in any of the new books?

Role Playing was definitely fun, but unfortunately the guys who I used to do it with are all at different colleges and the system we use is so obscure that nobody else in Michigan knows how to play it.
 
2003-07-17 05:22:26 AM
G'night you murrikan types, wish I was there.
 
2003-07-17 05:24:35 AM
Tad3tte, foreign chicks don't mind nerds, and I'm sure that a lot of them find nerds downright sexy. Its the American chicks and the high-school mentality that pervades American society that has a problem with them.

Yeah, I got picked on in high-school, but that's ok, I'm 6'4" (more than two meters) tall and weigh 250 lbs. (that's like 114 kilograms), it didn't happen more than once.
 
2003-07-17 05:26:32 AM
 
2003-07-17 05:28:51 AM
Lucanus

You can't have Ireland and Scotland. If they didn't beat each other to death, they'd drink themselves to death in competition.
 
2003-07-17 05:34:50 AM
bbcrackmonkey

I hung out with the 100% male D&D group in school and copped much shiat from my friends over it. They were also the computer nerds so there was a kinship I couldn't deny. Besides that, they talked about more interesting things than where the good breaks were and what colour shoes were 'in', something I didn't get from the company of my much loved but vacuous beach-chick girlfriends.

Move in all worlds and be contained by none <- motto for life ;)
 
2003-07-17 05:36:04 AM
Dungeons and Dragons

oh.my.god

I can't imagine a game where you can't killsteal and sell accounts and stuff. Dice? Imaginaion?

Insane.

Ok, here's my pseudo-important roleplaying story, since we're in a nerd pissing contest:

I had a lot of friends who were into RPG's. I played, but I was never *INTO* them...like, I would never speak as my character, I would laugh at stuff...you couldn't say I "broke character" because I was never in character. It was all sort of a joke to me, but I did it to entertain my friends.

Anyway, as the tinkerer I am, I decided to come up with my own system, which I did. Eventually I had people I didn't even know begging me to set up campaigns for them, or at least run adventures. Word spread, especially because it was fun/silly, since I am not a very serious RPG'er.

Anyway, back when Rifts came out, I got a phone call. It was Kevin Simbeada (sp?). I was one of the 1st people to buy it, and I was running it (because I ran other Palladium games for my friends). He asked me to demo the game for him at the San Diego Comic-Con. I couldn't make it, so I had to decline. But to this day I wonder #1 Why I got an unsolicited call from him (it was him, I did talk to him again after that) and #2 How he ever found out I existed. Beyond that, my rules were nothing like his.

They were much better ;-)

DORK ON ROLEPLAYERS! Roll 2d12 for me!
 
2003-07-17 05:40:13 AM
peter_hook

You just made your saving throw ;)

Fark reminds me of role-play sometimes. My troll just wounded your Paladin with an unidentified stabbing weapon. Take 1D6 of damage and sit out the next round - that kinda thing :)
 
gma
2003-07-17 05:51:04 AM
bbcrackmonkey 2 meters is almost exactly 6'6". You're in the 1.9-1.95 meter range. Not that you're not tall, but you're not the giant you're making yourself out to be to metric folks.
 
2003-07-17 06:01:55 AM
It would be cool. Then we could visit Vienna and the Sound of Music would end up being about an American Count or whatever that guy was. Hey, how come they didn't have any kangaroos in that movie, anyway?
 
2003-07-17 06:12:00 AM
Man, and I thought people from Massachusetts had a wicked accent.

/KRIKEY!
 
2003-07-17 06:17:58 AM
Tad3tte

Fark reminds me of role-play sometimes.

I could read into that statement a different truth in several aspects.

My troll just wounded your Paladin with an unidentified stabbing weapon. Take 1D6 of damage and sit out the next round - that kinda thing :)

Except after that, people say "Uh-uh! I don't care! My Paladin is fine! His opinion beats a saving throw!"

Actually, FARK is just like role-playing games for me. The GM decides I am not serious enough or whatever and kills my character by a random act of god with no dice, or I get banned from time to time with no explanation.

WHERE IS MY SAVING THROW WHEN I GET BANNED? LOL

/nite

You cannot post comments right now.
Try again in 16 hours.
 
2003-07-17 06:37:13 AM

Tim Tams blow....

The McVities Penguine is a far superior biscuit.

 
2003-07-17 06:39:17 AM
Don't mention that system peter! I still have nightmares from trying to GM a Robotech Palladium game.

"Um ok. You're firing your missle pod at the Invid scout..."

*lets see...roll this for base damage...this for each missle...roll again to see if it hit...*

Frell that.
 
2003-07-17 06:42:37 AM
Penguins aren't chocolatey enough.
 
2003-07-17 06:46:05 AM
Darn you, haikupoet! You got to it first.

Couple of thoughts: first off, Australia would have todrop their censorship board. Nice little anochronism that actually allows them to ban movies, books, etc; they're having a nice little do about Ken Park's new movie, which has seen the police shut down screenings.

Second, Australia is not as white as you think. There's plenty of diversity, what with the Asian and Indian immigration since the government dropped it's racist immigration policies in the 50's, and of course there's the original population of Australia, tough they've been shockingly mistreated in the past and are still a horribly distant under-class.
 
2003-07-17 06:59:55 AM
WHAT A LOAD OF BULLshiat ID MOVE TO ... SOMEWHERE ELSE IF WE CAME AMERICAN SATE I COULDNT STAND THE PATROITISM UGH IF THERES ONE THING I HATE ITS PATROITISM IT HAS TO BE ONE OF THE GAYEST THINGS EVA!!! And this who ever decided this cant live in Australia because all his points arae bullshiat. God i hate it when the older generation complain that were anti social just cause ur use to ur 1920's tea parties!!!! UGH!

Tim storms off not watching where hes going ... THUD!
 
2003-07-17 07:47:16 AM
Why does australia have to become a state of america? Why doesnt america become a state of australia?
 
2003-07-17 08:08:57 AM
No Aussie, would stand for this.
 
2003-07-17 08:24:59 AM
peter_hook

I'm paying 6.9% APR on one credit card and 0% on the other.

Yay for British banking price wars.
 
2003-07-17 08:28:54 AM
unlikely tag? I vote for a new "Never, ever going to farking happen" tag
 
2003-07-17 08:29:58 AM
This is not even a funny joke!

Australia joining the US as a state? I think there is more liklihood of North Korea exploding a missile propelled nuke over parliament house than this. That is about how funny that artivcle is.

I would leave Aus too if it ever became a US state.

I would give up my citizenship never to return.

BTTO
 
2003-07-17 08:33:18 AM
Peter Hook
oh yeah, Cherry Ripes are the best, I hope we get them soon
 
2003-07-17 08:39:34 AM
RobW

I'm paying 6.9% APR on one credit card and 0% on the other.

Yay for British banking price wars.


And Americans are too stupid and/or ambivalent to do anything about it. Instead, we let bankruptcy reform happen to us that was the biggest screwjob ever.

Here, a lot cards charge you 29.99% interest if you miss a payment and you have to accept it for 6 months before they will lower it!
 
2003-07-17 08:48:22 AM
I'm all in favor of Australia annexing the U.S.

While we're at it, let's convert the NFL to an Aussie Rules league and see if the Buccaneers would stand half a chance at the Melbourne Cricket Ground.
 
2003-07-17 08:51:40 AM
I detect extreme stupidit, but I'll humor you all.

I don't think it would be one state, that'd be completely unmanageable. Take the boundaries it already has, and make each of those states. You wouldn't want texas to get penis envy with something the size of Australia. And of course most texans don't realize alaska is bigger than texas, or even that alaska exists, and can't even pick out the US on a map of north america.
 
LJS
2003-07-17 08:51:58 AM
It makes perfect sense. The United States of America and Australia. Then we could take over Ireland...and Sweden...and...etc...
What the fark was this guy on??
 
2003-07-17 08:52:08 AM
Canada's got nothing the US wants. Australia would be a huge boon for the airlines (big BIG business in need of a jolt) and Americans and Australians basically are in love with each other. My sons go to a summer camp for a month every year and their counselor are Australian, Scottish, S. African and Irish. My "American" kids are getting into cricket, rugby and of course tennis as a result. Australia is a perfect fit defense-wise as well. We can keep an eye on China and the Islamic "empire" without having to station troops in predominantly Asian or Islamic countries.

Australia needs the USA as much as the USA needs another budding California (without the southern immigration). California in the 40's is the way I often hear Australia described. And with the real potential for affluent immigration as opposed to Mexicans fleeing a crappy economic system, it's got potential.
 
2003-07-17 08:56:47 AM
JosephFinn

Couple of thoughts: first off, Australia would have todrop their censorship board.

They've only ever banned three movies in the fifty-something years of their existance. They are actually a classification board, and the Ken Park decision was a technicality.

It shows actual unsimulated sex, which means the movie couldn't get an M or R rating, it had to be classified into the X category - mostly for porn.

The X category bans any depiction of violence or true sado-masochism (sp?) mostly because hardcore sex and violence together is a very bad combination. Ken Park has a young boy fellate his father, masturbate then kill himself, so it violates that rule.

In short the film wasn't censored as much as denied classification because it broke a rule in each classification category. To me that means we need another category that judges a film on artistic merits, because Ken Park is clearly art not violent porn. Salo was banned for the same reason. The other was a french film containing real sex and a very realistic death.

Our conservative creep of a PM has however directed the classification board to be more 'conservative' in giving classifications, on that grounds that it is more in keeping with the attitudes of the community. We are at the mercy of an aging baby-boomer population (many of whom are becoming change-of-life conservatives) but in reality community attitudes get more liberal each year and little johnny is still the country through his christian coke-bottle sunnies.

/rant
 
2003-07-17 08:58:17 AM
Dear America.

If this happens, please abolish AFL.

-Regards, New South Wales and Queensland.
 
2003-07-17 08:58:48 AM
I'm for it! For damn sure, I'd move my ass down there in a heartbeat! er... 20hr flight or something. Get me the fark out of the continental USA!
 
2003-07-17 09:09:57 AM
I say bring on the Australian women!!!
 
2003-07-17 09:13:38 AM
Dear God, no!

Australia was where I was going to move to if/when Shrillary gets elected.
 
2003-07-17 09:21:44 AM
pure silliness
exceptional tag

Keep Australia Free!!
 
2003-07-17 09:29:45 AM
Oh shiat I almost forgot. Orwell pre-"o"rdained all this in 1984 or was that Huxley in Brave New World, the super country of Oceana.

Pax-Oceana!
 
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