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(The Onion)   Judge rules photogenic white girl will be tried as a black male   (theonion.com) divider line 64
    More: Satire, Judges' Rules, black man  
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22914 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2011 at 5:44 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



64 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2011-01-23 05:56:03 AM
I heard she was born a poor black child anyway.
 
2011-01-23 06:21:55 AM
This is the stuff. Makes me want to watch Robocop.
 
2011-01-23 06:36:13 AM
The juror clutching her purse as "Mondell Brown" walked by was a nice touch.
 
2011-01-23 06:53:17 AM
"Nobody in America deserves to be treated as a black man!"

This black guy had to lol at that.
 
2011-01-23 07:35:40 AM
The Onion stopped being funny when everyone tried to be Onion funny.
/Looking at U Drew
//The new Onion sucks balls
 
2011-01-23 08:42:52 AM
There's an American version of Being Human?
 
2011-01-23 08:45:37 AM
Didn't we allready have the comments thread about this on the mother getting 10 years for boffing her daughters friends yesterday?
 
2011-01-23 08:51:36 AM

Mitch Mitchell: The Onion stopped being funny when everyone tried to be Onion funny.
/Looking at U Drew
//The new Onion sucks balls



The Onion is the funniest when they are not trying to be funny, but are just so honest and true that you can either break down in tears or laugh about it. This particular report is rather mild in comparison to some of their harsher stuff, but it makes the very real point that justice in America is not quite as blind as it perhaps should be and that double standards do exist in the American justice system.

I also have to say that I like their new TV-news character "Brooke Alvarez".
 
2011-01-23 08:54:55 AM
Black thug depiction was not accurate. He would have been wearing a suit and tie, and holding a bible, for the first time in his life.
 
2011-01-23 08:57:10 AM
The Onion is the funniest when they are not trying to be funny, but are just so honest and true that you can either break down in tears or laugh about it

The article on Haiti and Ragnarok was pretty funny for this reason.
 
2011-01-23 09:00:34 AM
You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.
 
2011-01-23 09:02:12 AM
Q: What do you call a black man in a suit?
A: A defendant
 
2011-01-23 09:05:50 AM
 
2011-01-23 09:06:26 AM

Mitch Mitchell: The Onion stopped being funny when everyone tried to be Onion funny.
/Looking at U Drew
//The new Onion sucks balls


While they aren't always laugh-your-ass-off funny, they do come out with some absolute gems from time to time, which makes me so glad they're out there. This one, and the one on DADT, are fuggin brilliant.
 
2011-01-23 09:13:33 AM

Lupine Chemist: There's an American version of Being Human?


Made me jump, too. Is nothing safe? What is wrong with Being Human that means American audiences can't watch it?

Also, 'a new original series'. No, well, yes, if 'original' means 'copied title, characters and script from an existing show'.
 
2011-01-23 09:15:50 AM

TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.

Location: Hamilton, Ontario


Hmm. So what are the odds that TedNigma has ever even met a black person in real life.
 
2011-01-23 09:16:12 AM
Plenty of time in jail for her to lift weights and convert to Islam.
 
2011-01-23 09:24:18 AM
Where's that political cartoon from a few months back where an attorney and his scary-looking client are standing before the judge in a sex-crime trial and the attorney says "Your Honor, my client is willing to undergo a sex change operation if he can be tried as an attractive female" or words to that effect?

I can't find it.
 
2011-01-23 09:27:39 AM

theoutlaw: Lupine Chemist: There's an American version of Being Human?

Made me jump, too. Is nothing safe? What is wrong with Being Human that means American audiences can't watch it?

Also, 'a new original series'. No, well, yes, if 'original' means 'copied title, characters and script from an existing show'.


You'd think the astounding fail rate would stop them from keep trying. Aside from various reality shows and the office (which is fairly different from the original) the ports are pretty universally terrible.

I don't understand why they don't just play the good English shows on US TV. After all, I watch American shows in Europe. (thank god for digital TV language tracks)

/They best not ruin Misfits
//I'd love to see a US version of An Idiot Abroad
 
2011-01-23 09:30:33 AM

maddermaxx: Mitch Mitchell: The Onion stopped being funny when everyone tried to be Onion funny.
/Looking at U Drew
//The new Onion sucks balls

While they aren't always laugh-your-ass-off funny, they do come out with some absolute gems from time to time, which makes me so glad they're out there. This one, and the one on DADT, are fuggin brilliant.


Except that nearly every ONN video is 3 seconds of joke packed into two minutes of wasted time, with forced intro commercials to boot.

The poor ratio of ha-ha to if-I-wanted-to-see-this-shiat-I'd-be-watching-TNN makes ONN generally not worth the watch.

/The Onion should stick to print
 
2011-01-23 09:45:21 AM
My favorite onion video Link (new window). Far too under appreciated if you ask me
 
2011-01-23 09:53:10 AM

Alleyoop: Black thug depiction was not accurate. He would have been wearing a suit and tie, and holding a bible, for the first time in his life.


I've always been fond of the old joke that Jesus must hang out in the back of patrol cars - because so many people seem to meet him there.
 
2011-01-23 09:54:35 AM

TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.


Nigma, please.
 
2011-01-23 10:00:30 AM

TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.


trying too hard/10
 
2011-01-23 10:01:03 AM
Joad Cressbeckler.
 
2011-01-23 10:07:34 AM

TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.


STFU You stupid farking Canadian, proving there is as much racism up here than there is in the States.
 
2011-01-23 10:09:30 AM

Lupine Chemist: /I'd love to see a US version of An Idiot Abroad


They're airing it in the US on The Science Channel.
 
2011-01-23 10:18:32 AM
christ...a f*cking ad at the beginning of every video? I guess I haven't been to the onion video page in a while.

/not cool
 
2011-01-23 10:18:44 AM

corporate mustache: TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.

STFU You stupid farking Canadian, proving there is as much racism up here than there is in the States.


i18.photobucket.com
Nooooobody knows de trubble I'be seen,
nooooobody knows my sorrow.........
 
2011-01-23 10:48:57 AM
I auto-close any tab where I see a video rather than an actual article. Forced adds and 2-3 minutes of info I could gather in 10-30 seconds of skimming the article?

No thanks.

I also usually suspect they're non-noted paid links aka G4
 
2011-01-23 10:49:15 AM

corporate mustache: TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.

STFU You stupid farking Canadian, proving there is as much racism up here than there is in the States.


img823.imageshack.us
 
2011-01-23 10:51:06 AM

Lupine Chemist: theoutlaw: Lupine Chemist: There's an American version of Being Human?

Made me jump, too. Is nothing safe? What is wrong with Being Human that means American audiences can't watch it?

Also, 'a new original series'. No, well, yes, if 'original' means 'copied title, characters and script from an existing show'.

You'd think the astounding fail rate would stop them from keep trying. Aside from various reality shows and the office (which is fairly different from the original) the ports are pretty universally terrible.

I don't understand why they don't just play the good English shows on US TV. After all, I watch American shows in Europe. (thank god for digital TV language tracks)

/They best not ruin Misfits
//I'd love to see a US version of An Idiot Abroad

I just got back from 6 weeks in London, and I had no idea about Misfits. At first, it seemed like a UK version of Heroes (which I've never seen, but heard good things about Season 1, but the rest apparently sucked). Then I saw it and wondered how long it would take for America to remake it. Rumor is HBO is doing it, which is a good start if nothing else.

/Love Misfits, but was disappointed in the final 2 episodes. Can't wait to d/l next season, though.
 
2011-01-23 11:08:27 AM

the_vegetarian_cannibal: Location: Hamilton, Ontario

Hmm. So what are the odds that TedNigma has ever even met a black person in real life.


Slim to none, really. There's a pretty diverse population in Ontario province. I don't spend a lot of time in Hamilton specifically, but I'd say maybe 1 in 4 or 5 of the people there are visible minorities - altho' easily more asian than african.

However, there's been a significant upswing in racially-charged politics in ON in the last four or five years. (Google/Wiki "Tamil" and "Toronto" and you'll find some nice examples.) As a consequence, the racist mouth-breathers have been pretty brazen about their hate-nonsense.

From the 1993 album, Vs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re1eqmFA1AI
 
2011-01-23 11:17:18 AM
This is the best ONN clip.

Supreme Court: Death Penalty is "Totally Badass"
Link (new window)

some NSFW language
 
2011-01-23 11:18:08 AM

Shvetz: This is the best ONN clip.

Supreme Court: Death Penalty is "Totally Badass"
Link (new window)

some NSFW language


link didn't work...

Link (new window)
 
2011-01-23 11:36:06 AM
I'm not a fan of most Onion videos, but some are good.

Joad Cressbeckler snarls my potato.
 
2011-01-23 12:12:57 PM

Tofu: Not to threadjack, but check out the girl in the middle:

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/osn-girlfriends-feel-bad-for-deron-wil li ams,18826/


t2.gstatic.com
 
2011-01-23 12:31:15 PM

maddermaxx: Mitch Mitchell: The Onion stopped being funny when everyone tried to be Onion funny.
/Looking at U Drew
//The new Onion sucks balls

While they aren't always laugh-your-ass-off funny, they do come out with some absolute gems from time to time, which makes me so glad they're out there. This one, and the one on DADT, are fuggin brilliant.


okay, I lol'd at "seven"
 
2011-01-23 12:45:20 PM

HaywoodJablonski: My favorite onion video Link (new window). Far too under appreciated if you ask me


I snortled.
 
2011-01-23 12:55:10 PM

HaywoodJablonski: My favorite onion video Link (new window). Far too under appreciated if you ask me


[looks it up]

That's a sport? Wow.
 
2011-01-23 01:02:11 PM
I never visit he onion, but because of this thread I've spent some time on youtube watching today. I do like this one. (new window)
 
2011-01-23 01:49:08 PM

maddermaxx: Mitch Mitchell: The Onion stopped being funny when everyone tried to be Onion funny.
/Looking at U Drew
//The new Onion sucks balls

While they aren't always laugh-your-ass-off funny, they do come out with some absolute gems from time to time, which makes me so glad they're out there. This one, and the one on DADT, are fuggin brilliant.


I lost it when he replied to the "How many lives ..." question by simply stating "seven."

/touched by the sacrifice ... thank you, heteros. Every single one of you.
 
2011-01-23 02:02:49 PM

TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.


9/10
I've heard almost that exact rant, especially from loser white dudes trying to blame everyone but themselves for their woes. One point off for referring to blacks as "royalty" without incorrectly categorizing them as the bulk of public assistance recipients, though.
 
2011-01-23 02:41:19 PM
the_vegetarian_cannibal: TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.

Location: Hamilton, Ontario

Hmm. So what are the odds that TedNigma has ever even met a black person in real life.


I knew he was trolling when I saw he wasn't from the American south.
 
2011-01-23 03:19:46 PM
I get it, the American justice system is racist. Sure. And O.J. is innocent.
 
2011-01-23 03:46:39 PM

mike0023: I get it, the American justice system is racist. Sure. And O.J. is innocent.


Well they did specifically make a point about the option of "being tried as a black celebrity" and how it would have been different. And they did not center exclusively on the justice system itself. A large part of it was on how the suspect was portrayed in the media and perceived by the public.

Also it did not just make a point about racism, but also sexism since they included a gender swap. I don't know the correct word for treating people different on how cute, beautiful, photogenic etc. they are, but they were also making fun of that.

Another thing that I got from it was the whole being "tried as an adult" that they made fun of by taking it to further extremes as in "tried as a black adult" or tried as a "huge scary black guy". Children getting tried as an adult is a phenomenon that is 'typically' American. It happens far less if at all in the rest of the civilized world. The this gets done and how it is justified can be pretty confusing and surreal to an outsider.

There was quite a lot of content packed in a joke that could easily have been condensed into its headline. If the only thing you got out of it was the fact that it accused the US justice system as racist, that might say more about yourself than the writers at the onion.
 
2011-01-23 03:55:35 PM
\

TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.


If you're going to attack blacks, why not the Jews too? (Much easier target)

2.bp.blogspot.com

Thread godwin'd and pokemon'd all in one go.

/aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm done.
 
2011-01-23 04:03:50 PM

corporate mustache: TedNigma: You mean she will be given every chance in the books? Access to free; or really cheap, education? Able to be hired not on qualifications, but because they have to "Have a back in management due to the law."? Be able to blame everyone but their loser selves for their woes?

Wow, being a black male is royalty now-a-days. Count me in.

STFU You stupid farking Canadian, proving there is as much racism up here than there is in the States.


He's from Hamilton. I don't know how to describe Hamilton but it reminds me of Detroit in many ways but less culturally rich or interesting.
 
2011-01-23 04:10:27 PM
It points out the stupidity of trying kids as adults too. If someone is not an adult, then they don't know the full impact of what they're doing. Why does a more heinous crime mean the defendant is more "adult"? That seems backwards.

We need to have a consistent legal concept of adult. Why can a person who can't vote be allowed to drive, or a person who can't drink serve in the military. If we don't think people are legally competent to drink until 21 then we certainly can't attribute adult-level crimes to them.

In any case "trying as" is just a ridiculous concept as it logically means you are treating them as something they are not.
 
2011-01-23 04:11:03 PM

MacGabhain: I've heard almost that exact rant, especially from loser white dudes trying to blame everyone but themselves for their woes. One point off for referring to blacks as "royalty" without incorrectly categorizing them as the bulk of public assistance recipients, though.


In all fairness, blacks get some 33% of welfare money while being only 12% of the population, while whites get around 44% while being 75% of the population. That means blacks get around 1.6x as much handouts per capita as whites - and that's if you count food stamps and Medicare. If you just count regular welfare, blacks actually receive slightly more than whites even though whites make up more than 6x as much of the population.

Blacks are also 60% of the prison population, vs 13% for whites. That's 29x as many criminals per capita. A lot of this is because blacks are a lot more likely to be violent criminals (rape, murder, etc.) and therefore get longer jail sentences, but regardless of how you look at it, blacks also cost a lot more for police protection, jail funding, etc., not to mention damage to local business (usually also black...)

I may be stereotyping a bit here - there's a large percentage of blacks who are respectable middle-class types - but the stereotypes have a basis in fact. Don't like it? Your best response is to work hard and prove the few white racists out there wrong.
 
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