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(Sydney Morning Herald)   North Korea threatens Australia   (smh.com.au) divider line 226
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23803 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jul 2003 at 5:04 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-07-15 10:17:44 AM
ok maybe ~5000 miles
 
2003-07-15 10:21:07 AM
If anyone cares, there was a later article which claimed that the NK guy was talking out of his uranium:
(sorry, not clickable)
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/07/15/1058034999756.html

And speaking of uranium, Australia has heaps of it. I can't remember the stats, but it has a disproportionate amount, and certainly more than NK. But then again, they have a lot of abducted film directors, so I guess it balances out.

So if Australia were threatened with a nuclear strike and that threat was credible, we have the raw materials and the knowledge (and the skillz to pay tha billz etc etc) to get nuclear weapons pretty quickly. Of course, the US/UK/my grandma would delete NK if they struck Australia, but we could also have our own nukes if pressured hard enough.
 
2003-07-15 10:21:16 AM
I don't see why this is a big deal. We'll NEVER go to war agianst N. Korea and the reasons are obvious. If we strike first, China will join in and we'll be in the biggest fight since WWII. If N. Korea strikes first China might not support them and they know this!

Tad3tte Although you say Aussies might not have much in common with the US, I've found many aussies to be like Texans without guns.
 
2003-07-15 10:21:18 AM
Bored24: how could a missile launched from NK hit NZ considering NZ is somewhat on the OTHER side of AUS?

Methinks you and Tad3tte are using the 'Risk' game board as a map... ;)
 
2003-07-15 10:21:24 AM
Let's see:

A certain president who "feels your pain" gives nuclear and missile technology and a couple of supercomputers to the Chinese, because they are swell guys and of the same ideology as that certain president. Besides, Chinese money spends just as well as any other money, especially when it comes to reelection, right? The DoD was really angry that technology was being given to the Chinese, but the fact that the technology could be used to kill Americans or could be given to other hostile countries was not a happy thought, so it was ignored. China, shortly afterwards, announces a space program with the intent of going to the moon (a 20 year or so leap in technology in about a year), tests new weapons, and upgrades their nukes. What a nice guy Bubba was- a sweet deal for his communist pals. A couple of years later, North Korea, a really good friend of those swell Chinese guys, test fires a missle over Japan, suddenly gaining about 20 years in technology, just like their really good friends, the Buddist Monks... er, I mean Chinese. Later, North Korea threatens Oz with their new toys.

It's all Bush's fault, obviously. He needs to stop protecting us. He needs to say nice things. Maybe China would trade a few bucks for stealth. Where are those damned monks when we need them? If he would only give the Koreans what they want, then we would be safe and we can get back to the really important things like deciding what to do with our genitals. Besides, our children can deal with that mess, right?
 
2003-07-15 10:32:54 AM
So the world gets rid of a country with a ridiculous accent.

No big loss.
 
2003-07-15 10:33:06 AM
if there is another korean war, im hoping for a M*A*S*H sequeal or something..anyone, anyone
 
2003-07-15 10:34:09 AM
All you ever wanted to know about Australia, whence one day the Earth shall be ruled, if you believe in UFO-shadow-government-conspiracies.
 
2003-07-15 10:38:57 AM
Sorry, I was thinking the SOlomon islands, not New Zealand. Apologies.
 
2003-07-15 10:42:39 AM
"It looks here like the Pentagon are looking for ways to push N.K. into attacking so they have an excuse to go to war with them."

Sorta like the US did with Afghanistan and Russia...
 
2003-07-15 10:42:53 AM
peter_hook

if the japanese system is so good then the politicians in Japan sure are doing their best to cancel out the good things. What a bunch of morons.
 
2003-07-15 10:44:42 AM
Throbbing_Space_Pickle

Is summoning Bubba anything like Summoning Bevets?
 
2003-07-15 11:07:46 AM
2003-07-15 10:21:24 AM Throbbing_Space_Pickle
Let's see:
A certain president who "feels your pain" gives nuclear and missile technology and a couple of supercomputers to the Chinese, because they are swell guys and of the same ideology as that certain president. Besides, Chinese money spends just as well as any other money, especially when it comes to reelection, right? The DoD was really angry that technology was being given to the Chinese, but the fact that the technology could be used to kill Americans or could be given to other hostile countries was not a happy thought, so it was ignored. China, shortly afterwards, announces a space program with the intent of going to the moon (a 20 year or so leap in technology in about a year), tests new weapons, and upgrades their nukes. What a nice guy Bubba was- a sweet deal for his communist pals. A couple of years later, North Korea, a really good friend of those swell Chinese guys, test fires a missle over Japan, suddenly gaining about 20 years in technology, just like their really good friends, the Buddist Monks... er, I mean Chinese. Later, North Korea threatens Oz with their new toys.
It's all Bush's fault, obviously. He needs to stop protecting us. He needs to say nice things. Maybe China would trade a few bucks for stealth. Where are those damned monks when we need them? If he would only give the Koreans what they want, then we would be safe and we can get back to the really important things like deciding what to do with our genitals. Besides, our children can deal with that mess, right?


*waiting for "Clan Clinton" to come running to his defense*
 
2003-07-15 11:11:53 AM
Here's bluedog13s
link
. How do these stories that are so obviously bullshiat make it onto Fark?
 
2003-07-15 11:17:20 AM
So North Korea nukes an Australian or U.S. city and what - they think everyone surrenders? Uh no. Twenty minutes later, the dark smoldering ruin of what was once North Korea becomes a big radioactive example of what happens to countries that wave the big nuclear dick around too much.
 
2003-07-15 11:22:04 AM
I just imagine North Korea drunk at Thanksgiving with its shirt tails out and hair all messed up, waiving a bottle of bourbon and yelling, "I don't need you! I don't need ANYBODY!!!"


/got nuthin.
 
2003-07-15 11:23:37 AM
2003-07-15 09:36:19 AM M-PAC

How does this man sleep at night. Millions of his people are starving in his country as they spend upwards op 25% of ther GNP on there military and he builds his personal foturn.

2003-07-15 09:37:52 AM Tad3tte

M-PAC

So quit voting republican ?

/too easy


2003-07-15 10:05:00 AM Flammenwerfer

Last I heard, we in the USA spent around 3% of our GDP on defense... which in absolute terms was something like the defense budget of the next twelve nations combined.

And yet people continue to insist that it's our military spending that's driving us into debt.

Just for some perspective, here's some countries and their respective military spending as a % of their GDP

Australia 2%
Egypt 4.1%
France 2.57%
Germany 1.38%
Greece 4.91%
Israel 8.75%
Italy 1.64%
Korea, North 31.3%
Korea, South 2.8%
Poland 1.71%
Spain 1.15%
Turkey 4.5%
United Kingdom 2.32%
United States 3.2%

CIA World Fact Book
http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/index.html
 
2003-07-15 11:25:49 AM
I once read that 65%* of all leftists supported shooting anyone who stood in the way of the glorious worker's revolution. Australians, in particular, seemed to favor using nuclear weapons to eliminate capitalism.

I'd say that this makes Kim's brand of totalitarianism and extortion seem pretty tame by comparison.

The untutored layman might point out that Australia has never nuked anybody and doesn't even have nuclear weapons; likewise, the ignorant boob might assert that Australia has no history of killing capitalists for the greater good of the communist revolution, at least in the last fifty years.

To these people I say, "Suck it!"

* - I made it up, just like everything else in this post. So, don't ask for a source.
 
2003-07-15 11:34:01 AM
M-PAC -- As the son of the previous autocrat, Kim Jong Il's probably lived all his life believing that he's entitled to his lifestyle and that he's truly a remarkable, great, infallible heaven-favored leader.
 
2003-07-15 12:14:42 PM
So with North Korea threatening war with Australia, how many anti-war protestors took to the streets demanding a peaceful solutuion?

I can't seem to find the article. Too bad harmonia isn't here, he could have told us when the anti-war rallies he's fond of will be held.
 
2003-07-15 12:36:48 PM
Shut........UP

So with North Korea threatening war with Australia...


They aren't. The story came from an unofficial source. It's the same as me standing up and saying that Tony Blairs offical policy is to spit in Gordon Browns coffee and then stir it with his limp cock, and then the Sun printing it the next day.
 
2003-07-15 12:46:52 PM
Yanno this whole thing sounds like it would make a cool movie or something.....
 
2003-07-15 12:59:55 PM
2003-07-15 06:22:58 AM Tad3tte

I have heard some interesting rumours about Oz. One is that the US doesn't spy on Australia, and the inverse is true.


But history doesn't really bear that out.


 
2003-07-15 01:02:14 PM
Jellyfish:

Spike was the name of the big dog.

...god I'm a nerd
 
2003-07-15 01:17:09 PM
I think a better headline would be;

"North Korea has not yet threatened (insert country)"
 
2003-07-15 01:21:18 PM
Anybody nukes Max Barry and I'll farkin kill em!
 
2003-07-15 01:38:23 PM
2003-07-15 11:34:01 AM Korovyov

M-PAC -- As the son of the previous autocrat, Kim Jong Il's probably lived all his life believing that he's entitled to his lifestyle and that he's truly a remarkable, great, infallible heaven-favored leader.

Funny/sad how that does seem to be a commonly-held idea in all nations.

*coughbushcough*
 
2003-07-15 01:39:10 PM
you would think they would proofread the article a bit better.
 
2003-07-15 02:09:40 PM
Damned hippies!
 
2003-07-15 02:14:32 PM
War. Now. I'm pretty sure Australia could take out North Korea withOUT the US's help. Basically, you have to dodge the shoddily made bombs for 7 days until they all starve to death. Or did Kim Jong Il forget that his country's been in a FAMINE for the past decade?
 
2003-07-15 02:17:54 PM
Kinda makes you go, huh.

Although Korean chicks are still hot in my book.
 
2003-07-15 02:41:46 PM
No! Not Australia! But that's where all the...uh...okay, so there's nothing there. Australia could still beat the shiat out of korea.
 
2003-07-15 02:47:33 PM
I was under the impression that North Korea doesn't have women, and that is why they must steal them from Japan
 
2003-07-15 03:04:18 PM
If the US ever actually does decide to invade North Korea, China will help us. China will invade North Korea from the north so it won't have any US troops on its border. Its a win-win situation for China, they get to assert themselves as a regional superpower, they get friendlier relations with the west and especially US, they get to test out their military in a modern conflict, the Asian economy will kickstart after having this nuclear instability removed, etc. etc.

China know's where its interests lie, and in the case of a 2nd Korean War, it'll betray Kim faster than Pakistan betrayed the Taliban.
 
2003-07-15 04:13:53 PM
The only trouble with nuking Austria Australia is that no one would know.
 
2003-07-15 05:16:12 PM
Kthulhu: Nuke Australia? And hit what, roos and desert? North Korea would be extremely lucky to even get ONE sheep station with the fallout.

Seriously, making threats like that is just stupid. Next thing you know, they'll threaten to nuke the moon.

They can't do that, right? RIGHT!?


Nuke the Moon: A Realistic Plan for World Peace
 
2003-07-15 05:43:15 PM
North Korea says "All your base are belong to us, and shiat"

farkers
 
2003-07-15 06:09:21 PM
Hard to read. I apologize.

NORTH KOREAN BALLISTIC MISSILES

Range(Km) Payload(Kg)
Scud B 320 1,000

Scud C 500 770

Nodong 1,3501,500 7701,200

Taepodong-1 1,5002,500 1,0001,500

Taepodong-2 3,5006,000 7001,000

Taepodong-2 up to 15,000 est. Several Hundred
(three-stage)

_____________________________________________________________
Comments:

Scud B: Reverse-engineered Soviet Scud B

Scud C: Conventional explosives, chemical,and cluster warheads

Nodong: Test fired in May 1993; flew 500 kilometers. Close to 100 deployed. Designed to carry a nuclear warhead

Taepodong-1: Test-launched August 31,1998

Taepodong-2: Not yet tested

Taepodong-2: (Three stage) More than a decade away


In 1979 or 1980, Egypt supplied Pyongyang with a small number of Soviet Scud B missiles, along with launchers and support equipment. North Korea reverse-engineered the Scud and built an industrial infrastructure to produce its own missiles, eventually at a rate of eight to 10 per month in 1987 and 1988. It sold approximately 100 to Iran, many of which were fired at Iraqi cities during the IranIraq War. An extended-range version of the missile, known as the Scud C, was first test-launched in June 1990. Its 500-kilometer range was achieved mainly by reducing the payload from 1,000 to 770 kilograms. It is estimated that a total of 6001,000 Scud B and Cs were produced by the end of 1999. Half of them were sold to foreign countries.

Driven by a desire for longer missile ranges, North Korea developed what is known in the West as the Nodong (or Rodong), which has a range of 1,3501,500 kilometers (depending upon payload) and is capable of hitting Japan and U.S. bases in Okinawa. Nodongs were deployed in the mid-1990s, with nearly 100 fielded and another 50 or so sold to foreign countries. The missile is known as the Ghauri I in Pakistan and the Shahab 3 in Iran. North Korea wants a missile with an intercontinental range, and work is under way to achieve it. The two-stage Taepodong-1 is intended to carry a 1,0001,500 kilogram warhead to a range of 1,5002,500 kilometers. A three-stage space-launch version, intended to place a DPRK satellite in orbit, was launched on August 31, 1998, from the facility at Musudan-ri. The missile flew over Japan, causing much consternation. Its first and second stages separated and landed in the water, but the third stage, after traveling more than 5,500 kilometers (3,450 miles), broke up and the satellite did not reach orbit.

The longer-range Taepodong-2 may be ready for flight-testing. Depending on the payload, it may have a range greater than 6,000 kilometers, sufficient to strike parts of Hawaii and Alaska.


(Quoted from 2003 Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists.)

Might want to find distances between the southernmost North Korean Lat/Long and Australia and the Distance between the Easternmost Lat/Long of North Korea and the Western coast of the US. Haven't got the time but it'd be ineteresing to see these numbers.
 
2003-07-15 06:14:26 PM
Correction:

Might want to find distances between the southernmost North Korean Lat/Long and Australia and the Distance between the Easternmost Lat/Long of North Korea and the Western coast of the US. Haven't got the time but it'd be ineteresing to see these numbers.

I meant to say any given point in Australia and any given point on the western coast of the US. Sorry!
 
2003-07-15 06:32:39 PM
"If Australia become part of American manipulation against North Korea, North Korea reserve the right to strike back on Australia," Mr Myong-Chol told ABC TV's Lateline program.

"That is official North Korean position.





No Mr. President, Karl Malone swears he not teaching the North Koreans the English
 
2003-07-15 06:52:24 PM
Aww... come on, guys...

the little fellers just want to feel like they actually mean something in the grand scheme...
 
2003-07-15 07:02:23 PM
Wasn't Australia the source of many of the most outspoken critics against the Iraq war? Wasn't that where all those "human shields" came from? I mean, they may be allies of the US, I know they've helped us out militarily over the years, but it seems to me that they tend to be politically quite cautious and moderate/liberal. They're hardly the spearpoint of "American Imperialism" or whatever hogwash the N. Korean rhetoric involves these days.
So jeezus. Threatening to nuke Australia is like threatening to rape and murder a nun for quietly telling you that she disapproves of all the raping and murdering that you're doing.
 
2003-07-15 07:41:02 PM
It's extortion, plain and simple. Because North Korea relies on aid in order for its population to simply survive (despite their nuclear reactors, they get 80 percent of their electricity from China, for instance) the only way they can exert any sort of leverage whatsoever on any other nation is by throwing tantrums and threatening nuclear attacks. I'm really not worried about an actual direct nuclear strike, ie via missile, because that would result in the annihilation of North Korea and I doubt even that nutjob Kim Illin Dong wants that. He wants to stay in power until he croaks. What we SHOULD be worried about is that eventually, if his attempts to extort money and cooperation from the world are unsuccessful, he may resort to selling nuclear warheads and/or materials to third parties in order to make money. Now THAT's scary.
 
2003-07-15 07:51:04 PM
I hope that NK gets it's panties all in a bunch and does try and launch what is probably their only missle, so that the shiatty North Korean construction kicks in only to make the missle go off 20ft. above its launch platform, thus taking out the only people important to their nuclear weapons program along with lots of other scientists and equipment and such.

There, i said it.
 
2003-07-15 08:50:48 PM
Tad3ette:

cuzman

Remember all America needs is a good reason because after all it is full of crazy Americans

I seem to have snagged a troll.

No, because speaking as one of those crazy Americans, cuzman's right. A dozen brainwashed idiots with knives get lucky enough to commit the mass-murder of 3000 civilians on US soil, and as a result:
1. We end up overthrowing two governments, one of which may have had nothing to do with it other than the fact that they pissed us off a few years earlier, and
2. Are threatening to overthrow several others just because they're insufficiently eager to get rid of the brainwashers in their own countries.

The moral of the story here kids, is: don't fark with America. We tend to overreact when people do that. I don't know if Kim and his posse are sane enough to avoid getting into a shooting match with us, but the result will be inevitable--the end of the North Korean state. And it will happen no matter how many Koreans, Japanese, Chinese and other Asians get killed in the process--we won't care.
 
2003-07-15 09:07:08 PM
I'm sure we can spare some SAS to put a rocket ( literally ) up Kim.

Bring it on....
 
2003-07-15 09:16:28 PM
Tadette:...Lets not forget the people asking Congress for a new budget to develop smaller 'more usable' nukes and who seriously advocated first nuclear strike on the USSR (the US losses would be 'acceptable') - they are the same neo-cons that have made Bush administration US foreign policy for the last few years. They are FAR scarier with control of nukes than Kim the Crazy. They are also far more serious about using them.
Ehh, not more serious. But then nor is Kim. IMO, they're more or less the same - lots of bluster, attempting to intimidate with nuclear threats, but no actual plan behind the rhetoric. I admit the rhetoric of said neo-cons is scary, but I don't think they're any more likely to follow through on an actual nuclear strike than the "government" of north Korea is.
Take that however you want to :)
 
2003-07-15 09:24:54 PM
Do we even have any proof that North Korea HAS working nukes? Sure, they may have equipment to produce plutonium, but even if they manage to build a bomb, they have no idea if it works or not. Remember, it wasn't any intel on whether the Russians were working on a bomb that got the attention of the US, it was when they actually detonated one. Same goes for a hydrogen fusion device. Other nuclear nations either have actually detonated warheads in the past (India, Pakistan, China) or have used proven technology to create/test those warheads in computer simulations (ie the UK, new US warheads) or have obtained those warheads from nations that have either actually detonated them or have advanced design/computer testing methods, or both (ie Israel).
Unless North Korea has any massive supercomputers and/or expert weapons engineers that have worked on functional weapons (and perhaps they do, I don't know), they have no way of knowing if any of their work is worth jack squat until they actually test a device.
 
2003-07-15 09:31:42 PM
Bbcrackmonkey: You're probably right. One thing I've always wondered is, why hasn't China already just invaded North Korea and told the current regime "Look, you guys suck ass at this Communism thing, you had your chance and all you're doing is pissing everyone off and getting the US on our case, so get the fark out, it's our turn to run things around here."
Or do they just need an excuse to do that in the first place?
 
2003-07-15 09:47:50 PM
Tad3tte: *reading higher in the thread*
Good farkin' lord
Is that phreak in that image real, or is that some sort of spoof?
No wonder they want to nuke ya >:)


(kidding, in case you hadn't guessed)
 
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