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(Some Titanposter)   Only 100 words on why Metallica sucks???   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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29084 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2003 at 1:38 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

211 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-07-13 09:52:11 PM  
Two is enough. Hell, even one works: "Lars"
2003-07-14 12:21:30 AM  
Ooo! Ooo! Me! Me! I've got two words: St. Anger.

(Yeah, I'm an old-school fan)
2003-07-14 12:25:39 AM  
I don't know what the rules looked like when the submitter submitted this, but the rules now say AT LEAST 100 words, making the headline incorrect.
2003-07-14 01:02:00 AM  
I was looking around a flea market the other day and something shiny caught my eye. I saw over in the corner there were some arts and crafts there that were displayed on the table. What caught my eye was this shiny piece of fruit. It appeared to be brushed aluminum with red paint on it banged into the shape of an apple. It was covered with dings and dents from the process giving it a very nice look. So I call to my friend "Hey man, look at that metallic apple!" And all the sudden Lars bursts in through the damned window on a rappelling rope coming out of a helicopter. He stood there kind of hunched over from the weight of the lawyer he had strapped to his back like a parachute and the shine from his leather pants forced me to avert my gaze. He beckoned to me with a voice that still gives me nightmares and he threw a piece of paper at me and declared "You have been served." I stood there for fear of my life being strangled from my cowering body by his massive litigious action grip and stood silent. "Your use of the word metallic followed by a word starting with the letter a can be construed as Metallica" From nowhere a monster guitar riff sounds out when he says that name. "Your use of the Metallica image will not go unpunished. I hereby declare my rights to all your property, creative concepts, genetic code, and all permutations and combinations thereof." After having claimed me, my property, and even my future children he drew the lawyer off his back like some sort of unholy and cursed sword. Holding him by the ankles he was able to draw him to my neck and press the corner of the briefcase into me until there was a little trickle of blood. The lawyer responded quickly and slapped it on a contract and put what else was there into his razor edged briefcase. "I have conquered you and my will is done." Then a flash of blinding pyrotechnics and unspeakable acoustical horrors blinded and deafened us all as he and his lawyer vanished. The only evidence that was left was some smashed glass on the floor and a slight nick on my neck. And the apple had vanished.
2003-07-14 01:45:02 AM  

i wonder if he had to pay for the broken window?
2003-07-14 01:46:41 AM  
St. Wanker!
2003-07-14 01:47:37 AM  
I think Metallica has a patent on the word "metal", so no one can use it without Lars's permission.
2003-07-14 01:48:12 AM  
1. The article you write must be 100% origional.
2003-07-14 01:48:55 AM  
st. anger is the worst album i've heard in at least 5 years. yes, it's really that bad. believe the hype.
2003-07-14 01:48:58 AM  
They really screwed the pooch on that Napster business. Does anyone know if they're record sales have been affected by disenchanted fans?
2003-07-14 01:50:32 AM  
That's their record sales, not they're.

/exhausted editor
2003-07-14 01:50:43 AM  
you know damn well metallica will be whining soon enough that sales of st. anger were so low because of p2p file sharing. never mind the fact that the album sucks floppy donkey schlong.
2003-07-14 01:50:55 AM  
How dare Metallica speak out against people stealing their music.

For shame.

2003-07-14 01:50:59 AM  
it's a great feeling downloading metallica. I never listen to the shiat (after the black album, it's been complete shiat)...I just love the feeling of starving Lars (as we all know, music downloads have cut into his food budget)
2003-07-14 01:52:36 AM  
The article misspells "original." Point and laugh.
2003-07-14 01:54:45 AM  
Lars Ulrich is a whining sissy who had no idea what he was doing to Hetfield, who may be our greatest lyricist in 20 years.

Lars is a rare Sandinavian who out-thought himself. Piss off you megalomaniac!
2003-07-14 01:54:53 AM  
*points* *laughs*
2003-07-14 01:55:34 AM  
I'm not understanding why people are so eager to hate on Metallica. Their shows are pretty farking good.
2003-07-14 01:55:50 AM  
St. Anger isn't all that bad. Better than Load, Reload, Unload, Hot Load and Out Of F'ing Bullets, anyway.

And don't bet Lars will biatch about slumping sales of it. Metallica hyped it perfectly and they've already surpassed their expectations, I'm sure.
2003-07-14 01:56:36 AM  
I take it they're blaming the slow sales on their sucky cheap-ass new album on KaZaA? Yea, Lars, sure, that's why were not buying it, you farking dumbass.
2003-07-14 01:56:39 AM  
real musicians would be more concerned with spreading their music than making money after they have the first few million, lars is just greedy. cd prices are ridiculously, artificially high, and famous musicians such as metallica simply hog too much of the market share and money thanks, not to talent, but to marketing.
2003-07-14 01:57:01 AM  
If the article must be original, shouldn't Metallica's music be held to the same standard?
2003-07-14 01:58:43 AM  
TheOmni, that reminds me of a poem i once read.

When I died,

they laughed.

At my boner.
2003-07-14 01:59:07 AM  
St Anger isn't even worth the 60 megs of my 180 gig of hdd space.
2003-07-14 01:59:57 AM  
Man, I must be the only person who likes most if not all of Metallica's stuff old and new.

But I did just download the new song St.Anger so does that make me a hypocrite? Or just cheap??
2003-07-14 02:03:01 AM  
Yeah, that's the challenge, to describe it in 100 words. Anyone can do it with more than 100 words.
2003-07-14 02:06:19 AM  
no, it makes you stupid for wasting 3 megs ;)..
ahhh j/k :).
2003-07-14 02:06:37 AM  
TheOmni, that reminds me of a poem i once read.

When I died,

they laughed.

At my boner.

That is almost haiku
2003-07-14 02:06:46 AM  
Haos - nah, I'm right there with you. The slow groove they got going in some of those RLoad songs is great. I'm glad they continue to change their style of music. Why do I want every album to sound like 'Lightning'? They did that album already. Hooray for change. and boobies.
2003-07-14 02:11:22 AM  
They're good live, true.

But most of this backlash doesn't have to do with music. If it did, just as many, if not more, people would be on the Metallica-hating bandwagon when Load and Reload came out, far worse albums than St. Anger, which although is not a good album, is a step in the right direction.

They hate Metallica now because Lars drew fire for opposing P2P file sharing. It wasn't that he was wrong, it was that he pursued it so aggressively. Many other bands actually had the same stance, such as Phish for one. But no one gives them shiat because they didn't really fight hard for it.

People call him greedy and maybe he is, but they would have made as much money if not more by taking a more popular stance. Metallica are control freaks, though, and they couldn't do it. But the control freak nature also lead to some perfect and near perfect albums, so you have to take the good with the bad.

Musically, they're unlikely to be relevant again, but when a band releases albums like Metallica's first three, they can put out all the shiat they want - there's not much else to prove.

But if you're disenchanted and want a real metal album, why not look to the underground? There is much to be found if you're willing to look beyond gold record selling acts.

Here's a start: get Krisiun's Conquerors of Armaggeddon. It's absolutely merciless AND it has the good production that so many people who hate St. Anger crave.
2003-07-14 02:13:31 AM  
Where theyre going musically is what sucks more than their beef with napster or kazaa. I just dont get how they could go from their first 5 albums, which are metal masterpieces, to load of crap, re-load of crap, and st anus. What set their first 5 albums apart was the amazing lyrics. Lyrics on st anger are weaker than nursery rhymes. Someone tell james to start drinking again.
2003-07-14 02:16:19 AM  
Just go see them live and eat your words.
Metallica owns you all. That is all.
2003-07-14 02:21:56 AM  
I enjoyed some of the stuff on Load and Re-Load... >:o

But all you people who talk about, "oh yea, commercial music sucks, go to the underground," what about the talented up-and-coming bands that emerge, get big record deals, get videos on MTV... can you blame them? They get to be millionaires, they get to share their music with the world now. All these "punks" I know are throwing away their "Thrice" t-shirts* because the band is being played on the radio and MTV. I said, "if you really liked the music you wouldn't care WHAT they did."

*Yea, they're punk alright, walking billboards for bands. Meanwhile, I'm a "stupid mindless prep" and a "walking billboard for Adidas." God, when do these kids see that they are no different from anyone else? I look at them and think "Jeez, you punks are as bad as the wankstas, but you pretend you're individuals!"

/much-needed rant on punks and goths
2003-07-14 02:22:36 AM  
Distance the music from the artist. Forget the artist. Forget their pretentions. They are someone else. Now listen.

The album itself is not terrible, although I feel that the return to a more classical-style as opposed to the jazz-leans in Load and Reload was a bit of a misstep. The songs are in themselves more complex than previous material, which may lead some of the listeners who enjoy the more simplistic metal "beats and riffs" away. I think the drumming on the album is spectacular.

A reminder: Just because you like simplistic music (EG rap, country, et all) does not mean that you are stupid. It just means that you like simplistic music.

Okei Luo-yi Lim Luoyang,
Music major at the University of California at Santa Cruz
2003-07-14 02:24:35 AM  
suck a @#$% to whoever submitted this article.
2003-07-14 02:27:30 AM  
they killed napster
*blames the entire thing on metallica*
oh wait... it was entirely their fault.
napster rocked.
metallica killed napster. and when napster died it sucked. ergo metallica sucks.
2003-07-14 02:28:50 AM  
Hey Okei, you callin' me stupid?
2003-07-14 02:32:06 AM  
Why is it that everyone hates the St. Anger album. In its own right it is a great album. All you farkers want them to do the *same* album - but its already been done - GET OVER IT!. And if you hate it all so much why the fark do you all:
1) listen to the music so you can then come be all snotty about how shait you think it is all the time assuming you are a critic worth listening to;
2) Continue to discuss your hatred for the band / album;
3) Care enough to read this very comment.
2003-07-14 02:32:25 AM  
I've met Lars..... hell Ive been to his house, He's a stuck up asshole..... his wife is pretty cool though, She wasn't stuck up at all.....
2003-07-14 02:32:37 AM  
amir3323 - How did they go from those first great 5 to the albums everyone seems to think suck (although not everyone apparently because Reload sold millions, too.)? Take 4 30-something year-old millionaires, add worldwide recognition, dump in plenty of production and bake for 5 years. For these reasons, the albums lack the intensity during the Alcoholica days. Look at those guys (kids) in jean jackets on the back of 'Kill'. You can practically smell the cigarettes butts and b.o. by just looking at the picture. Drinking will not bring that energy back. What I don't understand is why people either lump the first 3 or the first 5 together. The first 4 albums (80s) seem to be more akin and the next 3 (90s) have that slick, glossy sound. I haven't heard the latest album - is the sound closer to the 80s or 90s albums?
2003-07-14 02:34:38 AM  
What's with all the question marks???
2003-07-14 02:35:22 AM  
(of which I am one)

The time has come for us to prove Lars Ulrich and his lawyers wrong about P2P networks! They say that they're losing record sales due to file-swapping, and because of that, they're going after P2P networks and now the users themselves! And the RIAA is praying for a boycott, because then, their tyrannical crusade against technology and a better business model for selling music will be justified!

Therefore, I have concocted a plan that will stop Lars and company dead in their tracks!

Step 1. Everyone buy the new Metallica album. Be sure to buy it new from the store.
Step 2. Damage CD somehow, whether it be by scratching it, writing messages with ball-point pens on the bottom, etc. Be creative!!
Step 3. Send the CDs to the RIAA headquarters. Be sure to send from a Mail Boxes Etc. and to not include a return address.
Step 4. Profit!!

This way, the RIAA will have the sales numbers to blow their logic to hell, and be stuck with a shiatload of damaged CDs that they can't get rid of or re-sell!

It's farking brilliant!
2003-07-14 02:36:08 AM  
By the way, I am not responsible for anyone that does said plan.
2003-07-14 02:38:48 AM  
They don't suck cause they whine about people stealing thier music, they suck on the grounds that thier music has gone from good metal to alterna-metal to pure crap with St. Anger.
2003-07-14 02:41:53 AM  
i got to say the first like 20 or 30 seconds of st. anger is a great song...but thats not saying much about the rest of it
2003-07-14 02:44:56 AM  
And if any of you farkers actually win this contest, please tell us about it. I want to read the winning entry.
2003-07-14 02:45:49 AM  

You got a couple things wrong
1)St. Anger ISN'T a good album
2)all the old albums aren't the same album, they are completely differant but have a similar sound unlike the newer ones. So we aren't looking for the same album just something that isn't the watered down attempt at being angry or heavy like they we're in thier hayday.
3)I care because its almost 3:00am, i'm waiting for a phone call and i had nothing better to do than visit fark and participate in a flame war about a band that i like for thier old material but not for thier new material. I am not basing this opinion on who they are, but soly(i know i spelt it wrong) on the music they have released. Some people may like the new album and more power to them, but it's not my taste nor is it the taste of most of the metallica fans from back in the day, i don't see why they would change the sound of thier music, unless they no longer care about thier older fans and are just looking to cash in on the newer audiences.
2003-07-14 02:50:41 AM  

Two is enough. Hell, even one works: "Lars"

A word?!? Two letters sum them up


/not you wld, the band
2003-07-14 02:50:50 AM  
"St. Anger isn't all that bad. Better than Load, Reload, Unload, Hot Load and Out Of F'ing Bullets, anyway."

Could be worse. Could be Manload.
2003-07-14 02:51:03 AM  
Sifl, st anger is similiar to load and reload. Only difference is they try to be harder. Where st anger really falls short is the lyrics.

I kinda get that they were young and angry and now theyre older and richer arguement. But that hasnt affected other bands like Iron Maiden. Metallica just set the standard so high with kill em all up to the black album. Anything they do differently from those 5 will be viewed as failure by the fans they got with those albums. That may be unfair but thats how it is. You cant expect to change like that and keep everyone happy.
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