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(MSNBC)   Snooki on her 'novel': "I actually toned it down because I know I have a lot of young fans who are like, 13, so I took a lot of swear words out. I don't want to get them grounded or anything"   (today.msnbc.msn.com) divider line 50
    More: Dumbass, Snooki, expletives, novels  
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1075 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 05 Jan 2011 at 1:53 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2011-01-05 01:58:24 PM
oneyearbibleimages.com
 
2011-01-05 01:59:26 PM
We should just let the Muslims take everything over.
 
2011-01-05 02:02:45 PM
Snooki / The Situation 2012!
 
2011-01-05 02:06:21 PM
Is there any way we can change the img1.fark.net tag orange in her honor?
 
2011-01-05 02:16:04 PM
I'm going to order Rosetta Stone and try to learn some Mandarin before the Chinese take over.
 
2011-01-05 02:17:05 PM
the only reason some people are still alive is because it is illegal to kill them.
 
2011-01-05 02:21:48 PM
come on.....

do we really need 3 farking links within the last 3 days about this idiots book?
 
2011-01-05 02:25:18 PM
Okay, sure she's a mess. But she also seems kind of sweet in a skanky sort of way.
 
2011-01-05 02:25:20 PM
img836.imageshack.us
 
2011-01-05 02:27:57 PM
I was reading Sidney Sheldon novels that contained profanity, graphic sex scenes and in one book a very vivid description of a snuff film getting made when I was nine. Didn't warp me too much, I don't think.

/everything was better in the seventies
 
2011-01-05 02:42:55 PM
i970.photobucket.com
 
2011-01-05 02:43:05 PM
Freakin Rican: come on.....

do we really need 3 farking links within the last 3 days about this idiots book?


This! This execrable life-form is a fame-whore and we're feeding it. Black-list her and she might go away.
 
2011-01-05 02:51:05 PM
Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."
 
2011-01-05 02:54:44 PM
Don't you mean, you don't want them to get smushed?

You mongoloid piece of pop culture trash...
 
2011-01-05 03:05:15 PM
Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."


I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.
 
2011-01-05 03:07:01 PM
I'll say this one last time....Cormac McCarthy's "Blood Meridian", is probably coming to the big screen now that James Franco has got the rights and wants to direct it. If that doesn't make you wet your pants...

You

are

Dead

to

me

/all of you
 
2011-01-05 03:13:21 PM
What we really NEED...I mean NEED with capital letters is a Snooki - Paris Hilton sex tape.

And subsequent world tour promoting said tape.
 
2011-01-05 03:17:12 PM
The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.


I thought I was the only one doing that.
 
2011-01-05 03:31:45 PM
The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.


Huh, for some reason, I did it in BRIAN BLESSED'S voice...
 
2011-01-05 03:34:35 PM
The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.


Aaaaand now I need a new keyboard. Thanks a lot.
 
2011-01-05 03:51:10 PM
Wombatzu: We should just let the Muslims take everything over.

THIS. At what point does America become a place not worth defending?
 
2011-01-05 03:52:53 PM
I'll say this one last time....Cormac McCarthy's "Blood Meridian", is probably coming to the big screen now that James Franco has got the rights and wants to direct it. If that doesn't make you wet your pants...

You

are

Dead

to

me

/all of you


I am currently in the middle of my third reading of Blood Meridian. Glanton just had the $8,000 bounty put on his head. Never tire of his wonderful descriptions of violence. The scene in the cantina where Holden crushes the Mexican's head for instance.

I recently caught True Grit at the theaters and I'm thinking the Coens would probably do a great job with Blood Meridian. Josh Brolin would make a great Glanton, but man am I drawing a blank on someone to play Holden or the kid. Any thoughts?
 
2011-01-05 04:16:16 PM
The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.


Patrick Stewart's voice for me.

The british accent helps give it an air of authority, and credibility.
 
2011-01-05 04:19:39 PM
There's no possibility they'd be grounded for reading a book with swearing in it. The kids in question would be reading a book by Snooki either way, and therefore clearly have terrible parents who don't care whether their kid grows up to be completely useless.

DarkPascual: Huh, for some reason, I did it in BRIAN BLESSED'S voice...

Every sentence in those excerpts sounds better when punctuated with "I'M BRIAN BLESSED".

Every sentence ever written sounds better that way, actually.
 
2011-01-05 04:24:37 PM
ARGH. three threads in two days is too much.

damn it, why does this piece of dogturd get a book deal, and my own novel languishes?

foul, i say! foul!
 
2011-01-05 04:28:18 PM
cabritosaurio: I'll say this one last time....Cormac McCarthy's "Blood Meridian", is probably coming to the big screen now that James Franco has got the rights and wants to direct it. If that doesn't make you wet your pants...


Hope it's better than "The Road". That book was terrible.

Pulitzer Prize?
Really??

2006 must have been a slow year for fiction.
 
2011-01-05 04:38:23 PM
"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

i359.photobucket.com

Clean up, aisle 5...
 
2011-01-05 04:38:57 PM
The Fool:
I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

It is an automatic defense to save anybody. Even those who have never heard of Morgan Freeman do the same. If you really want a wtf moment read them in a Brian Blessed voice. It will blow your mind. I am serious. They are taking me to the asylum because of it.
 
2011-01-05 04:45:20 PM
I thought Dorothy was the only fan of Oompah Loompahs
 
2011-01-05 04:49:26 PM
The Fool: I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

I'm using Betty White's voice.
 
2011-01-05 04:57:07 PM
FirstNationalBastard: The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

Patrick Stewart's voice for me.

The british accent helps give it an air of authority, and credibility.


I was actually thinking Zap Brannagan is the way to go here.
 
2011-01-05 05:04:39 PM
this_is_ace: ARGH. three threads in two days is too much.

damn it, why does this piece of dogturd get a book deal, and my own novel languishes?

foul, i say! foul!


Not to be a brat, which obviously I'm about to be, but you can't really be surprised when a self-published novel languishes, can you? It puts your work at such a disadvantage. You're a gifted writer, and if your entire novel holds up with what I've read through on your site, it belongs on the shelves in Barnes and Noble with one of the big houses backing it. Why not pursue traditional publishing? I'm not trying to be awful I just feel like you've done yourself a bit of a disservice.
 
2011-01-05 05:31:28 PM
The worst part is that this 'literature' will be immortalized, that some archeologist a few thousand years from now will unearth it, and future mankind will think we were all absolutely stone cold stupid.
 
2011-01-05 05:36:07 PM
basscomm: The Fool: I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

I'm using Betty White's voice.


I'm sure we could petition Betty to do a reading. I could die happy after hearing that.
 
2011-01-05 05:36:25 PM
Hi I'm Lauren: this_is_ace: ARGH. three threads in two days is too much.

damn it, why does this piece of dogturd get a book deal, and my own novel languishes?

foul, i say! foul!

Not to be a brat, which obviously I'm about to be, but you can't really be surprised when a self-published novel languishes, can you? It puts your work at such a disadvantage. You're a gifted writer, and if your entire novel holds up with what I've read through on your site, it belongs on the shelves in Barnes and Noble with one of the big houses backing it. Why not pursue traditional publishing? I'm not trying to be awful I just feel like you've done yourself a bit of a disservice.


Lauren, that's not a bratty comment at all. I appreciate a candid view. I probably *have* done myself a bit of a disservice. I expected the book to do what it did: sell a few copies.

Part of the reason I did it is ego -- I wanted a book out there, dammit. Part of it is frustration with the traditional avenues of book publishing. I self-published when I felt that no agent I tried (more than 200) bit at all.

That said, I'm working on a new novel manuscript, which I'll try to sell the traditional way.

And by the way, thank you for reading the stuff on my site. :-)
 
2011-01-05 05:38:50 PM
jchic: FirstNationalBastard: The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

Patrick Stewart's voice for me.

The british accent helps give it an air of authority, and credibility.

I was actually thinking Zap Brannagan is the way to go here.


Well, if you're gonna do that, just go full Shatner.
 
2011-01-05 05:53:09 PM
limeyfellow: The Fool:
I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

It is an automatic defense to save anybody. Even those who have never heard of Morgan Freeman do the same. If you really want a wtf moment read them in a Brian Blessed voice. It will blow your mind. I am serious. They are taking me to the asylum because of it.


When I did that, all that came to mind is him constantly saying "GIA'S ALIVE?!?"

/Ah-AAH...
 
2011-01-05 05:53:54 PM
FirstNationalBastard: jchic: FirstNationalBastard: The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

Patrick Stewart's voice for me.

The british accent helps give it an air of authority, and credibility.

I was actually thinking Zap Brannagan is the way to go here.

Well, if you're gonna do that, just go full Shatner.


Well, now if I read half of it in Shatner's voice and the other half in Henry Rollins' voice, is that too far? Will that break something?
 
2011-01-05 05:56:49 PM
Murphyr: FirstNationalBastard: jchic: FirstNationalBastard: The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

Patrick Stewart's voice for me.

The british accent helps give it an air of authority, and credibility.

I was actually thinking Zap Brannagan is the way to go here.

Well, if you're gonna do that, just go full Shatner.

Well, now if I read half of it in Shatner's voice and the other half in Henry Rollins' voice, is that too far? Will that break something?


Hey, if they were able to team up for a song without the earth breaking, I think you can use their voices in your head with only mild symptoms.
 
2011-01-05 05:58:44 PM
this_is_ace: Lauren, that's not a bratty comment at all. I appreciate a candid view. I probably *have* done myself a bit of a disservice. I expected the book to do what it did: sell a few copies.

Part of the reason I did it is ego -- I wanted a book out there, dammit. Part of it is frustration with the traditional avenues of book publishing. I self-published when I felt that no agent I tried (more than 200) bit at all.

That said, I'm working on a new novel manuscript, which I'll try to sell the traditional way.

And by the way, thank you for reading the stuff on my site. :-)


Ah, I get you then. I'll preface this by saying that my agent is amazing and I couldn't ask for better, but the agenting system overall...not my favorite thing. I read through a few agent stats recently, and one of them said they got around 10,000 queries last year and didn't sign a single client from a query. If you're only going to sign from referrals, why waste everyone's time?

I don't have a better idea for how the process could go, maybe some sort of industry-spanning site where writers upload their work and label genre and market, and agents (or acquisitions editors) go to the site and say "okay, I want a dystopian young adult", give it a couple clicks, and start sifting.

Until then though, best of luck with the next MS and query letter hell and all that. If you want a starting point, Snooki's agent is Scott Miller at Trident Media, haha. I'll keep checking your site. It's great stuff.
 
2011-01-05 06:45:54 PM
Hi I'm Lauren: this_is_ace: Lauren, that's not a bratty comment at all. I appreciate a candid view. I probably *have* done myself a bit of a disservice. I expected the book to do what it did: sell a few copies.

Part of the reason I did it is ego -- I wanted a book out there, dammit. Part of it is frustration with the traditional avenues of book publishing. I self-published when I felt that no agent I tried (more than 200) bit at all.

That said, I'm working on a new novel manuscript, which I'll try to sell the traditional way.

And by the way, thank you for reading the stuff on my site. :-)

Ah, I get you then. I'll preface this by saying that my agent is amazing and I couldn't ask for better, but the agenting system overall...not my favorite thing. I read through a few agent stats recently, and one of them said they got around 10,000 queries last year and didn't sign a single client from a query. If you're only going to sign from referrals, why waste everyone's time?

I don't have a better idea for how the process could go, maybe some sort of industry-spanning site where writers upload their work and label genre and market, and agents (or acquisitions editors) go to the site and say "okay, I want a dystopian young adult", give it a couple clicks, and start sifting.

Until then though, best of luck with the next MS and query letter hell and all that. If you want a starting point, Snooki's agent is Scott Miller at Trident Media, haha. I'll keep checking your site. It's great stuff.


A guy is trying something like that: www.pubmission.com ... I don't know how successful he is, but it's at least an interesting concept.

And I really do appreciate the kind words about my writing. I didn't realize when I replied that you're a writer as well. I'm going to make it a point to look at your website.

Of course, if you'd like to loan me your agent, I wouldn't stop you. Haha
 
2011-01-05 07:33:28 PM
Fearofablankplanet: I'll say this one last time....Cormac McCarthy's "Blood Meridian", is probably coming to the big screen now that James Franco has got the rights and wants to direct it. If that doesn't make you wet your pants...

You

are

Dead

to

me

/all of you


I am currently in the middle of my third reading of Blood Meridian. Glanton just had the $8,000 bounty put on his head. Never tire of his wonderful descriptions of violence. The scene in the cantina where Holden crushes the Mexican's head for instance.

I recently caught True Grit at the theaters and I'm thinking the Coens would probably do a great job with Blood Meridian. Josh Brolin would make a great Glanton, but man am I drawing a blank on someone to play Holden or the kid. Any thoughts?


I was hoping the Coens would get the rights too, to be honest. Josh Brolin was exactly who I was picturing when I thought of Glanton as well. Holden? Now that's another story. The way he's described is almost supernatural. Isn't he like 7 ft tall with tiny hands/feet and hairless? I haven't read the novel in years. I kinda pictured him like a white Michael Duncan Clark though. Dunno

And to the guy asking if Blood Meridian is better than The Road. I enjoyed both very much, but Blood Meridian is way better. It introduces us to one of the most memorable trolls/villains in literature.
 
2011-01-05 10:20:42 PM
I call bullshiat. Like we're supposed to believe she can read and write.

Between the skanking and drinking, where would she even find the time?
 
2011-01-05 11:16:08 PM
it's been a while since this was shown...
 
2011-01-06 01:46:10 AM
I don't think that printing out one's facebook page is equivalent to "writing a book".
 
2011-01-06 02:29:59 AM
Murphyr: FirstNationalBastard: jchic: FirstNationalBastard: The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

Patrick Stewart's voice for me.

The british accent helps give it an air of authority, and credibility.

I was actually thinking Zap Brannagan is the way to go here.

Well, if you're gonna do that, just go full Shatner.

Well, now if I read half of it in Shatner's voice and the other half in Henry Rollins' voice, is that too far? Will that break something?


I've been using Tom Baker's voice to read it in my head. It helps.
 
2011-01-06 02:55:04 AM
Gordon Bennett: Murphyr: FirstNationalBastard: jchic: FirstNationalBastard: The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

Patrick Stewart's voice for me.

The british accent helps give it an air of authority, and credibility.

I was actually thinking Zap Brannagan is the way to go here.

Well, if you're gonna do that, just go full Shatner.

Well, now if I read half of it in Shatner's voice and the other half in Henry Rollins' voice, is that too far? Will that break something?

I've been using Tom Baker's voice to read it in my head. It helps.


Hee hee. Try reading it in James Earl Jones' voice.
 
2011-01-06 09:17:21 AM
If your kid comes home with a Snooki novel, you should probably kill them and yourself. It's the only way to get those genes out and keep them out.
 
2011-01-06 02:42:51 PM
DarkHealer: Gordon Bennett: Murphyr: FirstNationalBastard: jchic: FirstNationalBastard: The Fool: Walker: Excerpts from the book. I see a possible Pulitzer prize winning work of fiction here:

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."

"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

I'm still reading these in Morgan Freeman's voice. It helps the pain.

Patrick Stewart's voice for me.

The british accent helps give it an air of authority, and credibility.

I was actually thinking Zap Brannagan is the way to go here.

Well, if you're gonna do that, just go full Shatner.

Well, now if I read half of it in Shatner's voice and the other half in Henry Rollins' voice, is that too far? Will that break something?

I've been using Tom Baker's voice to read it in my head. It helps.

Hee hee. Try reading it in James Earl Jones' voice.


Yeah, I was originally thinking James Earl Jones.
 
2011-01-06 04:22:19 PM
thurstonxhowell: If your kid comes home with a Snooki novel, you should probably kill them and yourself. It's the only way to get those genes out and keep them out.

I'm pretty sure that all of the mass deaths of birds around the world are out of fear that their trees will be the ones pulped to print Snooki's book.
 
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