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(TC Palm)   Man allegedly slaps girlfriend's buttocks after she didn't "service" him properly. Little did he know what would go down next   (blogs.tcpalm.com) divider line 103
    More: Florida, Fort Pierce, St. Lucie County, mobile home parks, sexual misconduct, girlfriend  
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32564 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jan 2011 at 11:49 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



103 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2011-01-03 10:06:00 AM
Moron. The "slapping of the buttocks" happens while *you* are servicing *her*!
 
2011-01-03 10:24:00 AM
www.examiner.com
 
2011-01-03 11:35:49 AM
I find a riding crop while you're receiving service keeps the servicer on his or her toes.
 
2011-01-03 11:53:31 AM
Wait, who has a television antenna anymore? I thought they were outlawed?
 
2011-01-03 11:53:40 AM
The cops were called for a little paddlin'? What's this world coming to.
 
2011-01-03 11:54:43 AM
UberDave: Moron. The "slapping of the buttocks" happens while *you* are servicing *her*!

Maybe he had the sexual prowess of a SR-71?
 
2011-01-03 11:54:48 AM
First you can't spank your kids, and now you can't spank your girlfriend?

The world is doomed.
 
2011-01-03 11:55:01 AM
That's numberwang!
 
2011-01-03 11:55:03 AM
So, a spanking is battery?

Wow.
 
2011-01-03 11:55:17 AM
The report didn't elaborate on the service that apparently was improperly rendered.


Well that's no fun at all.
 
2011-01-03 11:55:24 AM
FTFA:

He said his sister-in-law told him Alvarez-Hernandez beat her and forced sex on her.

The victim "denied any sexual misconduct." She didn't want Alvarez-Hernandez to go to jail.


Of course not. She wants to wait to file rape charges until after he decides to dump her. Then she'll suddenly remember that he raped her.
 
2011-01-03 11:55:34 AM
GoodOmens: UberDave: Moron. The "slapping of the buttocks" happens while *you* are servicing *her*!

Maybe he had the sexual prowess of a SR-71?


+1!!!!
 
2011-01-03 11:55:59 AM
LittleBlondeJug: So, a spanking is battery?

It is lashing out the action, returning the reaction.
 
2011-01-03 11:56:07 AM
The 29-year-old woman said Alvarez-Hernandez followed her to the bathroom of the residence in a mobile home park on Orange Avenue in Fort Pierce and pushed her on the toilet seat. He allegedly pulled down her pants and slapped her buttocks.

Go on...
 
2011-01-03 11:56:31 AM
GoodOmens: UberDave: Moron. The "slapping of the buttocks" happens while *you* are servicing *her*!

Maybe he had the sexual prowess of a SR-71?


Dribbled all over the tarmac?
 
2011-01-03 11:57:21 AM
wishiwasTFer: Wait, who has a television antenna anymore? I thought they were outlawed?

That's what they told me at Best Buy™. I needed one for over the air HDTV back in the early days. Now I understand what they did in the bathroom. You can tell because they seem to know where the camera is.
 
2011-01-03 11:57:37 AM
t0.gstatic.com
 
2011-01-03 11:57:50 AM
Am I really the first to point out this tidbit from TFA.

Meanwhile, the victim's brother-in-law showed deputies pictures on a digital camera of a woman's buttocks with "a large hand print and red welts," a report states.

The brother-in-law said the photos were of his sister-in-law's buttocks, but a deputy reported there were no photos with a face to confirm the identity.

close family.
 
2011-01-03 11:57:54 AM
In Texas, some corporeal punishment gets you a high five.
 
2011-01-03 11:58:09 AM
wishiwasTFer: Wait, who has a television antenna anymore? I thought they were outlawed?

It's for smoking crack.
 
2011-01-03 11:58:39 AM
he fixes the cable?
 
2011-01-03 11:58:50 AM
How long until we start seeing siblings suing each other for roughhousing? Sheesh, pretty soon we will be in Demolition Man, no physical contact.
 
2011-01-03 11:59:04 AM
Misdeamenor Battery? The Misses and I call it "foreplay".
 
2011-01-03 11:59:05 AM
GoodOmens: UberDave: Moron. The "slapping of the buttocks" happens while *you* are servicing *her*!

Maybe he had the sexual prowess of a SR-71?


LULZ were just had
 
2011-01-03 11:59:11 AM
Sofa King Smart: Am I really the first to point out this tidbit from TFA.

Meanwhile, the victim's brother-in-law showed deputies pictures on a digital camera of a woman's buttocks with "a large hand print and red welts," a report states.

The brother-in-law said the photos were of his sister-in-law's buttocks, but a deputy reported there were no photos with a face to confirm the identity.

close family.


You beat me to it...but yeah. What the fark?
 
2011-01-03 11:59:22 AM
Well, it seems the planets are aligned. Fl, coming home drunk, mobile home? This means something.
 
2011-01-03 12:00:34 PM
That coward David Lopan: Misdeamenor Battery? The Misses and I call it "foreplay".

img577.imageshack.us

Approves.
 
2011-01-03 12:00:37 PM
GoodOmens: UberDave: Moron. The "slapping of the buttocks" happens while *you* are servicing *her*!

Maybe he had the sexual prowess of a SR-71?


Couldn't get into Mexican (or Cuban) airspace to make a landing?
 
2011-01-03 12:00:38 PM
People still use antennas for tvs? o.0
 
2011-01-03 12:01:18 PM
This is what happens when you don't set up a safe word.

/It's hard to use the safe word when the ball-gag is in
 
2011-01-03 12:02:12 PM
GoodOmens: UberDave: Moron. The "slapping of the buttocks" happens while *you* are servicing *her*!

Maybe he had the sexual prowess of a SR-71?



I think that's the first time I had spillage into another thread!
 
2011-01-03 12:02:25 PM
Skarekrough: This is what happens when you don't set up a safe word.

eesh.net
 
2011-01-03 12:03:15 PM
altinos: LittleBlondeJug: So, a spanking is battery?

It is lashing out the action, returning the reaction.


You're reaching a little there, but I lol'd nontheless.
 
2011-01-03 12:04:46 PM
Not being serviced correctly in a bathroom.
What did he want, a blumpkin?
 
2011-01-03 12:05:41 PM
every god for himself: You're reaching a little there, but I lol'd nontheless.

I'm just smashing through the boundaries.
 
2011-01-03 12:06:32 PM
Take away points
A) mobile home park
B) Florida
C) drunk
 
2011-01-03 12:06:41 PM
LittleBlondeJug: So, a spanking is battery?

Wow.


He didn't know the safe word.
 
2011-01-03 12:06:55 PM
Normally she'd have to pay extra for that.
 
2011-01-03 12:07:41 PM
Sofa King Smart: Am I really the first to point out this tidbit from TFA.

Meanwhile, the victim's brother-in-law showed deputies pictures on a digital camera of a woman's buttocks with "a large hand print and red welts," a report states.

The brother-in-law said the photos were of his sister-in-law's buttocks, but a deputy reported there were no photos with a face to confirm the identity.

close family.


Wasn't this a letter to Penthouse forum?

oh

Giggity
 
2011-01-03 12:09:04 PM
LittleBlondeJug: So, a spanking is battery?

It can make *me* "battery"...
 
2011-01-03 12:10:58 PM
When I divorced from my first wife, she had the bright idea of turning over all our personal marital video tapes to the sheriff's department, claiming that the various fetish activities were against her will.

You should have seen the look on her face when I assured her that the cops certainly would review those video tapes, at length.

"They're going to see that you're smiling, honey"


/Thanks for the memories, Linda Jean.

*snerk*
 
2011-01-03 12:11:54 PM
He looks friendly.
 
2011-01-03 12:12:23 PM
farkin_Gary: When I divorced from my first wife, she had the bright idea of turning over all our personal marital video tapes to the sheriff's department, claiming that the various fetish activities were against her will.

You should have seen the look on her face when I assured her that the cops certainly would review those video tapes, at length.

"They're going to see that you're smiling, honey"


/Thanks for the memories, Linda Jean.

*snerk*


I'm sure your divorce was ugly just from what you said, but I can't help but laugh. That's an awesome story.
 
2011-01-03 12:14:19 PM
altinos: LittleBlondeJug: So, a spanking is battery?

It is lashing out the action, returning the reaction.


I admit it, I LOLd.
 
2011-01-03 12:16:09 PM
farkin_Gary: When I divorced from my first wife, she had the bright idea of turning over all our personal marital video tapes to the sheriff's department, claiming that the various fetish activities were against her will.

You should have seen the look on her face when I assured her that the cops certainly would review those video tapes, at length.

"They're going to see that you're smiling, honey"


/Thanks for the memories, Linda Jean.

*snerk*


This is why I think all domestic violence charges should have a short statute of limitations, such as a week to a month, and should be considered invalid if you stay in the relationship. If you stay with someone that is beating you, then clearly you have forgiven them. We have shelters and such for a reason. Divorce is easier if your spouse is in jail. There should be no cases of "He beat me 3 years ago, so arrest him now because I'm mad that he's leaving me!"
 
2011-01-03 12:18:41 PM
altinos: This is why I think all domestic violence charges should have a short statute of limitations, such as a week to a month, and should be considered invalid if you stay in the relationship. If you stay with someone that is beating you, then clearly you have forgiven them. We have shelters and such for a reason. Divorce is easier if your spouse is in jail. There should be no cases of "He beat me 3 years ago, so arrest him now because I'm mad that he's leaving me!"

This isn't how domestic violence works.
 
2011-01-03 12:20:37 PM
Hey guys, what's a television antenna?
 
2011-01-03 12:21:23 PM
altinos: Of course not. She wants to wait to file rape charges until after he decides to dump her. Then she'll suddenly remember that he raped her.

He apparently confessed to sexual assault and battery, as well as at least attempted rape. They can press charges even without her testimony.
 
2011-01-03 12:22:48 PM
The Pimp Hand is strong in this one.
 
2011-01-03 12:23:28 PM
LittleBlondeJug: So, a spanking is battery?

Wow.


Any non-consented to touch, that a reasonable person would find unwelcome, is battery. He's lucky he didn't take off his belt or it would likely have been aggravated battery

If David E. Kelley sitcoms have taught us anything, it's how importnat it is to make sure your girlfirend is into that sort of thing before you start smacking...that , and for the love of god learn how to give a warm up before smacking away full force with a cutting board.
 
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