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(The Smoking Gun)   Ballplayer whacks his sausage in the sixth inning. No word on what he stretched in the 7th   ( divider line
    More: Followup  
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22004 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Jul 2003 at 3:47 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

100 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-07-10 04:39:36 PM  
hey Yellowbeard what movie is that from? I can place the scene, I just can't place the movie.

Oh and sv650 that would be why they used the Followup tag on this article... Plus if you even bother to read the other thread you will see where someone asks how long it will take TSG to get his mugshot up.
2003-07-10 04:42:40 PM  
what do you expect from an ex-Tiger?
2003-07-10 04:43:34 PM  
I'd post the GIS I found for "sausage abuse", but I'm busy puking in my garbage can.
2003-07-10 04:43:54 PM  

A friend of mine e-mailed this to me, sorry if it's long...

Associated Press

MILWAUKEE -- Pittsburgh first baseman Randall Simon and right fielder Reggie Sanders were booked for sexual assault and battery after hitting one of the Milwaukee Brewers' popular racing sausages with a bat and then attempting to rape it during Wednesday night's game.

"Simon and Sanders were released", said a spokeswoman for the Milwaukee County Sheriff's Department, who asked not to be identified. Simon and Sanders will meet with the district attorney's office Thursday, and it will be up to prosecutors to determine whether formal charges are filed.

In an event that's a fan favorite at Miller Park, four people in sausage costumes race around the bases between the sixth and seventh innings at Milwaukee Brewers games.

Film of Wednesday night's race showed that when the group went past the Pirates' third-base dugout, Simon took a two-handed chop at the Italian sausage character -- portrayed by a 20-year-old South Milwaukee woman -- hitting her from behind and causing her to tumble to the ground. Then Reggie came rushing out of the dugout and leaped on the sausage's back. Once on top of the sausage he began to sexually assault it.

"They were doing the sausage race. He hit her with the baseball bat and then some other fella came running out with is privates flying all over the place," said Deputy Inspector Sherry Warichak of the Milwaukee County Sheriff's Department, which provides security at Brewers games. "When he hit her, that other character fell."

"They both were treated at the scene for scraped knees, but at this point I'm not sure if they like those Pirate fellas anymore," he said.

He declined to release the names of the women.

Warichak said the two women, along with Simon and Reggie, were interviewed at the stadium.

Simon drew boos from many of the fans when he was later used as a pinch-hitter in the seventh. Reggie also received boos while playing in right field, however he responded by dropping his trousers and defecating on the warning track.

Pirates outfielder Reggie Sanders had his own comments on the situation.

"Maaaaan fark you dog, it looked worse than it was," Sanders said. "I told the motherfarker to smoke that sausage, so he did. See the game plan was to sneak up on the motherfarker, bust it in his big ass sausage dome, then I get on farking thing and stuff it from behind! shiat, thats how we do, thats just how we do, motherfarkers from Crenshaw will tell your Milwaukee sausage eatin faggets, thats just how we do! You best know yo roll and bend the fark over the next time you decide to race in our path, Mr. Sausage Maaan."

"Dont hate the playas, hate the game baby," he said.

Rick Schlessinger, the Brewers' executive vice president for business operations, said he felt Simon's "conduct is just unjustified."

Schlessinger said he was in contact with Larry Silverman, vice president/baseball legal counsel for the Pirates.

Ryan Borghoff, 16, who wore the bratwurst costume in the race, called the episode "unbelievable."

"He just hit the costume and she fell over," he said. "These things are so top-heavy that it doesn't take much. I just didn't get why the other guy came running out of the dugout with his big black penis in his hands, screaming profanities"

Borghoff went on to win the race.

"Somebody had to, I guess," he said.

2003-07-10 04:45:29 PM  
"Daddy would you like some Sausage?..."
2003-07-10 04:45:32 PM  
From the ESPN scouting report

Simon is a one-of-a-kind hitter. Literally, there is no one quite like him. He swings at everything with a vicious downward hack. His hand-eye coordination is extraordinary. That Simon can swing away and strike out as few times as he does speaks volumes.

Finally, a true scouting report!
2003-07-10 04:47:15 PM  
Lawsuit in 3,2,1
2003-07-10 04:47:16 PM  
He did it AGAIN?
is he a repeat offender?
2003-07-10 05:01:56 PM  
best line of the police report:

"the victim did not consent to getting hit on the head with a baseball bat"
2003-07-10 05:09:49 PM  
I just read on Yahoo! that he won't be charged.
2003-07-10 05:13:29 PM  
What an asshat.
2003-07-10 05:15:37 PM  
if you watch the video the sausage is falling over before he hits her.... doesnt make it alright but does make him look less bad.... watch her legs
2003-07-10 05:16:29 PM  
GIS for sausage queen

[image from too old to be available]

/go figure
2003-07-10 05:24:39 PM  
Anyone else notice that he looks like he has Down's Syndrome?
2003-07-10 05:31:09 PM  
This is so funny. The sausage races are campy enough. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel has a "Special Report" video of this online... they broke into the programming to tell people the sausage got hit!
2003-07-10 05:33:37 PM  
He has a completely glazed-over, devoid-of-all-intelligence stare. Classic.
2003-07-10 05:41:10 PM  
What did you expect from that fat lazy guy??

/John Rocker
2003-07-10 05:43:34 PM  
Soon to appear on TSG for a similar prank:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-07-10 05:46:16 PM  
Was that photo taken in Gary Heidnick's basement?

This is disturbing in so many ways: Betty Page pose, butterface, draped in tubular meat products, and wearing a crown of... what?

2003-07-10 05:53:20 PM you wouldn't have done it.
2003-07-10 06:03:09 PM  
What does Abe Froman have to say about all this?
2003-07-10 06:05:26 PM  
I thought the Dan Patrick people had it just about right on their radio show today. They said we are about as uptight a nation as there is. What this guy did is no big deal but the media the organization is making it out like he's guilty of multiple homicide. I think there are going to be charges pressed.

You know why we are so uptight as a society? Because we have more lawyers running around than any other society, by a long shot. fark da lawyers.v They are the profiteers of uptightedness.
2003-07-10 06:05:28 PM  
This chick is getting paid minimum wage to walk around in a costume.

This idiot is getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to play a kid's game.

And the moron thinks he can club her?

I hope she gets a shark lawyer and cleans him out.
2003-07-10 06:06:37 PM  

great, farking GREAT post after mine.

America sucks if for no other reason that cocksucker lawyers have us all on the run.
2003-07-10 06:10:51 PM  
Haywood_Jabloeme, why must you hate America?
2003-07-10 06:18:11 PM  
"After the game, Simon, 28, was led from the stadium in handcuffs by sheriff's deputies and taken to the Milwaukee County Jail, where the below mug shot was taken." --TSG

AFTER the game. glad the cops had their priorities straight.... (that was sarcasm, y'all.)
2003-07-10 06:18:42 PM  
But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun.
2003-07-10 06:21:13 PM  
I saw the film of that on our news tonight in Limeyland.


Typical trillion dollar lawsuit in 5...4...3...
2003-07-10 06:47:31 PM  
well, um, you shouldn't hit people with baseball bats though, right?
2003-07-10 06:54:20 PM  
According to CNN:

Deputy District Attorney Jon Reddin said the women "were not interested in having him charged criminally" and did not believe Simon meant to hurt them.


Simon said he hoped to apologize to the woman before he leaves Milwaukee. He said he was just playing around when he swatted at her with the bat.

"I thought at the moment they were trying to play with us. They were running right next to the players," he said. "I'm a fun player, and I've never hurt anyone in my life."​a​ult_ap/? cnn=yes (Opens new window, with much love from A-Dogg.)
2003-07-10 07:07:25 PM  
Simon said "I didn't think that my bat would actually hurt anyone cause it's so full of cork"
2003-07-10 07:11:11 PM  
John Rocker loves him.
2003-07-10 07:38:22 PM  
What kind of an idiot would swing a bat at a person, for fun or not. He should be in jail. The moron didn't even try to help the poor girl up. What a dumbass.
2003-07-10 07:53:25 PM  
This is definitely the first time the sausage race has ever been remotely entertaining. While I feel for the woman in the costume, the only injury she suffered was a scraped knee. It isn't like the whack gave her a concussion. Plus, she got back up and won the farking race.
2003-07-10 07:58:37 PM  
I worked as a batboy last year, and was tackled by the Phillie Phanatic. Who can I sue?
2003-07-10 08:20:40 PM  
I never sausage a thing.

Oh, gaaaddddd! That's awful!!! :D :D LOL at Eeek!

But, on topic, what was this guy thinking? That he was in a cartoon or something? I know that the Sausage looks like cartoon, but if you hit her with a frying pan, her face doesn't take the shape of the frying pan, it just breaks the bones. D'oh!!

Also, another thing. Why is the sausage a she???? There something wrong with the sausage being a she.

One last thing: a sausage joke.

Sausage and bacon are in a frying pan. Sausage turns to bacon and sez: "Whew! It's hot in here!" Bacon sez: "Wow! A talking sausage!"
2003-07-10 08:22:44 PM  

You know, I work for a software company in CA, and I got tackled by the Phillie Phanatic last year. I don't like this pattern.
2003-07-10 08:55:36 PM  
Woman on a 5 p.m. Milwaukee news broadcast said her kid was traumatized when he saw this. Methinks this pig needs to take her kids out a little more often.
2003-07-10 10:17:05 PM  
I need video.
2003-07-10 11:30:13 PM  
Video available on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel website. Hysterical.
2003-07-11 12:00:28 AM  
sausage runnings doesnt seem that entertaining...
2003-07-11 12:10:14 AM  
strange, shouldn't this guy be in the NBA instead?
2003-07-11 12:17:28 AM  
2003-07-10 04:03:53 PM puckhead

has anyone mentioned that the Pirates have gawd-awful hideous uniforms?

no? well, you were thinking it.

Those aren't the Pirates' uniforms. They got rid of them like 20 years ago. They were only wearing them because it was throwback day (The Brewers were wearing old threads too).
2003-07-11 12:24:27 AM  
Now if someone could just get Simon to whack Kobe Bryant over the head with a baseball bat then we might be in business
2003-07-11 03:47:36 AM  
there is some a weird trade thing where the sausages come to pittsburgh and the pittsburgh pierogies go to milwaukee but apparently it might all be in jeopardy now. though im not sure why we need food races at baseball games anyway.
2003-07-11 12:05:45 PM  
If you see where he hit her, he was in no way close to her actual head. He swung at the top of the costume which is several feet above a normal person's height...

This is ridiculous that it's been played out this much. I guess there'll be no more pranks in the dugouts now...
2003-07-11 12:20:00 PM  
I always thought "whacking your weenie" was just a figure of speech. . .

Never thought I'd see anyone do it live on TV. . . . .
2003-07-11 01:36:04 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
The guy looks like a total retard. Obviously not playing with a full deck.
2003-07-11 02:36:52 PM  
He didn't beat up the mascot...I was at that game and had a birds-eye view of what happened. He didn't attack the mascot, it was more akin to someone pushing mickey Mouse at Disney World. Sometimes it's too tempting to resist. Oh, and the "injury" she sustained was a pair of skinned knees. She also doesn't think it was a big deal at all.
2003-07-11 03:11:10 PM  

He does look very "downsy" in that pic.
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