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(Wall Street Journal)   Why some people have meltdowns during the holiday season and what HEY. YOU FINISH READING THIS HEADLINE BEFORE GOING TO THE NEXT ONE. I SAID FINISH IT   (online.wsj.com) divider line 40
    More: Obvious  
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2478 clicks; posted to Geek » on 14 Dec 2010 at 9:39 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2010-12-14 05:32:46 PM  
i wish i were a mod. love it. +1
 
2010-12-14 05:49:59 PM  
Q: Why do people have meltdowns in public?
A: Because they're overgrown children with no sense of couth and decorum. Don't take them out in public and consider leaving that relationship if you can.

Is anyone here a crisis counselor (marriage or family)? Because it seems to me like that line about "public temper tantrums don't indicate spousal abuse" is slightly off -- surely if he'll blow his top at the waitstaff he will eventually do it at home too.
 
2010-12-14 05:56:50 PM  
I didn't read the article. yet, so i don't have an insightful comment like Chariset. I will go read it, and then hopefully can contribute something meaningful. Right after I tell subby again how much the headline tickled me and is my choice for HotW.
 
2010-12-14 08:16:23 PM  
at a restaurant in Freehold, N.J., recently-until the waiter disappeared for 20 minutes.

Which one? I need to know which restaurant to avoid. I bet it was THAT MEXICAN ONE on 537, right? I FARKING HATE THE WAITING AT THAT ONE!!! #$@#!

/I would be having words with the manager if I had to wait 20 min for the waiter
 
2010-12-14 09:19:38 PM  
In my family: Everyone is fair game. Outsiders get it worse if they behave badly

/Quote from dad: You ruined Christmas, Ho farking ho!
 
2010-12-14 09:46:48 PM  
Of course, we're talking about the behavior of douchebags in the NYC area with entitlement issues, so this is a non-story.

If I was a waiter for such a dick, I wouldn't hesitate to treat him with utmost disrespect, confident that it wouldn't affect my tip in the slightest.
 
2010-12-14 10:05:42 PM  
OK, OK, you caught me.
 
2010-12-14 10:08:07 PM  
If everyone would just relax and have a drink or two everyone would be fine.
 
2010-12-14 10:13:16 PM  
Seacop: If everyone would just relax and have a drink or two everyone would be fine.


Time is money, there's nO TIME FOR THIS REALX shiat AND ALL>
 
2010-12-14 10:16:49 PM  
FTFA

In the car on the way home, she told her husband, "You know I hate it when you do that. It ruins the dinner."

I feel that I would not be inclined to go to dinner if this is a behavior that occurs frequently enough for pattern recognition to be in full swing.

Also FTFA

"And sometimes yelling at them is the least that they deserve."

Seriously ladies, stop marrying said man children.
 
2010-12-14 10:23:09 PM  
pup.socket: Seacop: If everyone would just relax and have a drink or two everyone would be fine.


Time is money, there's nO TIME FOR THIS REALX shiat AND ALL>


My mellow, you're harshing it.
 
2010-12-14 10:27:06 PM  
I work in retail. I've not yet witnessed an epic meltdown (this year) not even on black friday. I hope I don't, but we are approaching the stage of the game where we are sold out of all the hot items, so we'll see. I personally have never worked as a waiter, but I would LOVE to punch this asshole in the face on behalf of all my buddies who have.

/"bad service" is no excuse to be an abusive cock
//especially not to someone who brings you food
 
2010-12-14 11:00:07 PM  
booze?

/tho you still gotta watch out for angry drunks
 
2010-12-14 11:11:29 PM  
/I would be having words with the manager if I had to wait 20 min for the waiter

probably (hopefully) not from across the room
 
2010-12-14 11:12:17 PM  
Chariset: Q: Why do people have meltdowns in public?
A: Because they're overgrown children with no sense of couth and decorum. Don't take them out in public and consider leaving that relationship if you can.

Is anyone here a crisis counselor (marriage or family)? Because it seems to me like that line about "public temper tantrums don't indicate spousal abuse" is slightly off -- surely if he'll blow his top at the waitstaff he will eventually do it at home too.


Why does it have to be a man?
 
2010-12-14 11:14:20 PM  
I like the part where she's quoted, "You know I hate it when you do that. It ruins the dinner." Sounds like the big baby throws a tantrum pretty frequently.
 
2010-12-14 11:31:19 PM  
Reac: I like the part where she's quoted, "You know I hate it when you do that. It ruins the dinner." Sounds like the big baby throws a tantrum pretty frequently.

I was thinking that. Also that, frankly, this is an insanely mellow response for such behavior.

Let's link this back to all the articles we've been seeing about rich people not getting social cues, and declare: "The Wall Street Journal is the only target audience for which this article is even relevant. Poor people, for the most part, have had these jobs. They can be dicks in other ways, but seldom in this way."
 
2010-12-14 11:35:15 PM  
more guy bashing at 11:00, no seriously what is up with this crap seems that everyone is now supposed to be nice for bad service, getting cut off, and other bs that people do just to be asses. Seriously get the fark over it people. Get in line and leave me the hell alone.
 
2010-12-15 12:00:45 AM  
Stop spending time with people you don't like. Seriously, life is short, why put up with their shiat?
 
2010-12-15 12:20:56 AM  
I had stopped reading but the capps drug my back in
+1 successful headline
 
2010-12-15 01:11:05 AM  
Fark you.
 
2010-12-15 02:14:08 AM  
stinkycatfish: Chariset: Q: Why do people have meltdowns in public?
A: Because they're overgrown children with no sense of couth and decorum. Don't take them out in public and consider leaving that relationship if you can.

Is anyone here a crisis counselor (marriage or family)? Because it seems to me like that line about "public temper tantrums don't indicate spousal abuse" is slightly off -- surely if he'll blow his top at the waitstaff he will eventually do it at home too.

Why does it have to be a man?


Noticed that myself. As if a woman never had a meltdown.
 
2010-12-15 02:25:36 AM  
stinkycatfish: Why does it have to be a man?

Every time I recall seeing these stupid break downs in public, it has been a woman.
 
2010-12-15 02:31:29 AM  
meatofmystery: stinkycatfish: Why does it have to be a man?

Every time I recall seeing these stupid break downs in public, it has been a woman.


Anecdotally, while working customer service if someone ever got red in the face, screaming, spitting, "I'll strangle you with that phone cord, you dumb slut", putting holes through things, it was always a man. Women will yell, but then they'll get passive aggressive and snotty. They're the types who will comment on your hairstyle, promise they'll call the manager because they know him, then complain furiously in their blogs for similarly well-married women.
 
2010-12-15 03:08:19 AM  
meatofmystery: stinkycatfish: Why does it have to be a man?

Every time I recall seeing these stupid break downs in public, it has been a woman.


Usually I see middle-aged white women who appear fairly well-off doing this. They think that they're owed something, I guess. I worked for a woman just like that for years. Stay-at-home mom whose family couldn't stand her, bred ponies like she ran a puppy mill...god forbid you're late with her cheesy bread.

I've seen men do it too. Usually the fat, middle-aged ones. I guess there's a theme.
 
2010-12-15 03:12:51 AM  
jessicat: Usually I see middle-aged white women who appear fairly well-off doing this.

yeaaaaaah that's the type I notice, too.
 
2010-12-15 03:14:42 AM  
I gadian: meatofmystery: stinkycatfish: Why does it have to be a man?

Every time I recall seeing these stupid break downs in public, it has been a woman.

Anecdotally, while working customer service if someone ever got red in the face, screaming, spitting, "I'll strangle you with that phone cord, you dumb slut", putting holes through things, it was always a man. Women will yell, but then they'll get passive aggressive and snotty. They're the types who will comment on your hairstyle, promise they'll call the manager because they know him, then complain furiously in their blogs for similarly well-married women.


I wonder if this is some sort of cross gender thing. I had the opposite experience in my restaurant and sat prep days. Except for one tarded gentleman, the really crazy people were women
 
2010-12-15 07:53:45 AM  
Subby, I like the cut of your jib.

+1
 
2010-12-15 08:43:12 AM  
So what can you do when someone is melting down? Limit what you say to validating the person's feelings.

No.

If I'm on the receiving end of a Best Buy employee's meltdown because he is having a bad day and doesn't like the fact that I won't show him my receipt, he can kiss it. I'm not about to stand there and tell him how I understand why he's upset, because frankly, I don't. There's very little in life worth having a meltdown over, and bad customers / bad employees / bad drivers / bad neighbors / etc don't fall into that category.

I have found that taking out my Droid and recording video of the meltdown usually calms people down awfully fast. When they invariably ask what I'm doing, I'll say "recording you. You're acting like a spoiled two-year-old. I'm going to put you on YouTube." One of two things happen:

1) I get a lecture on how "you can't record me in public without my permission". I just keep recording and let them go on and on. The end result is usually hilarious. While I agree that recording someone against their wishes is rude, so is his or her conduct, so I figure we're even.

2) They look at the Droid, start to say something, think better of it, and leave.

In the former case, the person makes even more of a fool out of him or herself. In both cases, it ends the situation. However, I don't recommend either case unless you have a large build and can look like more trouble than you're worth.
 
2010-12-15 08:58:31 AM  
uh... because they're pricks the rest of the year too?
 
2010-12-15 09:23:25 AM  
My wife and I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things yesterday. As is normal for us, she went ahead while I grabbed a cart.

After waiting for about 90 seconds for the people in front of me who decided the spot in front of the cart rack was the appropriate place to stop and have a conversation, I walked past them and just grabbed a basket instead.

A few minutes later, my wife notices that I have a basket instead of a cart and asks about it.

My response: "I decided that I wasn't going to wait for tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumbass to finish their conversation in the entry way"

Tweedle-dumbass gave me the best "who, me?" look.
 
2010-12-15 09:51:37 AM  
Yeah, like i'm going to tell my mother she needs professional help.
 
2010-12-15 10:41:51 AM  
Failing_Junk: Stop spending time with people you don't like. Seriously, life is short, why put up with their shiat?
 
2010-12-15 12:20:41 PM  
Public meltdowns, no. That's pretty crappy to go all full retard on a server over something that has nothing to do with why you're an exploding ass.

Personally, I'm stressed and on edge myself this holiday. Laid off from work, lack of available jobs to recoup, and thanks to the holiday "vacation", it's very difficult to get followups until after the 1st of January.
 
2010-12-15 12:23:02 PM  
wage0048: My wife and I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things yesterday. As is normal for us, she went ahead while I grabbed a cart.

After waiting for about 90 seconds for the people in front of me who decided the spot in front of the cart rack was the appropriate place to stop and have a conversation, I walked past them and just grabbed a basket instead.

A few minutes later, my wife notices that I have a basket instead of a cart and asks about it.

My response: "I decided that I wasn't going to wait for tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumbass to finish their conversation in the entry way"

Tweedle-dumbass gave me the best "who, me?" look.


Did you say "excuse me", thus alerting them that they were in the way, or did you just go straight to passive-aggressive mode?
 
2010-12-15 12:51:39 PM  
Seacop: If everyone would just relax and have a drink or two everyone would be fine.

THIS.
 
2010-12-15 01:22:11 PM  
DownTheRabbitHole: Seacop: If everyone would just relax and have a drink or two everyone would be fine.

THIS.

bolstablog.files.wordpress.com

SHUT UP AND SMOKE THAT BLUNT!
 
2010-12-15 04:49:21 PM  
I have Aspergers'. I understand that meltdowns are unacceptable in society, but I'm also only too aware that at times they are unavoidable. It's usually when raw emotions boil over, and my ability to cope with the things that are going on around me cannot be rationally dealt with in the period of time I have been given to deal with them.

That being said, I cannot for the life of me understand why someone would automatically see a meltdown as an automatic indicator of spousal abuse. I have never raised my hand to ANYONE in anger. Ever. I'm not that stupid, and I'm not that kind of man.

There are, however, times when having an emotional meltdown is simply unavoidable. I always make attempts to excuse myself and go to a restroom or outside or something, but for some reason, it is nearly impossible to do so. You can't up and leave with no explanation. People get pissed off at you. You have to say "excuse me for a minute" with absolutely ZERO edge in your voice, or people think you're being a drama queen, and doing it on purpose to create guilt/negative energy/whatever the fark it's called. Of course if you say "excuse me" in a tone that is TOO flat, people will then pick up on the fact that you are deliberately stilting your voice for show, and that opens up a whole new can of worms...

I would be all too happy not to have meltdowns, ever. And if I were left to cool-down in a private place for a few minutes until I get my head straight, it would never happen. But sometimes you're just surrounded by society, and well-meaning family and friends can sometimes never get the hint that you are about to go Mt. St Helens and follow you despite the fact that you are attempting to give them every hint you can think of that you really really need to be on your own for the next two minutes.

Also, there is the fact that I come from a large family, who are all very very up-front and unabashed about their emotions. For some reason or another, I have gleaned that most members of my family believe that calm reaction in the face of crisis is a sign of indifference and disregard. As in: Obviously you don't care that I'm in crisis, because you're not hopping angry like I am.

It has taken me a long, long time just to sort this much out.

Anyways, hope some of it was interesting.
 
2010-12-15 10:23:24 PM  
Not enough eggnog.
 
2010-12-16 01:05:06 AM  
Apologies for seeming misandrist. Obviously women can throw temper tantrums too. I only used "man" and "he" because the article was about a husband freaking out in public. I think that's got to be a red flag whichever gender you are, and a sign that you should reconsider whether you want to stay married to that person.
 
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