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(Fark)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: January through March   (fark.com) divider line 121
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6127 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Dec 2010 at 4:23 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-12-13 04:08:16 PM
Hello and welcome to Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2010. We've collected the best headlines from each month and let the Totalfarkers vote on their favorites. These are the 10 best headlines from January, February, and March of this year as voted.

Now it's up to you: vote on your favorites, and the top five from this contest will make it to the final round. There will also be a contest for each of the biggest subtabs next week: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business, plus a voting thread dedicated entirely to wordplay and a new contest this year for context headlines (where the headline isn't funny on its own but is awesome in relation to the linked article).

There are also some that you might not see here because either: 1) they've been moved to a separate contest; 2) they didn't make it out of the voting threads in Totalfark; or 3) the headlines need to be able to stand on their own for this particular one. There were some incredibly funny Fark links this year that were awesome because the headline on its own wasn't funny, until you clicked the link, then it was AWESOME. But in this contest, the people that never saw the original linked article wouldn't get it.

Feel free to link to any awesome headline from this period you like to share the love, but don't enable voting; the finalists for this period are set.

So enjoy these and vote for the ones you like.
 
2010-12-13 04:09:16 PM
Man robs shoe store with a large rock. This would never happen if more people were allowed to carry concealed paper

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4903242
 
2010-12-13 04:09:44 PM
Dropped cellphone causes teen to get run over by van. No word on remaining rollover minutes

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4901774
 
2010-12-13 04:10:00 PM
Feminist Mary Daly died abroad today at age 81

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4904103
 
2010-12-13 04:10:18 PM
A female cane toad can "pump herself up to mega-size" if she wants to dissuade a male from mating with her. In the human species, we call this phenomenon "marriage"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4909010
 
2010-12-13 04:10:30 PM
"Driving Instructor Critical After Student Crashes." What did the student expect, compliments?

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4911686
 
2010-12-13 04:10:44 PM
Doctors investigating the case of the girl who spontaneously bleeds for no reason at all, say it's one of the strangest things they've ever seen. Period

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4925295
 
2010-12-13 04:10:55 PM
Orange man charged in New Jersey shooting. That certainly narrows it down to the entire state

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4931405
 
2010-12-13 04:11:09 PM
Finally, Britain apologizes for thalidomide scandal. High five if you've got 'em

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4936905
 
2010-12-13 04:11:27 PM
A year with Japanese snow monkeys. You've never seen so many amazing pictures of macaque

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4963252
 
2010-12-13 04:11:48 PM
Abstinence-only education works. Suck it, non-believers. Or anal, if that's your thing

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4992418
 
2010-12-13 04:12:01 PM
Shark attack victim was a veteran windsurfer, good husband to his wife, loving father to his children, pal to his friends, and chum to shark

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5000131
 
2010-12-13 04:12:30 PM
Coup succeeds in detaining Niger president, exciting teabaggers who misread the headline


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5038211
 
2010-12-13 04:12:45 PM
Original Haitian death toll of 270,000 has now been revised to 170,000, meaning that 100,000 people are no...longer...dead...OH CRAP

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5017470
 
2010-12-13 04:13:01 PM
The new O'Hare runway is planned to go right over a cemetery, potentially displacing dozens of voters


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5041055
 
2010-12-13 04:13:14 PM
"Sheen Remains Weeks After Port Arthur Oil Spill." I bet he'd go away if they offered him some hookers and coke

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5009253
 
2010-12-13 04:13:28 PM
Genetics replaces Long Island Ice Tea as the primary reason for why your girlfriend is a slut


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5039541
 
2010-12-13 04:13:41 PM
LHC to be switched on again last week


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5039547
 
2010-12-13 04:14:00 PM
Iowa man arrested for possession of methamphetamine and steroids. Neighbors became suspicious when they noticed him lifting his car off the ground to vacuum his driveway at 3 AM

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5002807
 
2010-12-13 04:14:16 PM
Car crashes at auction, seriously injuring 4, I have 4, do I hear 5, I have 5, make that 6 seriously injured


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5032726
 
2010-12-13 04:14:35 PM
Thieves steal beloved hamster from school for children with autism. Students describe hamster as 18.375 cm long, weighs 197.901 grams, eats 10.34 grams of sunflower seeds per day, and has 15,728 hairs on its body

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5100400
 
2010-12-13 04:15:22 PM
Acupuncture may make dentist appointments less stressful, enable patients to transcend dental medication

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5162743
 
2010-12-13 04:16:00 PM
Former Labour Party leader Michael Foot dies. He was a living leg end

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5072952
 
2010-12-13 04:20:33 PM
Fat butts may be healthy, says study you other brothers can't deny

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4930155
 
2010-12-13 04:20:50 PM
Psychotherapist charged with acting like there are a couple well-placed spaces in his title

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5083249
 
2010-12-13 04:21:10 PM
Teen shoots himself in the testicles. Bet he doesn't have the balls to do that again

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5098036
 
2010-12-13 04:21:26 PM
US and Canada moving to transgenic pork. But you'll know it's fake, since you can tell by the pig cells

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5078893
 
2010-12-13 04:21:58 PM
Psycho killer...signs himself...out of the ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hospital, then he...runs runs runs runs, runs runs runs away

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5094753
 
2010-12-13 04:22:10 PM
Tractor trailer containing 30,000 pounds of yogurt rolls over on I-91 in Northampton. Culture comes to Western Massachusetts

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5083896
 
2010-12-13 04:22:25 PM
Math Teacher sentenced to [-C+π²+πlog(9/4),(-2+2e+8e²)/e] months ∈ (the prison population) for corruption of individual x where age(x) is less than 17

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5103838
 
2010-12-13 04:22:45 PM
Two religious figures missing from their graves. Is it Easter already?

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5130501
 
2010-12-13 04:29:39 PM
(obligatory "unfreakable only likes pun headlines" butthurt whining from someone that inevitably points that out)


in other news, water is wet and ice is cold
 
2010-12-13 04:30:14 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Fat butts may be healthy, says study you other brothers can't deny

Voting...
 
2010-12-13 04:32:24 PM
the Aristocrats!
 
2010-12-13 04:33:20 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Iowa man arrested for possession of methamphetamine and steroids. Neighbors became suspicious when they noticed him lifting his car off the ground to vacuum his driveway at 3 AM

Lulz.
 
2010-12-13 04:36:57 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Coup succeeds in detaining Niger president, exciting teabaggers who misread the headline


http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5038211


Classic....voties
 
2010-12-13 04:41:05 PM
Voted!

You can't beat "LHC to be switched on again last week"

Hilarious.
 
2010-12-13 04:42:08 PM
rickythepenguin: (obligatory "unfreakable only likes pun headlines" butthurt whining from someone that inevitably points that out)


in other news, water is wet and ice is cold


I do, but I've already pulled the most puntastic headlines because if I didn't, they'd run away with it nearly every year. And it's sorta difficult to separate them out because about 80% of the funny headlines have some element of wordplay involved.

A couple headlines that I really liked that didn't quite make the cut:

January:

- Article explains how to tell the sex of a building. Of course, if you just go in the back door they're all pretty much the same

- Hundreds of Haiti Earthquake victims arrive in New Jersey. Immediately inquire as to the availability of return flights

- Disabled woman successfully tackles and subdues raider, completely failing to amaze anyone living in Oakland

February:

- Two die when car crashes into casino. Driver put behind: Bar...Bar...Bar

- Woman injured after getting hit by a cinder truck. Why couldn't it have been something softer like a pillow truck or a marshmallow truck?

March

- Comcast founder celebrates 90th birthday. Party to begin Thursday between 9 am and 5 pm; cake is free for first three months

- Apple iPad orders drop sharply over the weekend, should pick up about 28 days from now
 
2010-12-13 04:45:19 PM
*obligatory "Many huge thanks to Unfreakable for doing this monsterous job every year in exchange for no money and a metric ton of abuse"*

You are the very model of a modern admin/moderator.
 
2010-12-13 04:47:06 PM
Read these every year and I always forget to vote.
 
2010-12-13 04:47:45 PM
I like big butts
 
2010-12-13 04:48:55 PM
Thanks Balchinian
 
2010-12-13 04:50:14 PM
Where is my "I VOTED" pretentious sticker?
 
2010-12-13 04:50:44 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Psychotherapist charged with acting like there are a couple well-placed spaces in his title

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5083249


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2010-12-13 04:52:47 PM
Big Butt win!
 
2010-12-13 04:56:21 PM
pleaseeeeeeeeee!
 
2010-12-13 04:56:43 PM
Unfreakable: I do, but I've already pulled the most puntastic headlines because if I didn't, they'd run away with it nearly every year. And it's sorta difficult to separate them out because about 80% of the funny headlines have some element of wordplay involved.


oh i know, i'm just taking a poke at the guy who inevitably takes a poke at you for all the pun headlines.
 
2010-12-13 04:58:39 PM
rickythepenguin: oh i know, i'm just taking a poke at the guy who inevitably takes a poke at you for all the pun headlines.

Yeah, I figured you weren't doing it, I was explaining for That Guy. At least this year we'll have the Context contest, that's been the biggest hitch in previous years. Some good ones in there; I'm hoping a lot of the linked articles are still up.
 
2010-12-13 05:00:28 PM
*obligatory "Many huge thanks to Unfreakable for doing this monsterous job every year in exchange for no money and a metric ton of abuse"*

You are the very model of a modern admin/moderator.


SO MUCH THIS.
 
2010-12-13 05:01:58 PM
Those poor voters.
 
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