Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Mainichi Daily News)   Train groper's balls get stuck in closing train door while fleeing angry victims   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
•       •       •

8905 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jul 2003 at 6:23 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

56 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2003-07-05 03:15:55 AM  
This, I believe, is the epitome of poetic justice.
2003-07-05 03:21:17 AM  
Good holy God this is farking hilarious.
2003-07-05 03:25:06 AM  
lol, good for him they weren't severed. *cringes*
2003-07-05 03:35:26 AM  
I'm sorry but I really dont see how it's possible to get one's family jewels stuck in a door?
2003-07-05 03:57:31 AM  
"using his camera-equipped mobile phone to take shots up their skirts."

Hell, in my day we just glued mirrors to our shoes. Damn new-fangled kids.
2003-07-05 04:20:34 AM  
that might be the funniest thing i've read all day, Warchild

"I was overcome by this enormously overwhelming stimulation while I was molesting the women"

you and me both, buddy
2003-07-05 04:21:02 AM  
Mazzic, I'm trying to picture exactly how that happened too. He is a pervert though, maybe he habitually walks with his crotch leading the way. "Oh, I bumped into you? I'm so sorry.."
2003-07-05 04:50:08 AM  
I just want to know how you grope a train.
2003-07-05 06:13:00 AM  
Depends on the size of your hands.
2003-07-05 06:37:06 AM  
Dirty frottager.
2003-07-05 06:39:55 AM  
Has anyone else ever caught that "Mainichi Daily News" fully translated into English would be "Everyday Daily News"?

This has bothered me for a long time.

Almost as much as it'd bother me to see someone get their balls stuck in a subway door for being an idiot of the 100th degree...
2003-07-05 06:46:30 AM  
Investigators are amazed that the man has showed no remorse.

"All he has talked about was how good he felt," an officer tells Gatsun!

Since being released on bail, the pervert has apparently developed an inordinate interest in subway carriage doors. He spends most of his time squatting down on a platform somewhere, watching train doors open and close, a look of deep longing never leaving his face."

Wow. I hope the average Japanese pervert isn't this psycho.

I have never had balls, but I imagine that if I did have them and they got slammed in subway doors, I would not be exulting about how good it felt. Actually, I'd probably be screaming for hours after.

2003-07-05 07:04:45 AM  
Tokyo metros are full of pervs, gropers, cameramen, farting middle aged ladies and sickos who just stare at 9-11 year old kids with a flaming hard-on in their ubiquitous tube-cut suits' pants. The yellow line is worst as its carriages are narrower.

And the rest are not much better off either, I've never seen anywhere so many totally burnt out people struggling on the thin verge of sanity than in Tokyo metros. (metroes?)
2003-07-05 07:05:03 AM  

All known freaks like this should be marked some how, Charles Manson tatoos or something on their forhead so that people can avoid them.
2003-07-05 07:17:41 AM  
Where was his shlong while all this was happening?
2003-07-05 07:18:14 AM  
2003-07-05 07:23:55 AM  
2003-07-05 07:38:06 AM  
*Ding, Ding*
"Passengers, for your safety, please note that the train doors do not open automatically if they close on an object. Please keep all briefcases, backpacks, hands, feet and gonads out of the train doorways when the doors are closing. Thank you and have a safe trip"
2003-07-05 07:58:21 AM  
I'm trying to figure out how a man can run away and still get his jewls caught in a door. The physics are mindboggling.
2003-07-05 08:01:27 AM  
This just illustrates how full of crap this site in the fark does someone get their balls caught in closing train doors?? Especially when you are trying to run out in a hurry? Are they trailing behind on the ground? What a load of BS....waste of text.
2003-07-05 08:01:31 AM  
me too it just dosnt make sense unless.... something something
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2003-07-05 08:09:46 AM  
How many women did it take to hold him still while the door closed?
2003-07-05 08:32:44 AM  
Maybe he was running back wards whilst wankin' it? I dunno...balls in doors? Ouch is all I gots to say.
2003-07-05 08:33:32 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

This reads just like a Weekly World News writeup, the last paragraph in particular gives it away. I'd think it very unlikely *anyone* can get their nuts caught in the door unless you're a 70-year old scotsman in kilt and your danglies reach your knees.

2003-07-05 08:42:36 AM  
chinese bells

(Big Rimshot sfx up and under)
2003-07-05 08:43:19 AM  
I agree.. SOunds like a made up story in a bad tabloid.. esp. ending
2003-07-05 09:01:26 AM  
Anyone else read that headline as "trained gopher"?
2003-07-05 09:11:06 AM  
Since being released on bail, the pervert has apparently developed an inordinate interest in subway carriage doors. He spends most of his time squatting down on a platform somewhere, watching train doors open and close, a look of deep longing never leaving his face

There has got to be a fetish website dedicated to this somewhere. Anyone else googling?
2003-07-05 09:15:03 AM  
Its a trap in 5...4....3...2..
2003-07-05 09:26:24 AM  
DaCricket, re: forehead tattoos - how about "POOR IMPULSE CONTROL"?
2003-07-05 09:27:32 AM  
It takes a lot of balls...

Seriously, how is this even possible? Did he just step out of a hot shower or keep a heating pad in his boxers?
2003-07-05 09:36:05 AM  
No Such Agency

Heh, I was young and had a drinking problem. You should see my glass knife collection though!

/just read it
2003-07-05 09:36:40 AM  
It'd be hard to even do that on purpose.

We need to call in Quincy on this one.
2003-07-05 10:17:40 AM  
No Unitarder this looks like a job for Perry Mason.
2003-07-05 10:29:53 AM  
how the hell did he contort himself while he was running away to get his goodies caught in a door??
2003-07-05 10:41:42 AM  
Maybe you're all thinking in the wrong dimension - ie: balls forward, facing exit. What about a crunch down the middle with sad victim looking straight at the door's closing edge?

Reminds me of the time some a*hole on the London Underground prised open a pair of closing doors and managed to struggle clumsily into a packed carriage. Because the doors sensed the jam, they re-opened to try again, whereupon said person stuck their head out to see why the train wasn't moving and promptly got thumped in the head by the re-closing doors and had to struggle free again....once bitten, twice..dickhead.

2003-07-05 11:33:49 AM  
(if this doesn't work, copy & paste...)
2003-07-05 11:34:41 AM  
ack!​irtchika n_p2057.gif&x=320&y=420
2003-07-05 12:01:35 PM  
Makes me wonder if he prefers Blackfoot's Train Train to Nazareth's Gone Dead Train? Either would make good theme music for him.
2003-07-05 12:29:52 PM  
Women need to start suing the asses off of these guys. This sort of shiat would never fly in the western world...
2003-07-05 12:54:53 PM  
The best news article EVER!!
2003-07-05 01:19:50 PM  

WaiWai articles are usually outrageous, but this one is too unlikely and extreme for me to believe. Some of their things are semi-plausible, but this isn't.
2003-07-05 01:23:49 PM  
guess he must've really had his panties in a bunch.
2003-07-05 01:31:26 PM  
Oh the humanity! Seriously, what are the chances? Anyone?
2003-07-05 02:46:47 PM  
Japan doesn't have the insane legal atmosphere that America has. Lawsuits are far less common, they are only filed in cases of *real* damage.

I suppose I should expect that from Western liberals, though. "Country X needs to be more like us! Come on, everybody sue! You can get rich quick!"
2003-07-05 02:58:12 PM  
I agree.. SOunds like a made up story in a bad tabloid.. esp. ending

It is.
2003-07-05 03:38:33 PM  
"He spends most of his time squatting down on a platform somewhere, watching train doors open and close, a look of deep longing never leaving his face."

2003-07-05 04:18:21 PM  
2003-07-05 05:02:30 PM  
I don't know what's worse-

A man that gets his whatchacalls caught in a door.

Or the fact that a newspaper (and I use that term loosely) thought that this would make for good reading.

Well we read it, I guess thats bad enough.
2003-07-05 07:12:08 PM  
Remember folks, MDN doesn't write the Waiwai articles, they just compile and translate them. the original articles are written by japanese tabloids and such.
Displayed 50 of 56 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.