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(News24)   Man sues after penis-enlargement operation shrunk it and made it triangular   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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12617 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jul 2003 at 11:34 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

118 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-07-04 07:22:33 PM  
FYI to the admins, News24 links seem to sporadically require regristration. Sometimes it makes you register, sometimes it will let you through.
2003-07-04 07:28:06 PM  
Well, it's wanting me to register, as it did on another farkticle I wanted to read a little while ago. That wears me out.
2003-07-04 07:30:50 PM  
Here's the text:

London - A German who borrowed 5 000 from his mother for a penis extension is demanding a refund after it ended up shorter and deformed.

Walter Schmidt, 26, said: "Its shaped like a triangle now after one of the implants slipped down the bottom.

"It's thick at the bottom and pointed at the top - and every time I put a condom on it falls off."

The Munich man's ordeal started when he decided to have three eight centimetre implants inserted into his penis.

He was sent home with a drip to collect fluid, but was in such pain after three days that he went back to the hospital, where doctors discovered the wound had been infected.

He was in hospital for two more weeks and off work for six, and said that since then he's been in constant pain and has to walk with a limp.

Mr Schmidt, who says his penis is now two centimetres shorter, is demanding a refund.

He said: "I still owe my mum 4 000 of the 5 000 I borrowed and I want a refund so I can pay her back."
2003-07-04 07:44:42 PM  
That's what you get for responding to spam ads.
2003-07-04 08:04:31 PM  
I'm not registering, but thanks rupturedtoad for the text. Never a better use of the
img.fark.netView Full Size
2003-07-04 08:12:03 PM  
If you click the link from the main page, you'll be asked to register. If you click the link from the comments page, you won't.
2003-07-04 08:54:43 PM  
Is anybody else laughing as hard as I am?
2003-07-04 09:14:49 PM  
GIS for peni... No. Never mind.
2003-07-04 09:26:52 PM  
Wow, MimeticNoise! While all TotalFarker help given in this situafrustration was greatly appreciated, what you came up with was not unlike a magic wand. Thanks! I wish the dude with the three-cornered dick had access to your magic!

I can't help but wonder about the conversations between pyramid boy and his mama.
2003-07-04 09:32:32 PM  
oh, so THIS is what they mean by "The Triangle Foundation!"
2003-07-04 10:01:10 PM  
How could you ask your mother to borrow money for penis surgery?
2003-07-04 10:31:10 PM  
Was wondering the same thing, Toast, that's a moment I would like to have eavesdropped on.

It's thick at the bottom and pointed at the top


Well, if it's going to end up triangular, he should at least be glad it's not the other way around.
2003-07-04 10:44:45 PM  
It's not the length, it's the girth (of the three sided polygon).
2003-07-04 11:27:33 PM  
"Hey, baby. The area of my penis is equal to half its width at the base times its length."

I'm jotting this one down in the Pickup Line Bible.
2003-07-04 11:40:18 PM  
man, thats rough, especially the infected penis part. thats what happend when you're so idiotically vain and self-concious that you want a penis enlargement operation
2003-07-04 11:43:27 PM  
He asked his MOM for money if he could get his little tiny weenie stretched out? Jesus, I can imagine that conversation... did he offer to let her be the first to try it out to make sure it's as good as pop's?
2003-07-04 11:43:32 PM  
At risk of stating the obvious, a man's wang should not have angles. If I were this guy, I'd sue the doc. Then drop trou and make him apologize to my johnson.
2003-07-04 11:44:14 PM  
he got a loan from his mother !??... i didn't read the artical... just based off the post by rupturedtoad
2003-07-04 11:46:43 PM  
I can't describe what my penis looks like unless you can calculate it using the equivalent of pi.

But I promise it will satisfy you.

His sex life will be horrible. It's not possible to fit a triangular peg into a round hole, is it ?

2003-07-04 11:47:01 PM  
Wait a minute. A GERMAN said, "I still owe my mum 4 000 of the 5 000 I borrowed and I want a refund so I can pay her back."
Since when do Germans have "mums"?

He wanted to make his size greater,
So he borrowed some cash from his mater,
But they shrunk his poor joint,
Made it come to a point,
And infected his japhoffenator.
2003-07-04 11:47:19 PM  
will someone help me understand this obsession with having a big penis? really all thats important to women is how you put it to use =)
2003-07-04 11:49:12 PM  
Hopefully this eliminates any chance this moron has of breeding.
2003-07-04 11:50:56 PM  
Triangular peg into round hole ... um as likely as this ...

[image from too old to be available]

2003-07-04 11:52:21 PM  
I fell for those scams too.

I have my penis cut in half, and my debt is enlarged.
2003-07-04 11:54:22 PM  
There are just so many things wrong with this story.
The mother part seems weird, but then, mine is a retired nurse. There isn't much I can't discuss with her physiologically, but we still haven't broached THAT subject.

I guess you need to steer clear of Germany if you are in need of an addadictomy.
2003-07-04 11:54:44 PM  
will someone help me understand this obsession with having a big penis? really all thats important to women is how you put it to use =)


HYTES COMMANDMENT #3. Size doesn't matter; it's how big it is that counts.
2003-07-04 11:55:41 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-07-04 11:57:00 PM  
OK...the part that gets me is:

The Munich man's ordeal started when he decided to have three eight centimetre implants inserted into his penis.

So...we're talking a two footer here? Wow...that's a bit self concious. And I would never ask my mom...hey can I have 5000 bucks so I can have a two foot long wang?
2003-07-04 11:58:49 PM  
Dr. Nick: So, what are we doing? A lengthening or a widening?

Sea Captain: Yarrh. Make it both.
2003-07-04 11:59:39 PM  
I don't think they were laid end to end. Probably surrounding the urethra and extending beyond the former length.

2003-07-05 12:02:10 AM ignorance of Penis-enlargement is showing. Thanks gentlegiant621
2003-07-05 12:02:49 AM  
Triangle man, Triangle man
Triangle man hates Surgeon man
They go to court, Triangle wins.
Triangle man.
2003-07-05 12:03:52 AM  
This guy is a retard. You don't need to pay for penis enlargement surgery. There's a web site out there that tells you how to do it yourself. All you need is a dimmer switch, the power antennae off of any newer model car and a 12-volt battery. Let the romance commence.
2003-07-05 12:05:17 AM  
Heh...he should be glad he didn't end up with an innie after the quack was done. Vain loser may have not gotten what he paid for , but didn't get any less than he deserved.

/average and proud of it
2003-07-05 12:05:48 AM  
I'll stick to trans-specie implants, thanks.
2003-07-05 12:06:08 AM  
Where are all the lazy fatass Americans saying they'd sue?
2003-07-05 12:07:36 AM  
Hytes: Seriously. Good lord, it's a goldmine of comedic possibilities.

"Hi, mom. Um... I was wondering if I could borrow five grand? I'll pay ya back, I promise."

"Whatever for?"

"Oh, I'm going to get things implanted in my penis to make it larger."


"Hello? Hello? Mom?"

"Oh, I'm here hon. Just a bad phone line I guess. Sure, I'll loan you the money."

... (2 weeks later)

"Ooch... Momma, how goes?"

"Fine sweety. How's the new pecker?"

"Well... er... It's triangular."

"Oh my. I do hope you asked for your money back."
*ouch* *eek* "Yes mom but they said no refunds. I'm going to sue them."

"Ooh, I told you this would happen."

"Mom! No you didn't!"

"Don't you contradict your mother young man!"

"I'm 37, ma."
2003-07-05 12:08:24 AM  
We're saying that we wouldn't have gotten our wangs cut in the first place! *L*
2003-07-05 12:09:07 AM  

Not that I'm speaking from personal experience. >ahemcough< scientific interest in these things.

/a little self-deprecation to end the night.\
2003-07-05 12:12:49 AM  
2 centimeters

2003-07-05 12:13:51 AM  
acute or obtuse, that is the question.
2003-07-05 12:14:00 AM  
"... and has to walk with a limp."

Well, duh.
2003-07-05 12:14:49 AM  
Speaking of incredibly strange penises:

2003-07-05 12:15:41 AM  
Once again you make-a me laff, WrongTreat. 'Specially that last bit. Good way to end a good day.

'Nite everybody. And remember to celebrate the oft-neglected July 5th tomorrow!
2003-07-05 12:15:49 AM  
I think the important question here is:

Is it scalene, right, or isoceles?
2003-07-05 12:16:02 AM  
Maybe I'm just more sqeamish than other Farkers, but my wang would have to freaking miniscule before I would even consider this kind of thing. Hell, one farker's story about his vasectomy a while back scared the hell out of me, and that's a simple routine procedure.
2003-07-05 12:17:00 AM  
2003-07-05 12:14:00 AM Bonobo62
"... and has to walk with a limp."
Well, duh.

Bonobo! Haven't seen you in forever and you're already making me laugh again.
2003-07-05 12:17:34 AM  
Picture of what the guy's wang wang looked like (NSFW):
Look here
2003-07-05 12:17:40 AM  
Waste of money, what a dork.
2003-07-05 12:18:33 AM  
He came from the sands of Egypt
they called him... Pyramid Dick...
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