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(Fark)   What is your favorite prank to pull on telemarketers? Voting enabled   (fark.com) divider line 398
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13265 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jul 2003 at 12:38 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-07-02 05:17:09 PM  
Soon as you know its one of those asswipes say hello then set the phone down while they go through their speel. After about 5 minutes hang the phone up. If you can stand it put it on speaker phone and then at the end of their speel listen to them try to talk to you...hello...what do you think...hello...are you there????
 
2003-07-02 05:26:36 PM  
"I'm sorry, I can't talk on the phone right now...I HAVE to hide the bodies."
 
2003-07-02 05:28:55 PM  
"If you ever even THINK of calling my house again, I'll hunt you down, kill you, kill your family, then bury the bodies in your Mom's front yard and throw salt there so nothing will ever grow there again, understand?"

Heh-heh, "Pranked!"
 
2003-07-02 05:36:29 PM  
Just let them talk for a moment then slightly moan, go uh huh, yeah. Then get louder then louder. What's your name again.
Oh "their name" oh yeah yeah baby yeah. Tell what your wearing. i love your voice keep talking baby I just might buy it. I'm so lonely, so lonely. Give it to me baby. Give me what I need.
Also if it is the same sex seller it sometimes freaks them right out. But sometimes you have to go a little longer with it. It's best at that time if they don't hang up, to start yelling fark me daddy or fark me mama. Tell me your flicking the grizzel. Do it, do it. I wanna hear you say it, say it and I'll buy.
I have never had anyone have the guts to say that.

Also it best if someone is in the room with you because there is nothing funny than watching someone do that to a telemarketer.
 
2003-07-02 05:37:48 PM  
You must dominate the conversation. If they don't answer your questions, tell them to quit wasting your time and hang up on them. Once they have answered, immediately cut them off and move on.

1) Who is calling please? (Insist on callers name, not company name)

2) What is your phone number, in case we are cut off.

3) In order to verify your identity, I'll need your date of birth and your social security number.

I've never needed to ask a fourth question.
 
2003-07-02 05:39:20 PM  
My neighbor did this one day while I was over there. He likes to answer the phone with various names and such, usually not his own. So the phone rings and he says "Cornwall Police Department" (we live in Cornwall) "And who is this" "Youd o realize that you are calling the Cornwall Poilce Department, right" "Well then you might want to see about getting this number changed on your list"

It was hi-larious. It's even better that he's almost 60 years old.
 
2003-07-02 05:54:43 PM  
miss cleo soundboard.
 
2003-07-02 05:56:00 PM  
I simply don't talk. I listen and refuse to answer questions. If they hear me breathing that's fine, but I don't say a word. Eventually they hang up.
 
2003-07-02 06:17:23 PM  
My answering machine used to have a message "Hello!...(pause)...HELLO!...(pause) What?? I can't hear you we have a bad connection (pause)....WHAT?? You'll have to speak up!! (Pause) I still can't hear you probably because I'm not home right now you've been yelling at a machine."

Many ranting cuse outs were recorded on the machine by telemarketers. Some Giggles too.
 
2003-07-02 06:18:01 PM  
My Sister in Law hands the phone to her three year old who will talk for hours. Quite interesting actually.
 
2003-07-02 06:20:43 PM  
"Haha! I pranked him..to death...with a tire iron!"
 
2003-07-02 06:24:33 PM  
I was at Homestar Runner once when a telemarketer called me. I asked them to hold on, with the intention of just setting the phone down and going on with what I was doing.

For some reason, I held the phone up to my laptop's speakers, and just by luck, Homestar said...

"Do do do, I'm sorry, the number you reached is not your boyfriend, please hang up and call again. Bzzzzzzzzzz this is a dial tone bzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Thanks for calling, bye"

===

Err... I guess you had to be there.
 
2003-07-02 06:44:34 PM  
I think the best "prank" is to play along. Hell- if you have the time, why not? So listen to the pitch, then ask a serious sounding question about the product/service. Ask about prices, options, delivery, etc. Tell them you were considering another, similar product but "your price is slightly better." Give them every reason to believe that you are serious buyer.

At the end, of course, you don't buy anything- but you've gotten the telemarketer to talk to you for 12 minutes- 12 minutes he's been counting your money in his mind. As a challenge, test this prank with your friends and see who can keep the caller on the line longest without buying.
 
2003-07-02 06:45:38 PM  
Death is a great topic. A telemarketer called asking for money to send poor kids to the circus. I said "You wouldn't want to ask my dad that, grandpa was killed by a circus elephant." They haven't called since.
/true story.
 
2003-07-02 06:50:49 PM  
Any prank that keeps the telemarketer on the line longer helps them. In order to ensure efficiency, the company monitors the amount of calls made per minute; the smaller the number, the better.

If telemarketers, on the off chance, find an answering machine, they do what's called "sitting on calls". They just listen to the message, and don't say anything for as long as possible.

One that always gets telemarketers is "Johnny died this weekend." They have no farking idea how to answer that.
 
2003-07-02 06:55:00 PM  
What is your favorite prank to pull on telemarketers? Voting enabled

What is your favorite prank to tell people you pull on telemarketers? Voting enabled.

Fixed.
 
2003-07-02 06:56:12 PM  
I use my boat's air horn and blow it into the phone! ;)
 
2003-07-02 06:58:09 PM  

God, they hate that.
 
2003-07-02 07:00:04 PM  
Well, not exactly a prank, but...

One time while at work, a telemarketer from the S.J. Merc newspaper called me about a subscription - on my cell phone no less. I was pretty pissed off, and screamed into the phone (and in front of my co-workers who probably thought I was psychotic at that point): WHERE THE fark DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER!?

Golden silence on the other end. I then informed him never to call again and hung up. Interestingly enough, they actually never called again.

So far I like starr77's prank...
 
2003-07-02 07:09:47 PM  
Here is my favorite. Was done to me when I was a telewhore.

In your best southern accent, keep repeating over and over, "Are you stupid or sumthin'? Nothing else, just keep repeating that line whenever they are not talking.

I even have a spreadsheet where I tracked how many "are you stupids" different telemarketers would take before they blew their lid. It's usually around 3-4.
 
wee
2003-07-02 07:11:01 PM  
My home number and the local Dominos differ only by the last digit: I'm xxx-3830 and they are xxx-3838. So I get a lot of people calling for pizza and hanging up when they hear it's just a normal house. Every time I call a wrong number, I at least have the rocks to apologize for bothering them with my mistake. Seems I'm just about the only one who feels that way. It's a pet peeve of mine, this near-complete lack of courtesy the American populace seems to have developed (that and a bloated sense of self-entitlement... but I digress).

So lately I've been answering "Dominos pizza, can you hold please?" and then just putting them on hold without waiting for their answer. I can still hear them when they are on hold, so I an tell if it's someone I know. But the telemarkers don't want pizza and the people wanting pizza give up. Sometimes they hit redial and I have to put them on hold again, but they always hang up after the second time. Makes me want to buy stock in Papa John's. I'm not sure if it's gotten us off any telemarketer's lists or not. I suspect it has.

One time I actually took someone's pizza order. I kept getting called, only to have them hang up on me. This happened more than a few times in a row and I got a little upset. So I took this guy's order. I really hope he went hungry, the lazy, inconsiderate bastard.
 
2003-07-02 07:13:29 PM  
whoops was supposed to be "are you stupid or sumthin'?"
 
2003-07-02 07:15:30 PM  
i just say no, goodbye. telemarketers are people woh cant find a better job and they barely get paid any money. you shouldn't be mean to them. it's the telemarketers' employers that you should be mean to.
 
wee
2003-07-02 07:34:44 PM  
nihil8r:

i just say no, goodbye. telemarketers are people woh cant find a better job and they barely get paid any money.


"As for this non-college bullshiat I got two words for that: learn to farkin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big farkin' surprise."

/Mr. Pink
 
2003-07-02 07:39:49 PM  
"If you ever even THINK of calling my house again, I'll hunt you down, kill you, kill your family, then bury the bodies in your Mom's front yard and throw salt there so nothing will ever grow there again, understand?"

Heh-heh, "Pranked!"

-Now with voting enabled goodness.
 
2003-07-02 08:03:28 PM  
I have caller ID, and if the number is "unavailable", I don't answer, or sometimes I will pick up the phone and immediately hang up without saying anything. If the caller ID shows a number that looks like a telemarketer, I won't answer.
 
2003-07-02 08:13:36 PM  
I don't have caller ID, so how is it that a number looks like a telemarketer?
 
2003-07-02 08:20:33 PM  
I am on the MA do not call list. So I let them go on and on, ask for thier name, number and where they are calling me from. Then I tell tem that they have just won a free investigation from the MA state Attorney General's Office. And I hope that they enjoy thier grand prize of the fine that they are about to recieve. That ususally starts the begging and crying.

The other thing I like to do to telemarketers:
I have a really young sounding voice. So I especially like playing with the credit card companies. After hearing them run thier practiced speech for about five minutes asking how much credit I can get, the APR etc., I ask how old do I have to be? They of course tell me 18. I reply that I am 13. I also tell them that I am going to have to tell my daddy, who is a lawyer, that they were trying to give me a credit card when I'm not supposed to have one. I let them beg for about 5 more minutes before I hang up.
 
2003-07-02 08:29:58 PM  
"One moment...."
 
2003-07-02 09:06:07 PM  
My favorite prank? Dropping the land-line and going cellular. Haw-hah!
 
2003-07-02 09:24:44 PM  
funny story wee
 
2003-07-02 09:31:50 PM  
wee wrote:
My home number and the local Dominos differ only by the last digit: I'm xxx-3830 and they are xxx-3838. So I get a lot of people calling for pizza and hanging up when they hear it's just a normal house. Every time I call a wrong number, I at least have the rocks to apologize for bothering them with my mistake. Seems I'm just about the only one who feels that way. It's a pet peeve of mine, this near-complete lack of courtesy the American populace seems to have developed (that and a bloated sense of self-entitlement... but I digress).


I know exactly how you feel! Also people will call by cell over and over and don't leave a voicemail. I have a missed call log, so I call back and sometimes get someone who is pissed off that I called them back after they called the wrong number 20 times.
 
2003-07-02 09:33:27 PM  
I act like a lonely old lady and ask them if they have a girlfriend, do they go to church, do they love their mom, all kinds of old lady questions. I never ever give them time to talk to me or ask me anything. They hang up.
 
2003-07-02 11:29:25 PM  
Whatever their ask, "What are you wearing...no, no, don't tell me yet, the lotion is in the next room. Hold on, OK?"
 
2003-07-03 12:44:02 AM  
I like to prank those stifley stiffersons for hours in my basement.
 
2003-07-03 12:44:12 AM  
Ask them if they know how to clean blood stains off the walls.
 
2003-07-03 12:45:12 AM  
Yell "You're going to have to speak up! I don't own a telephone!"
 
2003-07-03 12:45:17 AM  
If it's a dude then I do my best Christopher Lowell voice and hit on him.
 
2003-07-03 12:45:29 AM  
I like to listen to the pitch then make up an asnine story. For example once someone called trying to sell me books, i pretened i couldnt read yada yada yada, then got really upset saying "can you send someone to teach me how to read if i buy the books" It was quite funny at the time.
 
2003-07-03 12:45:42 AM  
I love it when credit card companies or those stupid "we'll give you a $10K loan" companies call up. I let them ramble on and on like I'm actually really interested. Just when they think they have me hooked, I like to mention something like "Now this income benefit won't affect my welfare and food stamp benefits now will it?" I love to hear them stammer and try to come up with some answer while I sit and giggle.
 
2003-07-03 12:45:45 AM  
Off the subect is Dick Gephardt trying to cop a feel here?



Im on the no call list so I dont deal with them anymore.
 
2003-07-03 12:45:52 AM  
Oops.

If it's a dude then I do my best Christopher Lowell voice and start to hit on him.
 
2003-07-03 12:45:54 AM  
I actually told a telemarketer to "Go the fark away" after getting five phonecalls in the same day from the same company. Two in the space of 30 seconds (Not an exaggeration)

He then called me back and threatened to "Lynch your cracker ass!"

The best prank I ever pulled? Tracking down the company he worked for and having it out with the receptionist, and his floor manager. They were not happy, and I don't think his employment lasted beyond that day.
 
2003-07-03 12:46:12 AM  
Telemarketer: My records here indicate that you use BS&S as your long-distance provider. Is that correct?

Me: I'm sorry, we don't have a telephone.
 
2003-07-03 12:46:52 AM  
"You interrupted my masturbation to sell me WHAT?"
 
2003-07-03 12:47:46 AM  
I keep an air horn by the phone. When I get a call from a telemarketer, I let 'em have it with the air horn, then say, "Sorry, what were you saying?"

Then, every time they start up again, I use the air horn.

Just act normally, but hit 'em with the air horn when they speak.
 
2003-07-03 12:47:51 AM  
 
2003-07-03 12:48:02 AM  
Since the glorious inception of Caller ID, I just don't waste my time. They call every hour on the hour; it's goddamn amazing!

...meanwhile, I'm talking to people I want to speak with on my cell phone.
 
2003-07-03 12:48:06 AM  
My number is transposed to that of "Pat's Tavern", a local dive here in town. Mine's XXX-3792 and theirs is XXX-3972... when you are drunk, do YOU always get the number right? I haven't had any calls REALLY late but I changed my answering machine to "Hi, this is Scott, if you want Pat's Tavern, sober up and call XXX-3972...etc..etc.." and I actually had some lady take the time to leave a message calling me an asshole for making fun of people who dial the number wrong.
 
2003-07-03 12:48:31 AM  
i hired a secretary

 
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