FARK.com: Blog (Some guy): Fat gene easy to identify in a crowd, Jessica Simpson celebrates everything with pizza, and the secret to making Spotted Dick: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 11/14

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Fat gene easy to identify in a crowd, Jessica Simpson celebrates everything with pizza, and the secret to making Spotted Dick: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 11/14 - 11/20
Posted by Drew at 2010-11-23 7:48:59 AM (27 comments) | Permalink

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From Unfreakable:

No posting from Drew this week, enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-11-14 to Sat 2010-11-20:

Man to live with 400 spiders for three weeks for charity, says he plans to be on the web the whole time

42 dead in Chinese skyscraper fire. If only there were some sort of drill that could have prepared them for this

One in 10 British men likes to cook in the nude; frying bacon is the secret to making Spotted Dick

Police in Aruba testing jawbone to see if it is connected to Natalee Holloway. My guess is that it is not connected to anybody at the moment

Johnson City man accused of urinating on a police car. Cops now checking streaming video

Airport full body scanners cannot differentiate between a tampon and a stick of dynamite. T.S.A. officials are expected to exercise some discretion, however ultimately might have to pull the plug

Police name Theodore shooting victim. ALVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

27 miners trapped in New Zealand mine. No word yet on if they dug too greedily or too deep

3 year old girl molested by 74 year old man. Which airport he worked at is unknown

Scientists say babies and robots learn from each other, according to astounding new reseach from the Institute Of We Watched Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes for About An Hour

If you were thinking about buying some black-market Ukranian sperm whale teeth, think again. You will not be allowed to import them. Narwahl you be allowed to sell them

Sports:

Pittsburgh's soon to be ex-kicker Jeff Reed says he's not going to make excuses, manages to miss that too

TIME nominates LeBron James for Person of the Year. LeBron and ESPN hastily organize hour-long douchemercial to influence the vote

Eagles adding wind turbines to stadium in hopes of increasing number of fans

Geek:

'Fat Gene' identified, although researchers admit it really wasn't that hard to pick him him out of the crowd

Neuroscientists announce that they have developed a retinal implant that restores vision in blind mice. The next logical step is to see how they run

People who stutter show abnormal brain activity when reading, listening, and being tortured by Kevin Kline

Showbiz:

Courtney Love looks great after sex, presumably while the bag is still on

Skyline producers respond to critics. However, their response is entirely derivative and has a lot in common with comments made by producers of Independence Day

Jessica Simpson celebrates engagement with pizza. Be here tomorrow when Jessica Simpson celebrates the newspaper's arrival with pizza

Politics:

Tea Party to those politicians it helped get elected: We're watching you. Seriously. We don't have jobs and we never exercise and we keep portable televisions on our Rascals. Watching you is all we do, so be scared

Glenn Beck's solution to airline security: everyone bring their guns on board. Auric Goldfinger unavailable for comment

Cheney's gaunt appearance is from summer hospital stay, not from overusing the dark side of the force

Music:

Jimmy Eat World tours UK in support of their comeback album. "We can't wait for our fans [sic] to hear it"

Aaron Ne-eh-eh-eh-eh-ehville got maa-aa-aa-aa-arried on Saturd-eh-eh-eh-ay

Peter Gabriel joins voices backing net neutrality, will spend the next ten years crafting a finely-honed and ponderously slow statement regarding the issue

Business:

People say America doesn't produce anything more. Wrong: they still produce food, and Americans are apparently patriotic enough to eat all of it

Smith & Wesson's stock plummets on news that everyone bought up firearms in preparation for the Apocalypse back in 2009

BP says world needs new oil, complains old oil is all contaminated now with sand and fish

· · ·

(view entire blog)

27 Comments (+0 »)

GooberMcFly		2010-11-23 08:33:22 AM

Unfreakable: I love the work you do on these, but you're always a bit heavy on the pun headlines for HOTW.

/constructive criticism?

dugitman		2010-11-23 12:44:10 PM

GooberMcFly: Unfreakable: I love the work you do on these, but you're always a bit heavy on the pun headlines for HOTW.

/constructive criticism?

It's not just him I think. Even marginally funny puns make me laugh(and cringe), so I tend to vote em up. You also see this reflected in the "link votes" for pun headlines.

AnubisMan		2010-11-23 02:04:10 PM

Despite having what might be the worst trailer that any of us have ever seen, "Unstoppable" is on track to win the box office this weekend with a $24.5m opening

The script for "Star Trek 2" will be finished in a few weeks, but the film still has no director. Subby thinks we can all agree that the job should go to either John Waters, Uwe Boll, or Michael Bay. Yknow, someone with some pizzazz

In brightest day, in blackest night, the first footage from "The Green Lantern" looks a helluva lot better than 'just alright'

Guess The Live Act:: "Imagine something Dr. Seuss would have conjured while in the depths of a deeply violent and disturbing absinthe binge, and you'll have an idea what this tour is like"

If you've been hoping that AMC wouldn't wait almost a year to deliver new episodes of "The Walking Dead", well, apparently you just didn't hope hard enough

And now, the "Top 5 Nerdiest Franchises" of all time, in glorious non-slideshow format

These should be honorable mentions.

IXI Jim IXI		2010-11-23 02:04:20 PM

Fat genes and mom jeans?

wage0048		2010-11-23 02:07:12 PM

The TSA should get its own category (hell, its own tab)

1derful		2010-11-23 02:13:05 PM

Jesus Christ Curtis, are you too busy rolling in shiatty tequila money to bless us with a paragraph these days?

CornFedIowan		2010-11-23 02:14:26 PM

GooberMcFly: Unfreakable: I love the work you do on these, but you're always a bit heavy on the pun headlines for HOTW.

You say that like it's a bad thing. Get thee to a punnery.

rickythepenguin		2010-11-23 02:15:27 PM

AnubisMan: These should be honorable mentions.

no, those all suck

tinyelephantsime		2010-11-23 02:16:26 PM

No rmachetes?

stebain		2010-11-23 02:17:37 PM

The whole "Gene=person" lol is passe. It peaked with the Gene Rayburn reference.

AnubisMan		2010-11-23 02:19:01 PM

rickythepenguin: AnubisMan: These should be honorable mentions.

no, those all suck

I think you tell me this every week

Hence the Name...		2010-11-23 02:19:46 PM

wage0048: The TSA should get its own category (hell, its own tab)

Those headlines sucked.

Minarets		2010-11-23 02:20:19 PM

tinyelephantsime: No rmachetes?

Second

stebain		2010-11-23 02:24:05 PM

Let me change my statement:
these are all pretty tame. lame, even.

Hell, the Jeff Reed one wasn't even the best Jeff Reed headline available ("Okay, you're retired" was better)

PH Neutral		2010-11-23 02:26:35 PM

AnubisMan: These should be honorable mentions.

They're horrible. Barely worth mentioning.

stebain		2010-11-23 02:29:52 PM

AnubisMan: Despite having what might be the worst trailer that any of us have ever seen, "Unstoppable" is on track to win the box office this weekend with a $24.5m opening

The script for "Star Trek 2" will be finished in a few weeks, but the film still has no director. Subby thinks we can all agree that the job should go to either John Waters, Uwe Boll, or Michael Bay. Yknow, someone with some pizzazz

In brightest day, in blackest night, the first footage from "The Green Lantern" looks a helluva lot better than 'just alright'

Guess The Live Act:: "Imagine something Dr. Seuss would have conjured while in the depths of a deeply violent and disturbing absinthe binge, and you'll have an idea what this tour is like"

If you've been hoping that AMC wouldn't wait almost a year to deliver new episodes of "The Walking Dead", well, apparently you just didn't hope hard enough

And now, the "Top 5 Nerdiest Franchises" of all time, in glorious non-slideshow format

These should be honorable mentions.

On what basis?

IXI Jim IXI		2010-11-23 02:31:48 PM

PH Neutral: AnubisMan: These should be honorable mentions.

They're horrible. Barely worth mentioning.

So maybe they should be horrible mentions

Impasse		2010-11-23 02:35:18 PM

1derful: Jesus Christ Curtis, are you too busy rolling in shiatty tequila money to bless us with a paragraph these days?

Hey now, picking out Cue Moment™ stories takes a huge team effort! Rest easy, Drew!

Farkin'round		2010-11-23 02:43:45 PM

Impasse: Hey now, picking out Cue Moment™ stories takes a huge team effort! Rest easy, Drew!

Yeah, and they're going down the same road as "Fark TV".

Pants full of macaroni!!		2010-11-23 02:45:49 PM

Farkin'round: Impasse: Hey now, picking out Cue Moment™ stories takes a huge team effort! Rest easy, Drew!

Yeah, and they're going down the same road as "Fark TV".

Jose Cuervo. With sweat and dead men's balls.

bighairyguy		2010-11-23 03:08:41 PM

Darn, none of my redlights made this list.

8Draw		2010-11-23 04:08:16 PM

AnubisMan: These should be honorable mentions.

Did you submit these?

That's the only reason I can think of that anyone would enjoy or vouch for them.

They're Digg-grade.

jdjoker		2010-11-23 04:14:31 PM

It's a shame that the Aaron Neville one got (relatively) buried on the Music tab, and I'm not convinced enough people read the HOTW threads for it to get its due either.

AnubisMan		2010-11-23 05:04:38 PM

8Draw: AnubisMan: These should be honorable mentions.

Did you submit these?

That's the only reason I can think of that anyone would enjoy or vouch for them.

They're Digg-grade.

It would be really impressive if I could get that many of those kind of headlines greenlit in the span of a week, wouldn't it? Alas, I cannot take credit for the genius of another.

Xyling		2010-11-23 07:35:20 PM

"Narwhal"

Oh, wow.

(Facepalm.)

Unfreakable		2010-11-24 09:15:57 AM

GooberMcFly: Unfreakable: I love the work you do on these, but you're always a bit heavy on the pun headlines for HOTW.

/constructive criticism?

Taken as such, and thanks. Checking in late, some weeks are stronger than other weeks. While I do my best to pull out the heavy pun-based headlines, quite a few headlines that are strong enough to stand on their own will have some element of wordplay involved, and my own choices for HOW aren't always what get picked since the votes aren't my choices exclusively. Some of my personal favorites just don't have the general broad-based appeal of the wordplay, so those earn more votes at the expense of some other headlines which are more clever, but to a narrower group of readers.

This is the problem every year, in my opinion. Some jokes are incredible, but only 10% of the readers might get that particular joke. It's gonna lose votes from the other 90% that would appreciate the joke if they knew the reference. I learned early on in the Headline of the Year contest that if I didn't separate out the pun-heaviest headlines into their own contest, they'd dominate the HOY voting, which would make for a worse contest overall.

Unfreakable		2010-11-24 09:30:13 AM

jdjoker: It's a shame that the Aaron Neville one got (relatively) buried on the Music tab, and I'm not convinced enough people read the HOTW threads for it to get its due either.

It has a stronger chance at HOY because it was able to stand out on its own better on Music than it would have fared on Main.

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