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(Movie Juice)   Movie juice on The Hulk: "Could there possibly be a dumber subject for a movie?"   (moviejuice.com) divider line 176
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17682 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jun 2003 at 1:46 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-06-30 03:05:25 PM
Newswriting 101 - 5 point of a Good Movie Review

1. Gives a short synopsis of the plot.
2. Says at least one good thing about the movie.
3. Says at least one bad thing about the movie.
4. The reader learns something from the review about the movie or moviemaking.
5. Somehow entertains the reader.

Okay everyone, let's rate the reviewer. Out of a score of 5, how does this review do?
 
2003-06-30 03:05:30 PM
Some couple brought their 1 year old baby to the theatre and it started babbling and yelling during all the dialogue and I got mad and made like the hulk and picked the kid up by it's head and threw it across the theatre. THen I went around randomly punching people in the head and taking big handfuls of their popcorn in a Mountain Dew fueled rage. I then rampaged my way into the projection booth where I forced the my fellow movie-goers to stare at a 20 foot tall sillhouette of my genitals. By the time I returned to my seat, my date had mysteriously disappeared. I was sad.
 
2003-06-30 03:07:15 PM
I loved the Hulk movie. It wasn't an action movie, it was a psychological drama. As someone who had a violent father and who deals with anger issues, I understood every minute of what this movie was saying. It was a fantastic movie for me. Your mileage may vary. If you didn't understand the movie then I envy you -- it means you probably had a good relationship with your father.

Nick Nolte, by the way, turns into the Absorbing Man, a Marvel supervillain whose powers are *exactly* as they were portrayed in the film. Nolte played the part very well, IMHO.
 
2003-06-30 03:08:51 PM
This guy is complaining about everything I thought was good in the movie and doesn't mention any of the parts that sucked.
 
2003-06-30 03:09:11 PM
Yes.

 
2003-06-30 03:09:15 PM
After reading a few of this guy's reviews (a few of which I agree with, a few of which I don't), I have come to the conclusion that this dude thinks he's pretty funny (or he thinks he's funnier than he actually is). Seems like most of the reviews center around "look how clever I am - I can use metaphors throughout my review and I'm soooo funny too" rather than actually reviewing the movies. If that's his schtick and people like it, then I guess I should shaddup.
 
2003-06-30 03:09:51 PM
Yes , I thought the bit of making the Hulk's father the Absorbing man was lame as can be. And the fact that Jennifer showed no boobies at all , not even cleavage , was galling.

But I thought the rest was good. The CGI wasn't perfect , but I think that's the best that is possible at the moment. You put the characters from Final Fantasy or Flight of the Osiris next to real people , and they look fairly fake.

Umm...Where was I? Errr...Hulk good , fire bad.
 
2003-06-30 03:10:43 PM
I likes it. A lot.
 
2003-06-30 03:11:54 PM
let's see, what have we learned today?

1) anybody who thinks "the hulk" is a bad movie is an idiot
2) aimee bryant is not hot enough for the average farker
3) americans suck because it's obviously not soccer's fault
4) jim carrey doesn't deserve to be famous.
5) "if i ever have kids", they're going to be perfect.
6) <--------- arrows are bad (actually, i learned that on friday)
 
2003-06-30 03:12:19 PM
The movie was sooooo boring... 30 minutes of great comic book action punctuated by 1 1/2 hours of naptime.
 
2003-06-30 03:12:27 PM
ayup. I liked this movie too.
 
2003-06-30 03:12:48 PM
Well at least it was better than Spiderman--a movie which, in my opinion, was saved from being worse than Batman and Robin by--oh wait, it wasn't...

Actually, I think that DareDevil and Hulk ended up feeling more like their respective comic book personages than the more famous of the three Marvel Superhero pics so far. I watched Spider man, and realized that I could esentially replace the hero and villain with the Red and Green Power Rangers--both inside and outside of their costumes. Come on, people, Spiderman was one of the worst "blockbusters" ever seen. Hulk wasn't great, but the actual Hulk himself translated rather well to screen.

And for God's Sake: Why can't we get a decent Batman movie, of all things!? The material's already there, even the storyboards...
 
2003-06-30 03:13:16 PM
This guy is messing with stuff he does not understand, since he has not read the comics. Next!
 
2003-06-30 03:15:32 PM
Threemagicnumber well, if you liked those movies, im sure youve seen daredevil. it was cool cause it was daredevil. but as a movie, it wasnt that great. i dont complain about it because its marvel. and the hulk is just as good as spiderman in my opinion.
 
2003-06-30 03:15:46 PM
Usually people proofread articles before they post them, but this writer obviously did not, and just used spellcheck. I noticed a lot of correctly spelled words misused. His reviewing style is pretty crappy as well.
 
2003-06-30 03:17:00 PM
Why do people who write movie reviews on the Internet always act like they have sand in their vaginas.
 
2003-06-30 03:18:06 PM
Worst.Movie.Ever. = Moulin Rouge or Battlefield:Earth
 
2003-06-30 03:19:11 PM
Ekoja - I would give the review a -2.

I liked the movie. It wasn't as good as Spiderman, and nowhere near X2 but it was better than SW EP2, at least I cared about the characters.

As for the CGI, I do 3D graphics for a living and while these are not the best I have seen, they are not that bad. I get sick and tired of people biatch'n about movie graphics now days. " oh that looked fake! You can tell that is CG!" Give it a rest. When the first Star Trek shows were on, you could see the wires on the ship, but the effects moved the story along. You could see the box frames on the tie fighters in Star Wars, but you din't care. Every movie doesn't have to push the envelope. If it wants to be mailed as is, that is fine by me.

/my 2 cents
 
2003-06-30 03:19:23 PM
 
2003-06-30 03:20:08 PM
skull duggery
 
2003-06-30 03:20:13 PM
Bad Review, Worse Reviewer.
The Movie was good, but the script had some holes. Entertaining camera work and beautiful vistas as only Ang Lee can capture. Like the others say: It's based on a comic book!.
 
gfm
2003-06-30 03:21:29 PM
Hulk was one of the best movies this year, IMO.

I liked it more than Reloaded and X2.

And if Eric Bana is unknown to you, you've never watched "Chopper", in which case I pity you!
 
2003-06-30 03:21:34 PM
for those that saw the movie...did you catch the scene with Stan Lee and Lou Ferrigno? it didn't last that long.

my quick and dirty review of "The Hulk":

-good, but overdrawn
-another romance? why?
-we needed Jennifer Connelly to do what she did in the antepenultimate scene of "Requiem for a Dream"
 
2003-06-30 03:23:19 PM
Hulk was a boring excuse for a film and will probably be the single movie that most people think of when discussing comic book movies. For that reason alone it is horrible and I truly wish it was not made. I'd rather have to watch Dare Devil for 10 straight days then watch the Hulk one more time.
 
2003-06-30 03:25:16 PM
The hulk sucked.

No, my opinion has nothing to do with the Hulk, the hulk's powers, the CGI of the hulk, or the hulk's battle abilities.

It has to do with sheer boredom.

The movie spends the first hour having Bruce Banner giving moon-eyes at Betty, who whenever she's in trouble, runs to her army daddy to make things better. I hated her in under 10 minutes - a new record. Betty - GET A BACKBONE!

Bruce, on the other hand, won't share his emotions with anyone, or even heck, talk with anyone. He spends the first hour clamming up whenever anyone asks him whether he'd like decaff or regular. Boring! Not to mention, I had zero sympathy for this guy.

I wish I could say there's some cool plot twists, but there isn't. I could see what Wacked Daddy did to Mommy from the first flashback - I don't understand why it was a huge relevation two and a half hours later when they finally show the ending to the sequence. I'm trying not to spoil it for others, here, but you can walk out after the first five minutes. You know the deep dark "hulk" secret after that.

Hmm, what else?

I liked the bits with the actual Hulk. Pity it takes over an HOUR to see him - and then we see very little. More fight scenes. More bouncing, please. More smashing things. Smash it all!

To top it off, Ang Lee tries to be "artsy" by doing split screens and inserts, like in the comic books. The problem is, with three scenes of moving video, your eye doesn't know where to focus. And what REALLY got my goat was, when one of the minor villians is caught in an explosion - and I LIKE explosions - he cheesed out and did this whole "outline" of the guy in front of a still fire - intended to look like a page from a comic book. But he doesn't do this ANYWHERE else in the film, so just as you're getting ready for a good villian toasting in fire, he cheeses out on you. GRRR. Don't MESS with my explosions!

My fiance and I debated one hour in whether we should walk out or not, but our friend wanted to stay.... a pity, becaue we could've gotten a refund.

I do like comic books. But I do NOT like ang lee's horror. Most comic book stories have in depth, detailed stories (sometimes a bit out there), but there's never a lack of action or subplots. With the Hulk, there is no sub-plot. There's just one very obvious plot, which would have been better as a short story rather than a 2 1/2 hour film. As my fiance put it - if he had run the movie twice as fast, it would've been ok. But he ran out of actual story, and stuffed a lot of pained expressions, deep agonizing moments, and personal introspection into it... borrrinnggg.....
 
2003-06-30 03:27:15 PM
2003-06-30 02:25:14 PM NathanAllen

Saying that a movie about a comic book is being unrealistic is like saying, "I can buy the whole turning water into wine, healing the lame, and rising from the dead... but walking on water? Puh-lease"


I walk on water all the time... in winter.
 
2003-06-30 03:28:32 PM
pudding7


I'm sorry, but The Hulk did suck. It took about an hour to even see the green guy, and there were about 3 scenes where Hulk actually smashed anything. The rest was painfully slow and boring emotional bullsh!t.

So, in other words: "pudding7 no like dialogue! pudding7 want things go boom! No like discussion of human repression and regret, like smashing! No smashing make pudding7 MAD!! pudding7 want ang Lee make more SMASHING IN MOVIE!! RAAAUURGH!!!!"

Honestly, that's what you sound like. Why don't you do yourself a favor, and the next time you want to see a movie, check and see if it has a plot in it first. If it does, just rent "Jackass" instead, and maybe you'll save yourself a shirt.
 
2003-06-30 03:32:52 PM
The problem isn't that there's a plot. The problem is the plot is not very complex, is incredibly OBVIOUS, and there's no reason to get emotionally involved.

I was far more involved in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. The subplot of the woman who couldn't love the master warrior because she had been engaged to the man's friend - so heartbreaking. The insolent little snot girl who kept stealing the sword was ok too, I liked how she was forced to choose between being an outcast or a mayor's daughter.

In the hulk, the storyline is this:

Bob likes Jane, who's bored with him and dumped him, but has bad repressed memories about mommy and Daddy.

That's it. There's nothing else to see. I really don't CARE what the repressed memory was - and the fact that it's really obvious in the first ten minutes what the "shocker" is... gee, how come nobody mentions mommy for the rest of the film until the final ending? Could it be that she's.... :P

It's obvious, boring, and slow paced. Compared to this, Spiderman was an award winning drama. At least it had some interesting subplots and twists.
 
2003-06-30 03:35:54 PM
"Coondog no like dialogue! Coondog want things go boom! No like discussion of human repression and regret, like smashing! No smashing make Coondog MAD!! Coondog want ang Lee make more SMASHING IN MOVIE!! RAAAUURGH!!!!"

I'm not afraid to admit it. I took my boy to see the HULK for crissakes not the 2 1/2 hour mess that they put out. Sorry, if I want human repression and regret I will watch Lifetime.
 
2003-06-30 03:37:12 PM
"Honestly, that's what you sound like. Why don't you do yourself a favor, and the next time you want to see a movie, check and see if it has a plot in it first."

Ya, really. Because if you want a movie that delves into human emotion and understanding it should be represented by a large green computer animation.

I mean anyone watching the trailers would know that they weren't marketing the Hulk as a smash 'um up summer escapist flick.
 
2003-06-30 03:37:19 PM
"Could there possibly be a dumber subject for a movie than The Hulk?"

Yeah I forgot how Man vs Self is an unacceptable literary subject. It's a story about one man's battle with rage, period.

"Ang Lee shakes and stirs this movie with crazy, distracting split-screens and funky dissolves and transitions. Split screens?"

Umm I thought it was common knowledge that he was attempting to add the feel of a comic book. What never read a comic book? Perhaps the author of the review was too busy learning how not to be funny in his childhood.
 
2003-06-30 03:37:24 PM
Another reason Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon worked, and this doesn't:

1) Scenery. Crouching Tiger had several different changes in location, which kept things interesting. There's the city scenes, including some cool rooftop work. There's the desert. There's the bamboo forest, and finally the cave.

2) Fight scenes. Right from the get go, there are several very good entertaining fights to watch, regularly paced throughout the movie. The pacing was good! A bit of angst, a bit of fighting, a bit more angst, more fighting... the footwork was excellent, technique awesome, and the whole cat and mouse of the woman trying to get the snot to return the sword without dishonoring the mayor was funny to watch.

The hulk has no action scenes for an hour, and lacks any in depth plot to pull that kind of stuff off. If you're going to do a total angst film, you need a plot and a story to back it up... for instance, Gods and Monsters, which had the whole is-he-or-isn't-he attracted to the boy, plus the whole loosing his mind schtick... which ends in his suicide. Excellent film.

Ang Lee tried to create an emotional dark drama, but lacked the actual STORY to pull it off. I'd blame the writer, except that any good director would've realized the pacing problems right away and sent the script to be rewritten.
 
2003-06-30 03:38:32 PM
Maybe I knew what to expect with the Hulk cause I read Roger Ebert's review and one of my friends saw it before I did. It was more of a drama than an action movie, but I knew it going in and wasn't too disappointed. I thought it was by far the best made out of the recent comic movies (that doesn't mean that I like it the best though).

From everything I understand, it was pretty true to the comic book (not totally, but neither was x-men).
 
2003-06-30 03:38:53 PM
I just saw the movie this weekend. I liked the split-screen that made it look like a comic book.
However, I didn't care for the movie, and I'll tell you why:
Having read the comic books in my youth (early-mid 80s), I don't recall it having so much pathos about Dr. Banner's family. I mean, it talked about how his father experimented on himself and repressed memories made Dr. Banner the hulk? WTF?
It was just a little heavier than I expected for a movie made out of a comic book.
But then again, if I'm so smart, how come I can't break 30 grand a year?
 
2003-06-30 03:39:38 PM
One can be true to the comic book and still be interesting though. X-men is a fun romp. Spiderman was very close (a few technicallities)...

I didn't see daredevil because I hate Ben Affleck.
 
gfm
2003-06-30 03:39:55 PM
gitsh01,

- Ang Lee isn't M. Night Shyamalan. Bruce's mother's death wasn't meant to be a "shocking twist ending".

- Any movie can be reduced down to a one-line plot statement as you've done with Hulk. bfd?
 
2003-06-30 03:41:04 PM
I was pretty sure that in the comic books, it's ANGER which makes him the hulk, not repressed memories...

And the memories are pretty damn obvious anyway. A good visit to a therapist should fix that up... so he can go back to stalking Betty.
 
2003-06-30 03:41:14 PM
Follow up post:

I don't think that you can really compare the Hulk with Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Outside of the fact the Ang Lee made both, they deal with way different subject matters. Let's throw in the Ice Storm and Sense and Sensibility in the comparisons as well, because Ang Lee directed those too.
 
2003-06-30 03:41:20 PM
Danho
"Some couple brought their 1 year old baby to the theatre and it started babbling and yelling during all the dialogue and I got mad and made like the hulk and picked the kid up by it's head and threw it across the theatre. THen I went around randomly punching people in the head and taking big handfuls of their popcorn in a Mountain Dew fueled rage. I then rampaged my way into the projection booth where I forced the my fellow movie-goers to stare at a 20 foot tall sillhouette of my genitals. By the time I returned to my seat, my date had mysteriously disappeared. I was sad."


Now THIS should have been the plot of the Hulk. As long as you toss in a gratuitous nude scene of Jennifer Conelly.

 
2003-06-30 03:43:01 PM
gfm -

The ending was a complete disappointment. There really wasn't anything that couldn't be deduced from page 1.

If you've read several good scriptwriting books, or story books, the one thing they all warn about is boring your audience. You've got to keep their interests - either by upping the challenges and making it almost impossible to overcome, or by adding twists....

In this case, it was one long boring snooze to the inevitable dad vs baby bruce fight. Which, in the end, he didn't even defeat... the missile from the army killed Daddy. Not Bruce. Cop-out.
 
2003-06-30 03:44:56 PM
"
I don't think that you can really compare the Hulk with Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Outside of the fact the Ang Lee made both, they deal with way different subject matters. Let's throw in the Ice Storm and Sense and Sensibility in the comparisons as well, because Ang Lee directed those too"

There was a previous comment that said that "if you don't like the hulk, you don't like plot films"... that's not true. Couching Tiger had plenty of plot, and plenty of angst, and it worked. What failed for Ang Lee was trying to make a movie without a decent story.

When Bad Scripts Happen To Good Directors.... Story at 11.
 
2003-06-30 03:45:22 PM
I just e-mailed the guy that wrote it. He e-mailed me back. I don't think he's ever seen a Hulk comic. Here's the text:

Oh dude that's ridiculous.

Thanks for the info, though!

Mark Ramsey
MovieJuice.com
-----Original Message-----
From: Christian Lowder
Sent: Monday, June 30, 2003 12:37 PM
To: Mark Ramsey
Subject: RE: Have you ever seen a comic book?

There is basically no upper limit to The Hulk's strength. The angrier
he gets, the stronger he gets. There have been incidents in the comic
book where The Hulk was able to reach the upper limit of Earth's
atmosphere in a single jump. So yes, he does jump/fly like this in the
comics.

-----Original Message-----
From: Mark Ramsey [mailto:mrams­ey­1[nospam-﹫-backwards]xi*n­e­tc­o­m­*c­om]
Sent: Monday, June 30, 2003 3:29 PM
To: Christian Lowder
Subject: RE: Have you ever seen a comic book?


The Hulk flies like this in the comic book??

Mark Ramsey
MovieJuice.com



-----Original Message-----
From: Christian Lowder
Sent: Monday, June 30, 2003 12:17 PM
To: mram­s­ey[nospam-﹫-backwards]e­c­iuje­iv­o­m­*com
Subject: Have you ever seen a comic book?

"The Hulk is a mean, green, flying machine. He runs like the wind and
leaps thousands of feat in the air, sailing for miles in a cross-country
leapfrog. Is Director Ang Lee kidding? Is it any wonder the audience
found this mixture amusing? Should we tell Universal we're buying
tickets to laugh at them?"

Obviously, you are not aware of the fact that the character of the Hulk
came from a comic book.

This is what the Hulk does. Remember, he's a comic book hero because he
is strong. I mean, seriously guy, don't go to a movie based on a comic
book and be disappointed when the hero does comic book stuff. Sheesh.
Some poeple just have to open thier mouths, no matter what stupid tripe
is going to come out. I guess that's what you get paid to do, kinda like
a politician.
 
2003-06-30 03:46:00 PM
Umm you know right away that the father killed the mother, but what you don't know is that he killed her accidentally while trying to kill his son.

But it's not like they're showing it to YOU, they're showing it to a character in the movie, and showing his reaction, not trying to get one out of you.
 
2003-06-30 03:46:52 PM
Another reason Fi and I wanted to see the film is we got to see the set when we were at Universal Studios last year, on a VIP pass. Which, by the way, is very cool, we actually saw the house, which they were planning to blow up the next day. And the "desert" base... and a huge blue screen near a lake for another scene.

But the whole "We saw that!" coolness wore off real quick.
 
2003-06-30 03:49:25 PM
"But it's not like they're showing it to YOU, they're showing it to a character in the movie, and showing his reaction, not trying to get one out of you."

Without any involvement from the audience, the audience will get bored ( as I did ) and walk away.

It's not a clinical lab review - it's a story. You've GOT to get the audience involved - either involved personally in the character, or keep them guessing at the plot...

If I was home right now, I'd quote "Story" for you. As someone who's written a lot of short sci-fi, there's a LOT of books written on the structure of a good plot, and on good character development. This script has neither.
 
2003-06-30 03:50:51 PM
I have no problems with the hulk's strength or powers. In fact I love how the angrier he gets, the bigger he gets...

I do giggle at his amazing unbreakable boxer shorts. I want a pair. That way I can play tug of war with my fiance's shorts in the morning..... "Come back here! *yank*"
 
2003-06-30 03:51:12 PM

Honestly, that's what you sound like. Why don't you do yourself a favor, and the next time you want to see a movie, check and see if it has a plot in it first. If it does, just rent "Jackass" instead, and maybe you'll save yourself a shirt.


Hehe. Now that's a review.
 
2003-06-30 03:51:39 PM
I agree drnxantx, I always imagined the Movie Juice guy was a fat slob. He really writes like he is. I haven't seen the movie & don't have an opinion but his petulant reviews & unhealthy obsession w/ Tara Reid always gave me Comic Book Guy type image in my head.
 
2003-06-30 03:52:45 PM
Trapezoid
You left out that rampant homoeroticism is also OK in comic books, just not in anything else.
 
2003-06-30 03:55:17 PM
The Hulk was a dumb dumb movie...I went and saw it stoned and I still didnt enjoy myself. The animation was cheesy, the fight scenes were pretty damn lame...especially when he kills a dog by flexing his shoulder muscel...WHOA...I'd rather watch 30 straight hours of the 80s Hulk TV show than see that movie again.
 
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