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(Fark)   LP #300 - You there...what's your profession? lp? LP?? THIS IS NOT EL PEE - THIS IS MADNESS Oh - and Last Post wins   ( ) divider line
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14100 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Nov 2010 at 12:04 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

5875 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | » | Newest

2010-11-11 12:48:24 PM  
Your dick is Cheney, crooked and only hard when it starts wars.
Today, my dick flies at half staff while I get lap danced down at Scores.
2010-11-11 12:48:51 PM
2010-11-11 12:49:49 PM  
The cops just called. You car was stolen from where you left it. Better go check.
2010-11-11 12:50:09 PM  
My dick is so big that if I laid it out on the keyboard, it would go all the way from A to Z.
2010-11-11 12:52:32 PM  

nekom: My dick is so big that if I laid it out on the keyboard, it would go all the way from A to Z.

Last time I tried that my dick got stuck between the A and the Z.
2010-11-11 12:53:05 PM  
I am hung like a horse

2010-11-11 12:53:17 PM  
Your dick: sliver fry sadness.
My dick: River Kwai madness.
2010-11-11 12:54:42 PM

So many posts!
2010-11-11 12:54:53 PM
I Like Pike

2010-11-11 12:55:45 PM
2010-11-11 12:57:30 PM  
Your dick: retreats with a French cadet's hat on.
My dick is the opening speech from Patton.
2010-11-11 12:57:32 PM  
Read this...I mean REALLY read this

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received.. Hope it works for you -- and me!
You have 6 minutes

There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far.

Do not keep this message.

(Everyone I know is a superstitious and ignorant. But I repeat myself.)
2010-11-11 12:58:08 PM  
Wow, you guys are still posting. This thread was declared dead yesterday.

\by me
\\no, I'm not competitive
2010-11-11 12:58:43 PM  
Your dick is chicken, like General Tso.
My dick is longer than the Redux of Apocalypse Now.
2010-11-11 01:00:52 PM

OK, no more posts or the sheriff gets it!

/I think he is crazy enough to do it
2010-11-11 01:00:53 PM  
This must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks

15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.

Do not keep this message

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received.. Hope it works for you -- and me!
You have 6 minutes
#2 [TotalFark]
2010-11-11 01:02:32 PM  
"The body is a sacred garment."

- Martha Graham (1894 - 1991)

\Fun Fact: Martha wrote the first draft for 'The Silence of the Lambs' while dining on liver and fava beans with a nice chianti.
2010-11-11 01:03:53 PM  
...bivouac'd in a pants' tent in the Battle of the Bulge. No. That's not it.
2010-11-11 01:04:45 PM  
I've seen the future and it is now.

Last Post (new window)
2010-11-11 01:04:51 PM  
My favorite part of those chain emails is the references to the email as an actual object that can travel around the world or be kept in your hands. I want to reply-all and scream YOU IGNORANT SLUTS!
2010-11-11 01:05:02 PM

2010-11-11 01:06:46 PM

2010-11-11 01:09:11 PM
2010-11-11 01:10:10 PM

2010-11-11 01:10:44 PM  
I'm going to kick that LAST POST in the nutbag next time I see him.

2010-11-11 01:10:49 PM

2010-11-11 01:11:21 PM  
I can go to Wal-Mart and buy a vibrating cock ring. This is truly a marvelous time to be alive.
2010-11-11 01:11:33 PM
2010-11-11 01:12:51 PM

2010-11-11 01:13:27 PM
2010-11-11 01:14:27 PM
2010-11-11 01:16:48 PM  
I bought a vibrating cock ring once...

Her student housing was right near the Los Angeles National Cemetery.

I couldn't help thinking of all those dead soldiers 'neath their white marble headstones facing that glorious smog-red sunset as I sent my own little soldiers to die en masse in a futile fight against the chemical warfare of her birth control.

At least they did better than their air borne brethren who had come before and met their end in pointless training exercises.
2010-11-11 01:17:56 PM  
I am the WINNAR! I'm the WINNAR!!!

Well what are you gonna do with a hundred grand bro?

I got this, oh man, I got this shiatbox for a truck, I gotta GET A NEW ONE! A new tr.. oh...tha..oh!

Wait, wait, dude, how are you gonna do that with a candy bar?


How are you gonna do that with uh a candy bar, we just gave you a hundred grand candy bar.

What do...what do you mean?

We gave away a hundred grand and it's a candy bar bro. Congratulations!


You just won a candy bar!


Yeah, a hundred grand, we gave you a candy bar, congratulations buddy boy!


Congratulations man!
(dial tone)

Uh oh...
He was pissed...
2010-11-11 01:18:16 PM

2010-11-11 01:18:45 PM
2010-11-11 01:20:47 PM
2010-11-11 01:21:08 PM  
Get your gotdamn hands off my soda.
2010-11-11 01:22:26 PM  


2010-11-11 01:24:09 PM  

medius: I bought a vibrating cock ring once...

by the way: true story, bro
2010-11-11 01:25:56 PM  
was that three years ago already?

time flies when you're not having fun.
2010-11-11 01:27:42 PM  
she left me because my dick was too short

by about 2462 miles.
2010-11-11 01:31:07 PM

#2 [TotalFark]
2010-11-11 01:31:57 PM  
"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."

- Dorothy Parker

\Fun Fact: Parker turned her love of books into an interactive sport for midgets.
2010-11-11 01:36:26 PM  

And then, out of nowhere! BAM! Warren G is in your face and frowning upon your lp shenanigans.

2010-11-11 01:36:30 PM
2010-11-11 01:37:08 PM  
Which objects did you rotate today?
2010-11-11 01:38:09 PM  
Like a record baby, right 'round, round, round.
2010-11-11 01:40:59 PM  

Just hit the Eastside of the LBC
On a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G.
Seen a car full of girls ain't no need to tweak
All you skirts know what's up with 213

2010-11-11 01:43:46 PM
2010-11-11 01:47:12 PM  
Seriously, folks. I leave the office for one hour - ONE HOUR! - and I find all this shiat posted all over the place!

Fired, all of you! Go home now.
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