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(The Sun)   "I'm so desperate for a baby that I grab strangers for sex on nights when I am most fertile." If she spent more time at the gym and less time studying fertility charts, this may not be a problem   (thesun.co.uk) divider line 370
    More: Fail, fertility, paternity, sperm donors, single-parent, LARA CARTER, office manager, grabs, baby  
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48221 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Nov 2010 at 1:58 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-11-09 07:38:27 AM
Fark Griswald: FARK HER


That was the idea.
 
2010-11-09 07:39:43 AM
numb3r5ev3n: Still, it comes up in conversation enough to make me wonder if some women's 'biological clocks' are more insistant that others', to the point that it overrules good sense

Mine was damn insistent. I found myself thinking crazy things ...like 'that lady with the twins, she doesn't need TWO babies, she'd hardly miss it if I took one'. However, since I'm a sane person, I realized these were crazy thoughts and didn't act on them.
 
2010-11-09 07:39:48 AM
Subby, there is nothing wrong with being a homosexual.

There is everything being wrong with a catty biatch.
 
2010-11-09 07:41:26 AM
1) she is fat. some farkers may claim that we're 'gay' for not wanting it, but realize that some of us are superficial enough to prefer an attractive woman to something of our own weight.

2) if you can't afford the 2k for a sperm donation, how are you going to afford the 10k a year that a child costs? the default state of humans should be infertile. we spend roughly half our incomes towards raising the ingrate children of those who can't afford them.
 
2010-11-09 07:42:06 AM
Mentat: On tonight's episode of Sperm Hunter:

"Oy, hello there! We're 'ere tonight in London searching for the elusive West End Sperm Slut. It's a full moon tonight, so she should be at her maximum fertility. These are beoootiful creatures but unfortunately their traditional hunting grounds have been severely reduced by hipsters and panhandlers. If we're lucky- oy! I see one! Lookie there, ain't she a beaut! Notice the platform heels, the hot pants and fark me blouse! Let's see if we can draw 'er in closer. "I'm horny! I'm horny!" Oy, that got 'er attention! And... Got her! Ack! Wow, she's really angry! Easy girl, easy! She's tryin' to put that condom on me! Oy, look at her, she's a beaut! Such a majestic creature! Now we're just gonna let 'er go... easy now... and- oy, look out mate! Looks like our cameraman's gettin' a shag tonight! Beautiful!"


Truly, a work of art.
 
2010-11-09 07:47:11 AM
profplump: frostus: Or maybe your kids just didn't like you.

They may not have. I am kind of an asshole.

But you still haven't explained how you could tell that your children loved or even liked you. Were your children born with the ability to speak English? Are you telepathic? Did they type out a love letter to you when you left them by the laptop one day?


Man, but you're kids must have had a hell of time of it until they learned to talk;

"Look, you little shiats, how the hell am I supposed to understand what you want when you can't be bothered to use words? What? Is all this crying supposed signify something? Are there coded messages in the pauses between screams? Does it have anything to do with the fact you've shiat yourself again? Come on, throw me bone here. No speakey baby. Good grief..."
 
2010-11-09 07:47:28 AM
bighasbeen: ZAZ: bighasbeen

Under U.S. law if you have sex you're liable for the result, and you can't contract away liability. If you provide sperm by other means the liability rules give lawyers headaches.

I assume the rule is similar in most Western countries.

Well, ain't that a pisser. I blame Big Sperm's attempt to shut out independent providers.


"Tea Party members complain about Big Sperm's attempt to shut out independent providers saying it's a step closer to socialism."
 
2010-11-09 07:53:02 AM
Perhaps someone should tell her that STDs can make you infertile. It is not just stupid to have sex with a bunch of guys to try to get pregnant, it is dangerous.
 
2010-11-09 08:01:29 AM
CraicBaby: At least her name and picture are in the paper now, so guys can avoid her.

No. She likes going out in a wig so guys can't recognize her. She's psycho. She doesn't want to pay for a sperm donor because that is a lot of money, but she doesn't realize how much money a baby farking costs. She just wants a cute baby. She doesn't realize all of the hard work that comes with taking care of the baby, she just wants one. She needs to be hospitalized for everyone's protection, particularly to protect her future kids.
 
2010-11-09 08:01:41 AM
Where is fb when you need him?
 
2010-11-09 08:04:01 AM
She's got 2 1/2 stone of just tit-meat and that is awesome. She probably has a rockin ass as well.

Verdict: Would hit. and call again tomorrow to hit again. But not three times, because she is froot loops level crazy.
 
2010-11-09 08:06:28 AM
That's 9 kinds of farked up right there. She wants a kid so she can feel that loved? Let's see how loved she will feel with no sleep, no support and a screaming newborn to deal with.
 
2010-11-09 08:06:51 AM
oogmar: Also, for the snipped and tied men/ladies of the world: Am I the only one who thinks you guys should get a massive tax cut if you haven't been foolish enough to reproduce thus far?

Just curious.

/Would get 'em tied, but unfortunately Oregon treats it like a sex change operation still if you're under the age of 30.
//Also, the procedure is more expensive by far than a few abortions, so why bother?
///Blatant fake troll, don't respond, even if numbers-wise, it's true.


Marry me!!!!!
/JK...
//I like your ideas
 
2010-11-09 08:07:51 AM
mstaken.com
 
2010-11-09 08:08:52 AM
Pocket Ninja: B) The period goes inside the quotation mark.

IT DOESN'T farkING MATTER.
 
2010-11-09 08:12:42 AM
"Lara - who often wears a wig to protect her identity when she goes out..."


...and then goes home and has her picture put in the paper...
 
2010-11-09 08:15:35 AM
Bunnyhat: She's a little plump and that shirt isn't flattering at all on her, but I would still hit that sober.

I'd definitely knock her up. What's her number...?
 
2010-11-09 08:17:59 AM
Monophtalmos: Where is fb when you need him?

THIS!
 
2010-11-09 08:29:45 AM
she's cute, i'd hit it - if it weren't for the massive amounts of unprotected sex she's had.
 
2010-11-09 08:30:58 AM
Shoot off your load in her pooper or make her swallow... (or both)
 
2010-11-09 08:32:55 AM
Of all the dumb floating around in the article I think this might be the worst:

"My generation are educated about STDs and any man I've been with has always been honest with me."

I don't even need to explain why.

/this girl needs to be sterilized
//even so, would still prob hit it
 
2010-11-09 08:35:01 AM
Snooki?
 
2010-11-09 08:36:27 AM
"When the child is old enough, I will tell them that me and their father had a magical night together but never saw each other again.

And if we still have google during that magical time in the future, the child will know his mother was (although, probably still is) a filthy, filthy splooge dumpster.
 
2010-11-09 08:38:29 AM
POOL'S CLOSED DUE TO AIDS.
 
2010-11-09 08:39:29 AM
Wow. This girl is gross. And insane. Run away. Far far away.
 
2010-11-09 08:39:42 AM
Pee hard.

VERY HARD.
 
2010-11-09 08:40:48 AM
There will be a moment, one brief moment, when she is laying in her hospital bed holding her new baby, warm and dry and fed and happy. She will feel a moment of bliss. She will feel it was all worth it. She will snuggle her little newborn, wrap him just a little tighter in his blankey, maybe caress his forehead while he sleeps. She will feel she's made the right decision, that everything is perfect and she's set for life. She will slowly drift off to sleep with a smile on her face, thinking she's on top of the farking world. Then, a few moments later, her little angel will shiat his diaper like a motherfarker and start to scream at the top of his lungs. She'll be jolted out of a sound sleep to a squalling baby stinking of shiat, she'll panic, and it'll be all downhill from there.

Hope you liked your dicking, you limey psychopath. Now change that shiatty diaper for the first of eight times today. And start thinking about a preschool.
 
2010-11-09 08:41:01 AM
I'm so shocked the people calling her fat don't have pics in their profiles... They sound...Fat.
 
2010-11-09 08:42:56 AM
ace in your face: I'm so shocked the people calling her fat don't have pics in their profiles... They sound...Fat.


I'm so shocked that the people criticizing the people calling her fat don't have pics in their profile. They sound... cautious.
 
2010-11-09 08:46:06 AM
bighasbeen: ZAZ: Good news: She doesn't want you around so you might not be stuck with her.

Bad news: If British law is like American they'll track you down by DNA once she goes on public assistance and you'll spend 18 years regretting that night of desperate, mediocre sex.

I'm wondering: would a contract that excused the sperm provider from any future support obligations be enforceable?


Nope.

At least not in America. The obligation is to the child, not to the mother. The mother can't abrogate the child's rights. Kind of like how I can't sign away your inheritance. The best you could hope for would be an indemnification clause, and even that wouldn't pass muster.
 
2010-11-09 08:46:53 AM
What.The.fark
 
2010-11-09 08:51:36 AM
I was going to say if she wants a child so badly, why doesn't she adopt. But I doubt that she would be found mentally fit to adopt given her behavior.
 
2010-11-09 08:57:23 AM
FINE I'LL DO IT.

Sheesh.

www.explosm.net
 
2010-11-09 08:58:03 AM
Dammit, wrong thread.

Ah, whatever.
 
2010-11-09 08:59:21 AM
I'm so glad this is on their side of the pond and we don't have women/girls with that same mentality.
 
2010-11-09 09:03:30 AM
ace in your face: I'm so shocked the people calling her fat don't have pics in their profiles... They sound...Fat.

She has a fat girl face, and her body is hard to see because it's hidden behind one of those enormous-shirt-plus-leggings combos that you only find on (guess what?) fat girls.

If she lost enough weight she'd be genuinely quite attractive though, and I'd hit that, were it not the fact that reading her words has just put me off sex for life. Maybe I'll just turn gay.
 
2010-11-09 09:13:20 AM
Jorge Sum: ace in your face: I'm so shocked the people calling her fat don't have pics in their profiles... They sound...Fat.

She has a fat girl face, and her body is hard to see because it's hidden behind one of those enormous-shirt-plus-leggings combos that you only find on (guess what?) fat girls.

If she lost enough weight she'd be genuinely quite attractive though, and I'd hit that, were it not the fact that reading her words has just put me off sex for life. Maybe I'll just turn gay.


Skinny pants are supposed to be worn with tunics. Every fashion magazine shows outfits like that now even on size zero models. She looks average with large breasts. She can't possibly be over a size 10 if she is an average height.
 
2010-11-09 09:13:50 AM
FTFA:
"I don't have a steady boyfriend and feel my time to have a baby is running out. I only need a man to provide his sperm - I would have no interest in seeing him again his child support. That is why I'm a sperm hunter."

/do they not have sperm banks in the UK?
 
2010-11-09 09:17:08 AM
jail her.
 
2010-11-09 09:18:28 AM
My resolve to never have children has grown stronger.
 
2010-11-09 09:21:49 AM
Pocket Ninja: Subby:

A) All you had to do was use the quote as your headline. Your little bit of snark at the end wasn't funny and was, in fact, stupid enough that it took away from the "shock" effect of what would have been a much better effort.

B) The period goes inside the quotation mark.

C) It's spelled "desperate." All you had to do to get that one right was copy it right out of the TFA's actual headline.

Do better next time. You're welcome.


That wasn't harsh enough. I mean subby is ratting on his mom here.
 
2010-11-09 09:21:52 AM
Ahh STDs. Whatever doesn't kill you might well leave you infertile. Which would be the best thing for everyone in this situation.

Guys, even if she doesn't require/want you to wear a rubber, it really is in your best interest to do so anyway.
 
2010-11-09 09:23:09 AM
Your Favorite Token Black Chick: My resolve to never have children has grown stronger.

how you doin'
 
2010-11-09 09:23:19 AM
Relatively Obscure: If Lara, 25, meets a man who wants to use a condom, she will offer one from her purse - which she has already pierced a hole in.


Execute her.

I say I'm right there with you.

There's a lot of crazy in that one. If she has a funk and one of her partners gets it...
This is why I will always supply my own prophylactic. As a compromise I will go to a drug store and we can buy them together.
 
2010-11-09 09:23:52 AM
i5.photobucket.com

/That is all.
 
2010-11-09 09:23:53 AM
bighasbeen: "I've looked into getting a sperm donation but it's too expensive."

-"First, I check if I'm ovulating. I have spent a fortune on the expensive tests."

-"Lara has already spent hundreds of pounds on baby clothes."

-"I also take pregnancy vitamins, even though they are expensive."

That is all.


well done
 
2010-11-09 09:30:13 AM
Mentat: Sperm is a fungible commodity.

So that's why mom always used to complain about the washcloths.
 
2010-11-09 09:37:49 AM
bighasbeen: "I've looked into getting a sperm donation but it's too expensive."

-"First, I check if I'm ovulating. I have spent a fortune on the expensive tests."

-"Lara has already spent hundreds of pounds on baby clothes."

-"I also take pregnancy vitamins, even though they are expensive."

That is all.


Sounds high maintenance. And crazy. DO NOT WANT.
 
2010-11-09 09:39:32 AM
Snookie want smoosh smoosh
 
2010-11-09 09:41:29 AM
Gdalescrboz: /do they not have sperm banks in the UK?

Most of them have "Dried Up" due to recent court cases where women have been allowed to sue the donors for child support.

Link (new window)
 
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