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(Telegraph)   Dead Welsh stand-up comic you've never heard of is apparently responsible for 13 of the 50 funniest jokes of all time   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 110
    More: Unlikely, stand-up comic, Tommy Cooper, british comedians, Ugh!, funny  
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11036 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 22 Oct 2010 at 12:35 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-10-21 10:24:59 PM
37prime.files.wordpress.com
But he didn't write the funniest joke of all time, did he?
 
2010-10-21 11:09:20 PM
Laughter does not do these justice.
Ow.
 
2010-10-21 11:21:23 PM
Frankie Boyle on what won't be in the Queen's Christmas speech this year:

"I am now so old, my pussy is haunted."
 
2010-10-22 12:05:08 AM
Never heard of?

He died on live television.

Before my time, but of course I know who he is.
 
2010-10-22 12:08:02 AM
I laughed at maybe ten of those.
 
2010-10-22 12:10:27 AM
Hell.

Even his death was funny.

BUT DON'T CLICK HERE unless you want to see a funny man have a hilarious, fatal, heart attack.
 
2010-10-22 12:17:13 AM
I thought the "funniest joke ever!" was supposed to be the "Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip" one.
 
2010-10-22 12:39:21 AM
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?
 
Poe
2010-10-22 12:39:36 AM
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
 
2010-10-22 12:41:11 AM
eyehate: Hell.

Even his death was funny.

BUT DON'T CLICK HERE unless you want to see a funny man have a hilarious, fatal, heart attack.


Jesus h christ in a chicken basket, that is freaky.
 
2010-10-22 12:44:48 AM
Laughed at 4, 18, 49
Groaned at 10
Smiled at 23, 33

That's it. Least funny list of funniest jokes of all time.

But I figured everyone was so desperate to know, so I made sure everyone knew.
 
2010-10-22 12:46:08 AM
Wrong_Intentions: I laughed at maybe ten of those.

One good Fark thread beats all 50 of these.
 
2010-10-22 12:59:35 AM
eyehate: Hell.

Even his death was funny.

BUT DON'T CLICK HERE unless you want to see a funny man have a hilarious, fatal, heart attack.


Wow, never heard of this guy, but man... that's pretty hardcore right there.
 
2010-10-22 01:01:39 AM
marxychick1: that's pretty hardcore right there.

I was having heart attacks on TV before it was cool
 
2010-10-22 01:03:22 AM
I have a Glaswegian friend who takes about five minutes to tell #2 - builds it up, and up and up - this whole story of going to Berlin, wandering around, seeing the sights, finally going to the zoo - by the end, no matter how often I've heard it, I'm in hysterics. It's all about the telling.

/loves #49...can't help it...
 
2010-10-22 01:19:22 AM
i.telegraph.co.uk

Yet another insane Celt proving that fezzes are cool.

/Tommy Cooper was specifically cited as the reason for the quick demise of the Doctor's fez.
 
2010-10-22 01:20:32 AM
Still can't touch Emo!

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
 
2010-10-22 01:21:28 AM
more of the jokes after the top 10 were funny...

glad to see Stuart Francis get recognition in a british mag.
he's a funny guy, great one liners.

Also Lee Evans is good too.
 
2010-10-22 01:24:38 AM
I'm thinking this one should become my personal motto:

15. There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
 
2010-10-22 01:31:24 AM
The All-Powerful Atheismo: Jesus h christ in a chicken basket, that is freaky.

marxychick1: Wow, never heard of this guy, but man... that's pretty hardcore right there.

Hardcore. But somehow at the top of his game too.

It looks so staged.

It is rather funny even.

But having the knowledge of what is really going on just makes it sad.
 
2010-10-22 01:33:18 AM
This list misses the mark though.

Best. Joke. Ever:


How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fish.
 
2010-10-22 01:40:09 AM
It's all in the delivery.



Also, two peanuts were walking down the street.
 
2010-10-22 01:40:55 AM
MortalComedy: Still can't touch Emo!

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.


Thank you. That joke was copied into my clipboard, ready to fire into this thread. Glad I checked first.
 
2010-10-22 01:43:51 AM
What's the first symptom of AIDS?

A heavy, pounding sensation in your ass.
 
2010-10-22 01:44:31 AM
eyehate: Best. Joke. Ever:


How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fish.


That's actually a Dadaist joke.

The correct answer to "How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" Would be something like, "You're mother's screaming vagina dentalia giraffe in Bearnaise sauce.
 
2010-10-22 01:46:00 AM
Also a surrealist joke:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

/All hail Groucho
 
2010-10-22 01:49:13 AM
Sgygus: Wrong_Intentions: I laughed at maybe ten of those.

One good Fark thread beats all 50 of these.


Yeah, it sounds like a list of subpar Emo Philips/Steven Wright jokes.

"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shiatzu."

This one doesn't even make any sense.
 
2010-10-22 01:52:06 AM
fusillade762: "I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shiatzu."

This one doesn't even make any sense.


Think about it in terms of this:

Zappagirl: I have a Glaswegian friend who takes about five minutes to tell #2 - builds it up, and up and up - this whole story of going to Berlin, wandering around, seeing the sights, finally going to the zoo - by the end, no matter how often I've heard it, I'm in hysterics. It's all about the telling.
 
2010-10-22 01:56:45 AM
eyehate: The All-Powerful Atheismo: Jesus h christ in a chicken basket, that is freaky.

marxychick1: Wow, never heard of this guy, but man... that's pretty hardcore right there.

Hardcore. But somehow at the top of his game too.

It looks so staged.

It is rather funny even.

But having the knowledge of what is really going on just makes it sad.


Not staged in the slightest.
 
2010-10-22 01:58:18 AM
I'm now completely hung up on this surrealist thing. Here's the answers the internets give to the question: "How many Surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?":

A. Three. Two to fill the bathtub with clocks, and one to set the giraffe on fire....

Or,

A: Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly-colored machine tools.
 
2010-10-22 01:59:32 AM
galactus5000: Not staged in the slightest.

Unless he's also now winning at International Hide-and-go-Seek as well (and has been the champ for 25 years).
 
2010-10-22 02:02:52 AM
Dwight_Yeast: Also a surrealist joke:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

/All hail Groucho


Groucho ruled, but I believe that one was Mark Twain.
 
2010-10-22 02:06:56 AM
fusillade762: Sgygus: Wrong_Intentions: I laughed at maybe ten of those.

One good Fark thread beats all 50 of these.

Yeah, it sounds like a list of subpar Emo Philips/Steven Wright jokes.

"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shiatzu."

This one doesn't even make any sense.


Actually, it makes perfect sense, but you have to think in British.
The punch line is: It was a shiat zoo. (shiatzu - shiat zoo, get it?)
 
2010-10-22 02:28:07 AM
galactus5000: eyehate: The All-Powerful Atheismo: Jesus h christ in a chicken basket, that is freaky.

marxychick1: Wow, never heard of this guy, but man... that's pretty hardcore right there.

Hardcore. But somehow at the top of his game too.

It looks so staged.

It is rather funny even.

But having the knowledge of what is really going on just makes it sad.

Not staged in the slightest.


Yeah.

No kidding.

I meant it looked like a great comic delivery - thus staged.
 
2010-10-22 02:29:38 AM
This thread has the potential to be epic..
 
2010-10-22 02:33:40 AM
baronvonflapjack:
Groucho ruled, but I believe that one was Mark Twain.


Nope, definietly Groucho. The you can hear his cadance in the phrasing. Twain said (wrote) stuff like: Imagine you are a congressman. Now, imagine you are an idiot. Ah, but I repeat myself...

This site says maybe Groucho, but fails to point out that in 1958, when the quote was submitted to Boy's Life, Groucho was on TV once a week with What's My Line?" which was the same show on which he definietly made the "I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth!" completely off-the-cuff.
 
2010-10-22 02:34:00 AM
What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dunggggggggggg.
 
2010-10-22 02:53:29 AM
Not a single Fark commenter made the list? List FAIL tag something something sucks something douche bag something.
 
2010-10-22 02:55:07 AM
What do you do with an elephant with three balls ?

You walk him and pitch to the rhino.
 
2010-10-22 03:37:33 AM
#1 dead baby joke:

What is funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.
 
2010-10-22 03:44:08 AM
Got that from here Link (new window)

I just watched a guy die on camera...that makes it tasteless joke time.
 
2010-10-22 03:52:32 AM
galactus5000: eyehate: The All-Powerful Atheismo: Jesus h christ in a chicken basket, that is freaky.

marxychick1: Wow, never heard of this guy, but man... that's pretty hardcore right there.

Hardcore. But somehow at the top of his game too.

It looks so staged.

It is rather funny even.

But having the knowledge of what is really going on just makes it sad.

Not staged in the slightest.


galactus5000: eyehate: The All-Powerful Atheismo: Jesus h christ in a chicken basket, that is freaky.

marxychick1: Wow, never heard of this guy, but man... that's pretty hardcore right there.

Hardcore. But somehow at the top of his game too.

It looks so staged.

It is rather funny even.

But having the knowledge of what is really going on just makes it sad.

Not staged in the slightest.


..and Leonard Rossiter, onstage, same year.

There must have been some heroic quality coke going round the UK in 1984.
 
2010-10-22 03:58:42 AM
You'd turn it off when I was halfway across: galactus5000: eyehate: The All-Powerful Atheismo: Jesus h christ in a chicken basket, that is freaky.

marxychick1: Wow, never heard of this guy, but man... that's pretty hardcore right there.

Hardcore. But somehow at the top of his game too.

It looks so staged.

It is rather funny even.

But having the knowledge of what is really going on just makes it sad.

Not staged in the slightest.

galactus5000: eyehate: The All-Powerful Atheismo: Jesus h christ in a chicken basket, that is freaky.

marxychick1: Wow, never heard of this guy, but man... that's pretty hardcore right there.

Hardcore. But somehow at the top of his game too.

It looks so staged.

It is rather funny even.

But having the knowledge of what is really going on just makes it sad.

Not staged in the slightest.

..and Leonard Rossiter, onstage, same year.

There must have been some heroic quality coke going round the UK in 1984.


Or it could have been old guys reaching the end of their life.
 
2010-10-22 04:12:20 AM
Subby did not just diss Tommy Cooper...

Just because you haven't heard of him doesn't mean he wasn't brilliant. Watch some of his sketches, he's great.
 
2010-10-22 04:39:29 AM
Some of those are great but it misses out my favourite ever gag:

Q. What's the hardest thing about rollerblading?
A. Telling your parents you're gay.
 
2010-10-22 05:33:39 AM
How did Tommy Cooper die?

Just like that.
 
2010-10-22 06:05:31 AM
A baby seal walks into a club.
 
2010-10-22 07:10:06 AM
where's teh funny?
 
2010-10-22 07:22:38 AM
My lebian joke:

Two lesbians are walking down the street. What did one lesbian say to the other lesbian?

Nothing - they're mute!
 
2010-10-22 07:40:44 AM
Dwight_Yeast: fusillade762: "I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shiatzu."

This one doesn't even make any sense.

Think about it in terms of this:

Zappagirl: I have a Glaswegian friend who takes about five minutes to tell #2 - builds it up, and up and up - this whole story of going to Berlin, wandering around, seeing the sights, finally going to the zoo - by the end, no matter how often I've heard it, I'm in hysterics. It's all about the telling.


Problem is the delivery doesn't come across through my intertubes.


Subsonicmonkey: Actually, it makes perfect sense, but you have to think in British.
The punch line is: It was a shiat zoo. (shiatzu - shiat zoo, get it?)


I guess I've always thought it was pronounced "sheet-zoo". And why would a zoo even have a dog? And why would you denigrate a zoo by calling it "shiat" for only having one? If you want to see dogs go to a kennel, ffs. It's just stupid.

/i sheet zu not
 
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