That's the part that was new. A hundred years ago, a person hoping to make a pig lard pie would write everything she needed down on a list, then hand that list over to a store clerk, and wait. And then the clerk would shuffle around the back, filling the order as he felt like it. You didn't get to pick through the bananas to get the ones that weren't already black. You took what they damned well gave you.

If the shopper was lucky, there were a lot of clerks on staff and a short line ahead of her. If she was unlucky, it was Pig Lard Pie Day and she had something embarrassing like Lysol Douche on her list.

lmfao

tnpir: That's the part that was new. A hundred years ago, a person hoping to make a pig lard pie would write everything she needed down on a list, then hand that list over to a store clerk, and wait. And then the clerk would shuffle around the back, filling the order as he felt like it. You didn't get to pick through the bananas to get the ones that weren't already black. You took what they damned well gave you.

If the shopper was lucky, there were a lot of clerks on staff and a short line ahead of her. If she was unlucky, it was Pig Lard Pie Day and she had something embarrassing like Lysol Douche on her list.

lmfao

Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

Rapmaster2000: Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

The last time I bought a vibrating dildo, I made the check-out girl put batteries in it and turn it on to see if it worked. Then I held it to my throat and said "th-a-a-a-a-a-n-k y-o-o-o-u-u" to make her laugh.

Old news is sooooo exciting.

Don't you all remember hearing this story in third grade?

Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

Condoms weren't self-service until around 1980. You had to ask the drugstore clerk (and they were only sold in drug stores) for them.

Rapmaster2000: tnpir: That's the part that was new. A hundred years ago, a person hoping to make a pig lard pie would write everything she needed down on a list, then hand that list over to a store clerk, and wait. And then the clerk would shuffle around the back, filling the order as he felt like it. You didn't get to pick through the bananas to get the ones that weren't already black. You took what they damned well gave you.

If the shopper was lucky, there were a lot of clerks on staff and a short line ahead of her. If she was unlucky, it was Pig Lard Pie Day and she had something embarrassing like Lysol Douche on her list.

lmfao

Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

Few things are worse than when the wife sends you to the store to buy a few things, and you realize as you are heading to the checkout aisle with a big box of condoms, two bottles of wine, a half dozen bananas, a package of baby pacifiers, olive oil, and two barbie dolls that there is no way you can get outta this without losing face.

So you grab a bottle of jack, wear a big old grin and head to the youngest hottest cashier you can find.

Leeds: Don't you all remember hearing this story in third grade?

no

this is the first i've heard of it

does that make you feel superior now?

Good to know instead of teaching who the presidents were and how they affected america, they were teaching you useless trivia about them in your 3rd grade class...

Once I saw a woman buying a box of condoms and a package of gummi worms.... maybe she had a date with the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Another time I saw a woman getting tampons, maxi-pads, and a pack of tube socks. Wow, heavy flow day!

RealityChuck: Condoms weren't self-service until around 1980. You had to ask the drugstore clerk (and they were only sold in drug stores) for them.

You still have to ask for some of them. For instance, the ones designed to fit a larger than 8 inch penis. Or the ones that are polyethylene and not latex.

RealityChuck: Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

Condoms weren't self-service until around 1980. You had to ask the drugstore clerk (and they were only sold in drug stores) for them.

I remember at 17 just being embarrassed to buy them off the rack (1993/94). That would have been a real hassle.

adamscr: Rapmaster2000: tnpir: That's the part that was new. A hundred years ago, a person hoping to make a pig lard pie would write everything she needed down on a list, then hand that list over to a store clerk, and wait. And then the clerk would shuffle around the back, filling the order as he felt like it. You didn't get to pick through the bananas to get the ones that weren't already black. You took what they damned well gave you.

If the shopper was lucky, there were a lot of clerks on staff and a short line ahead of her. If she was unlucky, it was Pig Lard Pie Day and she had something embarrassing like Lysol Douche on her list.

lmfao

Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

Few things are worse than when the wife sends you to the store to buy a few things, and you realize as you are heading to the checkout aisle with a big box of condoms, two bottles of wine, a half dozen bananas, a package of baby pacifiers, olive oil, and two barbie dolls that there is no way you can get outta this without losing face.

So you grab a bottle of jack, wear a big old grin and head to the youngest hottest cashier you can find.

Yea, seems like everytime I run in to buy condoms the cashier says "Have a nice evening."

/that would be my intention.

daas_boot: RealityChuck: Condoms weren't self-service until around 1980. You had to ask the drugstore clerk (and they were only sold in drug stores) for them.

You still have to ask for some of them. For instance, the ones designed to fit a larger than 8 inch penis. Or the ones that are polyethylene and not latex.

Not sure what the rules are in your state, but I buy the polyethylene ones off the shelf here in Florida with no problem.

RealityChuck: Condoms weren't self-service until around 1980. You had to ask the drugstore clerk (and they were only sold in drug stores) for them.

And even then, until 1997 you weren't allowed to put the condom on yourself - you had to have a trained pharmacist put it on for you.

At least that was what he told me, but a pharmacist wouldn't lie, right?

dumbest cracked article i've read yet. and that is saying something.

daas_boot: RealityChuck: Condoms weren't self-service until around 1980. You had to ask the drugstore clerk (and they were only sold in drug stores) for them.

You still have to ask for some of them. For instance, the ones designed to fit a larger than 8 inch penis. Or the ones that are polyethylene and not latex.

Do you also get the rubberbands to keep them on from the drugstore or do you just tie in them like a stocking cap?

RealityChuck: Condoms weren't self-service until around 1980.

That's because if you are only doing self-service you don't need condoms.

8.5 tailed fox: At least that was what he told me, but a pharmacist wouldn't lie, right?

When I was 19, a 37 year old gentleman from Scotland showed me the correct procedure for putting on a condom when one has a foreskin. I was pretty clueless before that.

CeroX: Leeds: Don't you all remember hearing this story in third grade?

no

this is the first i've heard of it

does that make you feel superior now?

Good to know instead of teaching who the presidents were and how they affected america, they were teaching you useless trivia about them in your 3rd grade class...

Wow. Gradeschool was how long ago for you? And your butt still hurts?

daas_boot: When I was 19, a 37 year old gentleman from Scotland showed me the correct procedure for putting on a condom when one has a foreskin. I was pretty clueless before that.

"But there's no foreskin on my penis..."

*zip... stretch* there is now....

The doorknob one didn't actually surprise me. Hell, I actually thought they came about later. Like in the 20s or something.

8.5 tailed fox: RealityChuck: Condoms weren't self-service until around 1980. You had to ask the drugstore clerk (and they were only sold in drug stores) for them.

And even then, until 1997 you weren't allowed to put the condom on yourself - you had to have a trained pharmacist put it on for you.

At least that was what he told me, but a pharmacist wouldn't lie, right?

Correct. But when he told you that the first rubber in every pack was the "test" condom that he had to put in your ass to verify the elasticity, you should have asked more questions.

If the shopper was lucky, there were a lot of clerks on staff and a short line ahead of her. If she was unlucky, it was Pig Lard Pie Day and she had something embarrassing like Lysol Douche on her list.

Leave Pig Lard Pie Day alone!

In other news, things don't exist until they invented the patent office.

CeroX: Leeds: Don't you all remember hearing this story in third grade?

no

this is the first i've heard of it

does that make you feel superior now?

Good to know instead of teaching who the presidents were and how they affected america, they were teaching you useless trivia about them in your 3rd grade class...

sometimes it is the 'useless trivia' that keeps history from being mind numbingly boring.

adamscr: Rapmaster2000: tnpir: That's the part that was new. A hundred years ago, a person hoping to make a pig lard pie would write everything she needed down on a list, then hand that list over to a store clerk, and wait. And then the clerk would shuffle around the back, filling the order as he felt like it. You didn't get to pick through the bananas to get the ones that weren't already black. You took what they damned well gave you.

If the shopper was lucky, there were a lot of clerks on staff and a short line ahead of her. If she was unlucky, it was Pig Lard Pie Day and she had something embarrassing like Lysol Douche on her list.

lmfao

Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

Few things are worse than when the wife sends you to the store to buy a few things, and you realize as you are heading to the checkout aisle with a big box of condoms, two bottles of wine, a half dozen bananas, a package of baby pacifiers, olive oil, and two barbie dolls that there is no way you can get outta this without losing face.

So you grab a bottle of jack, wear a big old grin and head to the youngest hottest cashier you can find.

Reminds me of a question presented at a party once, "what combination of items would you add to your order in a check out line with a box of condoms to make the cashier feel uncomfortable"

To which my answer was, an auger, heavy duty plastic bags, a shovel and a ski-mask

daas_boot: 8.5 tailed fox: At least that was what he told me, but a pharmacist wouldn't lie, right?

When I was 19, a 37 year old gentleman from Scotland showed me the correct procedure for putting on a condom when one has a foreskin. I was pretty clueless before that.

trappedspirit: In other news, things don't exist until they invented the patent office.

And the patent office itself is an invention, which could not exist unless it had already patented itself from a state of non-existence.

Maybe this is how Einstein started thinking about relativity and time travel.

Cracked articles are as rigid as company PowerPoint templates.

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DROxINxTHExWIND: Do you also get the rubberbands to keep them on from the drugstore or do you just tie in them like a stocking cap?

You don't remember who this is, do you?

CeroX: adamscr: Rapmaster2000: tnpir: That's the part that was new. A hundred years ago, a person hoping to make a pig lard pie would write everything she needed down on a list, then hand that list over to a store clerk, and wait. And then the clerk would shuffle around the back, filling the order as he felt like it. You didn't get to pick through the bananas to get the ones that weren't already black. You took what they damned well gave you.

If the shopper was lucky, there were a lot of clerks on staff and a short line ahead of her. If she was unlucky, it was Pig Lard Pie Day and she had something embarrassing like Lysol Douche on her list.

lmfao

Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

Few things are worse than when the wife sends you to the store to buy a few things, and you realize as you are heading to the checkout aisle with a big box of condoms, two bottles of wine, a half dozen bananas, a package of baby pacifiers, olive oil, and two barbie dolls that there is no way you can get outta this without losing face.

So you grab a bottle of jack, wear a big old grin and head to the youngest hottest cashier you can find.

Reminds me of a question presented at a party once, "what combination of items would you add to your order in a check out line with a box of condoms to make the cashier feel uncomfortable"

To which my answer was, an auger, heavy duty plastic bags, a shovel and a ski-mask

Mine would be a Jonas Brothers DVD, a bottle of lotion and a washcloth.

Stuff invented in the 1800s falls into the category of "recent inventions"?

I have it on good authority (my brother's girlfriend, who grew up in Bordeaux) that it's not the French who are snobs and won't speak to you in anything other than french, it's Parisians. So hate them all you want.

/by the way, know what people from Bordeaux drink? Bordeaux! Whoda thunk it?

CeroX: adamscr: Rapmaster2000: tnpir: That's the part that was new. A hundred years ago, a person hoping to make a pig lard pie would write everything she needed down on a list, then hand that list over to a store clerk, and wait. And then the clerk would shuffle around the back, filling the order as he felt like it. You didn't get to pick through the bananas to get the ones that weren't already black. You took what they damned well gave you.

If the shopper was lucky, there were a lot of clerks on staff and a short line ahead of her. If she was unlucky, it was Pig Lard Pie Day and she had something embarrassing like Lysol Douche on her list.

lmfao

Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

Few things are worse than when the wife sends you to the store to buy a few things, and you realize as you are heading to the checkout aisle with a big box of condoms, two bottles of wine, a half dozen bananas, a package of baby pacifiers, olive oil, and two barbie dolls that there is no way you can get outta this without losing face.

So you grab a bottle of jack, wear a big old grin and head to the youngest hottest cashier you can find.

Reminds me of a question presented at a party once, "what combination of items would you add to your order in a check out line with a box of condoms to make the cashier feel uncomfortable"

To which my answer was, an auger, heavy duty plastic bags, a shovel and a ski-mask

A jar of vaseline and one carrot.

dictyboy: To which my answer was, an auger, heavy duty plastic bags, a shovel and a ski-mask

A jar of vaseline and one carrot.

You forgot adult diapers.

dictyboy: Reminds me of a question presented at a party once, "what combination of items would you add to your order in a check out line with a box of condoms to make the cashier feel uncomfortable"

To which my answer was, an auger, heavy duty plastic bags, a shovel and a ski-mask

A jar of vaseline and one carrot.

Twice I've bought a dozen roses, a box of condoms and a box of chocolates. You'd be surprised how well that particular mix works out.

Leeds: CeroX: Leeds: Don't you all remember hearing this story in third grade?

no

this is the first i've heard of it

does that make you feel superior now?

Good to know instead of teaching who the presidents were and how they affected america, they were teaching you useless trivia about them in your 3rd grade class...

Wow. Gradeschool was how long ago for you? And your butt still hurts?

please... since you so easily mistake snark for butt hurt you must feel superior ALL the time...

Flapjack727: The doorknob one didn't actually surprise me. Hell, I actually thought they came about later. Like in the 20s or something.

Doorknobs have been around for centuries.

adamscr: Few things are worse than when the wife sends you to the store to buy a few things, and you realize as you are heading to the checkout aisle with a big box of condoms, two bottles of wine, a half dozen bananas, a package of baby pacifiers, olive oil, and two barbie dolls that there is no way you can get outta this without losing face.

So you grab a bottle of jack, wear a big old grin and head to the youngest hottest cashier you can find.

No, the worst is when you actually have a 2-year-old riding around on your shoulders while you're buying condoms.

dictyboy: CeroX: adamscr: Rapmaster2000: tnpir: That's the part that was new. A hundred years ago, a person hoping to make a pig lard pie would write everything she needed down on a list, then hand that list over to a store clerk, and wait. And then the clerk would shuffle around the back, filling the order as he felt like it. You didn't get to pick through the bananas to get the ones that weren't already black. You took what they damned well gave you.

If the shopper was lucky, there were a lot of clerks on staff and a short line ahead of her. If she was unlucky, it was Pig Lard Pie Day and she had something embarrassing like Lysol Douche on her list.

lmfao

Sometimes I just need to buy some Astroglide, but to not look like a pervert I also grab a twelve pack of Natty, a jar of mayo, and a watermelon. The checkout girl doesn't even look me in they eye.

Few things are worse than when the wife sends you to the store to buy a few things, and you realize as you are heading to the checkout aisle with a big box of condoms, two bottles of wine, a half dozen bananas, a package of baby pacifiers, olive oil, and two barbie dolls that there is no way you can get outta this without losing face.

So you grab a bottle of jack, wear a big old grin and head to the youngest hottest cashier you can find.

Reminds me of a question presented at a party once, "what combination of items would you add to your order in a check out line with a box of condoms to make the cashier feel uncomfortable"

To which my answer was, an auger, heavy duty plastic bags, a shovel and a ski-mask

A jar of vaseline and one carrot.

Peanut butter, doggy booties, and some extra-strength Claritin.

Madness song: "House of fun"

/ that is all

CeroX: you must feel superior ALL the time...

You act like one should aspire to feel inferior.

Your pity party- count me out.

dictyboy: A jar of vaseline and one carrot.

Or you could just go diving for pearls.
Guts, by Chuck Palahniuk

I'm so very sorry.

Leeds: CeroX: you must feel superior ALL the time...

You act like one should aspire to feel inferior.

Your pity party- count me out.

Not at all, but having humility shows humanity

For the record...

I just feel like being a douche today and see it as a personal goal to be douchier than the douche im douching on...

And people who post just to douche on submitters' headlines make me want to douche heavy on douchers...

/douche

daas_boot: dictyboy: To which my answer was, an auger, heavy duty plastic bags, a shovel and a ski-mask

A jar of vaseline and one carrot.

You forgot adult diapers.

I play a few variations on this game. One is "three items that would look the most suspicious/wrong/ect.". One is "items found at a dollar store".

My favorite combo: Personal lubricant, tissues... and a copy of Mr. Bean

daas_boot: DROxINxTHExWIND: Do you also get the rubberbands to keep them on from the drugstore or do you just tie in them like a stocking cap?

You don't remember who this is, do you?

*points finger* I have...never...had sexual relations with that man...daas boot.