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(Some Guy)   The Top 10 Questions that uncultured buffoons ask about wine   (snooth.com ) divider line
    More: Interesting, wines, fools  
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31354 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Sep 2010 at 2:30 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-09-30 04:38:49 PM  

stay_classy_pdx: anyone have a good suggestion for decent cask wines? A tolerable table wine that doesn't taste like shiat?


I thought the Bota Box was pretty good. Think I had the 3L Zinfandel, but it's a big box and it's hard to remember.
 
2010-09-30 04:40:51 PM  
Khaal

Although racking and bottling that has got to be one helluva project.

6 hours of work for 10 guys. A labor of love, though.

Crushing Saturday! The grapes are in!
 
2010-09-30 04:41:47 PM  
How can anyone drink this swill? not on the list.
 
2010-09-30 04:42:13 PM  
img824.imageshack.us
 
2010-09-30 04:50:11 PM  

L33t Squirrel: I'm probably wrong, but I distinctly recall some place in the area bottling an "earthquake" wine some years back...


Yup. Have a couple bottles of Earthquake. It's pretty good.
 
2010-09-30 04:53:32 PM  
Once had a older dude come in wearing a rumpled suit (5-star joint, BTW) carrying himself like he was the King of England. I put up with the charade until he complained about his glass of cab. It was pretty clear he was expecting something of the MadDog2020 varietal.

"Hey, this isn't even cold! You could have at least brought me a glass of ice or something."

I put on a Mr. Belvedere persona and proceeded to school him on what he had been served. Sometimes it feels good to be a dick.
 
2010-09-30 04:54:31 PM  

pvrhye: Tip 8: Don't worry about the rules about matching foods. They're just suggestions.


Match the food and wine with the region of origin (more or less). Most of the time, the people that created the beverage created the food to match or complement the wine.

For example, you wouldn't have a Riesling with tomatoes & pasta and you wouldn't have a Chianti with bratwurst.
 
2010-09-30 04:55:15 PM  
FTFA: natural corks are prone to becoming corked: a chemical reaction that imparts wines with a taint

eewwww
 
2010-09-30 05:00:39 PM  
Screwcaps, actually known as Stelvins in the trade...

"I'm going to need a #9 Stelvin and some ratchet grease, stat!"
 
2010-09-30 05:02:34 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Yup. Have a couple bottles of Earthquake. It's pretty good.


Okay then, so I'm not (totally) crazy. Good to know.

For example, you wouldn't have a Riesling with tomatoes & pasta and you wouldn't have a Chianti with bratwurst.

Of course not, you have BEER with bratwurst. And to properly do it right, you cook the bratwurst with the beer. And some potatoes. And serve with another beer.

...

Time for a grocery run, I'm making some of that this weekend. Mmmmmmmm.
 
2010-09-30 05:03:34 PM  

Pocket Ninja: It's really not that hard to become a wine connoisseur. I've been drinking and collecting wine for years, and am happy to share some small tidbits that can help even someone to to wine appreciate it more readily.

First, remember that there are only two kinds of grapes: red and white. Red grapes, which make red wine, come from France, a region called Boardeux (pronounced Bord-O). White grapes, called Chardonnay, come from California. White grapes make white wine, which you should only drink if you're eating fish.

Eh..no. Yes white with fish, if you also consider all seafood fish. And if cheese is a fish. And Chinese food, poultry and pork are fish. And chocolate, for that matter, being a fish. And if Champagne isn't a wine.

 
2010-09-30 05:08:08 PM  

wurdjunky: Dog


Wow, maybe now that you got that out of the way you can finally work on that cure for cancer.
 
2010-09-30 05:12:50 PM  
bighairyguy

Serious wine drinkers can sound snobby, and true, many are, but if you don't understand the experience and/or the lingo, almost anything can sound snobby.

Ugh, no. I have a number of friends who own wine stores and one with a Croatian vineyard, and they never come off as obnoxious. Snobby wine drinkers sound snobby because they try to show off their "classy knowledge" instead of just enjoying a nice bottle of wine with friends. Saying "this has a nice oaky after taste - I like it!" is much different from staring for 15 minutes at the glass, sipping it, swirling it, tasting it, spitting it, and then remarking on it for an hour how this is a nice vintage, but 1953 was SUCH a better year than 1951 and yada yada...
 
2010-09-30 05:25:25 PM  

Alabama Hot Pocket: wurdjunky: Dog

Wow, maybe now that you got that out of the way you can finally work on that cure for cancer.


See what I mean? Feels good to be a dick, doesn't it?

/ still no cure for interfark douchebaggery.
 
2010-09-30 05:25:39 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I always get headaches from drinking red wine. I didn't realize that there were histamines in the grape skins that could cause headaches. I just assumed that I shouldn't have had two bottles by myself.

Next time, I'll pop one or two anti-histamines (probably diphenhydramine) and enjoy my wine without any possible problems.


stewbert: stay_classy_pdx: anyone have a good suggestion for decent cask wines? A tolerable table wine that doesn't taste like shiat?

I thought the Bota Box was pretty good. Think I had the 3L Zinfandel, but it's a big box and it's hard to remember.


I LOVE zinfandel. If I'm going fancy, I'll get the Sutter Home (or similarly cheap) 1.5 L bottle. Otherwise, hell yeah box wine. I like how it gets me drunk.
 
2010-09-30 05:28:07 PM  
Also, this:

i195.photobucket.com
 
2010-09-30 05:30:31 PM  
too many rules. give me 3 cubes of ice. and during band practice just give me the whole bottle if were outa beer, i want to look like eddie vedder.
 
2010-09-30 05:30:31 PM  
TFA: "So, if you're getting a headache after drinking red wine, it is likely a reaction to the histamines, which can be prevented by taking an antihistamine before starting to drink."


Interesting.

Do "non-drowsy" antihistamines (fexofenadine, loratadine) work for this? Seems like taking a pill to improve your wine drinking experience when that pill just puts you to sleep would kinda defeat the purpose.
 
2010-09-30 05:37:25 PM  

Lollipop165: Rapmaster2000

My crack is Cavit pinot grigio. ($16 for a big bottle) but I grew up with jugs of Carlo Rossi wine.


Oh man, I've had so much Cavit that I get heartburn looking at it.

/Boyfriend loves it
//the price of it, that is
 
2010-09-30 05:43:08 PM  
Pocket Ninja
Anyway, that's a quick primer. Enjoy your wine drinking!

As a wine drinker and person with a 400 bottle cellar full o' wine, I am lovin' your guide! I never knew it was so simple!

/Buys 40 point Parker wines because they're drinkable now!
//Ice wine is tasty, just make sure you use good quality ice cubes and a lot of them.
 
2010-09-30 05:44:39 PM  
If you're ever in western Michigan, I highly recommend St. Julian's vodka made from grapes. I'm not really a vodak snob, but I enjoyed it.

/they sell wine, too
//like the vodak better
 
2010-09-30 05:45:18 PM  

stewbert: Not sure if serious,



Not serious....just an old joke.

stewbert: The_Sponge: I worked at a winery back in 2002/2003, and these were the most amusing questions I was asked when I was giving a tour:

Do you use Concord grapes to make any of you wines? (Asked by an old lady.)

Do you blend fruit juice in with your wine? (A few people asked me this after I told them that you get hints of pear and apple when you sniff your sample of Chardonnay.)

A few years later, I was there to buy some wine and do some tasting. The guy next to me at the tasting bar (who looked like Larry the Cable Guy) asked one of the employees where he could find a bottle of "rise-ling".

Wine is definitely made from concord grapes, but I've never tried any that wasn't awful.

Some wineries do blend some fruit with their wines. Again, not my thing, but it does happen.



True...but since we were neither a kosher winery or Arbor Mist, you think they would have known.
 
2010-09-30 05:47:56 PM  
A good white and a good red? Boone's Farm and Nightrain Express.
 
2010-09-30 05:48:49 PM  

CleverGuy81: Also, this:


Reminds me of a blueberry wine I had once, tasting like blueberries and alcohol. Bleh.
 
2010-09-30 05:51:03 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: pvrhye: For example, you wouldn't have a Riesling with tomatoes & pasta and you wouldn't have a Chianti with bratwurst.


Whatgoes well with Chianti?

/and fava beans
 
2010-09-30 05:51:32 PM  

lordargent: Pocket Ninja: White grapes make white wine, which you should only drink if you're eating fish.

I don't eat fish, but what about other sea creatures?

Lobster and crab are pink, should I have them with red or white.

Clams and mussels for white, I assume.

Etc

/doesn't really like wine, my sweet tooth precludes me from it. Except desert wines.

/My current "snack" wine.


I don't always drink wine, but when I do, it's Sol Anus.
 
2010-09-30 05:53:11 PM  

bighairyguy: CleverGuy81: Also, this:

Reminds me of a blueberry wine I had once, tasting like blueberries and alcohol. Bleh.


There's a place called Anderson Winery in northern Indiana that makes a blueberry wine, and oooh man it's tasty. Sweet, but tasty. I think it was because it didn't have a strong alcohol taste.

/are you chewing gum?
 
2010-09-30 05:54:07 PM  

Great Justice: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: pvrhye: For example, you wouldn't have a Riesling with tomatoes & pasta and you wouldn't have a Chianti with bratwurst.

Whatgoes well with Chianti?

/and fava beans


Pizza. Seriously.
 
2010-09-30 06:00:57 PM  

L33t Squirrel: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Probably a sweet German wine. Reisling or gwurstaminer, maybe.

Not at all related to Cyborg77's (snarky) question, if you want to try a REALLY sweet wine, try to snag some Eiswein. (Ice-wine.) IIRC, the grapes are left on the vine a little bit into the winter to allow them to freeze a little, raising the sugar content of the wine. It's quite tasty and unique, although my initial reaction was that it reminded me of an alcoholic soda. :D


Very sweet and often pricey, but if you get a bottle save it to have with a rich desert, like white chocolate mousse.

/Ice wine and white chocolate mousse, if that doesn't get you laid you're beyond my help
 
2010-09-30 06:10:51 PM  

Disaster Transport: bighairyguy: CleverGuy81: Also, this:

Reminds me of a blueberry wine I had once, tasting like blueberries and alcohol. Bleh.

There's a place called Anderson Winery in northern Indiana that makes a blueberry wine, and oooh man it's tasty. Sweet, but tasty. I think it was because it didn't have a strong alcohol taste.

/are you chewing gum?


Know of any blueberry wines that might be available in Boston?
 
2010-09-30 06:12:53 PM  
W00t, off of work and off to the store! As a parting shot, I must profess my lack of class for liking the fruit-wines. Gallo's Wild Vines line is pretty good; my husband and I love their Strawberry Zinfandel as a light drink for sipping in the evening, and the Blackberry Merlot is also quite tasty. Arbor Mist isn't too bad, but I haven't had enough of their wines to develop an opinion either way.

I also drink wine coolers the same way that others drink sodas. They hardly do anything for me, but they're tasty and fizzy, and that's what matters. :D
 
2010-09-30 06:21:54 PM  

CleverGuy81: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I always get headaches from drinking red wine. I didn't realize that there were histamines in the grape skins that could cause headaches. I just assumed that I shouldn't have had two bottles by myself.

Next time, I'll pop one or two anti-histamines (probably diphenhydramine) and enjoy my wine without any possible problems.

stewbert: stay_classy_pdx: anyone have a good suggestion for decent cask wines? A tolerable table wine that doesn't taste like shiat?

I thought the Bota Box was pretty good. Think I had the 3L Zinfandel, but it's a big box and it's hard to remember.

I LOVE zinfandel. If I'm going fancy, I'll get the Sutter Home (or similarly cheap) 1.5 L bottle. Otherwise, hell yeah box wine. I like how it gets me drunk.


IMO, Bota Box is FAR superior to Franzia, etc, and FAR better than Sutter Home in bottles. This is good quality table wine, and it's a 3L box for $15-20 (on sale or not).
 
2010-09-30 06:29:03 PM  
I just don't "get it" when it comes to wine and beer lovers. I'd swear they don't have any taste buds, because both taste horrible to me. Wine tastes like spoiled grape juice (because, guess what, that's exactly what it is!). Beer tastes like fresh baked bread that's been pissed on--or at least what I can only imagine it tastes like.

The only wine I can really stand is a muscotti (or whatever it is called) or another sweet champagne type, and even then I can really only stand enough to be polite. I've had Sangria a few times, I can sometimes stand a glass of it.

I'm okay with either when used in cooking, though.
 
2010-09-30 06:32:17 PM  

Draskuul: I just don't "get it" when it comes to wine and beer lovers. I'd swear they don't have any taste buds, because both taste horrible to me. Wine tastes like spoiled grape juice (because, guess what, that's exactly what it is!). Beer tastes like fresh baked bread that's been pissed on--or at least what I can only imagine it tastes like.

The only wine I can really stand is a muscotti (or whatever it is called) or another sweet champagne type, and even then I can really only stand enough to be polite. I've had Sangria a few times, I can sometimes stand a glass of it.

I'm okay with either when used in cooking, though.


You don't like beer and live in Texas. You are either a transplant or a homosexual or quite possibly both. Not liking beer is un-American and definitely un-Texan.
 
2010-09-30 06:33:30 PM  

Angel of Death: Pocket Ninja: a region called Boardeux (pronounced Bord-O)

How far is that from Bordeaux?


It's just a bit down the beach. The two are connected by a Boardwalk.
 
2010-09-30 06:37:47 PM  

oldebayer: Angel of Death: Pocket Ninja: a region called Boardeux (pronounced Bord-O)

How far is that from Bordeaux?

It's just a bit down the beach. The two are connected by a Boardwalk Bordwalk.


FTFY.
 
2010-09-30 06:39:13 PM  

the money is in the banana stand: You don't like beer and live in Texas. You are either a transplant or a homosexual or quite possibly both. Not liking beer is un-American and definitely un-Texan.


Oooh I think that's the first time on Fark I've been called a homosexual. I'm not sure if there's some sort of achievement unlocked for that one.

Seriously, I just don't like it. I prefer drinking something that tastes good, but I don't drink much alcohol anyway. I've certainly tried plenty of them, since the drunks always want to do the "damnit, you can't possibly hate beer, try this one!" to me.
 
2010-09-30 06:44:27 PM  
Rufus Lee King

Fred Sanford gets a lot of mileage out of that bottle of Ripple! He likes to mix it with champagne and calls it champipple.

/also invented cream and ripple...called it cripple.
//Muscatel and ripple? Muscatipple.
 
2010-09-30 06:45:03 PM  

Draskuul: the money is in the banana stand: You don't like beer and live in Texas. You are either a transplant or a homosexual or quite possibly both. Not liking beer is un-American and definitely un-Texan.

Oooh I think that's the first time on Fark I've been called a homosexual. I'm not sure if there's some sort of achievement unlocked for that one.

Seriously, I just don't like it. I prefer drinking something that tastes good, but I don't drink much alcohol anyway. I've certainly tried plenty of them, since the drunks always want to do the "damnit, you can't possibly hate beer, try this one!" to me.


I'm with you on this one, there is a LOT of nasty beer out there and it should be avoided at all costs.

But there is good beer too, and fortune favours the bold.

Find a local microbrewery and get a sampler. Find a flavour that likes you.
 
2010-09-30 06:58:19 PM  
i41.photobucket.com
 
2010-09-30 07:07:41 PM  

Draskuul: I just don't "get it" when it comes to wine and beer lovers. I'd swear they don't have any taste buds, because both taste horrible to me. Wine tastes like spoiled grape juice (because, guess what, that's exactly what it is!). Beer tastes like fresh baked bread that's been pissed on--or at least what I can only imagine it tastes like.

The only wine I can really stand is a muscotti (or whatever it is called) or another sweet champagne type, and even then I can really only stand enough to be polite. I've had Sangria a few times, I can sometimes stand a glass of it.

I'm okay with either when used in cooking, though.


What a sad, sad life you must live.

Seriously, I feel sorry for you that you are missing out on two of lifes greatest pleasures.
 
2010-09-30 07:12:10 PM  
Small Hands Make It Look Bigger: How come all my wine comes in a box?

I come in a box.

/Except on Thursdays.
 
2010-09-30 07:35:42 PM  
For all of you snobs out there hating on white zinfandel, let me make this perfectly clear. How good a wine is in measured in units of ass. The more ass it gets you, the better the wine. Getting bombed on white zin has gotten me way more tail than any fancy red.

/would never drink that swill without women
//give me a good pinot noir any day of the week
///mmmmmm Pinot
 
2010-09-30 07:44:15 PM  
cleveralthere

For all of you snobs out there hating on white zinfandel, let me make this perfectly clear. How good a wine is in measured in units of ass. The more ass it gets you, the better the wine. Getting bombed on white zin has gotten me way more tail than any fancy red.



Word.
 
2010-09-30 07:52:18 PM  
Supposedly merlot sales dropped like a stone after that 'I am not drinkin any farking merlot!' quote from Sideways.

Used to work with a guy who used to tell anyone interested (which was no one) about where he was going that weekend to get a bottle of some rare wine. 'Peg and I are headed up to a restaurant in Litchfield, Connecticut, heard they have a few bottles of a 73 blah blah blah, only about $250 a bottle. Great deal for such a fantastic vintage.'

Whatever, poofter, I'll have my $7.99 bottle of decent California cab and get just as buzzed as you.

csb
 
2010-09-30 07:57:06 PM  

hellbilly: yummy


Unfortunately, at $60+ a bottle, you're right. I was sooo hoping I was going to hate it. The 2005 Cab is outstanding.
 
2010-09-30 08:12:49 PM  

L33t Squirrel: Which is made and bottled in Lodi, CA. No, really, there's a vineyard off of Highway 12 and I-5 (Phillips Farms, unless I'm mistaken) that has a line called "Seven Deadly Zins." I have yet to grab a bottle, but a co-worker had some once and loved it. Must grab some when I go home on leave next week. I've no excuse for not getting some sooner, as I've lived in that area for YEARS. :P


They also make one called "Redemption Zin".
 
2010-09-30 08:14:07 PM  
A few rules of thumb.

1) Wine doesn't travel very well. Vibration farks it up, as does heat and light. So drink it as close to the winery as you can. That will give you the best chance to actually taste it before it burns off your taste buds.

2) There is a darn good reason for a wine and cheese and cracker party. You start with light, dry wines, delicate cheeses, and bland crackers; and end up with the sticky red port and habanero cheez whiz on lutefisk rye crackers, while singing The Good Ship Venus and offering to marry a mounted javalina head named "Bob".

3) Always serve wine extra cold, because she'll drink more to cool down because you've set the thermostat high, so she'll take off her blouse.
 
2010-09-30 08:15:51 PM  

Catsaregreen: What's better: MD 20/20 or Night Train?


Two bottles of Train and get ready to pull one, line starts down the hall.
 
2010-09-30 08:18:09 PM  
"Will this this taste as good coming up as it does going down"?
 
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