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(Sun Journal (Maine))   Some pickup lines are really natures way of saying you shouldn't breed. 'Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.' ' Does this rag smell like chloroform?'   (sunjournal.com) divider line 294
    More: Fail, middle-age, hot tubs, parking garage, pockets, schoolyards, Homo habilis, nature  
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11918 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Sep 2010 at 1:21 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-09-19 08:55:10 PM
untaken_name: LittleBlondeJug: StokeyBob: Now willing to take out the garbage for sex.

Isn't that called marriage?

No, marriage is when you just take out the garbage.


LOL

/StokeyBob made me smile
 
2010-09-19 08:58:41 PM
LittleBlondeJug: So, are you going to tell me the difference, or do I need to go out to dinner with you to find out?

What time should I pick you up?
 
2010-09-19 09:01:42 PM
PacManDreaming: LittleBlondeJug: So, are you going to tell me the difference, or do I need to go out to dinner with you to find out?

What time should I pick you up?


Let's go right now!
 
2010-09-19 09:01:55 PM
LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah


Hey LBJ, I'm not ...

::reads thread::

Wait, hold on.

www.survivalcenter.com

Hey LBJ, I'm not feeling myself today. Can I feel you?
 
2010-09-19 09:02:19 PM
LittleBlondeJug:

/maces overlord_mike
//and it's not the first time
///shakes can and maces again
////virgule virgule virgule virgule


you madam are not nice!!!
 
2010-09-19 09:03:52 PM
LittleBlondeJug: PacManDreaming: LittleBlondeJug: So, are you going to tell me the difference, or do I need to go out to dinner with you to find out?

What time should I pick you up?

Let's go right now!


DAMMIT! 13 seconds too late!
 
2010-09-19 09:05:54 PM
overlord_mike: LittleBlondeJug:

/maces overlord_mike
//and it's not the first time
///shakes can and maces again
////virgule virgule virgule virgule

you madam are not nice!!!


Sorry. I thought you liked the mace.

From now on.
 
2010-09-19 09:08:00 PM
www.crschools.net
-I'll mace you good
 
2010-09-19 09:13:40 PM
LittleBlondeJug:
Sorry. I thought you liked the mace.

From now on.


my eyes burn, oh god they burn. help me
 
2010-09-19 09:16:25 PM
LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah

You seem a bit quick with that mace. Obviously, someone is in serious need of a good farking to improve her attitude.

/maces OgreMagi

:)


The smell of mace gets me excited.
 
2010-09-19 09:17:20 PM
OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah

You seem a bit quick with that mace. Obviously, someone is in serious need of a good farking to improve her attitude.

/maces OgreMagi

:)

The smell of mace gets me excited.


/takes out the stun gun
 
2010-09-19 09:32:09 PM
LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah

You seem a bit quick with that mace. Obviously, someone is in serious need of a good farking to improve her attitude.

/maces OgreMagi

:)

The smell of mace gets me excited.

/takes out the stun gun


Ooh, electricity play! You sexy vixen, you!
 
2010-09-19 09:37:28 PM
Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.
 
2010-09-19 09:41:57 PM
TheGogmagog: Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.

/maces TheGogmagog
 
2010-09-19 09:43:14 PM
LittleBlondeJug: TheGogmagog: Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.

/maces TheGogmagog


Do you have a permit for that mace? No? I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to handcuff and frisk you.
 
2010-09-19 09:45:47 PM
OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: TheGogmagog: Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.

/maces TheGogmagog

Do you have a permit for that mace? No? I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to handcuff and frisk you.


Okie dokie.
 
2010-09-19 09:46:58 PM
My penis is three inches... FROM THE GROUND WIDE!

FTFY, Mr. I-Have-six-inch-legs
 
2010-09-19 09:48:13 PM
LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: TheGogmagog: Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.

/maces TheGogmagog

Do you have a permit for that mace? No? I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to handcuff and frisk you.

Okie dokie.


Crap. The first time in my life a pickup line has worked and she's two thousand miles away. :(
 
2010-09-19 09:50:06 PM
LittleBlondeJug: untaken_name: LittleBlondeJug: StokeyBob: Now willing to take out the garbage for sex.

Isn't that called marriage?

No, marriage is when you just take out the garbage.

LOL

/StokeyBob made me smile


StokeyBob wins.
I think someone owes StokeyBob a date.
 
2010-09-19 10:10:08 PM
LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah


As if I hadn't already built up an immunity to mace...

/Giggity giggity
 
2010-09-19 10:21:33 PM
neomunk: Who wants some penis?!?


Said in a loud voice at the bar, the success rate is dependent upon type of bar, crowd density and time of night. Success rates can approach 100% under certain conditions.

/remember kiddies, always equip your prophylactic!


AT THE GAY BAR!
 
2010-09-19 10:33:46 PM
cowsspinach: FloydA:

OK, but the important thing is did you get the kidney?


Nah, I was too drunk and was trying to prove to him I wasn't some lethal female and kept showing him my ID.

AbbeySomeone:

More importantly, did you get laid before you relieved him of a kidney?
Multi-tasking, you youngsters overlook this sometimes.

Nope. I was trying to prove to a gay friend that girls could get laid easier than a straight guy but after asking that question to some male at the bar that theory was thrown out of the window.


/still believes it though


Hm, maybe you should try that with someone else.

Like me.
 
2010-09-19 10:38:03 PM
My best pick-up line is "Jager bomb or vodka cranberry?"

You have to repeat it at least 10 times... but then it's game on!
 
2010-09-19 10:47:50 PM
so, what's going on in here?

/other than dudes trying to get LBJ to touch their e-peens
//*takes number*
 
2010-09-19 11:01:51 PM
fark me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me.

or

fark me if I'm wrong but is your name Imelda?

/haven't seen those ones yet
 
2010-09-19 11:10:05 PM
"My friend over there is curious and wanted me to ask you -- do you think I'm cute?"
 
2010-09-19 11:17:04 PM
Would you cum with me please?
 
2010-09-19 11:33:52 PM
That dress looks great on you - it'd look even better covered in dried blood and marked 'Exhibit B'.

If I had eyes like yours, I'd store them in a bucket. With the rest.

/didn't read thread, don't care
//both of these lines have worked for me
 
2010-09-19 11:36:19 PM
Girl, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole FIELD of ya'll!

/mmmm ... hot, country girls
 
2010-09-19 11:45:49 PM
Me: And that's how you change your wallpaper.
Her: Wow! That's great, thanks!
Me: No problem.
Her: Bye.
Me: Bye.
 
2010-09-19 11:56:11 PM
cowsspinach: FloydA:

OK, but the important thing is did you get the kidney?


Nah, I was too drunk and was trying to prove to him I wasn't some lethal female and kept showing him my ID.



Well, darn it, get back out there and get that kidney! This monster ain't gonna build itself! ;-)
 
2010-09-20 12:16:08 AM
Recently tried out on me at a bar:

Him: How much does a polar bear weigh?
Me: I don't know.
Him: Enough to break the ice.

It didn't work, and I think the withering, icy look my roommate gave him might have actually caused some frostbite-like damage to his testicles.
 
2010-09-20 01:22:02 AM
themasterdebater: I can't decide if were doing pick up lines arbitrarily, or trying to pick up LittleBlondeJug...

/She is pretty cute though!


Yeah she's cute, but it's such an AW photo that I close the page straight away.

Oh, FTR, I'd go with "suck me, beautiful".
 
2010-09-20 01:27:03 AM
FTA: Do you live around here often?

Didn't we used to go to different schools together?
 
2010-09-20 02:00:57 AM
cowsspinach: Me: Hey, do you want to go to the nearest hotel and fark?

Him: Nope. No. No no no.

Me: What? Are you farking kidding me?!

Him: I don't believe you, if I do go to a hotel with you, I'll wake up in a tub filled with ice and missing a kidney.

Me: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?



/shrugs


bullshiat. you're hot.

/and i don't need that second kidney...
 
2010-09-20 10:01:14 AM
Good thing you got huge boobs, cuz you are boring as hell to talk to.
 
2010-09-20 11:01:01 AM
LittleBlondeJug: twidgetfitch: "I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?"

/still would work, since we would start a conversation
//a conversation is what you are looking for
///virgule virgule virgule


Grammar gets me hot--especially when the practitioner knows what a virgule is.

virgulehowYOUdoin'
 
2010-09-20 11:20:23 AM
cowsspinach:

Me: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

/shrugs


It's your looks. Guys would have trouble believing someone as attractive as you actually needs to ask for sex.

/or was that the joke?
 
2010-09-20 12:06:27 PM
bird girl: Recently tried out on me at a bar:

Him: How much does a polar bear weigh?
Me: I don't know.
Him: Enough to break the ice.

It didn't work, and I think the withering, icy look my roommate gave him might have actually caused some frostbite-like damage to his testicles.


haha that isnt the worst line ever.

bird girl, eh? you have birds?

/email in profile!
 
2010-09-20 12:59:53 PM
MikeBoomshadow: LittleBlondeJug: twidgetfitch: "I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?"

/still would work, since we would start a conversation
//a conversation is what you are looking for
///virgule virgule virgule

Grammar gets me hot--especially when the practitioner knows what a virgule is.



A sub-atomic particle that has never had sex?
 
2010-09-20 01:08:00 PM
Ever had your bewbs weighed?
No
*grab one in each hand and jiggle them*
WAAHHHAAAAYYYYY


I bet you a buck I can make your bewbs move without touching them.
*jiggles the bewbies and give her a buck*
You win.
 
2010-09-20 02:24:42 PM
My two favorites which have worked:

Look her in the eyes with a straight face and gently say "Smile if you'll have sex with me."

and

"If I were to ask you if you wanted to sleep with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
 
2010-09-20 06:38:53 PM
Best pick up line is just "Hi". And then just relax and talk.
 
2010-09-20 06:43:35 PM
Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?
 
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