FARK.com: (5632157) Some pickup lines are really natures way of saying you shouldn't breed. 'Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.' ' Does this rag smell like chloroform?'

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		Some pickup lines are really natures way of saying you shouldn't breed. 'Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.' ' Does this rag smell like chloroform?' (sunjournal.com)		294
		More: Fail, middle-age, hot tubs, parking garage, pockets, schoolyards, Homo habilis, nature

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11918 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Sep 2010 at 1:21 PM | Favorite | share:

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LittleBlondeJug		2010-09-19 08:55:10 PM

untaken_name: LittleBlondeJug: StokeyBob: Now willing to take out the garbage for sex.

Isn't that called marriage?

No, marriage is when you just take out the garbage.

LOL

/StokeyBob made me smile

PacManDreaming		2010-09-19 08:58:41 PM

LittleBlondeJug: So, are you going to tell me the difference, or do I need to go out to dinner with you to find out?

What time should I pick you up?

LittleBlondeJug		2010-09-19 09:01:42 PM

PacManDreaming: LittleBlondeJug: So, are you going to tell me the difference, or do I need to go out to dinner with you to find out?

What time should I pick you up?

Let's go right now!

ffish		2010-09-19 09:01:55 PM

LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah

Hey LBJ, I'm not ...

::reads thread::

Wait, hold on.

www.survivalcenter.com

Hey LBJ, I'm not feeling myself today. Can I feel you?

overlord_mike		2010-09-19 09:02:19 PM

LittleBlondeJug:

/maces overlord_mike
//and it's not the first time
///shakes can and maces again
////virgule virgule virgule virgule

you madam are not nice!!!

ffish		2010-09-19 09:03:52 PM

LittleBlondeJug: PacManDreaming: LittleBlondeJug: So, are you going to tell me the difference, or do I need to go out to dinner with you to find out?

What time should I pick you up?

Let's go right now!

DAMMIT! 13 seconds too late!

LittleBlondeJug		2010-09-19 09:05:54 PM

overlord_mike: LittleBlondeJug:

/maces overlord_mike
//and it's not the first time
///shakes can and maces again
////virgule virgule virgule virgule

you madam are not nice!!!

Sorry. I thought you liked the mace.

From now on.

Sork		2010-09-19 09:08:00 PM

-I'll mace you good

overlord_mike		2010-09-19 09:13:40 PM

LittleBlondeJug:
Sorry. I thought you liked the mace.

From now on.

my eyes burn, oh god they burn. help me

OgreMagi		2010-09-19 09:16:25 PM

LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah

You seem a bit quick with that mace. Obviously, someone is in serious need of a good farking to improve her attitude.

/maces OgreMagi

:)

The smell of mace gets me excited.

LittleBlondeJug		2010-09-19 09:17:20 PM

OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah

You seem a bit quick with that mace. Obviously, someone is in serious need of a good farking to improve her attitude.

/maces OgreMagi

:)

The smell of mace gets me excited.

/takes out the stun gun

OgreMagi		2010-09-19 09:32:09 PM

LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah

You seem a bit quick with that mace. Obviously, someone is in serious need of a good farking to improve her attitude.

/maces OgreMagi

:)

The smell of mace gets me excited.

/takes out the stun gun

Ooh, electricity play! You sexy vixen, you!

TheGogmagog		2010-09-19 09:37:28 PM

Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.

LittleBlondeJug		2010-09-19 09:41:57 PM

TheGogmagog: Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.

/maces TheGogmagog

OgreMagi		2010-09-19 09:43:14 PM

LittleBlondeJug: TheGogmagog: Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.

/maces TheGogmagog

Do you have a permit for that mace? No? I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to handcuff and frisk you.

LittleBlondeJug		2010-09-19 09:45:47 PM

OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: TheGogmagog: Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.

/maces TheGogmagog

Do you have a permit for that mace? No? I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to handcuff and frisk you.

Okie dokie.

wambu		2010-09-19 09:46:58 PM

My penis is three inches... ~~FROM THE GROUND~~ WIDE!

FTFY, Mr. I-Have-six-inch-legs

OgreMagi		2010-09-19 09:48:13 PM

LittleBlondeJug: OgreMagi: LittleBlondeJug: TheGogmagog: Hi, If you don't have a penis you can use mine tonight.

/maces TheGogmagog

Do you have a permit for that mace? No? I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to handcuff and frisk you.

Okie dokie.

Crap. The first time in my life a pickup line has worked and she's two thousand miles away. :(

scwewywabbit		2010-09-19 09:50:06 PM

LittleBlondeJug: untaken_name: LittleBlondeJug: StokeyBob: Now willing to take out the garbage for sex.

Isn't that called marriage?

No, marriage is when you just take out the garbage.

LOL

/StokeyBob made me smile

StokeyBob wins.
I think someone owes StokeyBob a date.

drunkenmessiah		2010-09-19 10:10:08 PM

LittleBlondeJug: drunkenmessiah: "I haven't seen beauty like yours since the neighbor's daughter started closing her blinds"

/maces drunkenmessiah

As if I hadn't already built up an immunity to mace...

/Giggity giggity

lumyai		2010-09-19 10:21:33 PM

neomunk: Who wants some penis?!?

Said in a loud voice at the bar, the success rate is dependent upon type of bar, crowd density and time of night. Success rates can approach 100% under certain conditions.

/remember kiddies, always equip your prophylactic!

AT THE GAY BAR!

Ostiarius		2010-09-19 10:33:46 PM

cowsspinach: FloydA:

OK, but the important thing is did you get the kidney?

Nah, I was too drunk and was trying to prove to him I wasn't some lethal female and kept showing him my ID.

AbbeySomeone:

More importantly, did you get laid before you relieved him of a kidney?
Multi-tasking, you youngsters overlook this sometimes.

Nope. I was trying to prove to a gay friend that girls could get laid easier than a straight guy but after asking that question to some male at the bar that theory was thrown out of the window.

/still believes it though

Hm, maybe you should try that with someone else.

Like me.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom		2010-09-19 10:38:03 PM

My best pick-up line is "Jager bomb or vodka cranberry?"

You have to repeat it at least 10 times... but then it's game on!

beavens		2010-09-19 10:47:50 PM

so, what's going on in here?

/other than dudes trying to get LBJ to touch their e-peens
//*takes number*

Nana's Vibrator		2010-09-19 11:01:51 PM

fark me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me.

or

fark me if I'm wrong but is your name Imelda?

/haven't seen those ones yet

soseussme		2010-09-19 11:10:05 PM

"My friend over there is curious and wanted me to ask you -- do you think I'm cute?"

Mailmantom		2010-09-19 11:17:04 PM

Would you cum with me please?

RedThree		2010-09-19 11:33:52 PM

That dress looks great on you - it'd look even better covered in dried blood and marked 'Exhibit B'.

If I had eyes like yours, I'd store them in a bucket. With the rest.

/didn't read thread, don't care
//both of these lines have worked for me

HawgWild		2010-09-19 11:36:19 PM

Girl, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole FIELD of ya'll!

/mmmm ... hot, country girls

feanturi		2010-09-19 11:45:49 PM

Me: And that's how you change your wallpaper.
Her: Wow! That's great, thanks!
Me: No problem.
Her: Bye.
Me: Bye.

FloydA		2010-09-19 11:56:11 PM

bird girl		2010-09-20 12:16:08 AM

Recently tried out on me at a bar:

Him: How much does a polar bear weigh?
Me: I don't know.
Him: Enough to break the ice.

It didn't work, and I think the withering, icy look my roommate gave him might have actually caused some frostbite-like damage to his testicles.

mjno7		2010-09-20 01:22:02 AM

themasterdebater: I can't decide if were doing pick up lines arbitrarily, or trying to pick up LittleBlondeJug...

/She is pretty cute though!

Yeah she's cute, but it's such an AW photo that I close the page straight away.

Oh, FTR, I'd go with "suck me, beautiful".

Zombalupagus		2010-09-20 01:27:03 AM

FTA: Do you live around here often?

Didn't we used to go to different schools together?

REDARMYVODKA		2010-09-20 02:00:57 AM

cowsspinach: Me: Hey, do you want to go to the nearest hotel and fark?

Him: Nope. No. No no no.

Me: What? Are you farking kidding me?!

Him: I don't believe you, if I do go to a hotel with you, I'll wake up in a tub filled with ice and missing a kidney.

Me: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

/shrugs

bullshiat. you're hot.

/and i don't need that second kidney...

xCO2MANx		2010-09-20 10:01:14 AM

Good thing you got huge boobs, cuz you are boring as hell to talk to.

MikeBoomshadow		2010-09-20 11:01:01 AM

LittleBlondeJug: twidgetfitch: "I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?"

/still would work, since we would start a conversation
//a conversation is what you are looking for
///virgule virgule virgule

Grammar gets me hot--especially when the practitioner knows what a virgule is.

virgulehowYOUdoin'

MikeBoomshadow		2010-09-20 11:20:23 AM

cowsspinach:

Me: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

/shrugs

It's your looks. Guys would have trouble believing someone as attractive as you actually needs to ask for sex.

/or was that the joke?

beavens		2010-09-20 12:06:27 PM

bird girl: Recently tried out on me at a bar:

Him: How much does a polar bear weigh?
Me: I don't know.
Him: Enough to break the ice.

It didn't work, and I think the withering, icy look my roommate gave him might have actually caused some frostbite-like damage to his testicles.

haha that isnt the worst line ever.

bird girl, eh? you have birds?

/email in profile!

FloydA		2010-09-20 12:59:53 PM

MikeBoomshadow: LittleBlondeJug: twidgetfitch: "I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?"

/still would work, since we would start a conversation
//a conversation is what you are looking for
///virgule virgule virgule

Grammar gets me hot--especially when the practitioner knows what a virgule is.

A sub-atomic particle that has never had sex?

Jonny Ninja		2010-09-20 01:08:00 PM

Ever had your bewbs weighed?
No
*grab one in each hand and jiggle them*
WAAHHHAAAAYYYYY

I bet you a buck I can make your bewbs move without touching them.
*jiggles the bewbies and give her a buck*
You win.

Kusanagi		2010-09-20 02:24:42 PM

My two favorites which have worked:

Look her in the eyes with a straight face and gently say "Smile if you'll have sex with me."

and

"If I were to ask you if you wanted to sleep with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"