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(Kansas City)   64-year old woman drags naked neighbor out of her house by beard (w/ pic)   (kansascity.com) divider line 84
    More: Dumbass  
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24405 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Sep 2010 at 7:58 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-09-09 08:00:22 AM
The woman said she awoke about 12:50 a.m. Tuesday to find her neighbor standing over her naked, according to court records. He allegedly grabbed her arm and said he was "just being friendly."

Won't you be my neighbor?
 
2010-09-09 08:00:28 AM
Sounds like a case of the crazies.
 
2010-09-09 08:07:04 AM

She picked up a tape measure and bonked it against the neighbor's head three times.


I think this is the first time I have read the word "bonked" in a news story.
 
2010-09-09 08:07:25 AM
This is the second time he's left himself in and with a face like that she didn't learn to lock the friggin door after her first encounter with the freak???
 
2010-09-09 08:07:34 AM
"Beard" she grabbed him by.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
 
2010-09-09 08:10:52 AM
all he needs in the pic is a pirate hat
 
2010-09-09 08:11:49 AM
In before IdBeCrazyIf comes in and tells us he banged a 64 year old woman and her bearded neighbor and it wasn't as good as we might think.
 
2010-09-09 08:12:59 AM
Well I use Mac/Linux...: In before IdBeCrazyIf comes in and tells us he banged a 64 year old woman and her bearded neighbor and it wasn't as good as we might think.

Too young!
 
2010-09-09 08:17:00 AM
Can you imagine how scary that man would be with no clothes? I'll bet she took a shower for an hour.
 
2010-09-09 08:17:12 AM
Bonked. Bonk, bonk, bonk.
 
2010-09-09 08:20:00 AM
ZZ Top needs to make room in the band for that guy.
 
2010-09-09 08:20:23 AM
Ah, the power of Viagra to make an old man stupid.
 
2010-09-09 08:20:53 AM
I bonked a tape measure once, its not as good as you might think.
 
2010-09-09 08:21:16 AM
That pic is going to give me nightmares.
 
2010-09-09 08:24:38 AM
'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout an undressed man.

i2.photobucket.com
 
2010-09-09 08:26:18 AM
She picked up a tape measure and bonked it against the neighbor's head three times. He then left.

During the carpenter wars, the tape measure was used as a close in weapon of choice among the Union Carpenters. It proved to be a deadly weapon when used as a striking device or flung at the enemy while holding on to the end of the tape. This allowed the attacker to recover his weapon and use it against another foe.

The three-pete attack as it is known was where the attacker hit the foe with a tape measure, knocking him to the ground. The second, better aimed shot was to disable or knock enemy unconscious and the third shot, delivered close in, would be the coup de grace.

Sadly, the automatic nail gun proved an effective countermeasure and use of the tape measure as a weapon fell out of vogue. Supposedly, some Ninja Carpenters still rely on the device as it is a relatively silent weapon that is still effective when the attacker has the element of surprise.

/the more you know....
 
2010-09-09 08:29:25 AM
Police reports noted he had been drinking prior to the incident.

Ya think?
 
2010-09-09 08:32:41 AM
I guess we finally know the answer to the question of will he still need her, will he still feed her.

/you'll be older too
 
2010-09-09 08:40:29 AM
Harry Freakstorm: She picked up a tape measure and bonked it against the neighbor's head three times. He then left.

During the carpenter wars, the tape measure was used as a close in weapon of choice among the Union Carpenters. It proved to be a deadly weapon when used as a striking device or flung at the enemy while holding on to the end of the tape. This allowed the attacker to recover his weapon and use it against another foe.

The three-pete attack as it is known was where the attacker hit the foe with a tape measure, knocking him to the ground. The second, better aimed shot was to disable or knock enemy unconscious and the third shot, delivered close in, would be the coup de grace.

Sadly, the automatic nail gun proved an effective countermeasure and use of the tape measure as a weapon fell out of vogue. Supposedly, some Ninja Carpenters still rely on the device as it is a relatively silent weapon that is still effective when the attacker has the element of surprise.

/the more you know....


fs6.depauw.edu

/Remember, we're all in this together.
//hot
 
2010-09-09 08:41:29 AM
"Police reports noted he had been drinking prior to the incident."

Really?
 
2010-09-09 08:48:29 AM
All great carpenter warriors used a 3/4 delivery
 
2010-09-09 08:52:21 AM
Freakin Rican

all he needs in the pic is a pirate hat

farm5.static.flickr.com

Done.

/Swabs, don't be forgetin Talk Like a Pirate Day. It be comin up fast, like a angry scooner!
 
2010-09-09 08:55:04 AM
Harry Freakstorm: She picked up a tape measure and bonked it against the neighbor's head three times. He then left.

During the carpenter wars, the tape measure was used as a close in weapon of choice among the Union Carpenters. It proved to be a deadly weapon when used as a striking device or flung at the enemy while holding on to the end of the tape. This allowed the attacker to recover his weapon and use it against another foe.

The three-pete attack as it is known was where the attacker hit the foe with a tape measure, knocking him to the ground. The second, better aimed shot was to disable or knock enemy unconscious and the third shot, delivered close in, would be the coup de grace.

Sadly, the automatic nail gun proved an effective countermeasure and use of the tape measure as a weapon fell out of vogue. Supposedly, some Ninja Carpenters still rely on the device as it is a relatively silent weapon that is still effective when the attacker has the element of surprise.

/the more you know....


I saw that battle on Deadliest Warrior just the other day! Union Carpenter had the tape measure, 16-foot 2x4, ladder and plumb bob. They had him up against a Liberian rebel with an AK-47, Molotov cocktail, nail bomb and RPG launcher.
 
2010-09-09 08:59:44 AM
Bonk,bonk on the head!!!
 
2010-09-09 09:02:50 AM
Ah, Saruman . . . has it come to this?
 
2010-09-09 09:03:14 AM
Fidel?
 
2010-09-09 09:07:34 AM
Meth's Alcohol's a hell of a drug.
 
2010-09-09 09:09:18 AM
Thanks to Google Maps I've learned this all took place in a trailer park.

No street view sadly...
 
2010-09-09 09:15:14 AM
Beard thread?
 
2010-09-09 09:16:37 AM
My kind of woman!
 
2010-09-09 09:23:22 AM
whammer: 'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout an undressed man.

The drummer for Z.Z. Top is the only band member without a beard. His name? Frank Beard.
 
2010-09-09 09:23:42 AM
bobbette: Thanks to Google Maps I've learned this all took place in a trailer park.

No street view sadly...


Ah, it all becomes clear.
 
2010-09-09 09:27:08 AM
Lanny Budd: The woman said she awoke about 12:50 a.m. Tuesday to find her neighbor standing over her naked, according to court records. He allegedly grabbed her arm and said he was "just being friendly."

Won't you be my neighbor?


Over in 1.
 
2010-09-09 09:27:48 AM
Is there a fark qran burning thread on here? I just came to put my 2 cents in and maybe some matches.
 
2010-09-09 09:32:04 AM
internutthead: She picked up a tape measure and bonked it against the neighbor's head three times.


I think this is the first time I have read the word "bonked" in a news story.


That's exactly what I came here to post. That cracked me up.
 
2010-09-09 09:32:11 AM
internutthead: She picked up a tape measure and bonked it against the neighbor's head three times.


I think this is the first time I have read the word "bonked" in a news story.


Came here to say exactly this. Leaving satisfied that I was right.
 
2010-09-09 09:33:37 AM
Harry Freakstorm: Sadly, the automatic nail gun proved an effective countermeasure and use of the tape measure as a weapon fell out of vogue. Supposedly, some Ninja Carpenters still rely on the device as it is a relatively silent weapon that is still effective when the attacker has the element of surprise.

Much like the Aboriginies and the yo-yo, I would imagine.
 
2010-09-09 09:34:10 AM
Shakespeare's Monkey: Freakin Rican

all he needs in the pic is a pirate hat



Done.

/Swabs, don't be forgetin Talk Like a Pirate Day. It be comin up fast, like a angry scooner!


This is awesome.
 
2010-09-09 09:35:34 AM
Police reports noted he had been drinking prior to the incident.

Really?

/OT - Hey Vern!
 
2010-09-09 09:36:18 AM
vernterv: This is awesome.

Yaaarrr.
 
2010-09-09 09:38:11 AM
WTF? Hero tag out being dragged around by the beard?
 
2010-09-09 09:39:32 AM
Did anyone other than me expect a story about a naked bearded lady being dragged out of her house?
 
2010-09-09 09:40:15 AM
anyone else translated the title as "woman drags her neighbor from the neighbor's house [who is also a female] by HER beard"?
 
2010-09-09 09:42:41 AM
whammer: 'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout an undressed man.

You owe me a new keyboard.
 
2010-09-09 09:42:42 AM
saomai: This is the second time he's left himself in and with a face like that she didn't learn to lock the friggin door after her first encounter with the freak???

nice way of judging that guy, you rancid coont
 
2010-09-09 09:43:16 AM
Obviously, he crossed her lawn on the way to the house.
 
2010-09-09 09:45:27 AM
lenfromak: Did anyone other than me expect a story about a naked bearded lady being dragged out of her house?

The Bearded Clam?
 
2010-09-09 09:47:57 AM
I read that as "64 year old woman dragged naked by neighbor out of her house by her beard" and I grabbed my crotch in mock pain. I need more caffeine.
 
2010-09-09 09:49:35 AM
blazemongr: internutthead: She picked up a tape measure and bonked it against the neighbor's head three times.


I think this is the first time I have read the word "bonked" in a news story.

Came here to say exactly this. Leaving satisfied that I was right.


I thought I was reading the Star.
 
2010-09-09 09:50:27 AM
Did anyone else expect to see a pic of her dragging said pirate/civil war general/meth enthusiast?
 
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