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(Cracked) Dumbass Six things movie characters always manage to forget in order to create tension or advance the plot   (cracked.com) divider line 132
More: Dumbass, Gilligan's Island, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, things movie, David Duchovny, Lost in Space, Carl Weathers, Ark, Holy Grail  
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18832 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 05 Sep 2010 at 10:02 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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2010-09-05 10:05:08 PM
Pick up the fallen bad guy's weapon.

/dnrtfa
 
2010-09-05 10:07:31 PM
sinanju: Pick up the fallen bad guy's weapon.

Make sure fallen bad guy is actually dead by way of shooting him with the gun you just got off of him?
 
2010-09-05 10:20:15 PM
So let me get this straight...

1. Copy/paraphrase Cracked.com headline
2. ???
3. Greenlight?

That's it? Really? I wish I knew that.
 
2010-09-05 10:28:37 PM
1. Call the cops when appropriate.

/haven't read the thread yet
 
2010-09-05 10:30:39 PM
7. Oh yeah, we said we wouldn't split up. Now we die.
 
2010-09-05 10:35:02 PM
Enfenestrate: sinanju: Pick up the fallen bad guy's weapon.

Make sure fallen bad guy is actually dead by way of shooting him with the gun you just got off of him?



Double Tap the bastidge, is how it should be done. And not shot once, go over to the body and gently nudge it with your foot, or even worse, actually bend down close enough for the farker to grab you. That's farking dumb shiat, right there.
 
2010-09-05 10:36:23 PM
Enfenestrate: sinanju: Pick up the fallen bad guy's weapon.

Make sure fallen bad guy is actually dead by way of shooting him with the gun you just got off of him?


Shoot him in the head with it. Multiple times.
 
2010-09-05 10:40:58 PM
Enfenestrate: sinanju: Pick up the fallen bad guy's weapon.

Make sure fallen bad guy is actually dead by way of shooting him with the gun you just got off of him?


Indeed... it just amazes me how often the good guy skips the bad guy's weapon despite the fact that (1) the bad guy's weapon is superior or the good guy has no weapon at all and (2) the bad guy is only mostly dead and is going to use that weapon again when he's feeling better.
 
2010-09-05 10:41:24 PM
SPOILERS FOR THE HARRY POTTER SERIES: ESPECIALLY BOOK FIVE

The Time Turners were destroyed in the battle at the Ministry of Magic. Hermione specifially mentioned it.
 
2010-09-05 10:41:36 PM
Son of Thunder: Enfenestrate: sinanju: Pick up the fallen bad guy's weapon.

Make sure fallen bad guy is actually dead by way of shooting him with the gun you just got off of him?

Shoot him in the head with it. Multiple times.


Empty the clip into his head and then kick him a few times.
 
2010-09-05 10:47:56 PM
Wolfmanjames: SPOILERS FOR THE HARRY POTTER SERIES: ESPECIALLY BOOK FIVE

The Time Turners were destroyed in the battle at the Ministry of Magic. Hermione specifially mentioned it.


They still could have saved Cedric in Book 4 and possibly stopped Voldemort's return...
 
2010-09-05 10:48:21 PM
Yeah, I never bought the beginning of Ghostbusters II where they were all financailly ruined and everyone thought they were a bunch of frauds. A 15-story-tall marshmallow man walked down the f*cking street, stomped on a bunch of cars, climbed up a skyscraper and then blew up. Nobody would believe they faked that.

I get that the writers of GB II were targeting people's cynicism, forgetfulness, no good deed goes unpunished, etc., but even as a kid I didn't believe that the Ghostbusters would have gotten hosed like that between movies.
 
2010-09-05 10:49:08 PM
Has anyone mentioned "shoot the bad guy in the head a bunch of times to make sure he's dead", because that would be pretty important to me.
 
2010-09-05 10:53:33 PM
Mulchpuppy: Wolfmanjames: SPOILERS FOR THE HARRY POTTER SERIES: ESPECIALLY BOOK FIVE

The Time Turners were destroyed in the battle at the Ministry of Magic. Hermione specifially mentioned it.

They still could have saved Cedric in Book 4 and possibly stopped Voldemort's return...


They only time-traveled once, but it seemed like it followed Lost's "Whatever happened, happened" rule. Harry and Hermione didn't alter time, there were always two sets of them for that brief period.

So saving Cedric is off limits, because Harry saw it happen without seeing another Harry come and save him. A better example might be using the Time Turner again in Book 3 to just chill at the edge of Hogwarts, waiting to capture Pettigrew after he escaped.
 
2010-09-05 10:55:53 PM
galactus5000: Has anyone mentioned "shoot the bad guy in the head a bunch of times to make sure he's dead", because that would be pretty important to me.


28.media.tumblr.com
 
2010-09-05 11:04:01 PM
shower_in_my_socks: Yeah, I never bought the beginning of Ghostbusters II where they were all financailly ruined and everyone thought they were a bunch of frauds. A 15-story-tall marshmallow man walked down the f*cking street, stomped on a bunch of cars, climbed up a skyscraper and then blew up. Nobody would believe they faked that.

I get that the writers of GB II were targeting people's cynicism, forgetfulness, no good deed goes unpunished, etc., but even as a kid I didn't believe that the Ghostbusters would have gotten hosed like that between movies.


I always took the very cynical approach. A bunch of politicans hated them. Insurance companies wouldn't have wanted to pay out. Basically, tell everyone it was a lie and muckrack muckrack muckrack. Sure the people closest by would always know, but some people are sheep and would believe the people in charge.

Still though, just a movie so I let it all slide.
 
2010-09-05 11:05:31 PM
King Arthur Fonzarelli: Mulchpuppy: Wolfmanjames: SPOILERS FOR THE HARRY POTTER SERIES: ESPECIALLY BOOK FIVE

The Time Turners were destroyed in the battle at the Ministry of Magic. Hermione specifially mentioned it.

They still could have saved Cedric in Book 4 and possibly stopped Voldemort's return...

They only time-traveled once, but it seemed like it followed Lost's "Whatever happened, happened" rule. Harry and Hermione didn't alter time, there were always two sets of them for that brief period.

So saving Cedric is off limits, because Harry saw it happen without seeing another Harry come and save him. A better example might be using the Time Turner again in Book 3 to just chill at the edge of Hogwarts, waiting to capture Pettigrew after he escaped.


"Whatever happened, happened" rules of time-travel always wraps my head in knots because it seems to imply that the past can be changed, just as long as you didn't see what happened.

Example, a guy runs out of the woods, and you shoot him in the head. That then can never change, even if you time-travel. But if a guy runs out of the woods, and you shove him off a cliff, you could still go back in time later and put an airbag under him. Pre-time travel, both situations seem equally deadly, but time-travelers are only unable to save the guy who was shot because you were there to observe that no time-travelers came to save him.

...anyone still with me?
 
2010-09-05 11:09:59 PM
-How to run without tripping
-To hang onto your gun after you run out of ammo (they can be reloaded, numbnuts)
-To not run in a straight farking line when someone is trying to run you over in
 
2010-09-05 11:14:30 PM
Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: -To not run in a straight farking line when someone is trying to run you over in


It makes for a good music video though.

www.greenplastic.com
 
2010-09-05 11:18:18 PM
Need_MindBleach: mple, a guy runs out of the woods, and you shoot him in the head. That then can never change, even if you time-travel. But if a guy runs out of the woods, and you shove him off a cliff, you could still go back in time later and put an airbag under him. Pre-time travel, both situations seem equally deadly, but time-travelers are only unable to save the guy who was shot because you were there to observe that no time-travelers came to save him.

...anyone still with me?


Wrong and right. He can still be saved but if say you go back to save him then you have created another dimension where he lives. However you can never return to your own dimension since by creating a new dimension you have caused a rift in timespace that makes it impossible for you to return. In other words just because you went back in time does not mean that you are traveling to your past since you are actually going forward into your future even if it's reversed on a chronological scale.

Still with me?
 
2010-09-05 11:24:10 PM
Wait, so House's multiple guesses do not count towards his accuracy? Why not?

Also, there wasn't a fourth Indiana Jones film.
 
2010-09-05 11:24:44 PM
Doogled: there wasn't a fourth Indiana Jones film.

Thank you.
 
2010-09-05 11:28:47 PM
Never anger the Wookie.
 
2010-09-05 11:31:04 PM
If under "Dust Gathering Superweapon" they are referring to the big energy weapon Torchwood used on the Sycorax. It was mentioned somewhere that it was appropriated by UNIT and attatched to the top of the Valiant (the big flying aircraft carrier with energy shields and stuff that the Master helped design.) It's just that it wasn't much good against hundreds of Daleks swarming it.

Additionally, somehwere (maybe it was the BBC website?) said that the gun was mounted on the top side of the Valiant so that it could not be fired at any land targets.

oh, and the Doctor kept the Extrapolator shield generator, too. Came in handy for a while.
 
2010-09-05 11:34:34 PM
sinanju: Pick up the fallen bad guy's weapon.

/dnrtfa


Depending on the genre of the movie, you don't want to do that, because if you leave fingerprints on the gun, you could get framed for the murders the bad guy committed.

Also for mysteries, never threaten anyone with death. Because when the target (inevitably) turns up murdered, guess who's the prime suspect.

/I read a lot of mystery novels.
 
2010-09-05 11:36:21 PM
Doogled: Wait, so House's multiple guesses do not count towards his accuracy? Why not?

My guess is because the article is called "MOVIE characters", yet for some reason they discuss TV Characters for that point.
 
2010-09-05 11:45:07 PM
jenny next: sinanju: Pick up the fallen bad guy's weapon.

/dnrtfa

Depending on the genre of the movie, you don't want to do that, because if you leave fingerprints on the gun, you could get framed for the murders the bad guy committed.

Also for mysteries, never threaten anyone with death. Because when the target (inevitably) turns up murdered, guess who's the prime suspect.

/I read a lot of mystery novels.


How are your cats doing?
 
2010-09-05 11:45:10 PM
When you catch James Bond just be casual with eliminating him. He's pretty much harmless
 
2010-09-05 11:48:23 PM
Hebalo: Doogled: Wait, so House's multiple guesses do not count towards his accuracy? Why not?

My guess is because the article is called "MOVIE characters", yet for some reason they discuss TV Characters for that point.


The reason is it's a Cracked article.
 
2010-09-05 11:49:31 PM
Hebalo: Doogled: Wait, so House's multiple guesses do not count towards his accuracy? Why not?

My guess is because the article is called "MOVIE characters", yet for some reason they discuss TV Characters for that point.


And BTW House is eventually right but not all of his patients live. Just off the top of my head I can remember the grifter woman who during their treatments they destroyed her immune system killing her.
 
2010-09-05 11:54:56 PM
therecksays: Hebalo: Doogled: Wait, so House's multiple guesses do not count towards his accuracy? Why not?

My guess is because the article is called "MOVIE characters", yet for some reason they discuss TV Characters for that point.

And BTW House is eventually right but not all of his patients live. Just off the top of my head I can remember the grifter woman who during their treatments they destroyed her immune system killing her.


Don't forget about Amber.
 
2010-09-06 12:09:11 AM
I'll give this to the "Bad Guys attack one at a time". It is hard to perfectly coordinate an attack. There have been movies that did it better, where the time between single strike was better.
 
2010-09-06 12:14:01 AM
Came for the lousy Cracked list. Stayed for Cuddy's breasts.

i.crackedcdn.com

"Cuddy is usually wrong too, but her chest is infinitely more fun to stare at."

^THIS
 
2010-09-06 12:19:03 AM
I have to admit, the "you're not going to be the first henchman in history to punch Batman into submission" line made me laugh.
 
2010-09-06 12:19:28 AM
Who on Fringe falls under #6: Insisting That The Paranormal Doesn't Exist (Despite Dealing With It Daily)? From everything I remember the whole team is resigned to the weirdest explanation that Walter can come up with is what's behind the phenomenon of the week. Even the less exposed to the weirdness Broyles doesn't question their (Walter's) theories.
 
2010-09-06 12:21:38 AM
the8re: Came for the lousy Cracked list. Stayed for Cuddy's breasts.



"Cuddy is usually wrong too, but her chest is infinitely more fun to stare at."

^THIS



Wow, you can open letters with that nose.
 
2010-09-06 12:24:32 AM
I predict this thread will devolve into a discussion on why the Ark of the Covenant is not on par with Aliens worshiped as Gods.
 
2010-09-06 12:28:15 AM
the8re: Came for the lousy Cracked list. Stayed for Cuddy's breasts.



"Cuddy is usually wrong too, but her chest is infinitely more fun to stare at."

^THIS


They've drawn black lines around her eyes and airbrushed all the texture out of her skin so that she doesn't look human.
 
2010-09-06 12:33:23 AM
It was a brilliant man that once said

"Awwww... Gilligan screwed it up. - Why don't they just kill him?"

Seriously though, wouldn't you have gone all Lord of the Flies on that dumbass after the 5th time he farked up the coconut radio?
 
2010-09-06 12:43:11 AM
A cell phone and/or a pocketknife would leave to a 100% survival rate in horror movies.

That's actually why I kinda like the abomination that is the House of Wax. Horrible movie but at least one of the characters doesn't act like a moron and actually fight backs at the weak, slow moving murdering guy.
 
2010-09-06 12:47:06 AM
zerkalo: When you catch James Bond just be casual with eliminating him. He's pretty much harmless

I presume you mean "casual" as in "casually shoot him in the face, don't bother with tying him up".

Yeah, and next time shoot Lex Luthor in the head. Yeah, I know, why would Superman carry a gun? Plausible deniablity.

Oh, and if you're worried about Spiderman just commit your crimes where the buildings are low rise.

Money and jobs are things that happen to normal people.
 
2010-09-06 12:50:19 AM
FeedTheCollapse: I predict this thread will devolve into a discussion on why the Ark of the Covenant is not on par with Aliens worshiped as Gods.

So did the Hebrew God create the aliens? If Yahweh is real and Jesus has divine powers, doesn't that pretty much confirm the Bible is true? Where the hell do aliens fit into that?

/yes, I'm taking the bait
//you don't mix magic and science
///MAGIC MUST DEFEAT MAGIC
 
2010-09-06 12:51:08 AM
Selective skepticism: it's like watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and believing everything but the "ninja" part.
 
2010-09-06 12:53:55 AM
TheManofPA: shower_in_my_socks: Yeah, I never bought the beginning of Ghostbusters II where they were all financailly ruined and everyone thought they were a bunch of frauds. A 15-story-tall marshmallow man walked down the f*cking street, stomped on a bunch of cars, climbed up a skyscraper and then blew up. Nobody would believe they faked that.

I get that the writers of GB II were targeting people's cynicism, forgetfulness, no good deed goes unpunished, etc., but even as a kid I didn't believe that the Ghostbusters would have gotten hosed like that between movies.

I always took the very cynical approach. A bunch of politicans hated them. Insurance companies wouldn't have wanted to pay out. Basically, tell everyone it was a lie and muckrack muckrack muckrack. Sure the people closest by would always know, but some people are sheep and would believe the people in charge.

Still though, just a movie so I let it all slide.


That's precisely what I thought happened. Even though there were hundreds of people on the street to watch the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man come to life, there were still millions of New Yorkers who didn't see a farking thing.

As for Indiana Jones, he has trouble with the paranormal not because he doesn't necessarily believe or disbelieve in it, but because he isn't sure how that type of stuff is supposed to work - once he figures it out, however, game on: Holy Grail, Shankara Stone, Alien Crystal Skull and Ark of the Covenant were all effectively utilized by Indiana Jones in the end. I think this is just like anybody really, but using more far fetched artifacts.
 
2010-09-06 01:16:30 AM
shubai33: Who on Fringe falls under #6: Insisting That The Paranormal Doesn't Exist (Despite Dealing With It Daily)? From everything I remember the whole team is resigned to the weirdest explanation that Walter can come up with is what's behind the phenomenon of the week. Even the less exposed to the weirdness Broyles doesn't question their (Walter's) theories.


Yeah, I think the writer of the article has only seen the first few episodes of Fringe. By the end of this past season, Olivia and Peter would be making jokes about "I wonder what kind of weird shiat we're going to see this week" as they walked to a crime scene.
 
2010-09-06 01:17:09 AM
The Star Trek "Forgotten Technology" always bothered me.

Back when I playing the Star Trek RPG, I tried incorporating all the Alien Tech the TNG Enterprise encountered over the seasons and then realized I had just created the USS Mary Sue.

The Drone in Arsenal of Freedom, strong enough to destroy a starship.
Moriarty from Elementary Dear Data; a Sentient Program that could have been the ships computer (or even an AI, Hologram and android like Rommie on Andromeda)
The Duplication effect from We'll always have Paris was used in Star Trek Armada to create a temporal duplicate of you starship in the game.
The Nanites in Evolution are not only never mentioned again, but nanites in general are rarely mentioned.
The Dimensional Shift technology in The High Ground that can bypass shields and any defense, is tossed aside because it damages DNA, well Photon Torpedoes don't have DNA.
The 2D lifeforms in The Loss disrupt Troi's Empathy, and the never follow up as to how since they say their is no way to block Telepathy,
In Devil's Due, controlling a ship, transporters and holograms with "a blink of an eye".
The Dyson Sphere in Relics is never mentioned again, would be a great place to hide a shipyard in the Dominion War. Also Scotty's method of using the transporters to survive an accident was never mentioned again.
The Transporters acting as the Fountain of Youth in Rascals.
The Exocomps in The Quality of Life are never used or mentioned again. (well the prop is used about 20 more times)
They finally use a Virtual Reality probe in Interface, but only Geordi can use it. We can't just use the holodeck to control it.
Gambit mentions using weapons fire to target your transporters to beam people and objects up, and then is forgotten.

Let's face it, Star Trek: TNG is one Big Lipped Alligator Moment (see Nostalgia Critic)
 
2010-09-06 01:19:09 AM
scruffy1: Need_MindBleach: mple, a guy runs out of the woods, and you shoot him in the head. That then can never change, even if you time-travel. But if a guy runs out of the woods, and you shove him off a cliff, you could still go back in time later and put an airbag under him. Pre-time travel, both situations seem equally deadly, but time-travelers are only unable to save the guy who was shot because you were there to observe that no time-travelers came to save him.

...anyone still with me?

Wrong and right. He can still be saved but if say you go back to save him then you have created another dimension where he lives. However you can never return to your own dimension since by creating a new dimension you have caused a rift in timespace that makes it impossible for you to return. In other words just because you went back in time does not mean that you are traveling to your past since you are actually going forward into your future even if it's reversed on a chronological scale.

Still with me?


That works, but now you're using a different time-travel theory. But "Multiple Dimension Timetravel" probably does work better than "What happens, happens-type timetravel."

So, by time-traveling, you would instantaneously create another universe, where you could save the man from being shot. But, in the still existing original universe, the original version of the man would still be getting his brains blown out.

Hence, you can't actually "save" someone via time-travel, but you can instantaneously create a copy that's exactly like the original, in an identical new universe. Correct?
 
2010-09-06 01:25:05 AM
I had to agree 100% with the "Disbelieving the Paranormal even though you deal with it every day." I had to stop watching X-Files around the 4th season because Scully was so freaking boneheaded about "Mulder, there has to be a logical explanation." I mean, come ON, Scully, not even a little?

And I never could figure out why none of the Star Trek incarnations--even later on, when they were better written--they never could manage to remember all the neat stuff they found. Seriously--nobody EVER went back to the Guardian of Forever? Or checked back by the android planet to see how Harry Mudd and Stella(s) were doing?
 
2010-09-06 01:26:13 AM
img409.imageshack.us
 
2010-09-06 01:31:41 AM
I just hate how 'the victim character' always forgets how to turn on a farking light.

Female gets off late from work, it's dark out. On drive home there is some sort of announcement on the radio that a killer is lose in her neighborhood. Upon getting home, she goes in the front door and hits the kitchen. Gets a snack from the fridge and puts it in the microwave, all in the dark. Heads to the living room where she turns the TV on at max volume... still without turning on a single lamp. Usually there is a reminder playing about the killer on the TV. Then to the bathroom where she starts up a bath. Yes, those lights are out too. Then she heads to the bedroom to start striping for her bath, still in the dark. She removes her shirt/blouse and is in the process of removing her bra when the killer jumps out and strangles her.

He then turns on a few lights, rummages about for a bit, then leaves. Then we all laugh at her ass for being so farking stupid.

/when a demonic voice tells you to get the fark out, you get the fark out!
 
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